29. Rebecca

29

REBECCA

Dean Scott ushered us out of his office with a string of warnings and a promise that he would consider everything and get back to us with an answer.

"Fuck." I pressed my palms into my temples as we left his office. "I hate not knowing what to expect."

"Really?" Ethan leaned in close to my ear and whispered, "Is that true for all aspects of your life?"

"Don't joke." I backhanded his chest but a quick laugh escaped. "This is serious." I had every right to freak out. We all did. I might not need a degree to keep writing. That did not stop me from wanting one. The classes would help prepare me for a career and give me insight that I might not find anywhere else. I'd researched before taking on the responsibility of college. The validation and expertise that came with the diploma could potentially put me ahead of the game.

Then again, I'd already published several chapters on the serial site and had gotten good results. Maybe I could quit college and grow my career that way. Except… I was about to be a mother to twins. I'd seen what Carrie went through raising my brother and could only imagine the workload that went along with two babies.

"What are we going to do?" What was I going to do? David and Cole were all in, promising to help me with anything I needed. What about Ethan? He'd made no promises, and even after the reveal that I was pregnant with twins, he'd seemed withdrawn, almost angry. I'd been meaning to ask him about it, but my fear of his abandoning me kept me locked up, tense and rigid. Having him joke around gave me a chance to come back to the very honest and raw questions we had to answer at some point.

We walked across campus together, the four of us in a loose semi-circle. None of them touched me, and I made sure I concentrated on the path ahead of me and nothing else until we made it into Ethan's office.

Cole and David stopped in the doorway. Cole propped a hand on the knob and leaned into the door. "I need to check on my next class. I'll be back in a bit."

"Me too." David grimaced and followed Cole back out into the hallway, leaving me and Ethan alone.

I shifted my weight from foot to foot. "I should go." I had no reason to be here. I should have marched straight to the parking lot and headed to the coffee shop where I could talk to Lily and sort out my thoughts. They ran in dizzying circles, a loop of doubt and fear threatening to paralyze me. What happened to the woman who'd confronted Ethan about his idea of a love story? I'd lost her the same way I feared I'd lose Ethan. "I'm sorry."

"What for?" Ethan took my hands, his fingers rough but warm against mine. "Why won't you look at me?"

"I'm sorry." I said it again while meeting his eyes. I braced for rejection and anger but found peace and acceptance. It locked me in place, freezing my knees until I swayed. "I jeopardized everything by pushing you into having sex with me."

"It's not like you coerced us, Rebecca. We knew what we were doing. We accepted the consequences. We still do. We choose you." He bent forward at the waist until we were nose to nose. "I choose you."

An argument built deep inside. How could he choose me when I'd put his career at risk?

"I love you, Rebecca." He brushed his fingers through my hair, sweeping it over my shoulders and drawing me forward a step. "There's nothing I wouldn't do for you."

"Then why did you try to leave when you found out about the babies?" That one question bothered me more than anything. Why had he been willing to walk away?

His breath fanned over my cheek, his eyes sinking closed as a grimace twisted his mouth. "I thought it might be the honorable thing to do." He shook his head. "And I was afraid."

Afraid? Of what? What did this man have to be scared of?

He continued before I found my voice. "I grew up with a bastard of a father. What if I'm like him? I didn't want to risk that, so I tried to let you, Cole, and David have a relationship without me."

"I don't want a relationship without you." Or without Cole and David. We worked together, the four of us. I might not understand it, but this was how I was meant to live. I held his face between my hands. "You will be a great father. What you, Cole, and David can offer them is more than I ever thought possible. I always thought I didn't deserve you." He scoffed and opened his mouth. I stopped him with a finger over his lips. "I'm still learning to be comfortable with my body and with asking for what I need. I need you, Ethan." I kissed him hard and fast. "I love you."

I'd crushed on him first, and even though I'd slept with him last, my feelings for him were as strong as ever. My love for all three men was so knotted up that I had no way of extracting my feelings for one over the other. I loved them all the same.

"I will stand with you no matter what happens." The gruffness in his voice reminded me of the possible fallout we still had to face. "You're my life now. You and these babies."

Whatever reservations he'd had, they were gone now. His fears about becoming like his father might return at some point. But for now, we had the promise of our future locked in.

A quick knock on the door threatened to rip us apart. Ethan tightened his hold on my shoulders. "I'm not hiding anymore."

Cole's voice preceded him, but whatever he'd been saying to David trailed off.

"Guess you worked things out." David chuckled and crossed the room to stand beside me.

We had… for now. But there was a big chance I'd have to give them up. Ethan promised to stay with me. I trusted that he would, but damned if I'd be the reason they lost their jobs and their credibility. Did I have the strength to leave if it came down to that? Staring into Ethan's eyes, I knew I'd have to. He made promises now based on his feelings. Those would change to resentment over time if he was forced to give up his job that he loved. I was not more important than his career.

I had to be okay with that. I'd fashioned an entire book after him, and the character people fell in love with was the one with the big feelings, the hidden emotions, and the gruff exterior. The one who would do anything for the woman he loved. That woman had to be worthy of that love. She had to be willing to give up her own happiness for his. Right? Wasn't that how it worked?

Fuck, I was so confused.

Muffled voices carried through the ringing in my ears. When had that started? I'd been so wrapped up in my thoughts that I missed it.

"Rebecca." David tipped my face up toward him. His brows pulled low in a look of concern. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Everything." I sighed and rubbed a hand over my face. "Fuck if I know. I just feel like everything is about to fall apart."

"It won't," Cole reassured me from the other side.

I stood in a cocoon of male bodies. They surrounded me with love and comfort, and I sank into the feeling. I might never get another chance. Everything could change tomorrow. I might be forced to give them up. Dean Scott might encourage me to put off my degree. Either way, my time with them was not infinite. Before it imploded, there was one thing I needed.

"We're not going to lose you." Cole leaned in close enough to kiss my ear.

I gathered up all my courage. "I want to have one night with all of you." One night of beautiful bliss in case things turned to shit. "Are you all willing to have sex with me at the same time?"

I'd never heard three men agree on anything as fast as they did.