Chapter 38

Poppy

The afterglow is practically tangible, a sensation I'd bottle and label 'After Sex Glow'—it ' d fly off the shelves at Sephora. Julian's scent lingers on my skin, a reminder of how right everything felt just moments ago.

The problem with afterglows is that they fade. Reality has to kick in.

I snag a pumpkin muffin, taking an oversized bite to delay the inevitable conversation. Just a few more delicious seconds of ignorance before we dive into whatever's waiting on the other side of this bliss.

The muffin lodges in my throat, a painful reminder that avoidance is no solution. Julian ' s eyes, once clouded with desire, now harbor a storm of worry that wasn ' t there before. The lustful haze is lifting, replaced by a looming clarity that promises uncomfortable truths.

" I need to start with Andrew," Julian drops the bombshell. " He and his father are about to be arrested any minute now."

" What?" I can ' t help the incredulous snort. It can't be that easy.

Julian just nods, deadly serious. " There's enough evidence to go ahead. Theo told me the FBI would arrest them this morning. I know it will be hitting the news as soon as it happens. I wanted to give you a heads up." He places his phone on the table, and a message between him and Theo is shown.

Theo, the all-knowing wizard, has a hand in Andrew's demise. Why am I not surprised?

" Arrested," I savor the word, letting it roll off my tongue. It tastes like victory, with a side of impending doom.

" You won ' t have to testify unless you want to," Julian continues, somehow reading my mind. " I begged Theo to keep you out of this. It's going to be a circus, Pumpkin. But if you want Andrew to publicly pay for what he did to you, we can make it happen."

My breathing hitches. On the one hand, the idea of Andrew and his dear daddy getting a taste of their own medicine is a fantasy I ' ve replayed more times than I care to admit. On the other, becoming the media ' s new chew toy? Pass.

Foresight. It ' s Julian ' s superpower.

Tears gather, blurring my vision as the weight of years presses down on my chest, making it hard to breathe.

" I don ' t think I could survive that," I whisper, my voice trembling like a leaf in a storm. The thought of facing them, of dragging all those dark moments into the light for a public feast—it ' s suffocating.

" I want… I want Andrew to pay for what he did to me, for the pain his family caused others." I pause, haunted by the memories. "He confronted me at Peter ' s funeral. I tried to fight; I told him if he didn ' t leave me alone, I would tell everyone what he did to me, what I overheard." That memory haunts me.

I wipe away the tears with the back of my hand. " He laughed at me."

Julian ' s jaw tenses.

" Andrew said no one would believe me. He said he wasn ' t even worried about me telling people. He was just trying to keep me safe from his father. Even after he raped me and dared to show his face at Peter ' s funeral, he wanted me to see him as my hero. He ' s a monster."

" I know, Poppy. I know." Julian's voice is heavy with sorrow. "I wish I could take away all the pain in your past, Pumpkin. I'd give anything to have the ability to."

I roll my lips, unable to see him through teary eyes. " I know you would. And I know you ' ve lied to me, but I also know you ' re trying to protect me, unlike Andrew. I want to believe you ' re the good guy, Julian; you just keep getting the short end of the stick."

His chest sags with relief. " I've made mistakes, but I ' m going to fix them. If you ' ll let me."

I nod. " You have to be honest with me. I can ' t handle more lies or manipulation."

" I will be."

I inhale and hold it. " What if Andrew and his dad get away with it? They have money and power; they could pay off the judge or—"

Julian shakes his head. " Pumpkin, the world is full of colors, some you have never seen before. Some shades I don ' t ever want you to see. The Sinclairs pissed off some very dangerous people. They will never be free again. Everything you see publicly is just that, a circus, a show, to ruin their name. Behind the curtain, they are done. They will spend the rest of their lives in a cell."

I allow myself to believe in the possibility of a future unchained from the past, where the Sinclairs are nothing more than a distant memory.

I wrap my hands around the warmth of my coffee mug. " Tell me how Theo is involved in all of this."

Julian's index finger plays with the handle of his coffee cup. "Ok, but know I love you."

"Don't play dirty. Just be honest with me. How does your brother relate to everything? What did Andrew mean when he mentioned Theo had a hand in my apartment and my job?" I slump back in my chair to brace myself.

" I ' ll start at the beginning. I was shot and forced to retire to become the CEO." His jaw tightens. " While I was recovering, my dad and brothers handled everything behind the scenes. Kent set up my apartment. I owned it but never lived in it before. It was an investment property. Kent had no idea what Theo was planning. Theo was handling the business side of things along with my dad. Theo picked out a new secretary for me. I had no idea when I saw you on move-in day that you were going to be working for me." He snorts, " I think that ' s why Theo didn ' t come that day to help me move in. He had a last-minute project at work. Figures." Julian shakes his head.

" When you walked into my office, I was," he shakes his head again. " I was shocked, on guard, to be honest, but also happy. I looked forward to waking up every morning just to see your face across the hall, and then I realized I was going to be able to see you at work. It was the first time I was excited about my job."

A smile traces my lips.

" The real shock was after you left the office that first day. Theo pulled me aside and told me something." He places his elbow on the table. " You have to understand, when Theo left boarding school for college, he changed in ways I still can ' t understand," his hand raises as he rubs his jaw, his eyes looking so lost I'm tempted to tell him to stop, " but he ' s still my brother. I was torn that day. I could be honest with you and tell you what Theo did, or I could protect my brother. I chose my brother over you, Poppy. It was selfish, but if I could go back," grey eyes lock onto mine, " I ' d want to make the same decision again because it granted me more time with you."

My heart thumps a little faster, but my brain tells me to remain frozen and just listen.

"What did Theo do?" I ask. Why do my toes feel tingly? Why does fear come in so many forms?

Julian hesitates, and then the words tumble out like a snowball; they continue to grow as they roll down the hill. " He set up your new job, ensured you would be my secretary, and even paid off your realtor to make sure you ' d choose the penthouse across from me."

I gasp. Hearing and seeing force me to believe the truth now.

Andrew was right. He was telling the truth. A monster spoke the truth. It happens, but it only comes forth for calculated reasons. Andrew wanted me to return to him; he admitted it so many years ago. He ' s trying to form a divide in the trust I have in Julian.

I won ' t let Andrew win.

I grip the seat of my chair, feeling off balance.

"So your brother watched me, played God with my life, and you didn ' t think to tell me."

He hangs his head. " I didn ' t want to lose you. I told Theo to back off. I hoped in time I ' d find the right time to tell you. Turns out there is no right time to say, ‘ Hey, my brother invaded your privacy, but, um, date me?"

Looking away from him. I exhale and close my eyes. "I ' m upset with you, furious...but," I pause; I can feel his eyes on me, and I imagine they are filled with hope and clouded with fear, " but I still love you, Julian. I...I want to think you were a victim in this, too. You were put in a corner and chose a path to escape it. That path led us to fall in love." I open my eyes and look at him. " And I ' m so happy I found you, but I can ' t have you lying to me to protect your brothers. Not ever again."

" I won ' t." He reaches across the table and grasps my hands in his.

" Why did Theo do it?"

" He was asked to keep an eye on you."

This is bizarre."That doesn ' t make him innocent." I snap.

" I didn ' t say it did."

"What is it about me that has people wanting to invade my life? Do I need to call up Bravo and tell them I'd be a hit reality show?" I hiss.

"You're making a joke. I'll take that as a good sign." He offers a timid grin.

" Or a sign insanity has fully taken effect. A sane person would run and call the cops." I bite.

His lips tug down in worry. "Do you still love me?" Julian blurts out, the question feeling as out of place as a snowstorm in July.

Of course, I love him.

"If I didn't, then what we felt wasn't love," I reply. "Love has to withstand tests, and this...this is just another hurdle we've cleared." I exhale, a mixture of relief and lingering frustration flashing on his face. "After all of this, having survived a crazy Russian trying to steal your company ' s secrets, secretly dating, brothers who spy, and crazy exes, well, I really think we need a long vacation. Just you, me, and your cock."

He squeezes my hand as his eyes hold me steady, "I can do that, Pumpkin."

But still, there's a gnawing inside me, a puzzle piece missing. A part Julian has been avoiding. " Who asked Theo?" I order him to tell me.

The kitchen suddenly feels like a shoebox, cramped and a bit shabby around the edges—kind of like us after the truth has come out. Worn linoleum underfoot, bearing the battle scars of dropped knives and spilled secrets.

Julian swallows hard, each gulp echoing like the clank of chains locked around my ankles. Then, his words crash into me, an unexpected shove into the icy depths of the deep blue. My feet are encased in cement, sinking too swiftly to comprehend.

" Your brother asked Theo."

The world, well, it just stops spinning. Everything stops.

I know why Julian saved this for last. Otherwise, I wouldn ' t have been able to listen to the afters.

" Henry, your brother, asked Theo if he could watch over you to make sure you ' d be safe."