Chapter 21

Ailis hadno idea what she'd expected to happen upon her return to Castle Muir. However, being almost knocked to the ground by her best friend before she'd even properly alighted from the carriage was not among the things she'd anticipated. For a moment, all she could do was grip Maisie's arms to steady herself and blink up at her friend's face.

"Ye're here. I thought… I was planning to send word when we arrived…"

Behind Maisie, she could see Keith, a small smile on his lips as he watched his wife hug her tightly.

"Och, I kenned from yer letters that ye were upset, so Keith and I came to meet ye at the border. When ye didnae arrive near the time ye said ye would, we rode toward Castle Muir, and were within a candlemark of the place when we ran into Laird Muir himself." Maisie sniffed. "He sent us here."

Ailis blinked. "Duncan… sent ye here?" She was stunned.

Duncan—fiercely, guarded Duncan, who'd never let his own daughter leave the castle walls for fear of danger to her and his clan—had sent two relative strangers to his home to wait for him. She couldn't help but wonder if he'd done it because they were her friends. The idea filled her with warmth and affection for him.

Maisie, meanwhile, was far from pleased. "Aye, and he told us to wait for him to return, as if we were children," she scoffed. "I was ready to follow him, but Keith insisted we listen to him. Said it was a manner of honor."

"Aye… he had the right of it, more than he kenned." Ailis wasn't sure of everything she'd heard in Fraser Keep, but she was sure of that much.

Maisie studied her face for a moment. The fierce glare in her eyes softened. "I ken ye must be weary to death of travelin', and ye had a rough time, but ye need only say the word, Ailis, and Keith and I will take ye away from here, and away from him."

She shot a scathing look at Duncan, who was passing Lily to the maids to be bathed, fed, and dressed for bed.

It was tempting. Ailis turned to look at Duncan and found him gazing back at her, his face a nigh-unreadable mask. Once, it might have upset her, but now she thought she understood. He was giving her the freedom to choose her next course of action, without trying to persuade her as he'd done before the kidnapping.

She knew why Maisie was feeling so fiercely protective of her, but she'd learned things today that she hadn't known about when she'd last written to her friend. And, knowing what she did now, she was loath to walk away without giving him another chance to trust her.

She looked up at Maisie and smiled softly. "Och, I do appreciate the offer, but there are things that we need to discuss, afore I come with ye. And I'd rather discuss them now while they're fresh in me mind."

"Ye do that. And then I'll take ye away."

"It will depend, I think, on what Duncan has to say." She hugged her friend, then stepped back and out of Maisie's hold. "I ken ye've come a long way to see me, and I'm glad to see ye too, but if ye could give Duncan and me a moment to speak in private, afore we decide what to do next."

Maisie looked like she wanted to protest, but Keith put an arm around her. "'Tis fair enough. Besides, it will be dark soon, and nae a good time to start a journey, even one so relatively short." He shifted his gaze to Duncan. "Laird Muir, I realize ‘tis fairly short notice, but I'd like to ask if me wife and I could have a room for the night."

"Ye're welcome for this night and as many others as ye care to stay." Duncan nodded. "I'll have one of the maids air out and prepare one of the guest rooms for ye." He waved a lass over and gave her some quick instructions.

Ailis bit her cheek to hold back her surprise. She knew enough of Castle Muir's layout to know Duncan had given Keith and Maisie rooms quite close to the family corridor. It was as if he were trying to show her that he was making an effort to trust, to be more open.

"Thank ye."

Duncan nodded and held out his hand to her. "Ailis, ye said ye wished to speak to me in private. Will ye join me in me study?"

Their last conversation in the study had hardly ended well, though she almost blushed to think of what else had happened.

Still, she nodded. "Aye." In a fit of inspiration, she turned back to Maisie. "He has a library. One of the maids can show ye where it is."

She saw the bright interest in Maisie's eyes and then turned away to follow Duncan before her friend could realize that she'd been distracted.

The two of them made the short trip to the study in silence, and Ailis waited until the heavy door was shut and locked before she spoke. "I'm sorry. I didnae ken what ye were afraid of, and I didnae give it proper attention or thought. Me actions put Lily in danger, and I'm sorry for it."

Duncan leaned against the wall. "Ye're forgiven. I didnae do so good a job of explainin'…" He looked suddenly nervous. "Ailis… I…"

She held up a hand to stop him, and to her surprise, he fell silent, biting back whatever he'd been about to say.

"Sayin' ye did a poor job of explainin' is like sayin' the ocean is wet, Duncan Wallace, and ye ken it. Ye let me think ye were mournin' a dead lover, and ye kept yer secrets until they nearly choked both of us, and Lily as well. Ye were suffocatin' her, and ye ken it as well as I do."

"Mayhap. Aye." He nodded slowly.

"There's nay ‘mayhap' about it." Ailis shook her head. "Now I ken why ye acted the way ye did, but can ye truly nae see how yer silence and yer half-truths put both of us in danger? I wouldnae have let meself get lost in thought if I'd kenned what ye were afraid of, and mayhap I'd nae have been caught. And Lily… I'd never have encouraged her to mischief or put the idea of sneakin' out in her head if I'd kenned there was a true danger beyond the walls!"

"I ken. And I'm sorry for it. I've been sorry since afore ye were kidnapped, and I'm twice as sorry now."

Duncan pushed away from the wall, and for once, the stony mask was gone, and she could see the remorse darkening the blue of his eyes to the color of evening skies.

She wanted to speak, but he continued, the words tumbling from his lips like a torrent. "I'm sorry for that, and for tryin' to keep ye away from Lily. I feared… I dinnae ken what I feared. That she'd be discovered, that ye'd begin to question her parentage and wonder why I was so attached to her, that word of her might spread beyond the walls when ye were visitin' yer friends… I dinnae ken. All of it and none of it."

He took a deep breath. "I've lived so long with the fear of her bein' discovered, of Clan Fraser comin' and destroyin' everythin' around me for the second time… It made me foolish. And it took ye walkin' away for me to realize how much. I should never have refused to answer yer questions, and I should never have tried to come between ye and Lily."

Her heart leaped with joy at hearing those words, but it sank again when she realized he'd made no mention of himself.

She swallowed. "Does this mean ye'll nae try to keep me from her?"

"Nay. And I'll nae protest if ye take her on outings, to the seashore, or berry-pickin' or aught else, so long as she's guarded. I want ye to be a part of her life."

"And what about me bein' a part of yers?"

She knew what answer she hoped for, and which one she feared.

She wasn't expecting Duncan to stride across the study, gently take her face in his hands, and kiss her as if both their lives depended on it.

* * *

He hadn't intended to kiss her, but the words he wanted to speak wouldn't come, not in the face of how often he'd managed to make her angry or drive her almost to tears since their first meeting.

He was terrified he'd make her want to leave him again, so he poured all of his feelings into the kiss, trying to convey all the passion and desperation he'd felt as he raced to save her.

She was gasping as he released her, but her eyes were dark, and he remembered a second too late that he'd kissed her like that once before.

He stepped back. "Ailis… I…"

"What?" She stepped back, putting some distance between them, despite the passion he'd clearly felt when she responded to his kiss. "I told ye afore, I willnae have ye tryin' to distract me with such things."

"I ken. But I… I was terrified of losin' ye, and I couldnae help but kiss ye, now that ye're safe and back here with me."

"And that's sweet of ye, but it doesnae answer me question. What sort of place am I to have in yer life?" Her eyes held his, stern and sad despite the blush that stained her cheeks.

"Ailis, ye're me betrothed. I want ye to wed me when the month is out. Become me wife and Lily's maither."

"And? Ye've asked me that afore. But I've said afore, and I'll say again, Duncan… I dinnae want a marriage of convenience. I willnae be a wife in name only, and a stranger or a permanent guest whenever ye're nae wantin' yer marital rights or a wife to show off."

Her spine straightened as she lifted her chin. "If I'm to be married, it will be a proper marriage. One with a lovin' husband who wants me in his life."

Her eyes glistened with tears, but her expression was determined. "I ken we still dinnae ken each other well just yet. I'm only askin' that ye give me till the end of the month, and truly try to get to ken me, and let me ken ye. And if after that ye still cannae care for me as a?—"

"Too late." The words escaped his lips, a low growl that he couldn't stop and had no desire to restrain.

Ailis froze. "I… what…"

"Ye're too late." He stepped closer until her back was pressed against the wall. "Ye're bargainin' for an answer I already ken, and for a heart that's already given away."

She lowered her head, but he caught her chin and brought her eyes up to meet his. "I've been fallin' in love with ye since we first met, for all me efforts to avoid that very thing. Even before that, even through yer letters. Afore I kenned what was happenin', ye were a part of me heart, and I was feelin' things I'd sworn I'd live the rest of me days without. Ye've chastised me well for me lies, and ye can add to them the lie that I wasnae interested in more than a marriage alliance."

He was leaning in to kiss her, to show her just how much he wanted her, including her love, when a sharp knock on the door startled him.

He swore. "What the devil?"

His question was answered by a shout that penetrated the oak door panels. "Ailis? Are ye all right? ‘Tis fairly quiet in there…"

There was a pause, and then another call. "Ailis, if he's bein' a lout with ye, just speak up. I can always have Keith kill him if he's nae bein' the gentleman ye deserve…"

The deep rumble of Laird MacDean's voice joined that of his wife. "Och, Maisie, ye cannae threaten a laird hostin' us… and I'm nae about to break into the man's study."

"Fine, I'll do it meself, then!"

Faint sounds of a scuffle ensued, as if Keith had been forced to intervene to keep his wife from following through on her threat.

Ailis laughed, and Duncan instantly forgot any sense of indignation he'd been feeling at the interruption. "That's nae necessary, Maisie. We're fine. Now, stop listenin' at the door, ye brazen wench. Laird Muir and I have matters to discuss!"

"Ye're sure?"

"Aye. I'll talk to ye about it later," Ailis replied between bouts of snickers.

She was still wrapped in Duncan's arms, and he was willing to let her banter with her friend for as long as she liked, despite how his growing erection suggested there were other things they could be doing.

Finally, the voices on the other side of the door faded. Duncan bent his head to kiss her again, teasing her soft lips with his teeth and his tongue, exploring every corner of her mouth with gentle thoroughness. He started to pull her closer, then hesitated.

He wanted her, all of her. But after how he'd mishandled her heart and her safety, would she want him? She'd said she wanted a loving husband, but nothing about whether her own feelings would be a match for the love she'd asked him to give.

"Duncan?" She looked up at him, her lips swollen from his kisses, her eyes bright with what he hoped was desire.

He breathed deeply and tried to control himself. "I want ye, Ailis. All of ye. But… if it's nae what ye want… I understand, after everythin' that's happened between us. If ye want to leave?—"

Her hand covered his mouth, effectively cutting him off. "I've wanted ye from the first time I saw ye. The way ye looked, the way ye spoke, the way ye smiled… ye were like every fairytale I ever read, only better. And the more I got to ken ye, the more I realized that all me stories couldnae hold a candle to the real thing. I've been fallin' more and more in love with ye every day. ‘Tis why I was so angry with ye."

Duncan felt his heart nearly stop at her words.

She gave a smile full of temptation, and all the sharper for the edge of innocence still present as she shifted her hand to caress his face. "Ye were readin' a very interestin' letter the other day, Laird Muir. And I'd very much like ye to show me how the rest of that letter went."

She leaned against him, her soft, pliant body pressing against his swelling manhood and fanning his desire as she whispered in his ear, "Ye promised to make all me dreams come true, and now, I'd like very much to ken if me other fantasies fall short of the mark or nae, Me Laird…"

Duncan swooped her up into his arms, remembering a particular part of the third letter she'd sent him. He turned and made his way to the thick rug in front of the fire, then bent to lay her down on it, before he moved to position his body over hers.

"As me lady demands."