Chapter Eighteen

Amara

A fter the morning’s shenanigans with the guys, Amara was exhausted and sore. To make matters worse, when she got home after staying the night with them, her father had a list a mile long of things for her to do and had spent a good hour screaming at her about how ‘dirty and nasty’ she was for staying out all night. It was funny though; his words didn’t hurt her as much as they used to. Zeke and Knox made her feel special, and that was all that really mattered to her. Nothing her father said to her anymore could take that away.

It had taken her a long time to finish all the chores her father had given her for the pack, including reorganizing her father’s bedroom and cleaning the main house from top to bottom. She ended up being two hours late to work because of it and then had to jump right into everything she needed to do for the shop.

Amara had completed all the opening prep work in record time, though that was because her mind was seemingly stuck on everything that had happened that morning. Drake, despite his constantly fighting the bond between them, had joined them in bed. Willingly. And what was more, he hadn’t left angrily right afterward. He didn’t exactly say much to her before he left, but he did lie there with her for a while, allowing her to rest against his chest. Because of that, she couldn’t help but wonder if he was finally coming around to the idea. The thought made her smile. He was the final piece of the puzzle, and once he accepted things, their little foursome would be complete.

The morning passed quickly with all the restocking she had to do, and there was an influx of customers that kept her running back and forth from the register to the stacks. By the time lunch came around, she was ready for a nap. However, she had managed to find a copy of the book that Zeke had asked her for the day before, and she was more than a little excited to get it to him.

After locking the front door, she left the bookshop and crossed the back lot to the bar. The place was closed since it was only noon, but the guys always left the back door open, and for that, she was grateful because she was able to easily let herself in. She didn’t see anyone around inside the bar, so she jogged up the stairs and knocked on the apartment door.

Footfalls sounded from deep inside the apartment, and then the door swung open, revealing Drake. He had clearly just gotten out of the shower because he only had a towel around his waist, and his chest was still damp. Her eyes involuntarily tracked a water droplet as it rolled down his abs and disappeared into the towel.

She swallowed thickly. She would be lying if she said that she wasn’t attracted to him, but she was quickly reminded of his attitude when she raised her gaze to his and found him scowling at her. Just like that, her smile faded, and all hopes of him finally coming around to the bond between them were dashed.

“What are you doing here?” he demanded.

Sighing, she held up the book she had clenched in her hand. “Zeke asked for a book yesterday. I just came by to give it to him,” she replied, her voice soft and unsure. Once again, he was back to being cold toward her, and she wondered when all this back and forth was going to end.

“He’s not here.” She half-expected him to slam the door in her face, but instead, he opened it wider, allowing her to enter. “You can leave it in his room.”

“Thanks,” she muttered, lowering her eyes as she stepped around him.

Amara had been in the apartment enough times to know where Zeke’s room was and quickly made her way there. Once inside, she set the book down on the nightstand before pulling out a small notepad to leave him a note, which she placed on top of the book. When that was done, she had no reason to stick around. So, she turned and left the room quickly. She wanted to get out of there as fast as possible since Drake was clearly irritated with her again.

Unfortunately, she had been moving too fast, and with her eyes on the floor, she didn’t realize that Drake was coming down the hall at the same time she was exiting the room until she slammed face-first into his bare, wet chest. She nearly fell backward onto her ass due to the impact, but Drake’s arm was suddenly around her, keeping her upright as his fingers dug into the curve of her waist.

She felt him stiffen and sigh heavily before he said, “Don’t move.”

“Why?” she gasped breathlessly.

Despite his obvious hatred toward her, he still had the same kind of effect on her that the others did, and her body enjoyed his touch. Probably a little too much.

“The towel.” The two words came out in an irritated growl that caused goosebumps to appear on her skin.

“What about it?” Instinctively, she looked down only to discover that the towel had fallen, giving her a completely unobstructed view of his rock-hard cock. “Oh,” she squeaked. She wasn’t sure why he was hard, but the sight of it made her mouth water and her pussy clench. She couldn’t help but stare at it for a few moments, wondering how the hell that had ever fit inside of her.

Amara shook herself mentally and forced her gaze upward, back toward his face. However, Drake was looking anywhere but at her, his jaw clenched. It was clear that he wanted to be anywhere but there, and that realization felt like a knife to the gut.

“We can’t stand here forever,” she muttered after a moment.

“I’m aware.”

When he made no move to release her, she pressed her lips together and focused on his chest. “So… what are we supposed to do?”

She really wanted to reach out and touch the gorgeous, well-defined muscles of his chest and abs but thankfully managed to refrain from doing so. It didn’t stop her from staring though.

Drake sighed through his nose, cursed under his breath, and then gently pushed her away. He bent at the waist and grabbed the towel before tying it back around his waist. “I’ll tell Zeke you stopped by.”

She frowned at the blatant dismissal. It cut her deep. The pain felt like a rejection, piercing her chest and stealing her breath. She blinked, realizing then that she really was nothing but a toy to him. He was using her, and that was all there was to it.

“Wow, you really do hate me,” she whispered to no one in particular. Blinking away the tears that pricked the back of her eyes, she nibbled on her bottom lip. “Sorry I bothered you.”

When she moved to step around him and head toward the door, Drake suddenly grabbed her arm, stopping her in her tracks. After a moment, he murmured, “I don’t hate you, Amara.”

She didn’t believe him. Actions spoke louder than words, and his actions had made his feelings for her perfectly clear. The only time he was even remotely okay with her around was when he wanted to get laid. Otherwise, he couldn’t be bothered to even be civil toward her. And she was done with it. She couldn’t take it anymore. Her heart couldn’t take it. She was already dealing with enough as it was. She knew then that she needed to stop this before it broke her even more.

“Could have fooled me,” she told him softly, not bothering to hide the pain in her voice. “Unless you are horny and need to get off, you want nothing to do with me. I’m just a toy to you.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to–” He paused and let go of her arm, his fingers moving to tug on his hair. Several seconds ticked by until he dropped his hands back to his sides and looked her square in the eye. “I’m not trying to use you.”

“But you are,” she countered, turning to face him fully. “And I… I just can’t do it anymore. I’m not a toy, Drake. I’m not a whore, despite what my father may say. And unless you are going to accept this thing between us, I’m… I’m not going to do it anymore. I’m not going to have sex with you again. I can’t. Every time I do, it makes me fall for you more and more.”

While she hadn’t come over intending to talk to him, let alone prepared for it, she was glad they were finally having this conversation. Even if it was painful. It was something that had been needing to happen for a while now. He was always so hot and cold toward her, and it was playing with her emotions.

“I’m trying to accept it. I really am. It’s just… not easy.”

“Then just reject me already!” she exclaimed loudly, her emotions finally getting the best of her. “Because this back-and-forth thing fucking hurts!”

Much to her surprise, Drake flinched at her volume and turned his gaze down to the floor. “Don’t you think I want to?” he asked, his voice soft. “Don’t you think it would be easier if I did?” His jaw was firm as he met her eyes again. “You’re all I think about. I can’t just let you go.”

As much as she hated to admit it, she knew that this thing between them wasn’t going to go anywhere anytime soon, and she had enough to deal with when it came to her father. She didn’t need to deal with Drake’s inability to make a decision on top of that. There was really only one thing left for her to do, even if it was going to suck.

“Then let me do it for you,” she stated, attempting to sound as confident as possible when she was feeling anything but. “I’m done. I’m done taking your attitude. I’m done with you treating me like shit, and I’m done being your fucking fleshlight. Find someone else to satisfy your needs because it’s not going to be me. Not anymore.”

Drake’s eyes widened at the realization of what she was trying to do before they narrowed. “I’ve tried that too. I can’t do it. All I want is you, and I can’t have you!”

Amara decided to ignore his admission about trying to find someone else to sleep with. Thinking about it hurt too much, and she needed to stay on track. “That’s just it, Drake. You could! You could have me if you really wanted me. But apparently, I’m just not good enough for you!” She sighed and shook her head, an angry tear rolling down her cheek. She had tried to keep the tears at bay, but it was a losing fight. She knew that now. “Did you ever stop to think about how it makes me feel when the only time you can tolerate me is when your dick is inside of me? My dad already treats me like a whore. I don’t need that shit from you too.”

“Stop comparing me to your father,” he growled in warning, his hands clenching at his sides. His whole body was tense, the muscles of his chest and abs bunching. His anger was rising, but there wasn’t anything she could do about that. This was on him. He was the one insisting on playing games.

“Then stop acting like him!” she screamed.

His nostrils flared as he took a step toward her. Every instinct was telling her to run, but she held her ground and lifted her chin to hold his gaze. “I don’t beat you, Amara.”

Amara flinched involuntarily. Her face drained of color, and his words felt like a slap to the face. He knew. He knew the truth, and she hated it. She had no idea how he figured it out, but it didn’t matter anymore.

If he noticed her reaction, he either didn’t let on, or he didn’t care as he took another step in her direction. “Because that’s what he does, right? He hits you?”

She swallowed around the lump in her throat. “What he does or doesn’t do to me isn’t your concern anymore, is it? You don’t want me, and I’m done with whatever sick and twisted game you are playing with me.”

“I never said I didn’t want you. I said I couldn’t have you.”

She laughed, but there was no humor to the sound. Her heart was numb now, every good feeling she’d ever had about this guy disappearing with every hateful, hurtful thing he said to her. “I’m right fucking here, asshole. I’ve accepted this thing between us, even though I have far more to lose than you do. The only person who feels like you can’t have me is you.”

“You have no idea what it’s like to be me,” he stated, folding his arms across his chest. “You have no idea what is going on in my head.”

“You’re right, I don’t. But only because you are choosing not to let me understand. Instead of telling me why you can’t accept this, all you do is hide it. Unless you need me to relieve some of your pent-up frustration. I didn’t ask for this either, you know. I was getting by on my own, I was surviving.” She looked up at him, her tears falling more freely now. “My father may hit me, he may beat me and belittle me, but what you’ve done? That hurts far worse than anything he’s ever done to me, and I haven’t done a damn thing to deserve that.”

“You came in here like a whirlwind, Amara. We were doing just fine, and you popped up, stirred up our routine and life, and my past, and now everything is a mess. Excuse me for not submitting to it, for trying to resist it.”

She nodded solemnly, feeling far more confident now with her decision to end this. “You are not the only one with a past, Drake. And you’re not the only one whose life has been upended by this whole thing. But I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I’m such a burden. I’m sorry that I’m ruining your life. I can’t speak for Knox and Zeke, but I won’t be an issue for you anymore. I’ll stay away from you, I’ll stay out of your way. I… I release you from whatever obligation you feel for me because of this stupid bond.”

She had tried, she really did. But she just couldn’t bring herself to say the words ‘I reject you’. It was the right thing to do, the only thing left to do, but she couldn’t do it. Maybe that made her weak, but she was doing the best she could. Judging from the look in his eyes, she was pretty sure he got the message though.

“It’s not an obligation. It’s an obsession. One that’s brought up old memories,” Drake snapped. After a few moments, he sighed and unfolded his arms from his chest. “Just give me time. I need time to wrap my head around all this. It’s sudden and uprooting, and it scares the fuck out of me. I just… I need time.”

Amara gave him a sad, watery smile, her heart breaking into a thousand pieces in her chest, knowing that this was it. This was the end of the bond between her and Drake. It was officially over, and that thought was both freeing and absolutely gutting. It wasn’t what she wanted, but it was what they both needed. They were no good for each other.

“No amount of time is going to change your past, Drake. No amount of time is going to make this bond easier to swallow. The only way you are going to get past it is by making peace with it,” she replied. “I’ve tried, you know. I’ve tried to be there for you, to be patient and understanding. But this hot and cold thing you do to me tears me down more and more every single time. If I don’t cut this off now, then there will be nothing left of me. I just don’t have any more time left to give. I’m sorry.”

Hesitantly, Amara stepped up to him and cupped his cheek with her hand. His eyes were wide and full of disbelief that she was rejecting the bond between them, but she refused to acknowledge it. This was the best thing for both of them. Saying goodbye was the only way either one of them would be able to start moving on. Standing on her toes, she gently pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“Take care of yourself, Drake,” she whispered against his skin. “I really hope that whatever happened to you in the past doesn’t plague your future.”

With that, she turned and rushed out of the apartment, hoping to make it back to her shop before she finally broke down.