Chapter 10

10

Lyric

A month passes in relative silence. Then another.

I keep my head down, focusing on my thesis research and my job at the library. Many nights are spent in Max, Ivan, and Artur’s strong arms. They either come to my place, or we book a hotel suite somewhere uptown and private. I understand why they’re keeping me away from their turf. It’s for my own safety, but I have begun to wonder what it would be like if we could just be together, if we could enjoy one another without having to look over our shoulders all the time.

There are permanent shadows lurking over us—the FBI and my father’s campaign. Then there are the unseen enemies, the other Russian families who could take advantage of our relationship to turn the tide in their favor, to keep the Bratva where it is. And, of course, there are also the rival mobs, the Italians, the Irish. The Sokolov’s have built quite the empire in Chicago, and now everybody wants a piece of the pie.

“Your dad’s having another rally this weekend,” Shelby says one late afternoon, having stopped by my library desk on her way home with another box of pistachio macarons. For the first time ever, I glance at them and feel a tight nausea building up in the back of my throat. “You should come. I know he’d be happy to have your support.”

“He doesn’t really have it though,” I mutter, my eyes settling on the iced latte she brought along with dessert. “He’s well aware. You don’t have to try so hard to bring us back together, Shelby. I mean, I appreciate it, I really do. But ours is a more complicated relationship.”

“Yeah, I get it. It’s a shame though. He’s trying to do so much good in this world.”

“Careful not to idealize him,” I kindly warn her. “He’s still a mortal man with flaws and weaknesses. I know he’s got a good heart, but I also know what kind of people he aligns himself with in order to get what he wants. My father bends the line of morality, Shelby. A little too much for my taste. Then he walks around claiming the moral high ground. I can’t support that kind of hypocrisy, even if he is my dad. I’m sorry.”

“He does what he has to do,” Shelby concedes with a light shrug. “Politics is dirty, we all know that. It’s not for the faint of heart. But your father gets results, and that’s why he’s already a favorite for that senate seat.”

“Oh, I’m not too sure about that. Local councils are one thing. But the state senate? Different bucket of fish, Shelby. He’s running up against some massive barracudas. The rival party is coming in hard on conservative policies, and with the way things are going across the entire state, my father’s petty feud with the mafia families might be his undoing.”

She gives me a confused look. “Your father is determined to clean the streets of Chicago once and for all. How is that a bad thing?”

“It’s not a bad thing. It just goes against the interests of a lot of powerful people, many of them way above my father on the food chain. That’s the hard truth.” I take a deep breath and try my hand at one of the pistachio macarons, determined to enjoy a bite. I’ve been feeling sickly and lightheaded almost every day for the past week. Constantly tired, somewhat bloated. Suddenly ravenous, then five minutes later, close to puking. “Like I said, I’m sure my father means well, but I don’t think he’ll get too far in the current political climate. Enough about him, though. I want to know about you. How’ve you been?”

Shelby smiles softly and leans against my desk with a bright look in her eyes. “I think I’m in love.”

“Oh. Okay. I’m listening,” I giggle. “Tell me all about it.”

“I can’t. Not yet anyway. We didn’t expect it to happen. So for now, we’re just trying to figure out what it means and where it might lead.”

“So you’re keeping it on the down low.”

“Yeah,” she lowers her gaze, sounding almost disappointed.

“You’ll tell me about it when you’re ready,” I say.

“That’s right. How is everything going with this mysterious lover boy since you decided to give him a second chance after ghosting you?” Shelby asks, offering a playful smile, while I struggle to chew and swallow what used to be my favorite dessert.

“It’s great. The chemistry is there, we’re getting to know each other better. I feel safe when I’m with them. Physically, emotionally. It’s all there.”

“Them?”

“Him. I mean him,” I blurt out, my blood suddenly running cold. “My head’s a frickin’ mess these days. Oh, shit,” I pause, feeling the sweetness turn into something acrid on my tongue. “I’m going to be sick.”

A split-second later, I bolt for the bathroom. I almost miss the stall altogether, making it just in time to hurl my entire soul out. Heaving and panting, sweating and feeling hot and cold at the same time, I realize that there may be something more serious going on here.

Shelby’s footsteps startle me. “Lyric, are you okay? You went white as a sheet of paper.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m okay. My stomach just got really upset all of a sudden,” I say as I manage to pull myself back up and flush everything down. “I could use a drink though. I’m so thirsty.”

“Here,” she replies, and I find her waiting by the sink with a bottle of water ready for me. “You sure you’re ok?”

I nod slowly. “Stress, most likely. Work. My thesis. Everything is starting to pile up. I’ll be okay, I promise. I just have to be more careful with what I eat.”

“When’s the last time you got your period?” Shelby asks, narrowing her eyes as she analyzes my immediate expression. I reckon she figured it out barely a moment ahead of me as I’m trying to do the basic math in my head. “How about we stop by the drugstore after you finish your shift? I don’t have any plans for the rest of the night. Your dad said I deserve some time off before the next rally.”

I can’t say no. Shelby has been there for me through everything. She’s the one I turn to when I need someone to just listen. Even if I haven’t told her the whole truth about Max, Ivan, and Artur, she knows enough to offer reasonable and sound advice. And this right here, I can’t possibly shoulder it alone. If she’s right with her suspicion, I want her by my side when the result comes.

A few hours later, we’re both staring at the plus sign on a pregnancy test.

“Well, shit,” I say, my tone flat, my eyes tired.

Shelby takes a deep breath while I take another swig of cold water. I feel hungry. Maybe I should eat something before the nausea returns. It’s been a rollercoaster all day and now that I know why, it’ll probably get worse before it gets better.

“You should see an OB-GYN,” Shelby suggests. “Just to confirm.”

I exhale sharply and toss the test in the bathroom bin, then go straight into the kitchen. There’s a tub of peanut butter and chocolate ice cream that’s got my name on it. “Man, this is not the right time.”

“I get it,” Shelby says. “But you know, you do have options.”

“I’ve always wanted to be a mom and have a family of my own. I just didn’t expect it to happen so soon.” I pause and take the ice cream tub out of the freezer, ready to confront my shortcomings on the whole matter. “Truth be told, we weren’t careful about it. At all. I never stopped to consider it.”

“Love does that to people.”

I give her a startled look. “That’s a charged word.”

“It’s obviously the right word,” Shelby chuckles. “Look at you, all flustered and pregnant, ready to keep a baby in the middle of a doctorate thesis. Your life’s work is waiting for you, yet you’re willing to become a mom. If it wasn’t love, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation.”

“We’ve only been together for a couple of months. It’s too soon to call it that.”

“It’s too soon to have a baby, too, yet here you are.”

“You’re not helping,” I huff and grab a couple of spoons. We sit around the kitchen counter island and dig in, one scoop at a time. Fortunately, this particular taste seems to offer me soothing comfort and genuine delight.

“What are you going to tell your dad?” Shelby asks.

I shake my head vehemently. “Under no circumstances can he know, Shelby. Please, this is my issue, my body, my life. Please.”

“Okay, but you know, if you’re keeping the baby, you won’t be able to hide it forever,” she tells me.

I sigh. “I know, but I just need some time to sit with it myself first, okay?”

She nods. “Okay. What about the father?”

“Right. So, here’s the thing,” I say, then let another scoop melt in my mouth before I decide to tell Shelby the whole truth. “It’s not just one guy.”

Shelby stares at me for a hot second, then bursts into laughter. “You’re dating different guys? Oh, wow. And you’re still complaining about how you don’t have time to do much else. No wonder! Wait,” she pauses, slightly confused. “Which one are you in love with?”

“All of them.”

“All of them?”

I take a deep breath as I try to find the right words to explain the situation. “I’m dating three guys.”

“Three.”

“Yes but not at different times. I don’t keep a schedule for this. I’m dating all three at the same time. They’re… well, they’re sharing me.”

Shelby nearly chokes on her ice cream. “Holy shit.”

“Yeah. Honestly, I get it. I couldn’t believe it either when they proposed the whole thing, but then, curiosity got the better of me.”

“What was it like?” she asks, her eyes wide with a mixture of shock and fascination. “I can’t even wrap my head around a threesome with two guys, let alone a foursome.”

“It’s amazing, if you really want to know. Being with three men who are so intimately in sync and wholly connected is amazing. And it’s hard work, I’ll admit,” I add with a chuckle. “But it’s incredible. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to come back from that.”

“So, let me get this straight. You’ve been in a relationship with three guys,” Shelby concludes, nodding slowly as she tries her best to process the information. Another scoop of ice cream seems to help. “And they were your first, right?”

“Right.”

“And now, you’re pregnant.”

“Yeah.”

She starts laughing. “And you obviously don’t know who the father is. Oh, Lord have mercy, this is amazing. Somebody needs to make this into a movie, it’s too rich.”

“Tell me about it.” I can’t help but laugh along with her.

It’s insane. It’s terrible timing. It’s scary and then some, and I can see why Shelby would find it funny. It kind of is. It’s ironic on so many levels, a screenwriter wouldn’t have been able to come up with something like this. But it’s real. It’s my new reality, and it’s starting to sink in.

“Lyric, you’re going to be okay,” Shelby determines, noticing the concern darkening my face. I can feel it—the worries, the what if’s, the worst case scenarios quick to unravel in my mind. “You’re not alone in this. Besides, there’s three of them. Surely, at least one will come through for you.”

“I can’t tell them,” I blurt out. “Jesus, Shelby. We’re just hooking up. I know you and I were talking about love and all that, but truthfully, I don’t know where we stand or if this is even meant to last.”

Shelby thinks about it for a moment. “It sounds like you need to talk to them about the status of your relationship before anything else. Ask them where they stand.”

“The age-old question that either gets you dumped or ghosted in this day and age,” I mutter, suddenly afraid of that happening. “What if I ask them and they end it? Where will that leave me?”

“A single mother at twenty-three,” Shelby shoots back. “Lyric, you also have responsibility in this. You have to accept it, and you have to be able to consider every possible outcome. What you’re missing now is clarity. Talk to the guys. See how they feel about you. But under no circumstances will you go through the pregnancy, the birth, and the subsequent childcare by yourself. You hear me?”

I stare at her for a moment. “I hear you.”

“I’m serious, Lyric. I’m with you all the way, I promise. I’ll keep quiet about the whole thing, until you’re ready to share your news. You have my word. But you need to talk to the guys about this. See where you stand and how they see the relationship working in the long run.”

How long will that run be, though? What’s the life expectancy on such a complex relationship? And most importantly, how will we make it work?