Chapter Thirty-Two

The morning sun began to color the undersides of the clouds that lingered after the previous night’s storm, but Lillian felt no warmth from the dawning day.

They’d briefly ridden north off the border, but then they’d turned west, the brightening sky at their backs.

Lillian did not miss the fact that Kirk held her especially close as they cut through the forests and over the soft hills of the Lowlands. She clung tightly to him as well, for though they did not speak more of it after he’d declared that he was leaving her in Lochmaben, they both knew what it meant.

They had to say goodbye.

And she might never see Kirk again.

Through the long hours of riding, Lillian cursed fate for its cruelty. For the first time in her life, she knew what it meant to love—deeply, passionately, and completely.

This was not the love she felt for her family, or for kindly, gentle Richard, or Will Sinclair, who had been like a brother to her. Nay, this was the love of legend, the one the poets and bards spoke so reverently about. It was a love of body and soul, heart and mind. Kirk had woken her from a pleasant slumber, introduced her to a world of light and brilliant colors, and showed her the depth and breadth of her own heart’s capacity to feel.

And now she might lose him.

As the sky turned peach and pink and orange, she knew they must be close, for Kirk spurred his horse faster, leaning over her and holding her against his chest.

They crested a low rise, and Lillian’s eyes landed on a sea of canvas tents below. She sucked in a breath, stunned at the scale of it all. Kirk had said this was the safest place in all of Scotland, and now she understood—this was Robert the Bruce’s camp.

Below, the camp seemed to be coming awake with the dawn. She could make out men stirring and moving between the tents. Some gathered on a large, mud-churned field and began practicing with wooden swords.

Beside them, Logan reined his horse to a halt.

“I’ll wait here,” he said, squinting down at the camp. “I may be a Scot, but I am no’ one of them. Ye might trust me, but they likely willnae.”

Kirk nodded to Logan, then urged his own horse down the slope toward the camp.

As they drew nearer, Kirk lifted one hand away from the reins and brought his thumb and forefinger to his lips. He let out a piercing whistle, which was quickly answered somewhere along the edges of the camp. Lillian hadn’t even noticed at first, but guards encircled the expanse of tents, no doubt watching for unwelcome visitors.

When they reached the outermost edges of the camp, Kirk pulled his horse in and dismounted.

“Tell Colin MacKay that Kirk MacLeod is here to see him,” he said to the nearest guard. “Now.”

As the guard disappeared into the complex network of tents, Kirk turned to Lillian and lifted her from the saddle.

“Don’t leave,” she blurted out, a sudden rush of tears burning her eyes.

The soft rays of dawn light illuminated Kirk from behind. Some of his dark hair had come free of the tie at the nape of his neck, and it shone richly. The hard lines of his face were partly obscured by the thick stubble that could almost be considered a beard. His eyes cut into her with aching sadness, but they also held a hard resolve.

“Ye ken why I must.”

“I cannot lose you.”

A crack of emotion showed in his pale eyes, but before he could speak, a motion behind her caught his gaze. He straightened, his hands falling away from her waist where they’d lingered after helping her dismount.

“MacLeod.”

Lillian turned to find Colin, the man Kirk had met with in secret beside the loch, standing with his arms crossed over his chest, his bright blue eyes narrowed.

“MacKay.”

Colin grunted at the terse greeting, his gaze shifting to Lillian.

“I see ye’ve decided no’ to set yerself against the Bruce. I’m glad ye didnae make me take ye down.”

“Lillian is here because I would see her safe—that is all,” Kirk replied icily.

Colin lifted one sandy eyebrow. “And yer mission with the Order?”

“Ruined. I’ll be a hunted man in two days’ time.”

“And the agreement ye made with the Bruce? Ye cannae have yer freedom if ye fail to provide the information we need to take down the Order.”

Lillian inhaled sharply. Every time she thought she knew all the pieces in play, a new one revealed itself. Though she considered herself adept at chess, never had she played a game like this—the board kept shifting, and new players and pieces kept appearing without warning.

Colin’s words suddenly snapped Kirk’s struggles into place with terrifying clarity. Kirk hadn’t merely taken the Bruce’s mission to infiltrate the Order of the Shadow out of duty. Nor had he taken it out of a pure sense of rightness and justice.

He’d been promised freedom if he’d completed this mission. Her mind darted back to all the pain and sadness he’d borne as he’d spoken of Carrickfergus, and of following orders even as he lost faith in what he was fighting for.

He wanted out. He wanted to be free of the war and the fighting and the violence. And the whole time that he’d played the part of a bounty hunter, then revealed himself as a spy, he hadn’t just been fighting for his life, but for his freedom—for his very soul.

In that moment as she gazed up at Kirk’s hard features drawn tight with strain, she loved him even more.

He was so much more than a good man put in an impossible situation. He was a hero, for in fighting so hard to protect her, he risked his honor, his freedom, and even his life.

“I am no’ done with my mission,” Kirk replied to Colin.

Colin’s gaze sharpened. “Ye are planning something. What is it?”

“It doesnae matter—no’ yet, anyway. If I succeed, ye willnae have to worry about the Order of the Shadow anymore. And if I fail…”

His gaze shifted to Lillian, and she saw a terrible sadness there before he shuttered his emotions and turned back to Colin. “If I fail, then ye will be in the same position ye are in now—that is, without a man working inside the Order. In bringing Lillian to ye, I am a dead man walking.”

Lillian’s throat drew so tight she feared she would not be able to breathe. She blinked through her tears, determined not to break down, but it felt as though a mountain sat on her heart.

Colin shifted, dropping his crossed arms. A look of uncertainty flickered across his face. “Ye dinnae need to act alone, man. Mayhap I could ride with ye, guard yer back—”

Kirk snorted softly, his lips lifting ruefully. “That is generous, given the fact that ye trust me as far as ye can throw me.” He sobered then. “Logan Mackenzie is with me. While I appreciate the offer, I cannae be responsible for yet another man’s life, especially given the odds against us. Besides, the Bruce would have my hide if I lost one of his best men.”

“The Bruce isnae here,” Colin said, his gaze flicking to Lillian. “He is still attempting to siege Berwick. Given what a major blow it would be against King Edward, he’s determined to take the castle from the English.”

Lillian gasped again. Her adoptive home of Berwick was under siege once more. But worse, another siege meant the possibility of more of the horrors and tragedy Kirk had witnessed at Carrickfergus.

She lifted her gaze to him and saw confirmation of her fears on his rugged features. Kirk’s lips flattened, and the skin around his eyes tightened. She knew his thoughts had gone to Carrickfergus, for dark pain lurked in the pale depths of his gaze.

Kirk swallowed, clearly struggling for control. “All the more reason ye shouldnae come,” he said at last. “ Ye are no doubt charged with looking after the camp in the Bruce’s absence.”

With a reluctant tilt of his head, Colin acknowledged the truth in Kirk’s words. “Still, this isnae right,” Colin said quietly. “I may no’ like it, but ye are a member of the Bodyguard Corps now, Kirk. Ye are one of us. And I cannae let ye go charging into danger with only a bounty hunter who’s been working against the Bruce to watch yer back.”

“Logan is a good man,” Kirk replied. “But if ye want to do something for me, I have a favor to ask.”

Colin’s eyes narrowed ever so slightly. “What is it?”

“Keep Lillian safe.”

Lillian saw Colin’s brows rise in surprise before she turned to Kirk, clutching his arm. “Nay, Kirk. Don’t leave me here. Let me come with you. Or else stay with me. You said yourself that this is the safest place in all of Scotland. Surely they will not find you here—”

“Lillian.” His voice was a soft caress, but his eyes were tight with anguish. “Ye ken why ye cannae come with me. And I’ll no’ hide here like a coward, bringing the Order right to the Bruce’s camp and putting more men in danger.”

The tears that she’d been fighting all morning at last spilled over. “Nay,” she whispered.

She hated the desperation in her voice, but in opening her heart to Kirk, she’d risked this pain—the pain of losing him.

“I’ll see her protected, MacLeod,” Colin said gravely behind her. “Ye have my word.”

Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Colin stepping back to give them privacy, but she could not muster the strength to tear her gaze from Kirk.

“Why will you not accept help?” she said, a sudden surge of anger numbing her sorrow. “Why won’t you let Colin go with you?”

At the agony that washed his features, guilt stabbed her for her harshness, but she could not regret her words when Kirk’s life was at stake.

“Logan kens the Order mayhap better than anyone—kens how to fight them,” he said quietly. But then something shifted in his features and she glimpsed the raw vulnerability behind his next words. “He comes to this fight on his own terms, for his own purposes. I cannae be responsible for other men’s lives anymore, Lillian. No’ after Carrickfergus. If something were to happen to Colin, I—I could never forgive myself.”

She knew the truth of what he spoke, yet her heart still fought against what was coming. “Nay,” she whispered again, the word barely escaping her emotion-tight throat. “Nay, please, Kirk. I cannot lose you. Not when I’ve just found you. Not when I’ve just found love for the first time.”

His eyes burned into hers so fiercely that it stole her breath away.

“If I dinnae return,” he said, his voice low and taut. “Never forget that I love ye, lass. Ye made me a better man. Ye believed in me when I didnae believe in myself. Ye’ll always have my heart, no matter what happens, ye hear me?”

Words would no longer come, so she nodded mutely, biting her lip to hold in the sobs that threatened.

Kirk dragged her into a hard embrace. The air rushed from her lungs, but she didn’t care. She held him as tightly as she could, trying to memorize the feel of his strong arms around her, his scent, the soft brush of his lips in her hair.

He pulled back, but before she could reach for him, he kissed her mouth with all the passion and longing she felt in her own heart. The salt of her tears dampened their lips.

With a swift jerk, he broke the kiss and spun away as if wolves were at his heels. Lillian wrapped her arms around herself, but it did not ease the hollow absence of his touch.

Through tear-blurred eyes, she watched him mount the roan once more and urge it back the way they’d come. He rode directly into the rising sun, its golden light bathing him in a warm glow.

Lillian stood rooted in place as he drew farther and farther away. She watched as Logan’s horse sprang into motion at the top of the hill and joined Kirk.

It wasn’t until the two figures disappeared completely that she let herself sink to the ground and succumb to sobs as her heart rent apart.