Chapter Twenty

“What the hell are ye doing here?”

Logan rounded on Kirk, his nostrils flaring at Kirk’s low, sharp question.

“Ye would dare question me when I was the one to come upon ye speaking in secret to some stranger, yer quarry falling into yer arms as if ye are her hero?” Logan shot back.

Kirk’s molars ground together. “I told ye I would explain everything.”

“Then get on with it,” Logan snapped. “Because so far ye’ve asked me to trust ye, and ye claim ye havenae betrayed me, but my eyes tell me different.”

Kirk let a long breath go. He’d managed to put Colin off and get Lillian out of immediate danger, but he wasn’t through the storm yet. His life—and Lillian’s—still balanced precariously on what he said to Logan next.

“As I told ye, Colin is…someone from the past—from my life before the Order.” That was true enough, but Kirk still tensed under Logan’s penetrating stare.

“Ye kenned him when ye fought in Ireland, then?” Logan asked slowly .

Kirk stiffened at the question, for it reminded him that Logan already knew much of his history.

When Kirk had first joined the Order of the Shadow, he hadn’t made a secret of the fact that he’d worked in the Bruce’s army. He’d thought the more of the truth he told about his past, the less likely he was to be tangled in a complex lie and discovered as a spy. Though he hadn’t wanted to admit it, the truth was that his disillusionment with the Bruce’s cause was frighteningly real.

He veered into lies when he’d told the Order that he’d decided if he were naught more than a tool, a weapon to bring destruction wherever he was directed, he might as well make more coin than he had as a soldier.

It had been enough to get him into the Order, though—and befriend Logan Mackenzie. Now he had to balance on the blade’s edge between lie and truth. It was becoming a terrifyingly familiar task.

“Aye,” Kirk said carefully. “I met Colin first in Ireland. He was with the Bruce’s cause.”

“And is he still?”

Kirk wracked his mind for a way to respond, but he must have hesitated a hair’s breadth too long.

Logan hissed out a breath between his teeth. “Christ, man. What have ye done?”

“Naught,” Kirk replied quickly. “It is just…” At last, he latched onto something Logan had said back at the Compound. “It is just that ye were right to warn me. Ab out the Order, that is, and taking this mission.”

Logan was staring at him warily, so Kirk plowed on. “Ye said that the whole time I was training at the Compound, I had only been playing at being in the Order, but that if I took a mission, I’d better be damned sure I was willing to be in this—truly in this.”

“Aye,” Logan said, eyeing Kirk closely. “And now that ye are in it, ye’ve realized that mayhap it isnae what ye’d been searching for when ye left the Scottish cause.”

Kirk inhaled slowly. “Aye.”

“Because of the lass.”

The air Kirk had just drawn in left his lungs in a hard whoosh. It was as if Logan had punched him in the gut with those flatly spoken words. It wasn’t a question. Nor could Kirk deny it.

Kirk dragged a hand through his hair, searching the darkened trees overhead for a response, but none came—none other than the truth.

“Aye,” he said at last. “I…I have come to care for her.”

“Damn it, man!” Logan moved so fast that Kirk didn’t have time to react. He closed the distance between them, his fists curling into the front of Kirk’s tunic. “I warned ye. I warned ye no’ to get involved unless ye were sure ye were willing to give yer life over to the Order.” Logan shook him as he spoke, his eyes lit with anger.

“I ken ye did, but I never expected this to happen,” Kirk shot back. He shoved Logan away, breaking the man’s hold on his tunic. Kirk’s breaths came short with desperation. He couldn’t seem to get enough air when he thought of Lillian—and the fact that he was putting her in danger.

“I didnae want to care for her,” he said, lowering his voice in an attempt to regain control over himself. “I kenned that I only had one job—to get her to the Compound and turn her over to whoever paid Roland for her. I followed orders. But then…”

Then he’d seen the fundamental goodness in her soft, dark eyes. He’d witnessed her unflagging bravery even knowing that she was being dragged to certain hell. And he’d kissed her, tasted the warm honey of her mouth and felt the deep well of passion within her, just below that sharp, observant exterior.

“Then ye made the worst mistake ye possibly could,” Logan finished for him.

“I ken that I shouldnae have spoken to Colin,” Kirk said, “I’d only hoped that mayhap there was some way out of this for Lillian. Mayhap there was a way that I could keep her from harm—”

“Nay, man,” Logan said, his voice suddenly weary. “Meeting with that man wasnae yer worst mistake. Aye, ye are a fool to think that there is any way out when it comes to the Order. Yer friend cannae help ye now—no one can. But yer worst mistake is caring for that lass.”

Dread snaked up Kirk’s spine, but before he could reply, Logan went on.

“I told ye that the Order had ways of making ye stay,” he said. “They’ll find yer every weakness and exploit it. It was obvious to me the moment I saw ye look at the lass that ye care for her. The Order will see it too—and they’ll use her in any way they can against ye.”

Kirk swallowed hard, but it did not wash away the bile clawing up his throat. “I already ken what they have planned for her,” he rasped. “She’s been sold to someone hoping to extract information from her—they’ll torture her, no doubt.” Gritting his teeth, he forced himself on. “I dinnae see how they could do aught worse.”

“Ye still dinnae understand the Order, then,” Logan ground out. “Aye, Roland will sell her—it doesnae matter who or what he sells, or to whom, as long as the price is right. But it willnae end there. If the Order senses that ye care for the lass, they’ll use her to keep ye in line. They’ll tell ye she is alive and well, but only if ye do as they say, or that she is suffering greatly, and only yer obedience will ease her pain.”

As he spoke, Logan’s voice grew tight. By the end, the words hissed out, barely more than an angry whisper.

Through his roiling thoughts, a moment of clarity stole over Kirk. “Ye told me before I left the Compound that the Order has ways of making ye stay,” he said carefully. “They are holding something — someone —over ye, arenae they, Logan?”

Logan exhaled slowly. In the darkness, Kirk could see his features squeeze with pain.

“Ye never told me how ye came to be in the Order,” Kirk went on. “What is a Mackenzie—a Highlander—doing working for the likes of Roland Gervais?”

“I may have the Mackenzie name,” Logan replied softly, “but I am no Highlander—no’ anymore.”

“What happened?” Kirk prodded.

“There were…troubles in the clan. I was barely more than a lad, though I thought myself a man grown. I…I had to leave.”

Kirk opened his mouth to ask why, but Logan held up a hand to silence him. “It is in the past now. Suffice it to say that I couldnae stay in the Highlands any longer. So I left. I’d been raised with a sword in my hand since before I could toddle, so I decided to sell my skills as a mercenary. I fought in France, Ireland, even as far as the Holy Land. Eventually I ended up in England. For all its secrecy and rules, the Order pays well—they only want the best, and they choose their men carefully. After several months at the Compound, I was selected for a mission, just like ye.”

Logan paused. In the moonlight, Kirk could see his jaw clench before he went on.

“I was sent to capture a bairn. Some English Baron wanted the wee son of his enemy kidnapped. The Baron thought to use the bairn as leverage against his rival to gain political power at court. I took the boy from his home and delivered him to Roland, who passed him along to the Baron. I never saw the lad again, but I heard several months later that the Baron had let the boy die of starvation. Apparently his rival hadn’t paid the ransom quickly enough.”

Logan shrugged, but Kirk didn’t miss the light of rage in Logan’s slate-gray eyes. “After that, I kenned that no amount of coin would be enough to make up for what the Order required its bounty hunters to do. I tried to get out. I escaped from the Compound, but Roland’s men picked me up in the woods no’ far to the north.”

He let out a breath, then shook his head slightly. “When they took me to Roland’s little headquarters, I thought I’d be leaving in pieces. But Roland told me I was too valuable to lose, that it would be a waste of a good mercenary to torture and kill me. That’s when he told me he had my sister.”

Kirk stiffened, his fists involuntarily balling at his sides. “What?”

Logan squeezed his eyes shut for a long moment before answering. “Roland sent someone after her. Mayhap they kenned even before I did that I wouldnae remain loyal to them forever. They dragged her from the Highlands to some safe house in England—I dinnae ken where. She was just a wee lass then—only ten. Now she would be…”

Logan paused, his fingers flicking out as he counted silently. “Fifteen. If she is still alive, that is.”

“Ye…ye arenae sure?” Kirk murmured.

“They never let me see her. They only tell me that she is faring well, or poorly, depending on how obedient I am and how well I complete my missions. But for all I ken, they’ve killed her long ago, or sold her off. All they need is to mention her, and they ken that I will do aught they want.”

Clearing the thickness from his throat, Logan went on, his voice lower. “I tried to warn ye no’ to give Roland power over ye, either by taking an assignment or caring about someone, but ye didnae heed me.”

“I thought I was in control,” Kirk breathed. “I thought I could handle this.”

He’d been wrong—so terribly wrong. Now both his mission for the Bruce and his cover with the Order were in danger of crumbling. And Lillian would suffer the repercussions.

“And when ye realized that ye were in over yer head,” Logan said, “ye sought yer old friend—Colin, was it?—in hopes that he could help ye find a way out of this mess.”

At Kirk’s curt nod, Logan continued. “I willnae ask ye what ye spoke of to him, for if the Order catches wind of this and they question me, I willnae have aught to tell.”

Kirk felt his eyes widen in surprise at that. Was Logan truly willing to protect Kirk by willfully remaining ignorant of Kirk’s betrayal? The show of loyalty humbled him.

“Besides, ultimately it doesnae matter what ye hoped to accomplish by speaking with yer friend,” Logan went on, his voice dropping. “For as I told ye, there is no way out of the Order.”

Kirk drew in a breath to reply, but he could not muster the words that would contradict Logan’s flat statement. Logan knew far better than Kirk what the Order was capable of—and how little power one man standing against them truly had.

The silence stretched as the two stood in the darkened woods. Kirk’s gaze drifted to the orange glow of the fire in front of the abandoned hut. He could see Lillian’s curled form beyond the flames. She looked so small, so vulnerable like that. Hatred for the Order, for his conflicting missions, and for himself roiled in his stomach.

“I should have told ye the truth earlier,” Logan said quietly. “I should have told ye to fail yer tests at the Compound, to get away from the Order as fast as ye could.”

“This isnae yer fault,” Kirk replied. “It is mine. I sought the Order out. I wanted this.”

What he’d wanted more than aught else was his freedom, and now he was chained tighter than ever.

He’d told himself when he’d accepted the Bruce’s mission that he was being noble, that he was saving lives by infiltrating the Order.

That might have been true, but Kirk’s motivations hadn’t been so pure. Nay, he’d been selfish in wanting to secure his own freedom from his service to the cause. Now he was paying for it.

He turned suddenly to Logan, seizing the man’s arm. “There are forces at work against the Order, Logan,” he said lowly. “I cannae say more, but know that I will fight with whatever power and strength I have to keep ye out of the fray. I told ye I was still with ye, and I am. Ye are a good man, and a Highlander, whether ye think ye are or no’.”

Kirk felt Logan stiffen in his hold, his gaze sharpening. For a moment, Kirk feared he had made a mistake in revealing even the smallest hint of the larger game at play, but then Logan let out a breath and his features eased ever so slightly.

“Aye, it is best if ye dinnae say more,” he replied. The words were spoken flatly, but he held Kirk’s gaze for another moment, then gave him a little nod.

“Ye never explained what ye are doing here, and how ye found me,” Kirk said.

Logan lifted one eyebrow, which pulled the scar down his left cheek taut. “I am alive today because I’m good at what I do,” he replied. “I guessed that ye would use this safe house, as it is the only one this far north. I thought to beat ye here and be waiting for ye when ye arrived, but it seems that ye have pushed yerself hard thus far.”

“Aye,” Kirk said, “but why are ye here at all?” He stilled. “Are ye on yer own assignment? ”

“Nay—well, of a sort. Roland didnae tell ye? Or Hervey?”

“Tell me what?”

Logan snorted softly. “Aye, I suppose they wouldnae want ye to ken—that way it serves as another little test.” He refocused on Kirk. “It is standard practice in the Order for a bounty hunter to be relieved halfway through a longer mission. They say it is to keep us fresh, to avoid…attachments to the targets or slip-ups when we are traveling so hard. I think it is to split the bounty between two men. It makes each hungry for more work, plus it pits men against one another.”

Logan lifted his shoulders in another shrug. “I wasnae surprised when I was selected to relieve ye. Hervey and the others have noticed us talking. No doubt they dinnae want us forming an alliance of any sort. They believe that if I get half yer bounty, ye’ll resent me, and I ye. Besides,” he added, “even though Roland selected ye for this assignment, he doesnae fully trust ye—or anyone. He no doubt wanted to ensure that ye are still on track to complete yer mission.”

“So ye are to take over?” Kirk said, heat coming into his voice despite himself. “I am supposed to simply hand Lillian over to ye and return to the Compound?”

“Aye,” Logan replied evenly. “Else ye’ll come under suspicion for being too involved—for caring too much. And I told ye what will happen if they think ye care.”

Kirk’s gaze went back to Lillian’s sleeping form. If he turned her over to Logan, he would be forfeiting any chance he had of untangling both of them from this mess. Colin would come looking for Lillian, which would set him against Logan—and endanger not only both of their lives, but the mission as a whole.

His hope was slimmer than a hair’s breadth, but if he remained in charge of his assignment to deliver Lillian, he still had a chance to somehow keep her from harm and complete his missions for both the Order and the Bruce.

There was another, less logical reason he was loathe to turn Lillian over to Logan. He was possessive of her. He couldn’t place her into the care of another, even a man he trusted like Logan. Even the thought of not being at her side to protect her twisted his gut with an animalistic fury.

“Nay,” Kirk said at last. “I willnae give her up.”

Logan’s mouth tightened. “Aye, ye will, MacLeod,” he said. “Either now, or later, but ye will have to give her up. There is no standing in the way of what the Order commands.”

Kirk did not know the solution now, but he didn’t have to. He still had time to figure it out—a sennight, that was all, but it was something.

A sennight before he would reach the Compound with Lillian.

A sennight before Colin had vowed to find him and bring Lillian to safety, even if it meant Kirk’s life.

“Tell Roland that ye made contact with me,” Kirk said. “Tell him that all is well. I have my quarry and am making my way back to the Compound. That is the truth.”

Logan shifted, crossing his arms over his chest. “And if he asks me why ye wouldnae let me relieve ye?”

“Say that I am eager to prove myself to him,” Kirk replied. That was the truth, too, for if he didn’t complete this mission, not only would he face Roland’s wrath, but he would lose the hard-earned trust he needed to be able to take the Order down.

Logan remained motionless for a long moment, but at last he nodded slowly.

“I hope ye ken what ye are doing, MacLeod,” he said. With that, he turned and strode deeper into the shadowed forest.

Kirk could make out Logan’s dark silhouette as he mounted a waiting horse, then spurred the animal southward, back toward the Compound.

Kirk allowed himself one long, ragged breath. His stomach churned with unease, but there was naught to be done for it—unless he could somehow come up with a solution to this tangled web of deceit and danger.

No answers would come tonight—not given how exhausted his mind and body were.

He strode slowly back toward the fire and Lillian’s sleeping form. He slid under the cloak behind her, nudging his knees against the backs of her legs and pressing his chest along her curved spine. Though he knew he shouldn’t, he let his arm loop over her, pulling her slim frame closer to him.

God, it felt so good to have her in his arms, her small, warm body nestled against his. Too tired to stop himself, he inhaled against her hair. She smelled of the crisp autumn air and wood smoke and her own delicate, feminine scent.

He was weak, he knew, to indulge in the simple comfort of her nearness. Yet he was too exhausted to care. With another inhale of her sweet scent, he let the dark void of sleep pull him under.