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Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12

ELEANOR

Y ou are my mate. My responsibility, as unfortunate as that may be.

What kind of animal would look at me the way he did, touch me the way he did, and then utter such terrible words?

Only my mate, Alexander Hawthorne.

I hated him so much I could barely think straight when he was near.

But whenever he touched me or showed me even a second of kindness, I forgot that I should hate him.

Alexander was an asshole. A big one.

But he was an asshole who’d saved my life and helped me more than I cared to admit.

When I faced down that pack of rogues single-handedly, I didn’t think I would win, much less survive.

At that moment, I’d thought about a lot of things.

Sure, I thought about all the reasons I never should’ve trusted Dylan, but I also thought of why I’d come to the brook in the first place.

Because of the letters from Alexander.

Why had Alexander’s letters mattered so much to me? Why had I thought of the mate I could barely stand for the whole two months he’d been away?

As I bled out and my vision blurred into darkness, I’d wished to see Alexander one more time before I died.

Just once.

So when I woke up to him at my bedside, his eyes bloodshot and full of worry, I wondered if I was hallucinating. Maybe I’d wanted to see him so desperately I’d made him up in my head.

None of that mattered now.

Alexander was back to being his usual hateful self and I…I was done trying to figure out this thing between us.

I had more important things to worry about.

Like confronting Dylan and uncovering why he’d attempted to kill me.

My side still ached even though my wounds were healed, so I ignored the pain as I waited.

I didn’t want to think of how Alexander would react when he discovered I’d snuck out of the house the moment he’d left, instead of resting as he’d ordered.

Maybe I should have told him about Dylan and the note that had lured me to the brook, but I couldn’t.

As hypocritical as it was, I didn’t want to damage the relationship between the two brothers any more than I already had. Confronting Dylan directly wasn’t the safest idea, but it was all I had.

I heard pounding footsteps, and then Dylan was right there, rounding the corner on his routine evening run. I stepped right into his path.

“Eleanor?” Dylan halted, his eyes wide with surprise. “You?—”

I didn’t let Dylan finish speaking.

“I’ll ask you just once,” I said, stepping right up to him. This close, I could see splotches of red around his neck, almost as if he’d been…strangled. Strange.

I focused on the task at hand.

“Why did you try to have me killed?”

Dylan’s jaw dropped.

“Someone tried to kill you?” he echoed. “Eleanor, what’s going on?”

I gritted my teeth.

“Don’t play dumb with me,” I growled, tossing the note he’d sent at him. “You mean to tell me that you randomly chose a meeting time that coincided with your sentries leaving their posts so a group of rogues could break in and attack me?”

Dylan gaped at me, the note between his fingers all but forgotten.

“You were attacked by rogues last night? On pack grounds?” he demanded.

By the Goddess, he was a great actor.

“You make me sick,” I spat out, angry at myself for ever trusting him. “I can’t believe I thought you were a better person. I?—”

Dylan interrupted me before I could finish, his gaze locked on the note in his hands before shifting back to me.

“Eleanor, I…I didn’t write this note.”

Wait, what ?

Dylan was still speaking, the look of confusion on his face intensifying as he stared at the note.

“I know this looks like my handwriting, but I didn’t write this.” He shook his head. “I destroyed all the letters Alexander sent to you. Why would I lie about that to lure you out for a meeting?”

My certainty wavered slightly.

That was where I drew a blank as well—Dylan’s motive for trying to kill me.

“To hurt me,” I answered with more confidence than I felt, leveling a glare at him. “To get back at me for not choosing you.”

Dylan’s face fell, as if my words hurt him.

“I would never hurt you, Eleanor,” he whispered, reaching out to cup my cheek. “Never. You have to believe me.”

I stepped back before his fingers could reach me.

“You’ve hurt me once already, Dylan,” I said curtly, but my mind was reeling.

It wasn’t like I’d wholeheartedly believed Dylan had set that ambush the night before. That was just where all the evidence had pointed.

But if it truly wasn’t him, there was only one person who hated me enough to kill me and had enough power to keep Dylan in the dark.

Micah.

Dylan didn’t try to reach out for me again, but there was a determined set to his jaw.

“I will find the person behind this,” he vowed. “They will pay for trying to hurt you.”

I wondered if he’d have the same conviction if the culprit turned out to be the mother of his unborn child.

I hoped my suspicions were wrong. I really did.

“I can fight for myself. I don’t need or want your help,” I said, turning away from Dylan.

Dylan reached out, his hand encircling my wrist.

“I’m sorry, Eleanor. Truly,” he whispered, and then he was gone.

I barely made it a few steps away when my skin prickled with the awareness of someone’s gaze on me.

I lifted my eyes and met the icy gaze of my mate, who stood several feet away in the tree line and seemed to have watched my entire interaction with Dylan.

I paused, and it wasn’t because Alexander had caught me.

There was something about the predatory look in Alexander’s eyes that sent shivers down my spine—the annoyingly good kind that made me want to press my thighs together.

It was a look of pure, unadulterated possessiveness—as if seeing me with another male was unacceptable.

During our argument earlier he’d called me an “unfortunate responsibility.”

So how could he stare at me like that now?

By the Goddess, Alexander confused me.

And it wasn’t just because he’d rescued me from bleeding out at the border.

Even during the heat, he’d taken care of me without trying to get anything out of it.

I was uncertain if that was because he was being courteous or because he couldn’t stand to touch me. Our kiss in the bathtub seemed to disprove the latter.

There was also the day following our first and only night together, when Alexander had pushed me away, only to show up at my mating ceremony and mark me.

His actions and words simply didn’t match up.

Stop doing this to yourself, Eleanor , I tried to warn myself. Trying to see Alexander as a better man would only lead to devastating consequences.

Squaring my shoulders, I ignored Alexander and headed to the training area where I usually met up with West and Seraphina.

They hadn’t visited me, so I had to assume, like Dylan, they were unaware of my close brush with death. If they were unaware, they would still be waiting for our usual training.

I wondered who’d managed to keep the attack under wraps. Was it Alexander or Micah?

Was I wrong for suspecting Micah without any evidence besides Dylan’s insistence on his innocence?

I was so consumed by my thoughts that I didn’t realize Alexander had crept up on me until he grabbed my arm and forcefully pulled me to a stop.

His icy blue eyes ignited with a cold fire as he leveled a glare at me.

“You should be in bed.”

I bared my canines at him in response.

“You don’t dictate my life,” I growled. “I have training with West today and?—”

“No, you don’t,” Alexander interrupted me, his voice full of way too much satisfaction. “I spoke to my sister when she dropped by earlier. Your ‘training’ has been put on hold until you’re fully healed.”

What?

I narrowed my eyes at him.

“I didn’t see Seraphina earlier.”

Alexander shrugged flippantly.

“You needed your rest. You still do.”

It was how casually he spoke that made me snap.

How could he decide that one of the very few friends I had in this pack couldn’t see me because he thought I “needed my rest?”

“You controlling asshole! I decide what I need, not you.” I stabbed my index finger into his chest. “You had absolutely no right to send Seraphina away or stop my training.”

Alexander didn’t even flinch.

“For me, your health takes precedence over everything else.”

His words might have sounded sweet, if it weren’t for the dry tone that conveyed how tedious looking after me felt to him.

My hands balled into fists at my sides.

“You asshole,” I snarled again, but he was no longer looking at me.

Following his gaze, I saw a pack warrior approaching us. He was vaguely familiar—one of the wolves who guarded our house under Alexander’s command.

Alexander’s gaze flickered back to me.

“Gerard will escort you home, where you will rest until the celebrations tonight,” he informed me.

This man’s audacity was simply off the charts. Did he think he could just order me around and I’d blindly obey?

“And if I refuse?” I demanded. “Will you throw me over your shoulder and carry me there against my will?”

Dark amusement flickered to life in those icy blue depths.

“As tempting as that sounds,” Alexander crooned, somehow making the word “tempting” sound dirtier than it already did, “I will not be forcibly taking you anywhere.”

I rolled my eyes, barely able to restrain my irritation.

What on earth had possessed me to ever worry about the safety of this asshat while he’d been at war?

“Let’s try this,” he said conversationally. “Since you’ve been training and obviously don’t need any rest whatsoever, land one hit on me. Just one. Then I’ll reinstate your training and let you go wherever you want.”

I eyed Alexander suspiciously. Those terms were almost too good to be true. There had to be a trick in there somewhere.

I’d watched his fight with Dylan, and I clearly remembered how easily Alexander had crushed him before giving up the fight in the last moments. I knew I couldn’t win against him, even if I weren’t recovering from an attack.

But Alexander wasn’t asking me to win.

He was asking me to land a hit on him. Just one.

I could do that.

“I want an apology as well.” I folded my arms, ready to milk the opportunity for all it was worth. “You’ll say, ‘I’m so sorry, Eleanor, for being a controlling prick with a stick shoved so far up my?—’”

Alexander lifted an eyebrow incredulously, as if to say we both knew he wasn’t going to do that.

I huffed. Fine, I could temper justice with mercy.

“‘I’m sorry for being a controlling prick’ will do,” I sighed.

The corner of Alexander’s lips twitched like he was holding in a smile, but that was impossible. The controlling prick didn’t have a single humorous bone in him.

“We have a deal.”

Dismissing Gerard, Alexander led me away from the cluster of trees to an open area where we could be alone and move freely.

Then the fight commenced.

Calling it a fight might have been a bit of a stretch, seeing as all Alexander did was stand in one place with his arms crossed over his chest, the cockiest expression known to man on his face as he waited for me to attack him.

During our training, West had always emphasized the importance of being calm and rational, attacking only after noting the weaknesses of an enemy, but I was impossibly far from calm right now. Anger bubbled up inside of me at Alexander’s blatant disregard for the fighting skills I’d worked so hard to build.

One hit. I could do this.

I went after him, ignoring the twinge in my side.

One moment, I was closing the distance between us, leaning into Lara’s speed to land a hit before Alexander could dodge; the next, Alexander closed the gap between us, reaching me faster than I could blink.

Already committed to my attack, I couldn’t backtrack as Alexander wrapped his arms around me—one around my neck in a loose but binding chokehold, while his hand held both of my hands captive behind my back.

I felt his cool breath on the side of my neck, sending shivers running through me as he leaned in to whisper,

“This is how easily you can be overpowered when you ignore my advice and rush into situations you are unprepared for, Eleanor.”

His voice was a thick rumble that had absolutely no business sounding so dark and sensual.

My core clenched reflexively, and I inwardly cursed my traitorous body and my wolf, who was egging me on.

A low growl left Alexander as if he could sense the shift in me. His grasp on my wrist loosened slightly, his thumb stroking across the skin on the inside of my wrist.

It was such a small touch that shouldn’t have made my breath catch. It definitely shouldn’t have made me lean back slightly into Alexander’s touch.

His grip on my neck became less of a chokehold and more possessive, his thumb dangerously close to my mating mark, sending sparks racing through me.

That was when I moved, my head jerking back to headbutt Alexander. Reeling back in surprise, his hands fell away from me, bringing back a modicum of my much-needed sanity.

I didn’t let myself think about it. Moving instinctively, I hooked my foot behind his, taking advantage of Alexander’s imbalance to trip him.

Then I was straddling him, my bared claws at his throat.

“I agree that I still have a lot to learn,” I admitted, my voice coming out stronger than I’d anticipated. “But I’m not a damsel in distress who needs you to control my life. I’m responsible for myself, not you.”

Alexander stared at me as though he’d never seen me before, setting my cheeks aflame in embarrassment.

“I’m sorry for being a controlling prick,” Alexander said without an ounce of sarcasm, his eyes still steady on mine. “I’ll speak with West about your training.”

He was just following the terms of our deal, so why on earth did the candor in his voice make my heart skip a beat?

It was barely an hour into the celebration, and I was already sick of it.

It was a party to celebrate the end of the war and the beginning of an era of peace for the Nightshade Pack, but I felt anything but peaceful.

Maybe if I’d gotten some rest as Alexander recommended earlier, I wouldn’t have felt so tired and irritated.

But I hadn’t, and now my entire body ached as if I’d run a marathon. Pain licked up my side and down my hips, where my injuries from the rogue attack had already healed.

My irritation might have been exacerbated by the fact that neither Seraphina nor West were around tonight to keep me company.

West was on guard duty, and Seraphina was spending the night reading to Alpha Maximus, who, according to the physicians, was at death’s door.

She didn’t want him to die alone.

I wondered if Alexander had gone to see his father since his return from the war.

As if conjured from my thoughts, I saw of Alexander a short distance away, nursing a glass of wine and nodding along to something a pack elder was telling him. The young female wolves nearby kept stealing glances at him.

I scoffed and grabbed a glass of wine off a passing tray.

So what if he looked dashing in a three-piece suit that was more formal than anything I’d ever seen him in but somehow suited his dark, untamable look perfectly? He was still insufferable.

We attended pretty much every pack event as a couple—or at least, we arrived together. He hadn’t even bothered with that ruse today.

Not that it bothered me. Not one bit.

Maybe that was another reason I couldn’t stand this celebration. It was all about Alexander. Everyone was focused on the returned warriors, but mainly him, the commander who’d led them to victory.

Dylan’s expression had been stony when he’d had to praise his brother during his speech, and he’d looked even more annoyed as he’d explained the terms of the treaty.

Micah had excused herself just before the speech began, ridding me of the opportunity to feel her out as one of my murder suspects.

I caught a movement from the corner of my eye. Glancing back, I saw Anastasia next to Alexander. The pack elder was gone.

Standing on her tiptoes, she put one of her hands on his chest and whispered something into his ear. Alexander took her arm, and they left the party together.

A strange emotion settled in my chest. It was bitter, angry, and vicious, its claws digging into me.

Was this jealousy?

No. Anastasia could have Alexander, for all I cared.

If he wanted to leave the party with her, he could go right ahead and?—

I downed my glass of wine and went after them.

I moved quickly, but there were too many people, and I barely caught a glimpse of Anastasia’s red dress before they rounded a corner.

I hurried after them, unsure why I was following them, but I kept going.

I saw them slip inside Alexander’s receiving room and something inside me went cold.

I hesitated, then I walked toward the door.

It wasn’t shut all the way, so I could see them.

And hear them.

Anastasia was pressed up against Alexander, her lips parted as she traced her fingers up Alexander’s unbuttoned shirt.

“—let me help you,” she said, her voice low and throaty. “Or have you already fallen for your mate?”

Alexander was silent for long enough that I thought he wouldn’t respond.

Then he spoke, his voice as cold as ice.

“I feel nothing for my brother’s whore.”

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