29. Alexander

Chapter 29

Alexander

I last three days cooped up at home before I finally lose my fucking mind. I wait until Natalya’s distracted with swimming before I sneak out and go meet up with Lev. I get about a dozen texts from her, but I only respond once.

Alexander: I’ll be fine. You stay inside and don’t do anything dumb. I’m watching.

Natalya: You’re still hurt. You’re going to start bleeding again.

Natalya: And stop watching me through the cameras!

I smile to myself as I log into the security system. She’s sitting at the edge of the pool in a little black bikini looking like fucking heaven. I make sure to jiggle the outdoor camera side to side so she knows I’m watching.

She flips me off and wraps a towel around her.

That girl is a professional when it comes to driving me fucking insane.

“Glad to see you on your feet,” Lev says over the hammering and construction work happening at Fed Jewelers.

Even after just a few days, the place is already looking better. Probably because Oleg’s got half the city’s construction workers putting the place back together at an unreasonably fast pace, and probably bankrupting himself to do it.

“Couldn’t hang around that apartment any longer. I was going insane.”

Lev finds that amusing and offers me a beer. We stand out in the alley listening to the guys working inside. “How’s Nat feel about that?”

“Nat is unhappy about it.”

“No surprise there. My sister can be extremely?—“

“Frustrating? Controlling?”

“I was going to say overbearing, but yeah, all of the above.” Lev takes a long drink and glances at me. “You know, I haven’t said thanks yet.”

“You don’t have to thank me. You would’ve come back if you were in my place.”

I think so, anyway. It’s hard to tell with Lev though, especially right now.

“Not about that, but yeah, sure, thanks.” His usual bravado fades slightly. “If it weren’t for you nearly getting yourself killed, I’m not sure if I ever would’ve talked to Nat again.”

“She misses you.”

“I know. I miss her too. I’m just so fucking mad at you two.”

“I know you are.”

We go quiet for a little while. There’s so much unspoken between us, but how can we broach that divide? That impossible gap? I wish he could understand how I feel about Natalya, but it’s his sister. I’m not sure he really wants to hear it either way.

In the end, we talk shop. It’s easier, and he’s eager to start making plans.

“I hear Adriano’s got a favorite club. Word is, he helps run the place.”

“Who’d you hear that from? Your Irish friends again?”

“I got plenty of friends.” Lev smirks at me and runs a hand through his hair. “I’m thinking we can do to him what he tried with us.”

“You want to ambush him?”

“Just like with that other fucking Italian bastard.”

I grunt and look away. Lev’s not a stupid man—he knows what’ll happen if we kill Adriano—but there’s no way I can talk him out of this. And honestly, a big part of me doesn’t want to.

Those assholes tried to kill me. They had Lev down on his knees with a gun to his head. Adriano more than deserves a bullet between the eyes.

But once that line is crossed, there’s no way I can fix this shit with the Italians.

And that’s about more than just the war.

If things spiral, Pakhan Zeitsev will never forgive me and Natalya for eloping and ruining his alliance. We’ll be outcasts, and we’ll have to raise our child without a family by our side.

It’ll be a long, lonely life for Nat, and I don’t want that for her.

Maybe she doesn’t care if her father never speaks to her again—but she will care if Lev’s forced to disown her for good.

He will, too. If Valentin Zeitsev orders it, Lev will obey. He knows how this life works better than anyone else. Even if it hurts him, Lev will do the right thing.

Unlike me. I follow all the little rules. I pretend like I’m good and righteous. But when the real shit happened, I showed my true colors.

I chose myself. I chose my wife and my child. I put them above my Bratva, and I have to reckon with that every day.

What kind of man can I be now?

That’s why I won’t fail her.

Lev tells me all about the place. He gives me all the details he has, and I agree that we need to put a plan together. But I tell him not yet.

“I’m still hurt and you’re still emotional.”

“I’m not fucking emotional, but I am ready to kill those bastards.”

“We can’t rush in just yet. Let me come up with something and we’ll go from there.”

Lev waves a dismissive hand, clearly not happy, but he accepts my logic.

Which means I bought myself some time

But how much?

I log into the security system on my phone. I’m in the parking lot outside of my building and I can just barely connect to the WiFi in my apartment.

The kitchen appears on the screen. It’s empty. I flip to the living room, the hallway, the spare bedroom which is basically Nat’s closet, and our bedroom. All empty.

I find her out by the pool still, even though the sun’s going down. She’s half submerged, her legs dangling over the end. She’s leaning back on both hands and looking out over the water. Her backs to the camera, but I can see her hair dangling down between her shoulders and the graceful lines of her shoulders. My heart rate ticks up, thinking about her body, and the baby growing inside of her.

Alexander: You should spend less time in the pool. You’re going to get all wrinkly.

She picks up her phone, looks at the text, and holds a single finger up to the camera.

I smile to myself and send another text.

Alexander: Move to the other side of the pool. I want to see you.

Natalya: What’s there to see?

Alexander: I like the way you look in that bikini. Let me look at more of you.

She hesitates. I can see it in the lines of her neck, the way she looks down at her phone, considering. Does she want this? Does she like it? But we both know this game stopped being a game a while ago. Slowly, she pushes herself up, and my cock stiffens as she moves around to the side of the pool and sits back down, her body in view. She arches her back, ever so slightly, head tilted to the side as she stares up at the camera.

Almost like she’s daring me.

Alexander: You look fucking beautiful. Have I told you how much I love your body? How I’ve been thinking about you for years?

She doesn’t hide her surprise at that text. Her nervous glance at the camera tells me so much.

Natalya: You have? I didn’t know that.

Alexander: It’s not easy wanting to fuck my best friend’s little sister.

Natalya: How come you never tried?

Alexander: Because Stepan and Lev would both have killed me, and I valued them too much. But it was fucking hard being around you sometimes.

Natalya: Is that why you were always running away when I came into the room?

Alexander: Yes.

Natalya: Is that why you were such a dick to me?

Alexander: Yes, sometimes. I wanted to punish your mouthy little face with my big dick, but I couldn’t let myself cross that line.

She’s breathing fast. She stares at the phone then up at the camera. Then she spreads her legs and rubs one hand across her chest, from breast to breast, as she types with the other.

Natalya: What else did you want with me?

I lick my lips, dick straining against my pants as I type back.

Alexander: There were days when I would have murdered a man to drag you back into your bedroom. I wanted to be the first man to fill you to the brim. I wanted to fuck you so hard you had to bite down on a pillow to keep from screaming. I wanted to own your beautiful little body.

She reads my message and her hand moves down between her legs. Slowly, she rubs herself over her bathing suit bottoms.

I do the same. I stroke myself over my jeans.

Natalya: I wanted you too. I thought you hated me, but I still wondered what it would be like to take you thick cock in my mouth.

Alexander: I would have made you gag on my cock and get it soaked with spit before fucking you rough. I would have dragged your beautiful pussy over my mouth and licked your wet lips while you sucked me hard. I wanted to hear you moan and gag on my cock while you orgasmed on my face. I hated you Natalya. I still hate you. And I want you even more.

Her hand slips down as she lifts one leg up. She knows I’m watching, and she doesn’t care. It’s the most erotic moment of my life. Her fingers roll up and down her pussy as she touches herself and looks at the camera, her mouth hanging open with pure lust.

I don’t know how much longer I can handle watching without losing control.

Alexander: You like thinking about me punishing your tight pussy, don’t you? Because you’re a filthy fucking girl, touching yourself like that. You like that I’m watching. And here’s the truth: I’ve been watching you for years. I’ve been obsessing about you, Natalya, and all the sick ways I can fuck you into sweet oblivion. Slide your fingers in deep now, say my name, then shove those fingers into your mouth. Do it for me.

She’s stroking herself faster as she reads, and when she gets to the end, her eyes go wide. Then I can tell she sinks her fingers in as her eyes roll back in bliss, and she fucks herself like that before pulling them out. She makes eye contact with the camera while she sucks them clean.

Fucking shit.

I can’t take it anymore.

I shove out of the car. My dick’s straining against my jeans but I don’t give a fuck.

Alexander: Fingers back in your pussy. Push them in nice and deep. I want you to imagine me between your legs praising every inch of your beautiful fucking body. You are a good girl, and you are a filthy fucking slut, but you are my filthy slut. You’re mine now, baby, all fucking mine, like you should have been from the moment I met you.

This fucking elevator is too slow. I watch her on my screen pleasuring herself, losing her mind. I think she’s getting close, and I’m not sure I’m going to make it in time.

Natalya: Oh my god, Alex. I’ve been yours for years. I’ve wanted you since the first day I saw you .

God damn it.

I’m lost, I’m so fucking lost.

The elevator doors finally open and I storm into my apartment. I’m stripping out of my clothes as I go, kicking my pants away, throwing my shirt on the floor, and I’m in only my boxer briefs as I shove out onto the balcony.

She looks up in surprise. Her eyes are wide and her hand’s between her legs, paused there for a moment. There’s a brief second of fear?—

Before I stride over, drop to my knees, an bury her mouth with a deep, hungry kiss.

She moans into that kiss. She leans into it, her lips parting, and her fingers start moving again. Fuck, it’s gorgeous, it’s perfect, and I can’t help myself. I’m in a frenzy as I untie her bikini top and tease her nipples. I lean down to suck and lick them as she keeps fucking herself with her own fingers, but I don’t let her finish.

No, I stand up and pull down my briefs.

“Open your mouth.”

She obeys like the good little girl she is.

I side my cock between her lips. She moans, still teasing herself as she sucks me, and it’s god damn glorious. Her lips and tongue are soaking wet and her fingers piston into her pussy, making her breasts shake as she struggles to contain herself. Her muffled moans are made even more erotic as her spit rolls down my shaft.

I drag her from her position and drop down right there on the side of the pool. She gasps in surprise as I position her pussy over my mouth like I told her I would, and I wrench her bottoms aside, revealing her puffy, beautiful pussy.

“You messy fucking girl,” I growl, holding her hips. I spank her and lick her. “Suck my cock while I make you come.”

She obeys, that good fucking girl. She sucks me fast and sloppy as I lick her clit and slide my tongue deep inside. The sun sinks down as I suck her clit and she grinds her pussy against my mouth.

“Fuck, Alex, I’m going to come,” she whimpers, stroking my cock.

“Don’t stop,” I command, and she keeps going, her body shaking as the orgasm rips into her, but she keeps my dick in her mouth the whole time, moaning as she licks it.

I can’t explode onto her tongue. The orgasm rips into me, and for a second, there’s only bliss. She moans and swallows me, and I praise her as she finishes licking my shaft, cleaning every last drop.

“You got here fast,” she says when we’re done. We sit beside the pool and her head rests on my shoulder. Her top’s still off and my boxer briefs are kicked somewhere nearby.

“I was in the parking lot when I texted.”

“Really?” Her eyebrows raise and she grins. “How come you didn’t just head up right away?”

“I like looking at you.” I lean down and kiss her softly. My thumb strokes her chin.

She lips her lips and looks out at the river. “Do you really mean that?”

“Absolutely.”

“And you meant what you said in those texts?”

I pull her chin and make her look at me. “Every word. I’ve wanted you for a long time, but I couldn’t let myself take the risk. I’ve always defined myself a certain way…” I trail off, not sure how to explain it.

I’ve been a good soldier all my life, and wanting her was wrong. How could I be loyal to the Federov family while wanting to fuck their little sister? How could I still think of myself as a good, upstanding man, if all I wanted was to slide my cock between Natalya’s pretty lips?

“You could’ve said something.”

“If I did that, then I would have had to face who I really am.” I turn to the pool and stare down at the water. The sky is pink and purple and rapidly getting darker. “I’m not perfect. I’m not what everyone thinks I am. If I gave in and let myself take a risk with you, then it would be like betraying everything I stand for.”

She’s silent for a moment. Maybe now she’s beginning to understand how difficult this has been for me.

“But you took the leap this time,” she whispers.

“No, baby.” I stare at her and put a hand on her thigh. “I took the leap in Paris. When I saw you at the piano and heard your playing, it just reminded me of everything I’ve always felt about you, and I just couldn’t help myself. Then you got pregnant, and even though I sent you away that first time, even though I keep making excuses and saying I’m stepping up because it’s my duty, the truth is that I’m here because I want you. And I don’t know what that says about me. I’m afraid it means I really am just a worthless traitor.”

She touches my chest. The weight inside my heart and leaning on my shoulders is almost too much to carry, but I’ll bear it anyway, because that’s what I’ve always done. I’ll continue on for her.

“You’re not a traitor,” she whispers. Her hand moves up to my cheek. “But you don’t have to be perfect either.”

“I’m from nothing. You were born into a powerful family. But my parents were alcoholics and addicts. I’ve had to fight for everything.”

“I know that, but it still doesn’t mean you have to be perfect. You’re still a man, Alexander. You can let yourself be flawed.”

I don’t know if that’s true. It feels wrong, especially given the way I’ve lived my life to this point. I’ve defined myself based on how strong and how steady I’ve been, and how can I let that go now?

But maybe she’s right.

Wanting her like this can’t be wrong. Even if it feels like I’m giving up a part of myself.

Is that really a part worth keeping if it means holding myself back from being with her?

I kiss her gently. She kisses me back. And right there, that small moment, it feels better than anything else I’ve experienced up to this point.

“Come with me,” I say, standing up.

“Where are we going?”

“Inside. I want to shower off, and I want you there with me.” I pull her up against me. Her bare breasts feel nice against my skin. “If I’m going to be flawed, I might as well enjoy myself.”

She laughs and kisses me, and she doesn’t argue when I drag her inside and spend the rest of the night accepting all my imperfections.