Chapter 6

Six

C illian

Settling into the family business was the only thing keeping me from going mental. I dreaded every second I spent at home. And I feared what I'd do to her if I had to spend another minute in her company. I was worse off here than when I was on the inside, at least there, I could crush someone's face in with little consequences.

Running one of the clubs was what I was handling before I went in, but the boys had invested in a movie theater, so during the day, I found myself indulging in a picture before checking into the pub. Juggling more than one business wasn't what I'd call it easy. The numbers, the paperwork, the payroll and the people were always a shit ton to remember. But the point was to clean the money from the real work being done. The upside was that it kept me out the house and busy. Most of all, away from my witch of a wife back home.

As I entered the club, all my brothers were at the bar, a drink in each hand, and a cigar in the other.

"How's the first day back at work on the outside? You keeping up, Cilly?" Bellamy asked, as I gestured to the bar maid to pour me a long one, and found a seat between Paddy and Tadhg.

"Honestly, this is the only thing keeping my head on straight. After the night I've had, I'd rather stay busy at work." Paddy laughed, lowering his cigar butt in a metal ashtray.

"What's wrong, baby brother? Married life not as easy as you made it out to be?" With a wave of my hand I shooed him away, drowning myself in whiskey.

"Fuck off." An arrogant smile lit up his face, as he passed Bellamy what looked like a tenner. It was clear they were placing bets on me.

"That bad, huh?" I slammed the glass against the table, anger streaking my cheeks red.

"Why didn't anyone tell me the woman you arranged me to marry, was the fucking key bloody witness in my murder case?" It came out like a shout, all their gazes floating between each other, wearing shock on their expressions that I knew the truth.

" She told you ?" Paddy asked.

"Fuck yes , she told me! But why didn't any of you? You're supposed to be my brothers. You're supposed to be looking out for me . And you leave out that the woman you got me fucking married to, is one who put me away. We can't even look at each other. How the fuck are we supposed to stay married long enough to work out your fucking business arrangements?" Tadhg laid his hand on my shoulder, something that should have been an act of comfort, but felt more like a violation.

"We were going to tell you when you got more settled in. Truth is, we didn't feel like it mattered that she was the witness. When the offer came our way to get you a second chance, suddenly everything moved quickly. All due to her recanting. It was like a miracle got thrown in our laps and from what we were told, she was a nice girl. We figured, she would just want to do the right thing to help her family."

"Yeah, Cill. I was the one who didn't even want to tell you knowing how damn impulsive you can be. But the boys had me two against one. Don't tell me some petite bloody church girl has you pissing your pants the first night free. Maybe the bucket has got you a little rusty on how to put your wife in check."

And like that, something inside of me shattered. Paddy was always toeing the line going too far with his sharp tongue and dumb mouth. Putting my gun to his head I released the safety, I was so angry I could fuckin kill him, even if it was just to shut him up.

"I spent three bloody years in prison. Yesterday was the first time since then I've had a decent meal and I come out to a wife who's a snitch and afraid of me. And to top it off, here you all are, taunting me. I'm not just angry . I want to hurt someone and with you being the closest, I'm real fuckin tempted to blow your head clean off."

Paddy straightened his waistcoat and clasped his arms in front of him, wearing a look of arrogance in his silver screen good looks, unfazed by the gun pointed to his temple.

"Cill, if you point that gun at me, you better be ready to fire it. Because if I get it out of your hands, and the others aren't fast enough to pull me off of you, you'll be spending a night in the hospital like Pa used to send us. You're a daft motherfucker if you think me looking down the barrel of a gun is gonna keep me quiet." Bellamy approached me easing the gun down from my hand to lay down on a table.

"Easy now, cowboy. We just got you back, mate. We don't need you going back for something childish."

"You all should have left me in there," I said with a tap to my temple. "I ain't gonna make it out here."

"Come on, Cillian all you need is some time. It's barely been a day. The lass, she'll come around," Bellamy interjected.

"I know what I promised you but if I don't get some pussy soon, I'm gonna go prime fucking mental." Bellamy rolled his eyes.

"You're so fucking stubborn. Just promise me you won't go poking about with that one girl you used to chat up. What was her name? Niamh?" My brows pressed together confused.

"And what's wrong with Niamh?"

"What's wrong with Niamh?" He asked, followed by a slap at the back of my head. "You want to know what's wrong with Niamh? The girl is a gold digger and has shagged half of Boston since your sentence."

"Yeah, well, I never liked the girl because she was good . She just did all the fucked-up shit I liked and if she's been around town, it means she ain't gonna make me work for it."

"Hell," Paddy said, taking a long drag of his cigar. "He's definitely onto something."

Tadhg rolled his eyes, pointing to his pocket as Bellamy pulled a condom from his waistcoat.

"Do the smart thing and strap up with the lass. If you're going to be daft and desperate, just don't bring nothing home to your wife. And oh yea, don't bloody kill anybody. We got lucky with your Mrs'. Second witness might not be so forgiving."

***

How I found myself outside the door of an old flames' flat had brought me to an all-time low. Calling her an old flame was generous. She was more like, the one I came back to because it didn't take much convincing to get her to go to bed with me.

Maybe she fancied me, maybe I'd ignored the signs of her wanting more, but she never seemed to mind when I didn't stick around to cuddle afterwards. After a quick knock on the door, I could hear rustling inside and the sound of a door chain sliding as the door slowly creaked open.

With ocean blue eyes and dark contrasting hair, the presence of a deep scowl adjusted what I had once remembered to be girly features.

"What do you want?" She said, opening the door slightly ajar.

"What do you mean what do I want ? It's me , Cillian. You haven't seen me in ages, and that's the way you greet me? Did you know I was out?" She rolled her eyes.

"I did."

"And you're not happy to see me?" I said laying the Sullivan charm on thick.

"Why would I be? Heard you went on and married one of those Colored girls. You're pretty much tainted now." Anger curled its way internally, as I fought the temptation to push her inside so that all of Boston didn't have to know all of my business.

"Come on, you know how it is with my family. My brothers forced me to marry her. It's not like I did it for love.

"And that's why you're here? Because you love me?" I smiled, hoping that that was enough to let me in.

"I mean, you're the one I always come back to. That's gotta mean something, right?" I said, leaning in, only for her to inch the door further closed.

"Yeah, well that's stops today. I hear Blacks carry all these diseases and I already got enough going on, on my end." This time, I slid my fist into the wall.

"Come on, Niamh. I haven't even touched my wife. Soon as I was able, I came straight to see you." She took an exasperated sigh, slamming the door wishing me a good night. "Oh, fuck off, Niamh. You think you're the only slag in Boston who wouldn't love whoring herself out to a Sullivan? Your tits weren't even that big anyways, and you lay there like a hyper fish caught on a hooker."

"Go home to your wife, Cilly."

"Fuck off," I argued back. It was still early enough that if I took the next train to Dorchester, I could stop by Carol's place and see if she still took a liking towards me. The blonde was always sweet on me and even though she had a steady, from time to time she needed something darker and more exciting, and I was just the man she broke all her rules for.

Only when I got to her flat, I had another door slammed on me, and for some reason as Niamh. For marrying who my daft brothers forced me to marry. If they knew, it was spreading around town, already giving me a bad reputation. The irony was, I hadn't even touched Elizabeth. Not that she'd let me.

Did my brothers consider how this would affect me? No . For months they sat around making decisions about my life, and like a lapdog loyal to his master, I was forced to grin and follow. Tadhg said it would be different under his command, but it was feeling more or less the same as when Oisín barked the orders.

I stopped in the middle of the street, not ever thinking I'd be desperate enough to go to where my mind eventually considered. Frustrated and empty, I was at a point where it hardly made a difference where I emptied my mickey. I hailed the next cab to South Boston to a brothel my dad used to take me to when I was a lad. I remember the dread that came over me coming here, but now I just needed to blow off some steam and a pint and starting a bar fight just wasn't gonna cut it.

The brothel smelled of booze and sex. Topless lasses running around by hopeless men who hid their true natures to society. By the looks of things, I didn't quite see what I wanted but as a woman in charge approached me, she seemed to have a keen eye for variety.

"You look like you're in need of a good time. I've got slim girls, I've got curvy girls, I've got blondes and brunettes, even a nice selection of gingers." She lowered her voice to whisper the next thing but unfortunately, it didn't interest me in either. "I've even got girls with attached equipment. And because of the high requests I get for them, girls that are with child and lactating. What can I interest you in?"

I took my hat off scanning the room for just a semblance in what I was in search of. When I didn't see it, I thought it best to inquire since in this part of town, it might not be advertised.

"This may seem like an odd request, but by any chance have you got any Colored girls?" I don't know what I was thinking. But after a night of being rejected, the only person I could think about was the reason I was on the prowl. As much as I hated admitting it, lying to myself wasn't going to stop the intrusive thoughts. It was her skin that I wanted to touch, her body I wanted to violate. But because we were anything but civil, I sought to get the next best thing.

"Oh, so you like them exotic then, huh? No, I haven't got any Colored girls. Best I got is an import from India. But her skin is so dark, she almost passes for a Colored girl."

"Fine. I'll take that one." Deciding that with so little options, beggars couldn't be choosers. "Right this way, sir. Right this way!"

***

"Is there anything I can do to help?" The working girl asked, her impatience with my impotence heavy, as her glance was permanently glued towards the clock. It had been twenty minutes since we'd entered this room and hadn't gotten any closer to slapping skins, all because in the peak of the moment, everything about my shit mood affected my performance.

"No," I growled. "I don't need any help getting it hard," I said, rubbing my palms along my face in frustration, as my limp cock hung sadly flaccid on my muscular thigh.

"I'm just having a fucked-up week is all, it's not you," I said reassuringly, but as someone who probably saw a dozen cocks in one day, she knew she wasn't the problem. Of all the things to happen, a Sullivan who couldn't get hard in a whorehouse. If my brothers knew about this, I'd be a fucking laughingstock. Especially since I got out I've been going on and on about really needing pussy.

"I'm happy to do whatever it takes to get things started. But even if we sit here and do nothing, you still have to pay." Shaking my head in frustration, I pulled out a few fivers and laid them on the nightstand.

"Fine then could you just let me have the room for a while. I just need time to clear my head." With a quick retrieval of her shirt, she covered her naked breasts before grabbing the money on the table, and bowing before exiting the room.

For a while, I just sat there, a lit cigarette between my lips that I put out after getting the desired effect. Taking my wallet out my back pocket, I retrieved the small photo of Elizabeth that my brother gave me. It didn't show much. Just a portrait of her sweet face, doe eyes, and long wild hair.

The darkness I carried, longed to see her bound. Take her neck into my hands and apply that sweet pressure as I savored her helplessness. To spank her pussy until she pleaded with me to stop. I suppressed thoughts of me taking her unconscious body, as I shoved her face into the mattress while I fucked her senseless.

The more I gave into the fantasy, the ones shrouded with violence, the easier it became for my cock to rise to full attention. I dreamed of using her, the dark beauty called Elizabeth. Not because I didn't like her, but because she was the only woman fueling my obsessions. What would it feel like making a Black girl mine? What would she feel like? What would she taste like? How would it make me feel to watch her implode on my hand?

My answer came in thick bursts of hot, creamy release. Weeks of restraining myself from not wanking had my cock shooting like a water hose in a riot. Why did I have to have these fucked up deviant fantasies? Why couldn't I just be normal? And why the fuck can't I stop thinking about her? By the looks of things, we were never going to be civil, but at this point, I'd have more luck with my traitorous wife than another Irish girl in Boston. No one was ever going to touch me once the truth spread that an Irish man had broken a cardinal rule.

Never marry a girl who wasn't Irish.