Chapter 26

Twenty-Six

C illian

The aftermath of this mess was going to be grander than anything we'd ever had to clean up. It certainly left my role in the family uncertain. My brothers—they were never going to trust me after this. Apart of me couldn't blame them. This wasn't some crime of passion, it'd been a blood bath. With me at the center of it.

"Not gonna lie," Paddy huffed, aiding Bellamy lift the fifth corpse from the boat into the box truck we typically used for product. "You surprised me, kid. Didn't think you had this in you," Paddy joked, before making some snide comment about how I put the kill in Cillian.

"I'm really sorry Tadhg," I apologized, noting he'd been silent in the time we wrapped the bodies in tarp. To my surprise, he'd been shot, but it'd been minor at best. Paddy had done his best removing the bullet and the whiskey just had to do the rest, but I knew after this, I would have a lot of low-level work ahead of me.

Tadhg was more analytical than emotional in moments like this, but I was sure he planning on spreading my role back to my brothers—or worse—someone he trusted over me that wasn't family.

"Cill, don't apologize, because I know you're not sorry."

"I'm not sorry for what I did, I'm sorry I put you in this position. You've been trusting me to do the right thing, but the truth is, when it comes to Queenie, I don't know what the right or wrong thing is anymore. That's my wife. My woman. My role put her in danger, and I just—I just couldn't fucking help myself?—"

"Cilly, you're driving me mad with all that. This is a mess. We all got eyes, we can see it. But from the time we've orchestrated your sentence ending early, we put you with that girl. We didn't intend on you loving her like a wife. Or protecting her like a husband. It's bad, but this is the first time you've blown up like this where it wasn't a reflection of your damn ego."

"Which is inflated enough as it is," Paddy snided.

"All I'm saying is, at least you're fucking loyal to something. We need to consider setting up safe houses for potential wives and children. If they can get to people who ain't so good with a gun, least we can do is keep órfhlaith, her son and Queenie, out of harm's way when things of this proportion need time to blow over."

"So how we splitting this?" Bellamy asked, dragging the final corpse in the back of the truck.

"I can bury three…maybe four. Only caveat is German shepherds sniff out the corpses better than a coke addict," Paddy said.

"This is a lot of dead Callahans," Bellamy argued. "Can't sink them all."

"This is where the job keeps you sharp. Ain't none of you mention that we've literally got a mayor in our back pocket. We're going to have to get some of those creative solutions we were promised giving out hands full of loans. But we also have to get our stories straight," Tadhg directed.

The Callahans made a move. We put them down. That's the most we were sharing.

"When we get back to the Rebel City, I've got calls to make. But in the meantime, Paddy, drive those stiffs to the warehouse, Bellamy, you make sure our foot soldiers get a hold of whatever evidence needs wiping."

I'd really fucked up, Tadhg didn't even trust me enough to clean my own mess. "What about me?" I nervously followed up.

"You've got the hardest job of all. You've got to convince your wife the events of tonight. She didn't see shit. She didn't hear shit. She didn't witness, shit. She was a civilian before, but she's a mob wife now. Now take her home and clean yourself up."

***

A deep sense of dread hit, anticipating the ride back home. I proved everything Queenie used to say about me right. That I was cruel, wicked, reckless and careless. She was going to hate me and I just couldn't bear it. A part of me wished she'd laid out in the backseat.

The ride was quiet, so you could hear every little change in movement. Queenie hugging herself. Her stolen glances whenever she thought I wasn't looking. Catching my reflection in the rearview mirror, dried over blood stained my face and clothes, that when she turned my way again, I broke the ambience.

"Quit looking at me," I pleaded. "You just make it worse when you look at me."

"I can't help it," she spoke in a weak voice, attempting to suppress a sniffle.

"Well you're going to have to. I don't want you seeing me like this. Seeing me as a man who can't control himself in front of his own wife."

The quiet returned and for as much relief as it initially gave, I had to remember that it wasn't just me who'd experienced tonight. "I had got you something," Queenie whimpered, before reaching in her coat pocket. "I was going to surprise you with it, but in all the commotion, I just plain forgot." As Queenie collapsed her face into her hands to give into the sob.

"I never got a chance to get it wrapped," she admitted sheepishly, as I pulled over the car and took the small pouch. It was a pocket watch. Not like the one I'd lost, but engraved with My Psalm 34:4-5 .

"I'm sure you're ashamed of me. Because I'm everything you said I am. Maybe worse. But I was fucking scared. Scared I was going to lose you. Scared that if something happened to you, it was going to be because of me. Because of the life I threw you in. And even if you can't look at me the same, I sure as hell wasn't going to have you look at me as a man who can't protect his own wife. Fuck the life. Fuck the arrangement. Only thing bigger than me, bigger than money, bigger than this whole fucking family—is you. I ain't brave enough to live without you. For the first time I felt like I lost myself, because if I lost you, I might as well have?—"

"Shhh…" Queenie shushed, grabbing each side of my face as we met each other's gaze. Her eyes were wet from crying, somehow smaller than their normal soul snatching size. She just looked at me until my heartrate came down.

"I survived so much the last few hours because of you. You want to know why?" She softly asked. Shaking my head, she caressed a finger along my bloodied cheek.

"Because I was so sure you were going to come for me. I was so sure, you'd do anything—even show your worst side—to ensure nothing more happened to me. If I didn't know you, what you'd be willing to do, I wouldn't know the lengths you'd go to save me. But I knew you would. That helped. Yes, maybe there's more you need to teach me. I wasn't born into this. So you just have to teach me."

"Of course." Relief coursing through me, as I kissed the inside of her palms.

"But I could never be ashamed of you. And that part of you, the wolf? If that part of you didn't exist, we wouldn't be here now. I wouldn't be looking at your face with relief instead of fear. You are my Psalm 34:4-5. There isn't a part of me that doesn't love every part of you."

The words, they meant something to me. All this time I've been trying to show I could be a good man, but I'm learning it didn't matter if I was a good man. It only mattered that I was good to her .

"I fucking love you Queenie. I don't deserve you, but I love you. There ain't a thing I wouldn't do to fucking protect you. Even if I wind up dying on you."

"Please don't die on me," Queenie beamed. "Because if you do, we'll never get to experience that cabin you have upstate." Both of us knew what that cabin meant. This couldn't be something she was suggesting out of a reaction to me saving her.

"Queenie, are you sure? You're shaken up. I'm coming down from adrenaline. You sure it's not too soon for you?"

"Cillian, I don't think I've ever felt this close to you. I just want to do it while I feel this safe. I've seen what the wolf does to other people. But now I want to see what he does to me."

"Jesus, Mary, fucking Joseph. I'm fucking hard right now," the only time I'd ever been embarrassed admitting that out loud. When she let go of my face, she reached down and tried to reach for it, but if she wanted to do this, it was better if we cleaned ourselves up first.

"No, not here. You want me to show you the wolf, give me a chance to clean up, pack a few things so our ‘afterwards' is comfortable. You're gonna need it and I want to give that to you. Understand?"

"Mmmhmm." She sweetly nodded.

***

When we got home, we planned separate wash times because if we showered together, there'd be no doubt we wouldn't be leaving this house.

My wife was a typical woman, taking forever to ready herself. But in this case, that was a good thing, as it gave me proper time to pack all the things we would need.

There were some shelf stable supplies already set up there, as whenever I was making a run not far from the small area, I was sure to always replace something on the chance Queenie had made the decision to go on a whim.

But there were still things I could afford to pack, like a night gown if she wanted it. Maybe even extra clothes if we stayed longer than intended. You couldn't plan for something like this down to the most minute detail, but you could prepare for everything and anything else.

There was still lube and condoms from before, so it didn't hurt to bring those. The stowaway treats would be the most challenging, as I had to tuck them into the duffle bag so Queenie wouldn't devour them before the after . There'd always been a little something hidden in the back of the freezer. órfhlaith was known for her special brownies, something I thought might relax Queenie if she ever let me pierce her backside again. It wasn't something I was planning for, but if it came up, I'd be ready for her.

Dangling the surprise pocket watch she'd gotten for me, my cheeks scorched, a mix of joy and resentment all at once. This couldn't replace the one I'd lost. But Oisín didn't always feel like home, but she'd always felt like home.

My Psalm 34:4-5 . I was her safe space.

Not wanting to lose it the very first day in my possession, I laid it out on the dresser so I could easily find it when we returned. I fucking loved that woman and now, I was about do things to her that she'd never forget.

By the time she was ready, I threw a small bag over my shoulder as I'd been waiting the last half hour on her getting ready. "That's all you're bringing?" As she reached for me hand, and I led her to the elevator.

"No. But I've already loaded the car with the big stuff. It's easier to not be nervous when you can't see what I brought." The statement made her cling to me closer, holding onto my arm like her life depended on it.

"Now I am nervous," she admitted.

"Don't be, baby. Look at me." She met her gaze to mine, as her trusting eyes disarming me like they always did. "I'm not going to do anything I don't get permission with first, okay?"

"Mmmhmm."

"I love you and I promise you, I'll never let a day like today happen to you again, understood?" She nodded, meeting me halfway to meet in a kiss. "Only danger you have to worry about is me."

When we reached the car, I put the smaller bag in the truck, dreading the request of her I was about to burden her with. "Jesus Christ, this is so hard to ask of you, given all you've been through." Queenie squeezed my hand from the passenger seat, trying to mask her fear.

"But would it be too big an ask of you to wear a blindfold. Even if it's just half the way?" Queenie became visibly tense, but came to an agreement when I explained it was for the darkness to full take hold. She took the compromise of half the way.

"Is the cabin nice?"

"For a cabin, yeah. I wouldn't bring my wife to some dump, but it ain't gonna be like the penthouse. As long as that's alright with you." Queenie nodded in silent agreement, as I soothed my thumb on the back of her hand as I held it.

"Anything I can do to ease your mind a little bit for what's about to happen?" Queenie gazed up at me, asking what's the first thing she could expect.

"First off, don't expect to get sleep tonight," I smiled. "But while you're curious, I wanted to address a few things. For this to work, there can't be any surprises. To keep the trust, I don't do anything I didn't get prior consent for. Which is why I'm asking now. Because I won't get to ask you once you're out."

That seemed to be the concern she had the most, as she'd never had anything in her system stronger than wine, and wanted to make sure it wasn't dangerous. "How long does it take once I wake up?" She stammered, as I used my words to reassure her she was safe with me.

"To be honest, it depends on the type of chase you give me beforehand. Could be five minutes. Could be twenty. But I'll probably have you undressed before then. So, I wanted to know if it was okay to ogle you a little bit. Maybe fondle you? I wouldn't do anything below the belt until you're more comfortable. But your naked breasts. Neck. Mouth. Face. Am I allowed to touch those things when you're out of it?"

"Is there a reason you want to touch me places when I'm not awake?" She eyed me curiously.

"It ain't that I don't wanna wait for you. But when you're awake, it dictates where and how I touch you. I want it to feel good to you, so I touch you where you like first, so I never get to explore you like I want to. It just gives me a chance to enjoy the parts of you I don't focus on. But I won't do it if you feel like that would violate you."

"When you say you won't go below the belt until I'm comfortable?—"

"I mean what I tell you. That if I promise not to do something, I actually follow through with it. Yeah, I'd love to finger fuck, eat your cunt, see if it gets wet for me in your unconsciousness. Same way you touch me in my sleep, and then I'm instantly trying to claw at you. But I understand we'd have to work to that. So, let's start with smaller stuff, to see if you even like it."

"When I do come to, what can I expect from there?"

"I have the plan, but it may change based on how you react to me. But like I mentioned in the past, by the time you come to, you'll likely be tied to the bed. You'll have a towel under you, because that's how much I plan to come in you. I plan to make you come at least once with my mouth. Maybe once with my fingers. And however many times that pussy can take once I'm balls deep in you. I might even hold you down, especially if I feel you struggle, so you helplessly have to take me, because I know that'll turn me on. Unless that makes you uncomfortable."

Queenie admitted it did sound scary, but by telling her what and how I was going to do it, at least she could have some sense of control.

"That's the thing, Queenie. You have the control. It might feel like I do in the moment, but you're the one giving me your body. You're the one telling me how far I can go. That's why if you're uncomfortable with me going further than you can handle, you just have to tell me. And we'll stop."

"Just like that?" She asked, skeptical.

"Just like that," I clarified. "But there's also something else to consider. When the darkness takes over, it adds to the experience. Pain and pleasure blur a bit. In that space, no can sound like yes. We need to decide on a word, or something non-verbal, like a snap," as I snapped my fingers and it woke her up.

"And the word can't be no. It has to be something you come up with on your own, something unique to you, so it can bring me out and I can make sure I'm not hurting you."

"It can be any word?" She narrowed her eyes, like she was trying to come up with something on the spot.

"Better if it's not something either of us associate or say normally to each other when we're lovemaking." Explaining how confusing that would be.

Queenie bit her lip and I swear the darker part of me wanted to bite it for her, but I would get my chance soon enough. "Growing up, I was always taught to have compassion for people even when they didn't deserve it. My mama would always say, give people grace when they make mistakes. Most of all, show them mercy." I took that as her word of choice, but followed up to clarify.

"Mercy, then? So, if I ask ‘do you want mercy?' or if you say ‘show me mercy', that'll pull me out, okay?"

"Okay." She nodded. Just like a church girl to use that as a safe word.

"I might also say some things. More intense things than I say to you now, that might sound like I don't respect you, but I do. It's just the wolf taking over. He'll want to keep you in a space of submission, and making sure he knows you're his whore is what'll keep him there. So just say ‘show me mercy' if anything is off-putting, or turns you off, or doesn't feel right?—"

"Cillian, okay!" She playfully interrupted. All I wanted to do was make her feel certain she could say no at any time. Pressing the back of her hand to my mouth, I asked if she had anymore questions.

"Do you plan to do any…backdoor activity?" She nervously asked.

On par with the question, I reached in the duffle bag in the back seat and showed her the brownies. "Only if you want to, but I'll be more patient and I have these this time."

"What are they?"

"It's a brownie. Made special from órfhlaith. They help mellow you out a little, kinda like the chemical but in an awake way. You don't have to take it, but if you did, you wouldn't be as tense."

"What happens after you're…done using me?" Queenie eyed me with wild and wonder in her stare. She was accepting me. Even this part of me.

"That part's the after. And honestly, it's the best part."

***

Queenie waited in the car with the patience of a female dove, allowing me to set up the cabin in the best way that suited us. I hadn't been in a week or two, so I made sure to change the pillowcases and sheets to ensure a pleasant time.

A quick check to the cabinets ensured everything held up. Storing the milk and snacks didn't take long, as I ran the tap to make sure it ran clean. A slight draft took over, so I threw some wood in the fireplace and prayed it warmed a bit before she came to.

Walking to the car, my good girl never moved her blindfold and sat dutifully waiting until my return. From there, I drove off into the wilderness until I was confident she couldn't easily find the cabin even if she did know her way around these parts.

"Last chance to back out," I looked to her, even though she couldn't see me.

"I trust you, Cillian."

"Remember, baby. Remember who you're married to. You know I'd fucking kill for you. And you know what I do to people who make an enemy of me. Let that be the fuel for your run."

"Alright." She breathed into through her hands.

"When I catch you, I intend to break you. It might make you cry, but that's normal. Because you'll be feeling a lot of things. But I'll stop with mercy, and I'll put you right back when we're done."

Unable to control myself, I leaned in to kiss her, heart racing a mile a minute that we were about to do this. "I promise to love on you so hard after I use you." I practically flew out the car once I'd found a good spot.

Helping her out of the car, I advised her to take her blindfold off, exposing me back to those round, doe eyes. She looked as innocent and harmless as a bunny, worthy of the hunt.

"Well, what'cha waiting for? Go !" My voice startling her out her comfort, as she nearly tripped on the terrain. Initially steady at first, her pace increased, but with my stride, I figured I could give her a fair head start.

Gathering my supplies from the trunk, I ripped off a healthy piece of cloth, douching it in enough chloroform to stay moist in my pocket. I could have used a cigarette to calm my nerves, but I didn't want a mouth that tasted like an ashtray back at the cabin, so I opted out.

The air smelled sweet around me, or maybe traces of Queenie's perfume lingered with the smell of pine cones and dew, but once I picked up pace, all that started to blur. It'd been easy to stay on her trail at first as her heel marks betrayed her trail. Over time, the scattered spruce, birch and pine expertly hid her trail, fueling me to run faster, hunt harder, overpower her more once I picked up her scent.

A veil of excitement, hunger, power surrounded me, my cock harder than it's ever been, the drums of my ears competing with the beating of my heart.

My little prey was going to get it. When I finally caught her, there would be no end to how I would use her. She will be mine to use and exhaust and I couldn't wait to ruin her.

Flailing arms and hitched breaths drew me out of my concentrated trance. My pace quickened, my footsteps growing louder, as she turned around to confirm. She attempted to go faster in anticipation of me, but it only made me more ambitious. In what felt like the speed of a snap, I swallowed her small frame in mine, her genuine screams fueling my lust of taking her.

"You think you can run for me, hmm?" She tried to resist me, beating at my left arm more than capable of keeping her steady. When she elbowed me in the chest, I lost my grip and all I could do was laugh, as she went to running again and it only refueled my passion. With less of a head start, catching up had been much easier. But she had given me a good struggle, as I grabbed the cloth out of my pocket before she tried something smart like that again.

"Think you're too smart for catching, hmm?" I grunted against her attempts to beat at the hand securing the cloth on her face. In time, her grip grew visibly and noticeably weaker until she just stopped struggling altogether.

As her limp body fell against mine, I reveled in my moment of triumph, hoisting her over her shoulder so I could make it back to the car to ensure I had enough time with her before she came to at the cabin.

Maybe it was adrenaline, maybe it was the fact I nearly doubled her in size, but she felt like she weighed nothing at all. The chemical worked its magic, as the time it took to reach the car and drive to the cabin kept her under.

Reaching the lodging, it took next to no effort to take her straight to the cabin's modest bedroom. Chasing sure did make you thirsty. Pouring some tap, I returned to tend to my sleeping captive.

She looked so peaceful, unaware of what I'd do to her. Not wanting to rush the moment, I admired her pretty face, caressing it with a gingerly touch. Deciding she wasn't far enough on the bed not to fall off, I worked her closer to the middle.

The hardest part wouldn't be taking off her clothes, but how to position her. Like a life-sized doll, she was there for me to bend, fold, widen or mold, just so I could appreciate an uninterrupted view the masterpiece that was Queenie.

If I hadn't promised I wouldn't touch below the belt, I'd be eating that cunt by now. My mouth watered at the act of spreading those lips and sucking that clit until it came on its own, her body awake or not.

Undergarments sure didn't make it easy to wrestle off a body, but in no time, she lay beautifully bare for me. Spreading her legs wide, I took one big whiff, in awe of its unique contrast when we fuck.

If she were awake, surely she'd snapping her legs close or only giving me enough room to lick it or stick my cock inside it, but in this moment I could just take in the scent. Mmm …I couldn't wait to take it in every possible way.

Taking a nipple of hers into my mouth, I teased her other breast, pinching and pebbling them in succession. I was enamored with them. Now even more so now that I didn't have to share them, not even with her.

Kissing her stomach, each new space called to me—between her breast, the small of her neck, part of her tailbone. Mmm …I couldn't wait until she came to so I could use her proper.

Hovering over her, I kissed her forehead, a low sound tickled at the back of her throat, as I sat up and studied her to see how much closer she was before she was ready for my use.

Still time. Now was the best moment to properly restrain her to the bed, as I pulled out rigs for each corner of the bedspring, ensuring both hands and feet were confined to the bed.

"Hmm?" She blinked in and out, disoriented from her time unconscious. Kissing her lazy mouth, expecting little to no response as I crawled in the space next to her, waiting for her to come to.

"Don't worry, I'll wait with you." With each passing minute, she became more conscious of her surroundings. Curiosity mixed with a little fear settled on her delicate features.

"You made me wait a long time." I reached over and squeezed her breast.

"For having to wait so long, I plan to punish you with edging. Pleasure that feels so good, yet has no release." I got up to get a towel and placed it underneath her bum as she watched in horror, as I started stripping down.

"And because you can't run from it, you'll have to accept what I give you until I decide when you're allowed to come." Reaching down to meet my fingers to her slit, I was surprised her body's reaction was much different from expression she wore on her face.

"Please be gentle."

"Oh, I'll be gentle when I want to be. But when I stick it in you, I'm going to breed you like the good for nothing whore that you are. And when I do let you come, you're going to wish that I hadn't. Because then I'm going to make you come. Then I'm going to make you come again. And even when you don't think your body can take any more, I'm gonna make you come again. You hear me?" She nodded her compliance, wriggling at my touch but not recoiling from it.

"These tits?" I took each of her nipples, pinching them and snapping them back. " Mine . This cunt?" I smacked the outside of her pussy that resulted in a light scream. " Mine ."

I spit on my hand, and stroked myself at the sight of her perfect frame, and she tried to pull her knees closer together but it was of little use. "Everything that's tied to this fucking mattress is, what?"

"Yours?" Queenie yelped.

"It's good that you understand that. Now? I'm going to finally have a taste of this delectable pussy, and you better not fucking come or I'll make you pay for it."