Chapter 11

The reverencein Dan's every breath made Joel feel like—well, not like a virgin, exactly, Madonna, but like someone awakening from a long sleep to discover they'd aged backward. Like Rip Van Winkle meets Bisexual Benjamin Button.

It would have been pure heaven, if only his neck weren't getting stiff.

"Here." He rolled onto his side and gave Dan's hip a little pull to guide him. "Now I can touch more of you."

And by more, he meant Dan's ass. He filled his hand with the curve of finely tuned glutes. The muscles shifted against his palm as Dan slowly urged his hips forward to fuck his mouth, giving a halting gasp with each new inch enveloped.

"Jesus…" Dan slurred. "You're so good." He moved his thigh over Joel's waist, returning his embrace.

Joel slid his hand farther down and ever so slightly inward, toward the crease between Dan's cheeks. Dan let out a pleading whimper that grew into a, "Yyyyyeesssss," thereby creating the hottest sound ever and turning Joel's cock into a throbbing, adamant force.

Dan stroked his hair lightly, almost tentatively. Joel let out a muffled moan to encourage him. Dan's grip tightened, pulling Joel's hair and giving his scalp a delirious tingle that tap-danced all the way down his back.

More noises came from Dan's throat, moans blending into low, awestruck laughs. But when Joel finally looked up and asked, "Now?" Dan made no sound at all, only nodded, mouth open and eyes pleading.

Joel went faster with his hand, tighter with his mouth.

"Oh God…mmph." Dan seized the other pillow and pressed it to his face. It did little to smother his escalating cries, which culminated in a long, ragged growl as he came. An unforgettable sound on an unforgettable night.

Rolling slowly onto his back, Dan spoke from beneath his pillow. "Holy cow, Joel." He lifted one corner of the pillow and peeked out. "What can I do to make you feel like that?"

Joel put his chin in his hand and tilted his head. "Dunno, you look so comfy and spent lying there. Be a shame to make you move."

"Seriously. I'll do anything."

Now that was tempting. But no.

"I want to come all over you." He drew a line down the center of Dan's chest. "Right here."

"Can I help?"

"You can help by watching." He sat up, then slung a leg over Dan to straddle his waist, high enough to avoid all the sensitive bits. Then he gave himself a tug, his hand still wet from stroking Dan's scrumptious, saliva-drenched dick. "I'm already pretty close."

He got closer fast, because Dan's gaze held as much heat as any mouth. A drop of pre-come appeared, and Dan licked his lips. The sight of that tongue made Joel's balls tighten and rise.

He leaned forward and braced himself on one of Dan's smooth, solid pecs. Watching Dan watch him was...fuck, it was…

Those wide eyes flicked up to meet his, inspiring an explicit image. He would take Dan inside him just like this, riding him until they both burst.

Dan grasped Joel's hips, holding him steady. "I've got you. Come for me now."

Joel let loose a long, wordless cry, his body buckling as he flooded forth onto sun-burnished skin. Somehow, with nearly superhuman resolve, he kept his eyes open long enough to see Dan smile.

"Wow," Joel said with what felt like his last breath. "That was so fucking"—he was interrupted by another aftershock spasm—"hot."

Dan swept a finger through the drops on his chest and brought it to his mouth. "Interesting flavor. Let me try again." He took another taste and made a hmm face. "Yep, definitely growing on me."

Joel bent over and kissed him. Dan pulled him close with arms and legs. Their bodies seemed to thrum at the same glorious frequency.

Then their kiss turned tender, almost…loving? No, it couldn't be that. But he'd definitely been wrong several hours ago when he'd thought it was just lust.

He pressed his forehead against Dan's. "Should I get us a towel, or should we hop in the shower?"

"Maybe both." Dan glanced toward the nightstand. "Also, what time does room service end? I'm starving."

"Me too." Joel kissed the tip of his nose. "Fetch towel, call room service, take shower. Sounds like a plan."

They placed their order—which, because the kitchen was busy so late on a Saturday, would take forty-five minutes to deliver. This gave them time for a shower so exploratory that they almost weren't hungry for food by the time their order arrived.

"These are the best potato skins I have ever eaten." Dan stretched out his bare legs from beneath his terrycloth hotel bathrobe. Their small round table near the window was crowded with overpriced food and beer from the rolling tray at Joel's side. "Then again, everything tastes good when you have the world's best appetizer." Dan drew a finger through the ramekin of sour cream and popped it into his mouth, as if his double entendre needed an illustration.

"Dude, that's sweet and gross at the same time. Just like you." Joel slid the end of his mozzarella stick in and out of his mouth in simulated fellatio. Crumbs tumbled down the front of his robe.

"That's hot and ridiculous at the same time. Just like you."

Joel turned the mozzarella stick into a cigar, doing his best Groucho Marx impression. "Room service? Send up a bigger room."

They continued eating and drinking and goofing around, gradually falling into a satiated stupor.

Finally Dan pushed aside his empty plate, then propped his bare feet on the vinyl ottoman. He sipped his beer and stared across the room without focus.

The silence stretched out. Did Dan regret what they'd done, now that the urgency of passion had subsided? Was he making plans to stay in the closet forever?

Dan frowned and tilted his head.

"What are you thinking about?" Joel asked.

"Nothing," Dan said. "I was just wondering."

Joel's pulse quickened. Maybe Dan was forming a different sort of plan. Maybe he wanted to start something Joel couldn't commit to—or something Joel would commit to, regardless of the could. "Wondering what?"

Dan pointed his bottle at the far wall. "How a person gets a job making frame-able photos for chain hotels."

Ah. Joel looked past their rumpled bed to the large picture of a lone red tulip. The flower sat in the foreground while the field of grass behind it formed an out-of-focus green blur. "Is this something you aspire to?"

"As an artist, no. As someone who likes to eat and pay rent, possibly."

"It looks like Target art," Joel said, pronouncing the store tar-ZHAY. "Nice gig if you could get it."

"Hm." Dan drained the rest of his beer. "You know what I'd like to do right now?"

"Have more sex?"

"Besides that." He set down the bottle. "I'd like to photograph you again."

"Doing what?"

"Just being you."

"And what will you do with these photos?"

Dan shrugged. "Have them."

Because that's all I'll ever have of youwere the unspoken words in that sentence. Maybe this was the least he could give Dan.

"Let me fix my hair first? It's a mess."

"I like it messy. Reminds me how it got that way."

Joel's face warmed at the memory. "Where do you want me?"

"Where don't I want you?" Dan said with a grin. "Stay there for now while I set up." He crossed the room to his camera bag atop the dresser.

Joel finished his beer while Dan assembled the device, attaching the lens and adjusting all the buttons and stuff. "I love watching you handle your camera. So natural and automatic, like it's a part of your own body."

"It pretty much is. The only part I won't let you touch."

Joel pouted. "What if I want a picture of you to keep?" He gasped. "My new phone has a camera!"

"If you want to call it that."

"It'll suit my needs." He reached back into the pocket of his blazer, still slung over the chair from earlier. "Even if it's not a fancy Hasselhoff."

"I think you mean Hasselblad." Dan kept fiddling with his camera settings. "Maybe one day I'll be able to afford one of those, if they're still worth it."

Joel pulled out his phone, then froze. What if Sam had called tonight?

He checked the screen. Zero missed calls. Whew.

Then again, a lack of contact could mean Sam was taking advantage of his Joel-free night, maybe with someone at the country club.

The thought of that didn't make Joel's stomach twinge the way it usually did. As long as Maisie got her kibble and medicine on time, nothing else mattered.

He raised the phone to take a picture of Dan, who was tucking the camera strap under the lapels of his bathrobe.

His bathrobe. Shit.

If Sam came across this photo, he would know Joel had been with this man. Being with Dan didn't break the rules, but creating mementos risked a breach of Rule Four, aka, ignorance is bliss.

Maybe he could keep his phone with him at all times, just to be safe. But he was always leaving it lying around (like on the edge of the kitchen sink, where one time it almost fell in while the garbage disposal was running). Sam would notice the change in behavior.

Worse, having Dan's picture on his phone—to examine and cherish whenever the mood struck him—could lead straight to a breach of Rule Six.

"Did you take it yet?" Dan asked, still fiddling with his camera settings.

"No." He closed his phone. "The light in here's terrible."

"It objectively is." Dan went to the bed and held up a black contraption with a little white dome on it. It beeped, and he frowned at the result it showed him. "I'll take black-and-white photos to get a more classic look. Your hair against the sheets will look striking."

"What if I'm so striking you want to publish the photos?"

Dan turned to him with an aghast expression. "I would never do that to you—to anyone—without permission. I promise they're just for me." He picked up the lens cap. "You don't have to do this if you don't want to."

Did anyone ever answer that statement with, I don't want to, so let's not?

"I do want to." Having the camera between them made their connection way less scary. He could look at Dan with all the affection in his heart, and they could pretend it was only a performance. They could ignore the sheer improbability of them.

He got up and sashayed catwalk-style to stand beside the bed. Keeping his back to Dan, he loosened his robe and pulled the collar down below his shoulders, like an old-time starlet with a fur stole. Then he looked back over his shoulder. "Mr. Evans, I'm ready for my closeup."

The camera lensoffered Dan zero protection from the effect Joel's face and body had on him. It took all his self-control not to toss his brand-new Canon aside—or gently set it down, more like—and drag Joel back between the sheets.

He snapped a few shots of Joel's coquettish over-the-shoulder pose. "Can you put a knee on the bed?"

"I can," Joel said without moving.

So that's how it was. "Put your right knee on the bed, out to the side, like you're climbing into it."

Joel did as he asked. "Robe off or on?"

"On, but undone in the front, hanging loose."

"Ooh, sexy."

"But tasteful. I don't do nudes."

Joel's shoulders visibly relaxed.

Dan shifted to his right. Maybe the open robe would filter the light from the bedside lamp.

Nope, the terrycloth was opaque. But it turned Joel into a striking silhouette. "Nice. Hold still."

"Anything for you, darling," Joel said, reverting to his Sunset Boulevard schtick.

Snap."Take off the robe now."

Joel let it drop to the floor. Dan documented the fall, then reviewed the photos on the LCD. One shot had captured the robe's descent in a dreamy blur.

"Awesome. Now kneel on the bed, facing away from me."

Joel climbed onto the mattress and sat back on his heels. "Like this or up?"

"Up." Oh yeah, this was definitely a thrill, telling Joel what to do and then watching it happen. "Lean forward and hold onto the headboard."

Joel did what he was told—and then some, arching his back and jutting out his ass. "Shall I beg for a spanking because I've been so very bad, Daddy?"

"Whatever floats your boat, but it won't make the photos. These are strictly ass-less shots." He put a knee on the end of the bed to steady his aim. "I like what this position does to your shoulders and back. Your muscles and bones form shadows and highlights." Snap. "It's like your body's a landscape under fast-moving clouds."

Joel was silent for a moment. "You make me sound like a work of art."

He looked up from the camera, taking in Joel with his naked eyes. "You are a work of art." He went to the side of the bed, stepping over their discarded shoes. "Why do you think I want to photograph you?"

Joel got that smirky look like he was about to crack a joke. But then his face smoothed out, and his chin tilted up in an obvious request for a kiss.

Dan gave it to him, first on his lips, then on the back of his neck, lingering there long enough to breathe in the scent of skin and shampoo.

Joel let out a low groan and looked down at his reawakening erection. "These pictures are about to get a lot more interesting."

"I promise they'll be dick-less as well as ass-less." Dan moved back two steps. "Turn over."

Joel let go of the headboard and turned to sit with his knees pulled up and ankles crossed. "How do you want me?"

Every single way, every goddamn day.

"Lie down with your head on the pillow." Snap. "Great, now reach your hands back and bunch up the pillow."

Joel smushed the edges of the pillow over his face, probably thinking he was being silly. He had no idea how magnetic he was.

Snap snap.

Dan crouched on the floor beside the bed and placed the camera lens against the edge of the mattress, creating a horizon with Joel's face as the sunrise. "Now turn onto your side and look at me."

Joel did, showing just one eye, the other obscured by the pillow.

Dan thumbed the f-stop button. "Hang on, I need to adjust the aperture now that the light's behind me." As a bonus, the shallower depth of field would bring Joel's face into sharper relief and blur the boring background of the hotel room wall.

"I like that word, aperture. It's even better than orifice." Joel gave an adorable titter. "So what was the other reason?"

"Huh?"

"Why you drove fifteen hundred miles to see me. Had to be more than a documentary dragonfly reminding you of my seventeen-year-old self." Joel slid a hand beneath his pillow. "Granted, I was fairly stupendous."

Dan lowered the camera, blinking away Thursday night's image of the TV as he'd channel-surfed, paused on Queer Eye, and then— "What are you asking?"

"Was there some big event that precipitated you leaping into your truck and burning rubber east?"

"Like what?" Like coming out to Mom and getting an avalanche of abuse in return? That kind of event?

"You tell me," Joel said. "A breakup? A midlife crisis?"

Dan wiped a sweaty palm on his robe. "I'm a little young for a midlife crisis." Then again, Dad hadn't lived to be fifty, much less sixty-eight. "Isn't it enough that I thought it'd be cool to see you?"

"You're not the type of guy who drops everything to take a chance on something as gossamer as Joel Mendel."

"Did you just refer to yourself in the third person?"

"My point is, I'm that type of guy, but you're not."

"That's horseshit." He raised the camera to continue. "You still live in the same state where you were born. You're doing exactly what you wanted to do when you were seventeen." Snap. "Face it, Joel: You're the ant, not the cicada."

"I'm not the—wait, how do you know about that fable?"

"I was standing behind you when that author lady was talking about it. I left you the note because I didn't want to interrupt." Plus, he might not've gotten such a big hug if Joel had been with a colleague. "Roll onto your back." He stood up, then knelt on the end of the bed by Joel's feet.

Joel obliged, linking his hands behind his head and staring up at Dan with a challenge in his eyes.

"Hold still." Dan leaned forward and rested the camera on Joel's bent knees. "Anyway, how would you know what type of guy I am?" Snap.

"Good point. We've spent a total of, what, ten hours together?" He hooked his toes under the belt of Dan's robe and gave a gentle yet insistent pull to loosen it. "But it feels like I know you better than I know anyone else."

Dan stared at him as that statement—which was totally mutual—filled his mind with a million possibilities. Maybe this night wasn't the end of his quest to find himself. Maybe it was only the beginning.

Then he got up off the bed. "Stay right there."

"Okay." Joel's voice curled with curiosity.

Dan lifted the camera strap over his head and set down the camera beside its case. Then he whipped off his bathrobe, climbed onto the bed, and crawled up between Joel's thighs, which spread to accommodate him.

Joel gave a throaty laugh as Dan kissed him on the "not as much ticklish" spot over his hip bone, then worked his way inward. "Is this how you treat all your photographic subjects?"

He offered a long lick that made Joel stiffen against his tongue. "Not when I do wildlife shoots."

"‘Don't go down on megafauna.' This has been Survival Tips with Ranger Dan." Joel plunged both hands into Dan's hair. "I'm happy you're alive."

"Me too. Obviously."

"I mean it. Dan, look at me." Joel's face was completely earnest now. "I'm happy we're alive at the same time. I'm happy we have now."

Something shifted inside Dan. A hundred photos couldn't capture Joel, or transform him into an unencumbered man. But they did have now, and it was enough. It had to be.

Dan slid up to bring their mouths together in a kiss that seemed to weigh more than all their previous kisses combined. Joel held him tight, first with arms, then with legs, too. Their bodies glided together, instinctively, naturally. Skin and breath filled all his senses, and somehow they felt more naked now than during their shower.

He buried his face in Joel's neck, tasting more of him, claiming what he could during this criminally brief time.

Joel gasped out his name, followed by a question mark.

"Yeah?" He scraped his teeth just beneath Joel's earlobe.

"Dan, do you want to fuck me?"