Chapter 15
Chapter Fifteen
A s James leaned forward across Rothes’s Bath chair, Eleanor backed out of the parlor. She had the misfortune of inhabiting the bedchamber situated directly above the parlor, allowing her the unavoidable ability to eavesdrop on the entire conversation. But when she had heard the clap of Rothes’s cane, it had frightened her. It was a sound she knew well enough, having heard it many times throughout her life. She feared for James’s safety. Concern for the man she loved convinced her to throw on a dressing gown and leave the warmth of her bed.
When James stepped away from Rothes, she snuffed out her candle and tucked herself away in the morning room across the hall, waiting, holding her breath so as not to be heard as James stalked out of the parlor. She expected him to return to his bedchamber but was surprised to see him turn to the right, charging down the hall to the back of the house.
Letting out her pent-up breath, Eleanor stood tethered to the spot. James was safe, yet her feet would not move to take her up the stairs. She pressed her back against the wall, waiting until she could move once more, only to feel a rush of cold air as the front entrance opened. Rothes’s valet entered, looked around, and then made his way to the parlor .
“The sleigh is ready, Your Grace.”
“Very well. Take me out of this cursed place once and for all.”
When Rothes and his valet were safely out of the house, Eleanor made her way to the den. She wanted to see James once more that night, if only to know he was truly safe. But instead of entering a cozy, candlelit den, she found a room shrouded in darkness, excepting a stream of light from the moon shining in through the windows. Gazing out upon the majestic snow, Eleanor’s hand went to her mouth as she saw James, without proper attire, throwing snow at a tree trunk.
Without another thought, Eleanor ran to the front entrance. She pulled her winter coat out of the closet and then found James’s greatcoat. If he wanted to trudge around in the snow, he could do so with proper covering.
“Is this why you do not play cricket?”
“Have you interrupted my solitude to advise me on my lack of talent?” James’s expression was softer than she’d last seen, his jaw a bit more relaxed. When he noticed his coat in her hand, the remaining anger of moments before melted away. “I am indebted for your kindness.”
Eleanor tucked her hands behind her back, interlocking her fingers together. “I would not wish you to catch your death.”
“You might be the only one awake this night who feels that way.” James bent down and gathered enough snow to form another ball to throw at the tree. This time he hit the trunk, the ball bursting in an explosion of snow that sparkled as it fell to the ground.
“I did not mean to eavesdrop on your conversation. But my bedchamber was perfectly situated.”
James chuckled and nodded his head. “Then you heard everything?”
She nodded, unable to meet his eyes. There were so many questions. No one in town knew if James was truly to blame for the events of that day. The late Duke and Duchess of Rothes had decried the Bailey family for years, and of course the current duke had spent every social gathering reminding everyone of James’s guilt.
“I can see the questions in your eyes. I have nothing to hide. Ask what you wish.”
The words burst from her as she didn’t want to squander this rare opportunity. “Is it true? Was the decision to jump across the fissure your idea?”
James lifted his hand and punched his chest, a smile playing on the corners of his lips. “You cut straight to the heart of the matter.”
Normally she would have apologized for being so forward, but she was out in the snow in the middle of the night, in her night rail and dressing gown—although, since her state of dress was unknown to the gentleman given the covering of her winter coat, he need never know of her boldness.
He didn’t wait for her to respond. James shrugged his shoulders and bent down to gather more snow. “My memories of that day are murky. Rothes claims to remember every moment, from when we left the comfort of our homes until he was found in the cave, which is the story everyone has heard for the last seventeen years. Harry has no memories other than breaking his fast that morning. But he was only five years of age.”
“What of your memories?”
He threw the snowball, this time missing the tree. “I remember witnessing my brother as he tried to jump the distance but fell into the water. I jumped in after him and thankfully pulled him up as we were washed out to sea. How we found the driftwood and held to it as long as we did can only be described as a miracle, if you believe in such things.”
“I do believe in miracles.”
James turned toward her, his lips twitching. “Do you? What would cause a sensible lady like yourself to subscribe to such notions as miracles?”
“Rothes is not the only person who has spoken of that fateful day. The sailors on the ship who found you and Harry spoke of seeing a person with you.”
“And we have come to that fairy tale.” James kicked at the snow around him. “Or should I say a tale from the sea? It might have been a mermaid who saved us.”
“I think not. No, it most certainly was not a fantastical sea creature.”
“Then what, pray tell, do you believe from the story the captain told?”
“An angel was with you.” Eleanor wasn’t the only person in Emerald Falls who believed James and his brother Harry had been saved by a heavenly messenger. Even the vicar had said there was a purpose to God’s intervention in what could have been the deaths of three young and impetuous boys that day. And if their vicar thought it was an angel, it was good enough for everyone in the village and surrounding areas to agree with him. “We all must believe in something. I choose to believe there is a God in the heavens, and he sends guardian angels to assist in our greatest hours of need.”
James pulled his coat a bit tighter, his arms folded around his middle, vulnerable in a way she’d never seen. “I do not doubt God’s existence. But I have never experienced the comfort of what you speak. His wrath is more of what I have seen. A cursed existence. A temper over which I have little control. And…”
He stopped speaking as he met her gaze. She didn’t know what he had planned to say, but his mouth shut, his jaw went tight, and instead of the openness of before, he was now closed off and distant.
“James…” Eleanor reached out and touched his arm. “Please do not doubt your goodness.”
“My goodness ?” James barked out a laugh, the silence of the night echoing around them. “Eleanor, what I do each day, taking charity baskets, mending leaky roofs and the like—that is my penance for all the wrong I have done. But it does not make a difference. There will always be someone in need. I cannot fix every problem. Most assuredly, I will commit further errors of judgment.”
“You are too hard on yourself.”
James reached out and touched her cheek. He ran a cold, shivering finger along her cheekbone before cupping her chin in his palm. “And you have extended too much grace. Now, you must return to the house before anyone notices you are out of bed.”
“What will you do? ”
She wished he would lean down and kiss her, but his hand dropped from her face before he tucked his hands into the pockets of his coat. James turned back to the house, but he didn’t take a step toward it. Their conversation had come to an end, and she knew he wouldn’t join her on the short trek back to a warm fire.
“I would like to ponder a bit longer.”
“You will not stay out too long, I hope.”
“Not at all. Only a moment or so.”
She left James there, standing in the yard with enough snow to throw at the tree for a month. Perhaps he might be able to work out his troubles without her, but she doubted it. Eleanor made her way up to her bedchamber and threw her borrowed night rail and dressing gown over a chair near the fire, hoping the hems would dry before morning, then wore her shift to bed. Focusing upon something other than James allowed her thoughts to settle, and before long she was soundly asleep.
When Eleanor woke the following morning, she wasn’t surprised to find James had not joined the guests to break their fasts. She left Granville House with the expectation that she would see James that evening.