15. Rives

FIFTEEN

Rives

You better watch out / You better not cry / Better not pout / I'm telling you why.

5:57 pm

The restaurant is teaming with holiday energy and I am beside myself with the Christmas Joy.

Tiny white lights twinkle on every surface, garlands drape the windows, and the fire crackles in the corner, casting a warm glow. It's the perfect Christmas Eve setting, the kind of festive place you dream about.

I smile easily as I sit across from Nicholas, easily the most handsome man in the room.

He's always been good looking. But tonight, something about him hits me differently. The light brown hair that's just the right kind of messy with a perfect part… Those striking brown eyes that draw me in way too easily… And that smile, the one that I could never quite resist.

"Stop looking at me like that," he teases, his lips curling into a smirk. "You're making me self-conscious."

I laugh, shaking my head. "Please, you don't get self-conscious. Do you even have a conscience?"

"Easy, tiger!"

"I'm just messing with you."

"You're right. I don't," he quips, leaning back in his chair, looking every bit the confident E.R. doc I met and fell for all those years ago. He's just got it, that joie de vivre, and I am putty in his hands.

We fall into our usual rhythm—joking, teasing, trading easy banter like we never skipped a beat. And honestly, I'm just grateful to have this night. For a moment, it feels like all the messy history between us has been neatly tucked away, allowing us to just enjoy the night. To enjoy each other.

The server comes by to take our order, and when Nicholas tells me to pick whatever I want because, "It's Christmas, after all," I shake my head and grin. He's always loved trying to get me tongue-tied in front of the waitress. And I love dishing it right back to him.

"You sure you don't want me to pick the most expensive thing on the menu?" I tease.

"Go for it," he says, with a casual wave of his hand. "If it's terrible, I'll just take you somewhere else."

"Look at you," I say, pretending to be impressed. "Such a gentleman."

"Always," he replies with a wink, and I laugh, because he's full of it.

We order our food, and the conversation shifts to lighter things—our shared memories of Christmases past, holiday traditions, and how ridiculous the hotel's decorations are. It's easy with him, like slipping into a comfortable pair of shoes you haven't worn in a while but still fit perfectly.

"How's your knee, by the way?" he asks, his eyes softening. "Still holding up? I know you had that sprint from the saloon earlier."

"It's fine. I'll live," I reply with a grin. "No thanks to you for making me have to have a temper tantrum."

He chuckles. "You should have—had a temper tantrum, I mean. That was not cool of me. I'm just glad we moved past it and you're giving me a chance to show you I've grown up a little."

"We'll see how long that grace lasts. You'll have to be on your best behavior the rest of the trip," I say, rolling my eyes. But even as I joke, there's a softness in his expression, a way he's looking at me now that reminds me to be careful around this smooth-talker.

It's in that quiet moment that Nicholas asks the question I wasn't quite ready for.

"How's everything else? How's your mom? I always loved her."

I pause, my smile faltering just a little. His question isn't heavy, not exactly, but it strikes a chord. I take a breath and look down at my glass, swirling the wine around.

"She passed away almost five years ago now," I say softly. "It was unexpected. One minute she was fine, and the next, she just didn't wake up. I guess if you're going to go, that's the way to do it. But I wasn't ready to lose her."

I stop, feeling a familiar pang of sadness tug at my heart. I don't talk about my mom often, not even with friends. It still feels raw sometimes, even after all these years.

Nicholas leans in, his eyes filled with something warm, something understanding. "I didn't know. I'm so sorry."

"Yeah," I nod, my voice quieter now. "It sucks, losing people we love. You know, your sister went far to soon. Loss is so hard."

I force a smile, but the weight of those memories presses down on me. And then the secret pops into my head again—truth be told it's never that far from my mind these days—, inextricably tied to my mom's death as it is. The pregnancy. The secret I've kept from him.

In this moment, the guilt rushes in, harder and faster than I expect. I gave Nicholas a hard time earlier about not being honest with me, but here I am, sitting on this massive secret that I've kept for years.

It feels like a weight, something I can't shake, but tonight isn't the time to unload it.

I glance up at him, and his eyes are still on me, filled with concern. He must've noticed the shift in my mood, of course, because that's who Nicholas is. He's always been the type to pick up on things, even if I'm trying to hide them.

"You okay?" he asks, his voice gentle but probing.

I nod quickly, forcing the lightness back into my tone. "Oh, yeah, I'm fine. It's just the holidays and thinking about Mom, you know? Makes everything a little more emotional."

He smiles, but I can see that he's still watching me carefully, like he knows I'm holding something back. But he doesn't push, and I'm grateful for that.

"Well, we can't get all over-emotional on Christmas Eve," he says, picking up his drink. "That's against the rules, right?"

I laugh, feeling the tension ease. "Absolutely. Christmas is for fun and food. Let's turn this party up."

We fall back into our easy banter, the warmth between us building again as we joke. That's where we go, how our dynamic works so well. It's light, it's fun, and for a while, I can forget about everything else.

7:39 pm

The warmth from the restaurant still lingers as we step out into the hotel's softly lit halls. Dinner was nice—better than I expected, honestly. It's like some of the tension that's been between us has melted away, leaving the ease of being together. Whatever this is between me and Nicholas, it feels good.

I glance over at him, smiling as we walk slowly down the hall. He looks exceptional tonight. I can't help but notice how easily we've fallen back into this rhythm, teasing and laughing like no time has passed.

"So," he says, his voice cutting through my thoughts. "What do you want to do now? The night is young and you look too damn good to go back to your room."

I think for a second before I grin. "Honestly? I'd love to sit in front of that big fireplace in the lobby, have a glass of wine, and just enjoy each other. It's been such a crazy day, the quiet and relaxation sounds perfect."

He nods, smiling. "Couldn't agree more."

When we get to the lobby, the fireplace is just as inviting as I imagined. It's a massive stone hearth with a roaring fire that burns hot, glowing brightly. It casts a wide net of warmth into the room.

Plush chairs and sofas are gathered around it, and even though there are a few people nearby, there's this quiet, intimate feel to the space. It's perfect.

"This spot taken?" Nicholas teases, nodding toward a love seat near the fire.

I laugh softly. "I think we can claim it."

"You need to put your foot up. You okay with me moving it so you can use the hearth as a prop?"

"You're so thoughtful. That sounds perfect."

"Always a doctor, even when I'm not at work."

He pulls it closer to the fire and we settle in. I prop my leg up, grateful for the chance to relax. The warmth from the fire seeps into my skin, and I feel a sense of calm wash over me that I haven't felt for a very long time.

"This is perfection," I murmur, half to myself.

Nicholas looks over at me, his brown eyes catching the glow of the firelight. I must be a little tipsy, or maybe it's the heat from the fire, but looking at him, I feel like I could completely eat him up.

"Yeah," he agrees, his voice low. "It is."

"I don't think I've ever felt so laid back on Christmas Eve," I admit, tilting my head back to let the warmth from the fire sink in. "It's usually so busy and hectic, everyone pulling me in one direction or another. This traveling for Christmas might have to become a thing."

Nicholas chuckles, shaking his head. "Probably because you're usually chasing adventure."

I smirk, eyes still closed. "Good point. But hey, I'm learning how to slow down."

He leans over and places the sweetest, softest kiss. I'm literally melting in this chair. The taste of his lips is everything.

For a moment, I wonder if this is what we've needed all along. To be pulled out of our routines, thrown together in this little snowy town over Christmas, with nothing to do but... be here. Together.

But before I let my thoughts drift too far, a server comes by, and Nicholas waves him down. "Two glasses of your best wine, please."

I raise an eyebrow at him, teasing. "Look at you, getting fancy on me."

He laughs, shaking his head. "The night calls for it, I'd say."

Nicholas's phone rattles on the table. He glances down at the screen and his face softens.

"It's my nephew. I hate to ask, but would you mind if I just tell him Merry Christmas?" He pleads, holding up his phone. The name reads BOBBY BLANCHARD.

I nod, giving him a smile. "Of course."

He toggles the arrow to answer the FaceTime call, and the image of a giddy little boy fills the screen. Sammy's got these bright, curious eyes and a smile that lights up his whole face. I can tell how close he and Nicholas are and it is so sweet he has taken his sister's child under his wing.

Sammy's buckled into a car seat, wearing a tiny suit jacket, and I can hear the faint hum of Christmas music in the background.

"Uncle Nicholas!" Sammy says, his voice high-pitched with excitement. "We just got out of Christmas mass! We are going home to get ready for Santa. I can't wait until tomorrow. Can you?"

"I'm beside myself I'm so excited," Nicholas replies, his voice softening in a way that makes me pause. He looks at me and flashes a genuine smile at me. "You look sharp, Buddy! Did you have fun?"

Sammy grins, nodding. "Yeah! And we sang all the songs. I was the loudest."

"Did you say hi to Grandpa and Grandma for me?" Nicholas asks, his tone playful but full of affection.

"Yup! And I told them you said Merry Christmas."

Nicholas smiles, shaking his head. "That's my boy."

As they chat, I can't help but think about how great he is with children. Some people are born to be parents. I feel sad again about the child he doesn't even know about, the child who doesn't get to enjoy this phenomenal father.

And then it occurs to me, the child, our child, would have been about the same age as Sammy. How ironic. And it makes it all even more poignant.

"Are you going home soon?" Sammy asks, his face scrunching up a little. "Daddy and I will be home in two days."

Nicholas's smile falters slightly. "Not quite yet, bud. I'm out of town for one more day than you, but I'll see you after Christmas, okay?"

Sammy nods, but his excitement has dimmed just a bit. "Okay... I miss you."

"I miss you too, Sammy. Have fun with your dad, alright?"

The little boy nods again, and then a voice from the front of the car—Bobby, I assume—calls out something about heading home. Sammy waves at the screen, and Nicholas says his goodbyes before the call ends.

Nicholas tosses his phone back on the table, but the warmth from that call lingers in the air. I glance over at him, noticing the way his features have softened even more after talking to Sammy.

"He's adorable," I say, meaning it. "You two seem really close."

Nicholas nods, leaning back in his chair. "Yeah, he's a great kid. Been through a lot, but he's tough. I love that we get to talk about his mom. He loves seeing pictures of her and asking about different things about her."

I hesitate, swirling my wine in my glass before glancing at him again. "You mentioned that before. He's adopted, right?"

Nicholas nods, his expression thoughtful. "Yeah, my sister and her husband, Bobby, couldn't have children, remember?"

"Yes, I do. I just couldn't remember what exactly you said the other night. I was so taken aback about her death." I reply, keeping my tone casual, but inside, something stirs. Suddenly, I'm very concerned about their relationship.

Nicholas shakes his head. "Yeah, I get it. It still stops me in my tracks when I stop to think about it. Almost too tragic to imagine. She prayed for a child for so long, and then she was taken once she got him."

I see tears well in the bottom of his eyes. He was so close with Helena. She was an amazing woman.

"Helena was such a great person, Nicholas. I loved her, too. I'm so sorry for you and for Sammy that she was taken. He is so lucky to have you."

"I'm lucky to have him."