Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR

Orla, aged 14. December 22 nd

Orla stepped out of the shower and dried herself. She had spent a blissful night in Carrie’s spare room. Carrie had welcomed her with open arms just as Shay had said. She’d made a big fuss of her, making sure she had everything she needed, showing her where everything was, and it had been so wonderful and quiet. Orla and Fern had spent the night watching Christmas movies and making Christmas cookies and it had all been very sweet and wholesome and it was lovely to feel so at home, more so than in her own house.

Orla was already wondering how many times she could sleep over without overstaying her welcome. Would two nights in a row be too much? It was Christmas in a few days, could she somehow wrangle an invite to spend the day with them instead? It had been several years since she’d had a proper family Christmas and she’d missed that.

There had been no sign of Shay and Theo the night before. Fern said they were out with friends. And of course, it didn’t matter except her stupid heart had really wanted to see Shay. Which was ridiculous. He had no interest in her, not romantically anyway. She’d see him with his friends in the park after school, girls hanging off him like limpets clinging to the rocks on the beach. She’d seen him kiss one or two of them too. He’d never done that with her.

It had been two weeks since that first night on the beach and he’d turned up at Cranberry Cove several times since then – sometimes they’d talk all night, sometimes they’d just sit in silence. She didn’t have to try hard with Shay, she could just be herself. It was easy with him and she liked that. But he’d never kissed her like he’d done with the limpets.

Not that she cared of course. She wasn’t interested in having a boyfriend. The boys at school were stupid and she’d seen enough of her parents’ toxic relationship to not want that. But that didn’t stop her stupid heart racing every time he appeared on the beach to spend time with her.

She wrapped a towel around her and started brushing out her wet hair, which was always a tangle of red curls after she’d washed it.

Just then the bathroom door opened and Shay walked in just wearing his pyjama bottoms.

She let out a yelp and his eyes widened in shock before he quickly clamped a hand over his eyes and turned away.

‘Shit, I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you lock it?’

‘I thought I did. Why didn’t you knock?’

‘Sorry, I’m not used to knocking. Fern and Mum both have ensuite bathrooms. This is the one I share with Theo. And as unpleasant as it is, I’ve seen his naked ass far too many times to count.’

She laughed and looked down at herself, the towel was covering everything down to her knees. ‘I’m covered up anyway, nothing to see here apart from some shoulders and I don’t think they’re that offensive.’

He peeped through a crack in his fingers and then dropped his hand. ‘I really am sorry.’

‘No need to be, no harm done. And I’m done in here, so the bathroom’s yours.’

He stepped back to let her past, but he was so big she had to turn sideways to get through the doorway. His chest really was a thing of beauty, all hard and muscular, although she tried really hard not to look at it as she sidled past. She noticed he was wearing Christmassy pyjama bottoms, which no doubt Carrie had bought him, and she found that really cute and endearing.

Suddenly he put a hand out to stop her, catching her wrist in his hand. ‘What’s this?’

She looked at what he was pointing out and realised he was referring to the large gash on her shoulder. It had happened a few days before and was now turning an ugly purple and yellow, making it look a lot worse than it was.

She flushed. ‘It’s nothing.’

‘It looks a lot more than nothing.’

‘It was just an accident, nothing to worry about.’

‘Orla,’ Shay said, in a tone that said he wasn’t going to be fobbed off.

‘Fine. My mum threw a plate against the wall and it smashed, a bit flew off and hit me in the shoulder as I walked into the kitchen. It was an accident.’

His face darkened and she could tell he was furious. ‘Do you know how many times I heard that when I was little. ‘It was an accident; he didn’t mean to hit me.’

‘Well, it was, she wasn’t aiming at me, she wasn’t even aiming at my dad, he was on the opposite side of the room, she just likes to take her temper out on the plates, cups and glasses. She was very apologetic.’

‘So she should be.’

‘It’s just a scratch.’

‘Christ, Orla, a few inches higher it could have been your throat or even your eye. This isn’t acceptable.’

‘It’s OK. I’m OK. I’ve done worse falling off my bike.’

He looked away and she could see he was still angry.

She decided to change the subject. ‘Will I see you at the beach tonight?’

He shook his head. ‘I have something I need to do.’

She nodded and stepped out of the bathroom and before she could say another word, he closed the door.

As it happened, it was raining heavily that night and while she didn’t mind going to the beach in the rain, outside it looked like a monsoon so she’d decided to stay in. She was sitting in her room staring out the window while the shouting continued below her, when a taxi pulled up outside. She frowned. The house sat on its own at the top of the hill and they never got any visitors – who would want to spend an evening in this war zone? She peered through the darkness and rain and her heart leapt because the man that was struggling to drag something big out of the back of the taxi looked very much like Shay. She watched him in confusion because the thing he had pulled from the back looked like a punch bag. Then realisation hit her.

‘No, no, no.’

She wasn’t even dressed, she’d changed into her pyjamas a while ago with the intention to read in bed so she quickly got changed into some clothes and threw her shoes on with the hope she could reach him before he reached the house, but as she ran downstairs, Shay was struggling in through the front door with the punch bag, her bemused mum standing there watching him in confusion. There was no sign of her dad.

‘What the hell is this?’ her mum asked.

‘It’s for you Mrs Kennedy,’ Shay said. ‘It used to be mine, but I don’t use it anymore, I bought you some boxing gloves as well, they might be a bit big but you can tighten them with these strings.’

‘I don’t understand,’ her mum said.

Shay suddenly noticed Orla and for a second he stared at her, his eyes filled with anger and fire. She shook her head, but he turned away from her and didn’t acknowledge her after that.

‘Well, I hear you have quite the temper, I hear that many a plate or glass has been sacrificed in the rows with your husband. I figured if you’re angry you could take it out on this instead.’

Her mum’s face flushed and she looked at Orla accusingly. ‘So you’ve made me out to be some kind of psychopath to your little friends. I don’t suppose you mentioned your father’s role in all of this.’

‘Hey,’ Shay snapped. ‘Don’t you dare blame her for this. Don’t you fucking dare.’

Her mum paled and took a step back.

‘Shay,’ Orla said, coming down the last few steps. ‘It’s OK.’

He looked at her and then turned his attention back to her mum.

‘How dare you come into my house and—’

‘How dare I? How dare you treat your daughter so badly.’

Orla’s dad appeared in the kitchen doorway. ‘What’s going on?’

‘Both of you should be ashamed of yourselves,’ Shay said. ‘You’re so righteous in your anger, so caught up in hating each other that you haven’t given a single thought to how this is impacting Orla. Did you know she goes to the beach every night just so she doesn’t have to be here, because being alone on the beach in the cold and dark is infinitely better than being here listening to you screaming, shouting and throwing plates at each other. Did you know that she spent the night at my house last night because she didn’t want to be woken up by your endless rows yet again? You’re driving your daughter away and neither of you have noticed or cared. And what about what happened the other night, when that bit of broken plate sliced open her shoulder? What if that had been a vein in her neck, what if it had been her face or her eye?’

‘It was an accident,’ her mum said, embarrassed.

‘Well, it ends here. I don’t care if you hate each other, I don’t care if you really want to spend all your time shouting and screaming at each other, but you won’t throw plates or cups or anything else again. You get that angry, you punch or kick the shit out of this thing. I don’t want to see her get hurt again and if she does, you’ll have me to answer to.’

‘Are you threatening my wife?’ her dad said in a rare sign of solidarity. He moved towards Shay and Shay just looked at him. At sixteen he already towered over her dad.

‘Oh, like you care,’ her mum snapped.

Shay rolled his eyes and moved back towards Orla, taking her hand. ‘She’ll be staying at mine tonight and every night until you two grow up and start acting like parents rather than toddlers throwing a tantrum.’

With that he marched out of the house, dragging Orla with him. He bundled her into the taxi and sat next to her.

‘We’re going back to my house,’ Shay said to the taxi driver, then he sat back and stared out the window, anger rolling off him in waves.

She didn’t know what to say. She couldn’t help thinking he’d just made things worse. Where her mum had barely been speaking to her before, now she would be furious that she’d told Shay and that he’d embarrassed her in this way.

She didn’t know whether to be angry at him. She didn’t need him to fight her battles for her – she was quite capable of fighting them on her own. Except she hadn’t. She should have confronted her parents long before now, but instead she’d run away and hid from her problems rather than face them head on. Even after she’d hurt her shoulder, she hadn’t been brave enough to tell them enough was enough. Nothing was ever going to change unless she stood up to them and she’d had no plan of doing that. Maybe it needed someone like Shay to talk to them. Although the way he’d done it probably needed a little more finesse.

‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that,’ Shay said. ‘I’ve spent most of my life bitter and angry, angry at my parents, angry at the world. Carrie bought me that punch bag and she said that it was OK to be angry about the card that life has dealt me, but it was never OK to take that anger out on other people, no matter how much they pissed me off and she encouraged me to use the bag instead. In my head, I was going to give a very calm speech to your parents, very similar to the one that Carrie gave me when she bought it for me. But all that went out the window when I saw you and when your mum tried to blame you. I feel so damned protective over you.’

Her heart filled with love for him.

‘How you spoke to my mum was not acceptable,’ Orla said.

‘No, it wasn’t and I will apologise tomorrow. But I stand by the spirit of the message. They should not be taking it out on you or putting you at risk and they need to think about how their actions impact on you.’

She leaned up and kissed him on the cheek. ‘Thank you.’

He stared at her.

‘No one has ever stood up for me before,’ she said. ‘No one has done something like that for me before.’

‘I don’t think you should be thanking me for that.’

‘You were looking out for me and you were right and it needed to be said. Although perhaps more delicately.’

He shook his head. ‘I’m not delicate, Orla, far from it. But I’m not as angry as I used to be anymore, not since Carrie adopted me. A lot of that went away. I haven’t used that punch bag for over a year now. And I’m working on the rest, I promise you that.’ He paused. ‘I’m not my dad.’

Her heart broke for him.

‘You will never be your dad. You don’t need to worry about that. You’re kind, caring—’

‘Aggressive.’

‘No, that’s not who you are.’

He shook his head.

The taxi pulled up outside Shay’s house. He paid and still holding her hand he led her inside.

Carrie was waiting for them in the kitchen.

‘Hello Orla dear, I hear you’re staying with us tonight.’

Orla bit her lip; she didn’t know if she could face her parents’ wrath over what just happened. She needed them to calm down first. ‘If that’s OK.’

‘Of course it is, you are welcome here anytime. Shay told me how you had got hurt the other night. I’m so sorry your parents’ arguments have escalated to the point where you don’t even feel safe in your own home.’ Her eyes moved to Shay. ‘Orla’s parents just called, they told me what you said.’

‘I’m so sorry, Mum. I just…’

Carrie put a hand up to stop him talking. ‘I told them you were hot-headed and impetuous, but I could never be angry at you for sticking up for someone. I told them your delivery needed work, but you were right, their behaviour needs to stop before someone gets seriously hurt. I told them that it’s none of our business if they hate each other and why but there is a third person in their relationship they have to consider. They were a lot more amicable by the time I’d finished our conversation, but I think I just echoed most of what you’d said, maybe in a more calm way.’

‘I really am sorry, I didn’t mean to get quite so angry. Fighting fire with fire is not the way.’

Carrie came over and gave him a big hug and Orla watched as Shay hugged her back.

‘You did a good thing and I’m not going to say don’t do it again, because I know you’ll always protect those that need it, but maybe next time, you write down what you want to say first, or take a breath.’

‘I will and I’m going to apologise to them tomorrow.’

‘They want to see you both actually, tomorrow when everyone calms down. I can come with you if you want, although I think you’re more than capable of handling it on your own.’

‘That’s OK, I’ll talk to them,’ Shay said.

‘And I will too,’ Orla said. ‘It’s high time that I confront them about this, it has to stop.’

Shay nodded. ‘I’m going to bed,’ he turned to Orla. ‘Are you OK?’

‘Of course.’

He gave her hand a squeeze and walked out looking like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Orla turned her attention to Carrie, who was watching her carefully. ‘I, umm, didn’t get a chance to grab any stuff, do you have a t-shirt or something I could borrow to sleep in?’

Carrie moved to a laundry basket and grabbed a t-shirt that was huge enough that it had to be Theo’s or Shay’s.

‘It is clean, I just haven’t got around to putting it back in Shay’s room yet,’ Carrie handed it to her.

‘Thank you.’

‘And there’s a spare toothbrush underneath the bathroom sink.’

Orla nodded.

‘Honey, don’t let his… bravado scare you away.’

‘I’m not scared of him, far from it.’

‘Underneath all that grumpiness is a very warm-hearted, lovely boy.’

‘I know, he’s been nothing but kind to me. I know all about his past, about what happened with his dad then his mum. I know that must have left some scars.’

Carrie looked surprised. ‘It’s not something he ever talks about, not even with Theo or Fern. I know of course, it was part of his case history when I first fostered him and we’ve talked about it briefly from time to time, but he doesn’t like to discuss it, so it’s nice that he feels he can share that with you. I worry that he’s getting mixed up with a bad crowd but the fact he has you gives me hope.’

‘Oh, we’re not together,’ Orla said. ‘Just friends.’

‘More’s the pity. I think you could be very good for him. Shay blames himself for what happened to his mum, he feels he should have done more to stop it. But what could he have done? He was a little boy. But I think it’s just made him so protective, especially when he sees it happening again, even if what happened to your shoulder was accidental.’

‘I get that.’

Orla wondered if she should tell Carrie that probably Shay’s biggest fear was that he would turn out like his dad, but it felt disloyal to discuss what he’d said behind his back. Besides, Orla knew that wasn’t going to happen. He might get a bit angry, he might even get into a few fights at school, but that was very different to what his dad did. She trusted him completely. And maybe she needed to tell him that.

‘I’m going to go to bed too,’ Orla said.

Carrie nodded.

‘Thank you for letting me stay.’

‘You’re always welcome here.’

Orla went down the hall and stopped outside Shay’s bedroom door. After a moment, she knocked on the door and he opened it.

‘Are you OK?’ she asked.

He nodded.

‘Stop beating yourself up, you were trying to do something good. OK, you swore at my mum, and you got angry, but you didn’t get violent. That’s not you. You’re a good man and I trust you.’

He studied her.

‘Can I give you a hug?’

He blinked in surprise and then he nodded. She slid her arms around him and after a moment he wrapped himself around her, holding her tight.

‘Thank you,’ he muttered roughly into the top of her head.

She pulled back to look at him. ‘I’ll always be here for you.’

‘And I’ll always be here for you,’ he said.

She smiled and stepped back. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow.’

With that she went into the bedroom and when she turned to close the door behind her, he was still standing there, watching her go.