Chapter 19

CHAPTER NINETEEN

December 21 st

Orla leaned against Shay sleepily as Theo negotiated the roads back to Shay’s house. It was around four o’clock the next afternoon and the snow was still falling heavily, making the whole of Apple Hill Bay look like it was inside a snowglobe, rooftops glittering in the weak daylight. Orla could barely keep her eyes open long enough to appreciate it.

They’d arrived at the hospital the night before. Shay had been hauled over the coals for taking her out of the car until he’d explained that it was either that or let her drown. The hospital had a trauma unit attached and once they’d heard what had happened, she’d been immediately taken to that. When Shay said they took concussion very seriously, he wasn’t lying. She’d had a CT scan and despite it coming back fine, they had done observations on her every fifteen minutes, looking in her eyes, moving their fingers in front of her and asking her to keep her eyes on their fingers, shining lights in her eyes, asking her questions about any symptoms she’d been experiencing. Then came the other tests. She’d felt like she was back in school having to recite the alphabet backwards, recall who was the current prime minister and the five preceding prime ministers, memorising a list of words or a sequence of numbers and saying them backwards. There were balance assessments where she had to stand on one leg, walk and turn all with her eyes closed. And then they repeated these tests throughout the night and all that morning. She hadn’t been allowed to sleep for longer than ten minutes and she was utterly exhausted.

Shay had had similar tests, despite not getting knocked unconscious in the crash, but they were worried about the trauma caused to his body and brain.

Finally, they’d been discharged with orders for them both to rest and to not be alone for at least the next few days, which was going to be a bit difficult as they both lived alone. Shay had called Theo to pick them up and they were now on their way back to Shay’s. She wasn’t sure when the decision had been made that she’d stay at his, but she didn’t even have the energy to fight it.

Theo pulled up outside Starlight Cottage. ‘I’ll check in on you tomorrow. I know everyone is worried and wants to come and see you, but I’ll try and hold them off as long as I can, give you a chance to get some rest.’

‘Yeah, we just need some sleep, we’ll call if we need anything,’ Shay said.

‘Did you want me to keep Ivy for a few more days?’ Theo asked, gesturing to the puppy in the boot of the car.

‘No, I don’t want to confuse her too much as I’ve only had her a few weeks, so we’ll take her now. Besides she’s so laidback, she’ll just sleep when we sleep.’

They got out and Shay opened the boot and carefully lifted Ivy out and she lolloped off towards the house, frolicking in the snow and finding a branch she proudly dragged around the garden.

They walked back inside the house, waving goodbye to Theo, and Orla smirked when Ivy dragged her branch inside too and Shay clearly didn’t have the energy to stop her. He walked into the kitchen and put down some fresh food and water for Ivy, and Orla noticed that the glass in the dining room had been cleared up and wood fixed over the broken window. Theo or probably Fletcher had obviously been round to help secure the house. Once Ivy was sorted, Shay took Orla’s hand and led her up the stairs into his bedroom.

He started undressing and she did too. She stripped down until she was only wearing his t-shirt and boxer shorts. When he was only wearing his boxer shorts, he got into bed and then held the duvet up for her to join him.

She hesitated for just a second, the sensible part of her brain telling her she shouldn’t do this, that she should insist on sleeping on the sofa downstairs, but she was so tired and sleeping next to him seemed so inviting, so she climbed in. He immediately wrapped his arms round her and she cuddled into his chest. He stroked her hair and she looked up at him.

‘You have no idea how relieved I am that you’re OK,’ Shay said.

He stroked her face and kissed her briefly on the lips, then pulled back slightly, his eyes scanning her face, before kissing her again and despite her exhaustion, she automatically kissed him back.

She pulled back slightly. ‘We need to talk about this.’

He nodded. ‘Yeah, we do.’

She lay her head on his chest. ‘Later.’

‘Yes later, I’m not going anywhere.’

She closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

Orla woke a while later. It was pitch dark outside and when she looked at the clock, she saw it was coming up to midnight. Shay was still fast asleep.

She was starving – although they’d had a little food at the hospital, it hadn’t been much. Her last decent meal had been the buffet she’d eaten at the party the night before.

She carefully climbed out of bed and smiled at Ivy curled up fast asleep in her bed on the floor next to Shay’s. She wouldn’t wake her. As much as she loved playing with Ivy, puppy chaos at midnight after the stress of last twenty-four hours was not something she wanted to endure right now.

She padded downstairs and looked around. Despite Shay completely redecorating most of the house and replacing all the furniture, the memories of that weekend were still etched on her brain. He’d made love to her everywhere, in the bedroom several times, in the shower, on the sofa, in the kitchen, in the dining room, even against the wall and this was why she’d never wanted to come back. Every corner of this house was filled with those beautiful, incredible memories and it was torture reliving them all again.

She tried to focus on the Christmas decorations, as these weren’t the ones that were in the house that weekend. She looked at the garland above the fireplace, filled with real leaves, pinecones and berries. The tree had a collection of white lights twinkling away and just a few baubles. There was one from Ocean, Fern and Fletcher’s little girl, there were a few animal-themed ones from the animal rescue he was involved with, there was even beach hut themed ones as he was the manager at the Little Beach Hut Hotel. Her heart leapt when she spotted the bauble she had painted for him as a Christmas gift when she was fifteen. It was of a fox, Clarence, who Shay had sort of adopted after finding him abandoned as a cub. The painting wasn’t particularly good and poor Clarence had long since passed on, so why had he kept it all this time?

Her stomach rumbled and she walked into the kitchen to see what she could make. Shay loved to cook, she knew that much, so the cupboards and fridge were unsurprisingly well stocked. She noticed a jar of mincemeat in one of the cupboards so she set about making some mince pies so Shay could have something to eat when he woke up. She spent some time making and rolling out the pastry and that was cathartic, she could get lost in that. She cut out the tops and bottoms of the pies, added the fruity mincemeat which she would normally make from scratch and put them in the oven. While they were cooking, she started making bacon sandwiches for her and Shay. He would be hungry too and she wanted to take care of him like he’d always taken care of her.

Just as she was serving up the bacon onto soft white bread and placing the plates on a tray to take upstairs, Shay appeared at the top of the stairs, looking sleepy and dishevelled and utterly gorgeous.

‘Hey, did I wake you?’

‘The wonderful smells woke me up.’

‘I was just going to bring you breakfast in bed, if you can call it breakfast at one o’clock in the morning. I think our body clocks are going to be a little messed up over the next few days after not sleeping for almost twenty-four hours.’

He came downstairs and peered over her shoulder, stroking a hand down her back which made every nerve in her body come alive.

‘Thank you for this. I feel like I should be the one to look after you.’

‘You have. You always have.’

His hand was still on her back, and she so desperately wanted to lean into him, to kiss him, to cuddle up to him, but she had to stop this, she was only going to get hurt again. She picked up her plate and walked into the dining room, only to find the table was the exact same table he’d made love to her on. It was a huge oak thing that had a large slab of raw wood on the top. She remembered how she had walked in on Shay admiring it that weekend. She’d told him it was a beautiful table and then he’d kissed her, lifted her on it and then climbed up on top of her and made love to her on it. The memory of it made her stomach clench with desire and need.

She quickly turned around and went and sat in the lounge. At least the sofa was different.

Infuriatingly, he came and sat next to her and took her hand while he tucked into the bacon sandwich with the other hand.

She stared at him incredulously, which he failed to notice. But then her stomach protested loudly that there was food and none of it had made it as far as her stomach yet, so she started eating her own. They sat in silence as they ate, with Shay stroking her hand with his thumb. It was almost as if he needed that physical contact, maybe to reassure him that she was OK.

They finished their sandwiches and he put the plates on the coffee table and then leaned back against the sofa with his arm around her. Her carefully reigned in emotions snapped.

She pulled away from him. ‘Shay what the hell is going on here?’

The timer went off on the oven and she sighed and went to retrieve the mince pies which were a gorgeous golden brown.

He followed her into the kitchen. ‘You seem angry, are you OK?’

‘You kissed me. Twice.’

He shrugged. ‘You kissed me back. Twice.’

‘That was… nothing. Tiredness, delirium, shock, relief.’

‘I don’t think it was.’

‘What do you think it was?’ Orla said in frustration.

‘I think you have feelings for me, just like I have feelings for you.’

Her heart thundered in her chest. ‘You… you have feelings for me?’

‘I nearly lost you last night. When I dragged you out the car I didn’t know if you were dead or alive. When I realised you were alive and I was sitting on the beach with you too scared to move you, I kept thinking I’d never told you how I felt, that I’d never had a chance. Of course, I’ve had hundreds of chances over the years and I was never brave enough to take them. So I swore if we made it through that and you were OK, I’d tell you how I feel. I’m done hiding, Orla. I’m in love with you.’

She stared at him in horror and then walked away from him, her head in her hands. ‘No, no, no, this can’t be happening,’ she muttered to herself. She’d been wanting to hear those words for sixteen years and now she had, she didn’t want it.

‘That’s not really the reaction I was hoping for.’

She turned back to look at him. ‘Twelve years ago, I told you I loved you and it ruined everything between us. I was heartbroken you didn’t feel the same but the pain of losing my best friend was so much worse. I did that, I threw away the best thing that ever happened to me and now I have you back and I love seeing you every day, chatting with you, spending time with you and I’m not doing anything to risk that again. We’re friends, Shay. You’re my best friend. I don’t want to ruin that.’

There was a part of her brain that was screaming at her for being so stupid. He loved her, she loved him, she should be grabbing him, kissing him and then making love to him again in every single room of the house, including on that spectacular table. But it had hurt so much losing him before, she couldn’t go through that again. And how long would this really last? He’d had several girlfriends over the years, none of them had lasted long. And now he’d had this shock of the accident and he was upset at the thought of losing her and he was translating that into loving her, that’s all this was. They’d go out for a few weeks or months, she would fall even more in love with him and it would come to an end and she didn’t think she could go back to just being friends with him again after that.

‘So you don’t have feelings for me?’ Shay asked.

She turned away from him as she couldn’t say that. She couldn’t lie to him. ‘I think we’re better off not going down that road. One or both of us will inevitably get hurt and I don’t want to lose you.’

‘Orla, I…’

‘Shay, I’m really tired. I’m going back to bed.’

He didn’t say anything, so she went upstairs and climbed back into his bed. She rolled onto her side facing away from the door. After a few minutes, she heard him come back into the bedroom and get into bed with her, but this time he didn’t take her in his arms and she missed that already.