Chapter 15

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Orla, aged 24. December 15 th

What was she doing here? It had been six years since she’d set foot in Apple Hill Bay, swearing she’d never return, and yet here she was.

She’d spent nine months doing an apprenticeship in one of the best hotels in London and then three years at university, learning the hospitality trade and everything she needed to know about becoming a chef and running a restaurant, before two and a half years working at various different levels in cafés and restaurants in London, mostly working as a pastry chef but doing other types of cooking too. But it had always been her dream to have her own place one day. Nothing grand, but hers.

She’d stayed in contact with Fern over the years and surprisingly, with Carrie too, and when Carrie had offered her the opportunity to run Seahorses, the café she was opening as part of her new Beach Hut Hotel, she had leapt at the chance. Well, she had deliberated over it for several days before accepting, writing a list of all the pros and cons. Pros being she would have her own café, make all the decisions, be in charge of the running of the place, she could make her own cakes and desserts, she’d get invaluable experience, she would be back in Apple Hill Bay, a beautiful place she had loved for many years, and she’d get to see more of Fern and Carrie. In fact, the list of reasons why she should grab the chance with both hands had filled a page. The list of cons was just one. Shay.

She hadn’t seen or spoken to him since that glorious weekend and that heartbreaking end to their friendship. He had called, texted, emailed, and she had ignored every single one. He’d even wanted to come down to London to see her but when Fern asked if she could give him the address, Orla had said no and Fern never knew why.

Eventually he’d given up. For months afterwards, Orla had cried in her room at night, not only because he didn’t love her, but for the loss of their friendship too. Looking back, Orla knew she had acted like a child, cutting him out of her life, especially when he had pulled out all the stops to give her such a beautiful weekend. But she had been young, and everything had been so black and white back then. He didn’t love her so she couldn’t see him anymore. She regretted that more than anything. She’d been heartbroken but she should never have walked away from their friendship.

She’d tried to move on from the heartache; she’d dated lots of men, some of them had even lasted a few months, but none of them had filled the massive hole in her heart that Shay had left. She’d loved some of them too, but never with the same intensity that she’d loved Shay. And while the sex had been nice and sometimes good, it had never been as incredible as making love to Shay. She wasn’t sure whether that was because she’d been head over heels in love with him, or because he’d taken so much care of her that weekend, making sure her pleasure was the most important thing or because he really was a god of sex, but he had set the bar impossibly high and no one else could compare to him, physically or emotionally.

So the possibility of seeing Shay again had been one big down side. How could she ever get over him if she was seeing him every day? What would it feel like to see him with other women? How awkward would it be to see him for the first time when her behaviour had been so bad at the end?

But then she’d reasoned he would probably want to avoid her too and how often would she realistically see him? And if she did see him, she was a grown-ass woman now, she could act sensibly and maturely. Make polite conversation.

So she’d said yes to Carrie and after a few weeks of discussing what Orla wanted for the café, and a few weeks’ notice in her old job, she had moved back to Apple Hill Bay two days before they were due to open. She’d rented a little flat that came fully furnished, so she just moved straight in with her stuff.

The café looked beautifully decorated for Christmas, with trees and festive table arrangements and Orla had been busy making gingerbread men, decorated Christmas cookies, mince pies and Christmas pudding flavoured fudge ready to sell to the customers.

She was excited. Mostly.

She’d told herself again and again that it would probably be weeks before she bumped into Shay, especially with the two of them avoiding each other like the plague, but it seemed like someone had forgot to tell Shay, as ten minutes before Seahorses was due to open for the first time, he was walking towards it with a bunch of flowers in his hand.

Oh God, what was she going to say to him? She hadn’t had time to prepare anything, she didn’t think she’d be seeing him again so soon. All those feelings she had tried to bury over the last six years came flooding back, all that pain she felt when he said he didn’t love her, the humiliation of insisting he did love her when he didn’t. And she still loved him, that had never gone away, no matter how hard she tried. She owed him an apology, but she didn’t know where to even begin with that.

He had grown to be so big and broad – this was not the boy she left behind. He was definitely all man and it just made those feelings she had for him so much more intense. He drew closer and all she could remember was his glorious body pinning her to the bed, his mouth kissing every single part of her, the way he stroked and caressed her with such adoration, the way he had made her scream out his name so many times over that weekend she’d lost count.

‘Who’s the hottie?’ Ettie, her assistant said as she came out the kitchen. She wasn’t from Apple Hill Bay so didn’t know any of the locals – hell, Orla didn’t know half of them anymore.

‘A friend, an old friend,’ Orla quickly clarified. ‘I haven’t spoken to him in six years.’

‘An ex?’

‘No.’

‘So, why are you looking at him as if you’d like to eat him?’

‘I wasn’t.’

‘Sure you weren’t. I’ll erm… be in the kitchen if you need me.’

Orla wanted to say she definitely needed her, but Shay was already opening the café door and Ettie was gone.

She felt her cheeks flame as she stared at him. She had no idea what she was going to say to him.

He moved over to the counter and his eyes raked over her as if he couldn’t get enough of looking at her.

‘Hi Orla.’

She cleared her throat, trying to push all those intimate moments she had shared with this man out of her head. ‘Hi.’

They stared at each other, the silence dragging on. All the things she wanted to say had fled and all she was left with was an overwhelming desire to lean across the counter and kiss him. But she couldn’t humiliate herself like that again.

He offered out the flowers, a gorgeous Christmas bouquet of poinsettias, holly, berries and white roses. ‘I brought you these to say good luck for today.’

She stared at them and then took the flowers. Of all the ways she had envisaged how their first meeting would go, she had not imagined it would include him giving her flowers.

‘Thank you, that’s really kind and totally unexpected.’

He stared at her looking like he had a hundred things he wanted to say too.

‘I umm… I’ll be working next door at the Little Beach Hut Hotel, I’m helping to build the next thirty huts and I’m manager of the hotel and the current ten huts, so we’ll be seeing each other a lot. I wanted to say hello so it wasn’t awkward between us.’

She nodded. It was definitely going to be awkward between them, especially as she’d be seeing him every day.

He opened his mouth to say something else just as the door opened and the local WI group came in, all chatting and laughing between themselves. Carrie had put the word out to local groups and they’d all promised to come and support the new café.

Shay turned round to look at them and she saw his shoulders slump. He turned back. ‘I’ll let you get on. I’m sure Seahorses will be a brilliant success. It’s erm… good to have you back.’

She watched him go, wanting to call him back and say something but she didn’t know what. He walked out the door and then suddenly she had a queue in front of her. As she started taking orders. She vowed she would know what to say the next time she saw him.

Orla walked up to the back of Starlight Cottage. The cottage looked like there was someone living there now rather than just tourists staying for a week or so; there were personal photos on the walls and the place looked a lot more lived in. But there was no sign of anyone, so she took the chance and went down the steps to Cranberry Cove.

She was half hoping Shay would be there and half hoping she’d never have the awkwardness of seeing him again, so when she got to the bottom and saw him sitting on the sand, she didn’t know whether to be happy or cringe with embarrassment. But she took a deep breath and went over and sat next to him, just like they’d always done.

‘I was hoping you’d come here.’ Shay said.

‘Old habits die hard.’

‘How was your first day?’ Shay asked.

‘Really good, thanks, really busy so that was nice.’

He nodded and they lapsed into silence which wasn’t easy or comfortable.

‘Look, there’s no easy way to say any of this, but I wanted you to know that I had counselling, a lot of it,’ Shay said. ‘You were right, I was filled with so much self-loathing after my not so auspicious start in life and I never realised how damaging that was to my relationships with people until I lost you. You made me want to be a better man and that started with learning to like myself, so I didn’t push people away when they tried to get close.’

She wasn’t sure where he was going with this. ‘I’m happy for you. I always thought you were an incredible man, I’m glad you can now see that too.’

‘And I want you to know how sorry I am,’ Shay started.

‘What on earth do you have to be sorry about?’ Orla said. ‘I’m the one who should be sorry.’

He blinked in confusion. ‘Why are you sorry?’

‘Because I ruined everything. I was the one that asked you to sleep with me when you didn’t want to, I’m the one that made it into something it wasn’t, that saw something that simply wasn’t there, that had never been there, and I’m the one that behaved like a child that had been told they couldn’t have a much-longed-for toy and threw a tantrum that drove us apart.’

‘Orla, I broke your heart and if I could go back and do that weekend again, it never would have ended that way.’

‘I feel that too, I wish I’d never said… what I said. I regret that more than anything. And you didn’t break my heart. I was a child. I didn’t know what love was. It was just because you gave me such a beautiful, perfect weekend and I didn’t want that to end.’

He looked surprised by this. ‘But you said you’d loved me for years.’

‘As friends, I loved you as a friend and like you said, I was confusing that with the emotions surrounding sex.’ She knew that was a lie, but if he thought she didn’t really love him maybe they could move past this awkwardness.

‘Right.’

They lapsed into another awkward silence.

‘I missed you,’ Orla said, quietly.

‘I missed you too.’

‘I don’t know if we can ever go back to what we had but—’

‘We can go back,’ he said, quickly.

‘We can?’

‘I’d really like to be friends again.’

She looked at him. Was she just setting herself up for a lifetime of torture being here and being friends with him again? But this was the opportunity she wanted, to have him back in her life again. She had messed up spectacularly and he was giving her a get-out-of-jail-free card.

‘OK, friends, and we’ll just forget that weekend ever happened,’ Orla said.

He cleared his throat. ‘I’m not sure I can do that, but if that’s what it takes to have you back in my life, I promise never to mention it again.’

‘Deal.’