Chapter 1

CHAPTER ONE

December 20 th

Orla Kennedy looked around the room with a smile. Carrie and Antonio had rented a beautiful, converted barn in the next town of White Cliff Bay for their wedding. It had been a small, casual affair for family and close friends and she liked that she’d been part of that. The room had been decorated perfectly with Christmas trees, garlands of holly, pinecones and berries. There were table arrangements of white candles surrounded by ivy and berries too, plus an abundance of white twinkling fairy lights everywhere. There’d even been a festive-themed buffet with mince pies and Christmas pudding flavoured scones. It was just a week until Christmas, so it was the perfect event to get everyone in the festive mood.

Carrie looked so happy and in love and Orla couldn’t have been more delighted that she’d found love after all those years alone.

Orla was sitting at a table with her closest friends; Carrie’s daughter Fern, her husband Fletcher and their daughter Ocean, a very heavily pregnant Roo, who was married to Carrie’s son Theo, and Ettie who was with her husband, Tom. Their two children had gone to their grandparents for the weekend, so Ettie was more than a little tipsy as she enjoyed her weekend of freedom.

And then there was Shay, Carrie’s other son. Her childhood best friend and the love of her life. She was an idiot, she had been in love with this man since she’d met him when she was fourteen and he was never going to be hers, he just didn’t see her in that way. Although he didn’t know that part, she’d kept that hidden for years. There was a time she thought he’d felt the same, but not anymore. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t let go of her love for him. She’d dated other people and so had he but she could never really move on from him. But having him in her life as a friend, her best friend, was infinitely better than not having him in her life at all. She’d been there and she definitely didn’t want to go back to that again.

He looked magnificent tonight, dressed In a suit with a red tie. He was such a big man, in height and breadth, everything about him was strong and muscular. He had gentle grey eyes and a beautiful smile that not many people got to see.

Everyone started getting up to dance and as her table almost completely emptied, she knew Shay would ask her to dance. Whenever they went to an event, a charity ball or some other kind of party she always ended up dancing with Shay. If she was sensible, she’d say no when he asked, save herself the heartache of being held in his arms knowing he’d never be hers, but she couldn’t do it. Those few minutes were pure bliss and she relished every second being held against him. So she put up with the pain of unrequited love and tortured herself with moments like dancing with him because being held in his arms was heaven even if it was only ever platonic.

Ettie squeezed her hand as she walked past. ‘Sorry to abandon you, but I think someone lovely will probably ask you to dance soon.’

Ettie winked and smiled as she moved onto the dance floor with Tom.

Orla should probably have been embarrassed that everyone noticed that she always danced with Shay, but she was used to people talking about them by now. All their friends and family were always making comments about the two of them. They spent so much time together, at work and outside of it, that everyone was always trying to matchmake the two of them together. But Shay would always dismiss it, tell people they were just friends, and so she did the same.

As predicted, he stood up and moved over to her, offering out a hand. ‘Would you like to dance?’

‘Of course.’

She took his hand, and he led her onto the dance floor, not caring that everyone seemed to be watching the two of them. She placed one hand on his shoulder and one hand in his. She let out a tiny gasp of delight when he moved his other hand round her back and his fingers grazed her bare skin. Maybe she was guilty of choosing a dress that was almost backless for that reason. He stroked his fingers up and down her spine and her heart thundered in her chest at his gentle touch. She looked up at him and for a moment she thought she’d seen his eyes darken with desire before she dismissed it. She was seeing what she wanted to see.

She closed her eyes and rested her head on his chest, relishing in the feel of his arms wrapped around her, pretending for a moment that all of this was real.

‘You look beautiful tonight, Orla,’ Shay said, softly as they moved around the dance floor.

She looked up at him. ‘Thank you, and you always look amazing in a suit. If I had my way, being manager of the Little Beach Hut Hotel would require you to wear a suit every day.’

‘Thankfully, you’re not in charge of the dress code and being manager means I can choose what I want to wear and be a bit more casual if I want, but if wearing a suit makes you happy, maybe I should wear one more often.’

She smiled up at him. God she so wanted to lean up and kiss him right now and it had nothing to do with the glass of mulled wine she’d had a while before. ‘You make me happy regardless of what you wear.’

He stared at her and she wondered if she had pushed it too far.

‘I just meant I’m grateful to have you in my life. We’ve been friends for so long and then we weren’t and now we are again and I’m grateful that you were able to look past the silly immature teenager I was and let me back into your life again.’

‘I loved the girl you were when we met, just as I love the woman you are now.’

Her heart leapt so hard it felt like it had catapulted into her throat. She studied him for a moment, trying to get a read from his face. ‘You mean you love me as a friend?’

He shrugged. ‘You take it any way you want to take it.’

She frowned in confusion. ‘What does that mean?’

He sighed. ‘Maybe it’s being at a wedding, watching two people who are so happy together, who love each other completely commit to spending the rest of their lives together and it makes me feel sad that I’ve never found that. Or if I’m being truthful, I was never brave enough to go after it. Orla, I—’

Just then Roo and Theo danced into their space. ‘May we cut in,’ Roo said.

Orla looked at Roo in surprise and, if she was honest, a little bit of frustration. She loved her friend dearly but now was not the time for whatever this was.

But Shay, looking equally frustrated, nodded politely and after a few awkward moments, they swapped dancing partners so she was dancing with Theo.

‘Sorry for the interruption,’ Theo said.

‘It’s OK,’ Orla said, even though it really wasn’t, but then maybe it was a good thing. What Shay had been saying was starting to give her hope and that was a dangerous road to go down.

‘We just wanted to say that you and Shay are important to us and with our son due in the next few weeks, we wanted to ask if you would be his godparent. With Shay, Fern and Fletcher of course.

Her frustration was immediately forgotten. ‘Oh, wow, of course. I’d be honoured. Thank you.’

‘No, thank you. There’s so much to think about when bringing a child into the world and we just wanted to get this sorted now, just in case anything should happen to us.’

‘I’m touched to be asked. Are you getting excited?’

‘Probably nervous more than anything, we just want to do the best for him.’

‘You will. He has two parents who love each other completely and utterly and will love him with that same ferocity. He can’t ask for more than that.’

He nodded. ‘Since Roo came back into my life, everything just makes so much sense. Having a child with her makes sense, I want to build a future with her. There’s a tiny part of me that worries that because I had such a terrible upbringing, what kind of father would I be to my son, but I love him so much already and he hasn’t even been born yet. I know I will do everything in my power to make sure he is loved and cared for.’

‘Your son is going to be the luckiest boy in the world having you two as parents. And you have nothing to worry about. You’re one of the kindest, most generous and selfless people I know. You gave up being CEO of a multi-million-pound company to be CEO of a wildlife animal rescue instead. If you can do that for animals, imagine how much love your son will get.’

Theo smiled. ‘Thank you.’

She smiled and glanced over at Shay as he chatted with Roo. Everything about being with Shay made sense too. They just clicked in a way that she didn’t have with anyone else, not even Fern, Roo or Ettie. She saw him every day, as she managed and ran Seahorses, the café that was part of The Little Beach Hut Hotel. As the manager at the hotel, he was always popping in and would often come for breakfast or lunch, but she knew it was more than just convenience of using the café where he worked, she knew he enjoyed spending time with her too.

A lot of people assumed they were already a couple as they were so close, and those that knew they weren’t would often ask why, as it was apparently obvious to anyone looking in that they were both in love with each other. But she knew the truth. Shay didn’t love her like that. Maybe he loved her as a friend but not the passionate, head over heels in love feelings she felt for him. He’d told her that himself.

Unless things had changed.

‘You know, when Roo first came back to Apple Hill Bay, I phoned Shay and asked him what I should do,’ Theo said, dragging her attention back to him. ‘He said I had to tell Roo how I felt for her when we were teenagers. I’d never told her I loved her before she left which was my biggest regret. I didn’t see the point as it had been fourteen years since I’d last seen her, it was water under the bridge. Why make things awkward and weird between us for something that was in the past. But Shay said that we had to start with a clean slate and the only way forward was if she knew the truth. I’m so glad I listened to him, because it turned out she’d felt the same way. Sometimes you have to be brave, take a risk.’

‘And sometimes doing that can ruin everything.’

Theo sighed. ‘Shay’s past is a complicated one. And the man’s an idiot. Well, he used to be in the past, fortunately he’s grown out of all that, well… most of it.’

Orla’s cheeks flushed with embarrassment. ‘He told you, what happened that weekend?’

Theo paused before he answered, clearly realising he’d said something he shouldn’t. ‘Yes but only very recently, a few weeks ago in fact. But I haven’t told anyone, not even Roo. And you have nothing to be embarrassed about. What you did was brave and courageous and I’m sorry it ended the way that it did.’

She shook her head. ‘It’s in the past. I don’t want to talk about it.’

‘Maybe you should. With Shay not me.’

‘I’m a big fan of not rocking the boat.’

Theo sighed and the song came to an end.

‘Thanks for the dance,’ Orla said, stepping out of his arms.

‘I’m sorry, it wasn’t my place to say anything.’

She nodded, still a bit miffed that Shay had told Theo about it after all this time. Why bring it up now?

‘It’s getting hot in here, I need to get a drink.’ She nodded her thanks to Theo and walked over to the bar.

She ordered a glass of wine and took a sip as she surveyed the room. What could she possibly gain about talking about that weekend with Shay again? She wanted to forget it had ever happened. It was twelve years ago after all.

Roo came over. ‘Theo said he thinks he might have upset you. Are you OK?’

She’d never told Roo or anyone what had happened that weekend, she’d been too humiliated for that, so she could hardly bring it up now. ‘I’m fine.’ She decided to change the subject. ‘Thank you for asking me to be godparent to your son, I’m honoured you would think of me.’

‘Of course, I love you, we all do. And we just want you to be happy,’ Roo said, meaningfully.

‘I am happy. I live in one of the most beautiful parts of the world, I love my job running Seahorses, I have wonderful friends. I don’t need more than that.’

She ignored the ache in her heart that said otherwise.

‘That was a lovely party,’ Orla said, looking through the car window as Shay drove them home. It was snowing hard, settling on the clifftop road, and the grassy verges. It was likely they’d have a few inches of the stuff by tomorrow morning, which would make getting to work interesting. She was holding out hope that it would last another week so they could have a white Christmas for the first time in a long time. They so rarely got snow on the coast, so this was very exciting.

She looked over at Shay as he drove back along the coastal road towards her house. She had danced with Shay again later at the wedding reception, but he hadn’t said anything more and she hadn’t questioned him about what he’d been trying to say earlier. She didn’t want to bring it up to then find out she’d completely misunderstood. She’d rather just not know.

He looked at her and smiled. ‘It was. I had a great night. Did you want to come back to mine for a coffee?’ He gestured to the turn off for his house, which sat on the cliff tops overlooking Cranberry Cove. ‘Ivy will be delighted to see you.’

Ivy was his five-month-old newfoundland puppy that was already the size of a small horse. She knew Shay had already popped home three times to check on her during the course of the wedding and reception. Ivy was deaf and the reason why her owners had dumped her. She had been tied to the gates of Little Paws, Theo’s wildlife rescue centre with a note that said, ‘She’s deaf, the vet wanted to charge me four hundred pounds to put her down so you can deal with it.’ The note hadn’t even bothered to say her name obviously thinking she wasn’t worth saving. An hour later she had found a new forever home with Shay. She had the sweetest nature and Orla loved playing with her, but even Shay’s beautiful dog would not be enough to make her go to his house.

‘Oh no, thanks, I better get back, I have to be up early for the café.’

He nodded and she glanced out the window so she wouldn’t have to look at him. She sighed as she felt the awkwardness of her refusal. Although she could torture herself by dancing with him, there was a line she wouldn’t cross and that was going to his house. She never wanted to go back to Starlight Cottage. There were too many memories there that hurt too much. Shay had bought the cottage off Antonio around eighteen months before, after Antonio had moved in with Carrie and finally decided to sell it. Orla had successfully refused every invite to go there ever since but there would come a point when Shay would ask why.

‘Can I ask why you keep refusing to come to my house?’

She pulled a face. Clearly that point had arrived.

‘I don’t. You know I’m always busy with the café,’ she lied.

‘You’ve not been there once. Is it because of… what happened there?’

She let out a little gasp; they’d agreed never to speak about it. Despite trying to push those memories away, she could remember that weekend so vividly, every little detail. Why was he bringing it up again? Why did he talk about it with Theo?

‘No, it’s just—’

She saw a movement out of her window, and she looked out the windscreen at the shadow that was fast approaching.

‘Deer!’ she yelled as the stag leapt across the road.

Shay swerved, skidded on the snow on the side of the road and the car tumbled over the edge of the cliff.

She screamed as the car plummeted down the steep grassy bank. Shay desperately tried to regain control of the car but there was too much snow and the car spun around as it bounced off rocks. She could see the white froth of the high tide crashing on the sands as they plunged towards the beach way too fast.

They hit the beach headfirst with a deafening bang, the air bags exploded, the windscreen smashed and water poured into the car. A large wave crashed against the car, tossing the car on its side. Orla smacked her head hard and everything went black.