Chapter 15

Fifteen

BHODI

I need you .

I don’t stop to consider what that means. What it could mean.

Or what it doesn’t.

I seize the moment. I take Tam by his good hand and lead him to the annex.

Fumble the keys.

Drag him inside.

Not that he takes much dragging, until I remember that he likes it—to give himself up to the moment. To choose it after he spent so long with no choices at all.

I kick the door shut and shove Tam against it. In the dark, his eyes gleam, as feral as I suddenly feel, and I know he didn’t come here for a chat.

I’m too worked up to worry that he only wants me for sex. To disregard every non-sexual encounter we’ve shared and what they might mean. I have the rest of my life to overthink all that. Right now, I want him, and everything that comes with it. “I want to fuck you.”

Tam bites my bottom lip. “I’ve been dreaming about you saying that to me.”

“Good dreams?”

“The fucking best.”

“Don’t get your hopes up.” I tug him from the door and relieve him of his faded tee in one fluid movement. “I haven’t topped in…I don’t even know. It might be terrible.”

“You said that about blowjobs and I barely survived.”

“Yeah?”

Tam pushes my coat from my shoulders and wrenches my shirt over my head. “Yeah.”

They’re the last words we exchange for a while. Getting naked becomes our priority, and then we fall onto the bed I haven’t slept in since he lay in it with me last night.

Hot skin and rumpled sheets.

It’s the perfect combination, and by now we’ve kissed so many times it’s as easy as breathing. So natural even Tam’s cock, hard against my abdomen, feels dangerously like coming home.

I’m scared of that feeling and I’m not so kiss-drunk on him that I don’t know it. To need the oblivion of sliding down his body, hooking my arm around his hip and devouring his dick with my mouth.

Tam groans, deep and violent. “Fuck.”

Yeah. We’re gonna. But I want this first, and not just because there’s a devil in my head whispering that my lapsed topping skills are going to come up short. I want it because it’s magic to watch Tam’s composure slip. To feel it. He’s so expressive I can’t look away, even with him crammed down my throat, and when this is over and our lives have both moved on, I know this is what I’ll remember.

“Bhodi.” Tam gravels my name and digs his fingers into my shoulders. “Sois doux avec moi—I don’t wanna come yet.”

I have no idea what the first part of that sentence means, but I hear the plea in the second and release him from my mouth.

Tam’s breathing hard.

So am I.

But we’re just getting started.

Reading his gaze, I walk on my knees and tap his lips with my cock. He grins and flicks his tongue over it, and it’s my turn to lose my mind as his hot breath heats my skin.

I’m going to fuck him .

It’s a certainty now—as if it was ever in doubt—but first, he wants my dick in his mouth and I’m gonna give him what he needs.

Tam sucks cock like he does everything else. Like art , even as I let him goad me into screwing his mouth. Fucking his tight throat. An ache builds in my belly, the muscles in my thighs bound taut enough to snap. Only the thought of swapping this to being buried inside him stops me blowing my load too early.

Yeah, that’s right. I don’t want to come yet either.

It’s how I find the strength to drag my dick from his wet and swollen lips, and leave him on the bed while I find a bag I haven’t even thought about unpacking yet.

Condoms.

Lube.

I’d left them buried as a reminder to think before I dive head-first into something else that will ultimately hurt me. But I’m not thinking right now, and if I were, I’d tell myself that my eyes are wide open this time. I know who Tam is. What he wants.

No strings sex.

I can do this.

I want this.

I go back to the bed. Tam is waiting, his face limned by the soft glow of the lamp I turned on when I came home, his hard dick wrapped in his tattooed fist.

Damn.

More blood rushes south, spinning my head, as he stares at me as if we do this all the time. As if he’s a regular fixture in my bed and what happens next is inevitable.

Inevitable .

That word.

It’s relevant. But I don’t stop to puzzle it out. Without putting voice to how I’m feeling, I roll on the condom and reach for Tam, tugging him down the bed to where I want him.

Where I need him.

Closer.

More.

All of it.

Despite his injuries, Tam is lithe and flexible. He hooks me in with his legs, guiding me to where he wants me most, and I’m gentle as I align us.

He wants it rough ?—

No.

That’s not what he said, and in this moment, I’m more aware of it than ever. “Ready?”

Tam licks his bottom lip. “What do you think? ”

“I think I’m going to fuck my dick inside you and you’re going to tell me if you need me to stop, okay?”

“Okay, Bhodi.”

I push forward, breaching him, rapt as his nose flares with desire and his jaw unhinges more and more with every slow slide of my cock. And honestly, I get it. I know how it feels to take a man inside my body. That burn. That rush. The flood of emotion that comes even with a stranger.

Or maybe that’s just me.

Either way, we’re not strangers, and we haven’t been since that night in the hospital car park, when a deeper part of me had known that our brief encounter was just the start.

I’m all the way in. With Tam’s legs still wrapped around me, we’re closer than close. I lean down to kiss him, parting his lips with my tongue, gliding it against his, swallowing the rough noise that escapes his throat, trapping his dick with my abs. My soul aches to rock forward, but I hold back, enjoying the moment before he breaks the kiss early and flexes his hips.

“Fuck me, Bhodi.”

For a long second, I gaze at him, absorbing how tight he is, and how hard I’ll have to fight to stave off the eye-rolling pleasure of giving him what he wants. But I know it’s a fight that whatever happens, I can’t lose. So I do what he does—what he chose all those years ago—and let it all go.

I fuck him. And I’m not gentle.

It isn’t quiet either. Tam tells me what he wants, and I give it to him, and every sound he makes goads me into fucking him harder .

We cover every inch of the bed.

And then I put him on his knees.

Exertion works Tam’s lungs .

He drops his head, taking a moment. I find myself at one with the scars on his back, some vast, some small, but each one a map of the man who, despite my best intentions, has consumed me so entirely since we met.

Leaning down, I trace one with my tongue.

Tam shivers. “Bhodi.”

It’s all he says, but I hear him. Still inside him, my lips to his spine, I start to move again, punching my hips to the rhythm I’ve already learned makes him set his jaw and moan . The rhythm that drags me into a heady trance where there’s nothing but tight heat and the slap of skin on skin. It’s perilous. That coil in my belly is a snake, waiting to strike. But it’s so good I can’t stop, and I fuck Tam like this for what feels like hours. Until my lungs start to burn and his legs tremble.

Until there’s nothing left for us but the end.

I drag Tam upright. His strong arm goes around my neck and he arches his back.

Digging a knee into the mattress, I double down, grinding it out, chasing his climax more than my own, and I get my reward in his gritted out French expletives. In the hallowed way his deep voice wraps around my name. Tam detonates, and it’s as beautiful as he is. A holy thing that catapults me off the edge, and we come together in a mind-blowing haze of the sweetest high.

I’ve never felt anything like it. Only the fact I’m still inside Tam, and I’ve put him through a marathon of hard sex, stops me collapsing on the ruined bed and sleeping forever.

We’re both wrecked.

I ease out of him and stagger to the bathroom, grateful that every facet of the annex is within a few steps. I dump the condom, grab a towel, and go back to Tam to help him clean up.

Then we lie together in the dark, just breathing, until his hands find mine and he squeezes my fingers as hard as I fucked him.

I squeeze him back. “Okay?”

Tam takes a slow and shaky breath. “Yeah, baby. I’m okay.”