Chapter 13

Thirteen

TAM

“Maybe it’s time I got better at picking who to fuck.”

Bhodi’s killing me with these one-liners. Except this time, he doesn’t leave. He can’t, because we’re at his place, on his rug, in front of his fire, and it’s down to me to end this before it begins. To smother the growing flame between us before it burns out of control.

But I’m as weak as I am stubborn and I keep my hand on his face, hooked by the spark in his bright eyes.

The heat.

I want him.

For more than a peck on the cheek and some gentle flirtation.

I want to be his fucking exception.

Kissing him is so easy, I don’t truly grasp how it happens. Just that the moment to stare at each other passes, and then my mouth is on his, my tongue slipping between his lips, and I stop thinking about the consequences of messing around with my tenant.

I pull him on top of me.

Surprise stutters his kiss, but he goes with it, bracing an arm on the rug as his broader frame weighs me down. “This doesn’t hurt you?”

I bite his lips. “No.”

Bhodi smiles, but it’s consumed by the rising inferno between us.

He’s wearing fuck-all. Just sweats and socks. No underwear, I can tell, and it dizzies me knowing only a scrap of cotton lies between me and the solid heat he’s packing. The hardness already digging into my leg.

I reach for it.

He catches my hands, pinning them above my head, careful with my cast, but firm enough with his touch that I know I’m in trouble when this gets going. “Did you mean what you said the other night?”

“Which part?”

“The part about switching.”

His gaze darkens. “Depends.”

“On?”

“If you meant what you said.”

“I meant it.” He speaks without hesitation. My own cock reacts and I know he feels it. Can tell by the snake of his tongue wetting his lips. “I just never pictured it before.”

It makes me wonder what he pictured instead, but I read between the lines of what he’s asking me and give him the truth.

“I’ve always been vers, but after the accident, when I spent so long not in control of my own body, I learned to find a thrill in giving it up. Like…not violent shit, fuck no. More a subtle do minance? If that’s a thing—I don’t know how else to describe it.”

Bhodi takes a slow breath, contemplation swirling in his gaze as he squeezes my hands, tightening his grip on them. “I think I know what you mean.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Bhodi kisses me, and it’s different this time. The sweetness has gone, and in its place is a rough fire that spins me out as much as the descending weight of his body does.

He was holding back, I realise, when I rolled him on top of me. But he’s not holding back now, and I funnel my hand into his hair, arching my neck as he goes for my throat.

With his mouth.

With his teeth.

Fuck .

Arousal bolts through me. I’ve craved this since I met him, but I’m not fucking ready for it. I’m not ready for the wild sensation his attention drives through me. For the perfect fit of his body moving against mine, or the sheer compulsion that throws my leg over his hip, hooking him closer.

I’m not ready for the smooth warmth of his skin.

Bhodi tugs my shirt over my head. He has to release my hands to do it, but I leave them where they are. If I touch him right now, I’ll explode, and I want to see how far he takes this.

Where he starts.

Where he stops.

Don’t fucking stop.

Bhodi looms over me. In the shadows of the room, the firelight dancing in his eyes, he’s more gorgeous than ever, and my chest gives way to a heavy breath, anticipation searing my lungs.

“I like this one.” He ghosts a finger over the sparrows on my chest. “It must’ve hurt.”

“All the good things do.”

“So do the bad ones.” Bhodi leans down, his mouth inches from mine. “But bad things can be good too, right?”

“I think so.”

“Let’s see.”

Fuck. Me.

I’m adding Bhodi’s filthy mouth to the list of things I’m not ready for. Then his lips and teeth go to work on my torso too, and I’m so gone. It’s like I’ve never been touched before. Like I’ve been starved for it my whole life and he’s my fucking saviour.

A ragged groan escapes me.

Bhodi exhales a rough breath and hauls me up, pressing his forehead to mine. “How far do you want to take this?”

I give voice to the fantasy. “You decide.”

He whistles through his teeth. “That’s dangerous.”

“Why?”

“Because I want to suck you dry.”

That dizziness comes back. “I’m not gonna stop you.”

“Sure about that?” Bhodi unbuttons my jeans, deft fingers working as he stares me down. “I might be shit at blowjobs.”

“I might be shit at returning the favour.”

“Who says I’m gonna let you?”

“You’ll let me.”

Bhodi dips his hand below my waistband. “You’re probably right. But I’m not thinking about that right now.”

“What are you thinking about? ”

“Getting you naked…if that’s okay?”

It’s more than okay. My body is a map of scars and bad decisions, but I’m not shy. How Bhodi makes me feel is part of me, and I’m not afraid to show him.

I kiss him, flexing up into his hands.

Bhodi takes the hint and tugs my jeans and underwear down, tossing them with my socks, leaving me bare to him while the single item of clothing he’s wearing is one too many.

He wears faded sweats like a dream, but they have to fucking go.

I push at his waistband. “Take them off?”

Bhodi smirks. “ You take them off.”

My mouth dries. I go for the sweats again and ease them away until I reach the hard dick standing in the way. It’s the struggle of my life to not fixate on it, but somehow, I manage to manoeuvre over it until my arms aren’t long enough to finish the job.

Bhodi takes over. His clothes join mine scattered on the floor around us and he comes back to me so gloriously naked I feel like my every fucking Christmas has come at once.

I mean, I knew he’d be beautiful, but damn . The sight of him is eons away from my wildest dreams. Those swathes of unmarked skin and muscled thighs that could easily pin me in place whether I let him or not. For a minute, anyway, and it makes me wonder if he’d enjoy me throwing him off. Or if he’d fuck me from the bottom, killing me with the same gentle smirk he’s killing me with now as he lays me down again and straddles my legs, gazing at me with the same hunger in his eyes I know I have in mine.

Too fast. Too soon. But goddamn, I feel like I’ve been waiting on this moment my whole fucking life. This is deeper than an ill-advised hookup. Even if we never touch each other again, my heart already knows that no one will ever live up to him.

“You’re thinking a lot.” Bhodi leans down. “Everything okay?”

I’m so far beyond okay I don’t have the words. But despite his dirty mouth, Bhodi’s a sweet soul, and he deserves more than the vagueness I give everyone else. “You’re so fucking hot it scares me.”

Bhodi shifts, easing off me to find his place between my legs. “I’m not here to scare you.”

“What are you here to do?”

“ This .”

He claims my lips and slides his hand south, wrapping his fingers around my dick. And he’s gentle at first, which really does fucking scare me. I’m in too deep with Bhodi already. If he’s too nice, I’ll fall in love with him for sure, and…

Bhodi presses down on me again, his forearm to my throat, gripping tighter. “Whatever it is, let it go.”

I don’t know what it is.

I don’t know anything except that I need to be present in this moment in case I never get to live it again.

Closing my eyes, I take a breath and focus on the pulsating pleasure Bhodi’s drawing from me with his skilled hand. It flows through me like water from a hot tap, warming with every pass of his palm. Every twist of his wrist. Every minute increase of pressure from his arm on my windpipe.

I can’t breathe, but I don’t want to. I want that light-headed oblivion. That hazy vision and heady rush. More than that, though, I want it from him . “Bhodi.”

His name gravels from my lungs like a holy prayer.

Bhodi bites my lips, his dick digging into my thigh as he amps it up—all of it, smirking as I let my body do whatever the fuck it wants. Smouldering as my leg curls around his hip. “You’re so hot you scare me .”

My good hand balls into a fist. On the other, my fingers strain against the cast, a reflex I can’t fight, and I’m already close to losing it.

Because I haven’t got laid in months?

No.

Bhodi has a wicked touch, and he’s making me shake with a simple hand-job, but there’s nothing so simple about the nuanced heat sluicing through me.

I need to get a grip.

To give something back.

Bhodi must read it in my eyes. He shakes his head. “Let me.”

Let him what? Kill me?

Okay.

“Then fucking kiss me.”

He does and somewhere in the wider universe, a switch is flipped. Urgency heightens. Pace. Pressure . I prepare myself to bust like this, but Bhodi has other ideas. He brings me to the brink, then rips his hand away, and I realise he’s breathing as rough as I am. That his dick is as swollen and hard as mine.

“I want you in my mouth.” I speak without thought.

Bhodi licks his lips. “Soon.”

“Soon?”

“ Soon .” He braces an arm by my head, slotting our bodies together as if we’re fucking, his fingers gripping my hip, his dick sliding along mine, creating a dark friction that cranks my blood to a heart-pumping inferno. Bhodi’s got rhythm, and when he fucks me, he’s gonna rail me like a boss .

When? My subconscious mocks me.

I block it out and arch against Bhodi as he drives us together a little harder, and fresh sweat beads my skin, adding to the instinctive grind we roll into.

It feels like we’re trapped in that cycle for hours. I nearly come so many times I lose count, but Bhodi becomes an instant expert in reading me, easing back at the last second over and over until I’m insane with the need to explode.

My chest heaves with the effort of holding myself together, and I still haven’t touched his dick. Not with my hands, anyway. “I need?—”

Bhodi seals my lips with his palm. “You need to fuck my mouth.”

Putain . I lose more oxygen from my lungs. Bhodi stares me down for a blazing second. Then he’s gone, descending my body, swallowing my dick before I can take a breath, enveloping me in his tight, hot throat.

“ Fuck .” I jackknife from the rug, spearing my cock deeper.

Bhodi makes a gagging sound. I try to pull back, but he holds me in place, grabbing my hand and planting it on his head, and his words reverberate. You need to fuck my mouth .

He’s right. For me or for him, it doesn’t fucking matter. I do need this. And maybe, so does he.

I shift my hand to his jaw and cradle it, widening my legs. It puts pressure on my lower back, but I don’t give a fuck. I barely notice, I’m so transfixed by his bright blue gaze blazing up at me as I give in to the primal instinct to drive my dick between his sweet lips over and over, the blood in my veins crackling with the energy of a lit firework.

My eyes roll and I struggle to stay anchored to the world, it’s that fucking good. It’s that fucking wild as Bhodi sinks lower, his lips skimming my abdomen.

I swear. A lot. In French.

Then I come, shaking with the force of it, and if I wasn’t certain before that no one else on earth will ever make me feel like this, I am now.

Destroyed, I come down, shivering as Bhodi slows his wicked mouth and pulls off me.

He can’t hide his grin. Doesn’t even try. “Better?”

“Better than what?”

He brings us level again and taps my temple. “Than whatever was going on in there.”

I can’t remember what thoughts feel like. I make an unintelligible noise and think I might die here on this rug.

Then I feel him, still rigid and hotter than my seared nerves, and I get a second wind. “Come here.”

An order. A plea.

Both.

Doesn’t matter. Bhodi hears me and he brings his cock to my mouth.

He’s so hard. And he’s big too—not that it matters. I like everything. I like him , and taking him down my throat is the kind of perfection we’re born for. And the sound he makes? The groan I’ve been hanging on for this whole fucking time?

It spears through me, etching on my brain forever, and the only thing better than that is making him groan again .

We’ve worked each other up so much that it doesn’t take long for Bhodi’s legs to tremble. I bite him, testing him, and he throws his head back, arching his spine, rooting his hands to the rug to keep himself upright. “Fuck. Tam.”

One day. That when from earlier, it means something, and the voice in my head that wants to argue is a distant thing I don’t care about. I bring Bhodi to the edge, tempted to draw it out, but seeing him come is life, and I can’t hold back. I give it everything. He shatters, and it’s all I’ve ever craved from giving pleasure to someone else.

It really is fucking perfect, and so is the world we return to as we come up for air. The low light of the room. The quiet crackle of the logs in the burner. The scent of woodsmoke and sex heavy in the air.

Bhodi flops beside me, still breathing hard. There’s an inch between us and I don’t like it. “Lie with me?”

He edges closer, setting his chin on my chest. “You warm enough?”

I’m scorched earth, inside and out, and I need him closer still. I tug him until he’s wrapped around me and it still doesn’t feel enough. “I don’t think I could ever be cold with you around.”