Chapter Twenty Two

R obyn glanced across at Jasper as she helped him serve mulled cider from his stall on the beach. The bonfire next to them gave off a warm glow of heat in the otherwise cold evening and Robyn watched as children darted through the gentle waves lapping gently at the shore, still clinging onto their lanterns, while their parents stood huddled in groups watching on, holding paper cups of mulled cider, mulled wine or hot chocolate to warm their hands.

‘Thank you, love.’ Elsie took the mulled cider from Robyn’s hand. ‘We’ve had so many comments about how wonderful the grotto looked today.’

Robyn smiled. ‘Really?’

‘Yes, all thanks to you and your decorating skills, love.’

‘Thanks.’ Robyn grinned as she remembered the shrieks of delight from the children decorating their lanterns at the bakery when Santa had arrived.

‘Make sure you get yourself one of these, too.’ Elsie held up her cup of mulled cider. ‘It’s delicious.’

‘I will.’ Robyn waved as she headed back towards Ian, Wendy, Connor and little Hudson. Just as she turned to another customer, her mobile rang from her pocket.

‘You get that, Robyn. I’ll finish off here. We’re almost out, anyway.’ Jasper grinned as he filled another cup.

‘Are you sure?’ Pulling her mobile from her pocket, she glanced at the screen. It was Cathy.

‘Yep. And thank you so much for helping. I owe you.’ Jasper leaned over and kissed her on top of the forehead. ‘I’ll find you on the beach when I finish here, shall I?’

Robyn nodded before stepping away from the stall and holding her mobile to her ear. ‘Hi, Cathy. Is everything okay?’

‘Hey, sis. I don’t even know what okay means at the moment.’ Cathy sounded frustrated, fed-up and for Cathy to be feeling that way, something must have happened.

‘Why? What’s happened?’ Robyn walked across the sand towards the ocean. She wasn’t sure she wanted to know the answer. ‘What have they done now?’

Cathy’s let out a quick laugh. ‘How on earth did you know who I was talking about?’

‘No idea.’ Robyn smiled as she dipped the toe of her trainer into the water.

‘Mum’s found out Dad will be at mine all Christmas and she’s now refusing to come.’

‘Seriously?’ Robyn sighed. She knew it must be hard for them to see each other, after all if it hadn’t been for her and Cathy, they’d have gone their separate ways years ago and never had to catch sight of the other one again but sometimes, just sometimes she felt as though it would be nice for them to at least pretend to get along, if not for her and Cathy’s sakes then for their grandchildren.

‘Yep. She doesn’t want to see him, so she’s not coming. She’s said she and Kevin will spend the day at their house and have a ready meal for Christmas dinner.’

Robyn bit down on her bottom lip, the metallic taste of blood pooling in her mouth. There was nothing to stop her mum or Kevin cooking a Christmas dinner themselves, so this was just a way of making poor Cathy feel guilty. She let out a huge sigh. ‘Let them.’

‘I can’t just let them miss out.’ Robyn could hear Cathy’s words catching in her throat down the line.

‘Cathy, if they want to stay home, then let them. There’s nothing more you can do.’

‘I know, but I can’t. I’ve got to try.’

Robyn looked over at Jasper as he cleared away his mulled cider stall. Is this what becomes of everyone but the few? The few lucky ones who stay together, who actually stay loving each other? Does everyone else become so annoyed, upset, or angry at their former partner that they let them rule how they live their lives?

‘Are you still there?’ Cathy’s voice became a little louder.

‘Yes, sorry.’ Taking a deep breath, Robyn savoured the fresh, salty sea air. ‘I’ll come home. If I’m there, then it’ll be as it always is. I’ll stay at Dad’s Christmas Eve, then pop over to yours to see Mum and Kevin before they go and he joins us.’

‘That is precisely why I didn’t want to ring you.’ Cathy’s voice grew exasperated.

‘Then why did you?’ Robyn frowned.

‘Because I knew Mum would call you on Christmas Day and make you feel guilty. I wanted to give you the heads up.’ Cathy’s voice grew stern. ‘But you are not to come home. Do you understand me? I won’t be setting the table for you, and I don’t have enough Yorkshire puddings.’

Robyn smiled despite the conversation, Cathy knew how much she loved the Yorkshire puddings.

‘I mean it.’

‘Umm.’ Jasper was loading his van now, today’s Christmas jumper had tiny lights woven into the wool decorating the festive scene.

‘Promise me.’

‘But...’

‘Robyn, promise me. This year you’re going to stay out of the family politics and enjoy Christmas and your birthday. Promise me.’

Robyn stubbed her toe against the sand, the tiny grains sticking to where her trainer was still wet from the sea. She didn’t know what to say or do anymore. Surely the odds were already stacked against her and Jasper because they’d started out arguing before they’d even known each other. ‘Promise.’

‘Good. Right, I’ve got to rush off, but I’ll ring you soon, okay?’

‘Okay. Bye.’ And with that, Cathy’s voice had disappeared. The conversation was over. She jumped as she felt Jasper’s hands around her waist. Looking over her shoulder at him, she smiled as he kissed her cheek. ‘All packed up?’

‘All packed up. Now I get to enjoy my time with you.’ Jasper pulled her towards him, her back against his chest as they looked out towards the horizon.

Leaning back against his chest, Robyn closed her eyes, listening to the hopeful seagulls circling the beach, waiting until they could swoop down and clear up any dropped crumbs of mince pies and gingerbread Santas. The bay was just beautiful; the cliffs hugging the beach on either side and the lighthouse standing strong at one end, its light drifting across the water to warn any passing ships of the rocks lurking beneath the surface. The muffled chatter and laughter behind her began to disperse as people began the journey home, Christmas magic filling their hearts.

She should be feeling happy. She’d had a busy but wonderful day and the way Jasper was hugging her she felt as though she could just melt against him, but there was that all familiar uncertainty gnawing in the pit of her stomach. What was she supposed to do? Continue this relationship with Jasper, knowing full well that they started out arguing and would likely slip back into that rhythm sooner rather than later? Or continue, waiting for the inevitable breakup, the broken hearts and the smashed confidences?

Jasper kissed her on top of her head. ‘It’s beautiful, isn’t it?’

Nodding, Robyn gripped his hands around her waist. She didn’t want to let him go. She didn’t want to walk away, but he was a good person and more than anything, she didn’t want to lead him on, cause him any hurt. She spoke before she could convince herself otherwise. ‘This isn’t going to work.’

‘Sorry?’

She felt jasper tense behind her, his arms still around her waist. She gripped his hands tighter and leaned her head back against his chest as tears began to stream down her face. Now she’d made the decision she knew it would be for the best, however awful she felt – for him and for herself. ‘Us. We won’t work.’

‘Why not?’

He wasn’t making this easy, not holding her as he was. She was fighting against every fibre in her body not to just turn around, tell him she’d got it wrong and kiss him. She swallowed; her eyes fixed on a small boat meandering across the water just outside of the bay. ‘Because I can’t give you what you want.’

‘What I want?’ His voice cracked. ‘All I want is you. I want to see where things go with you. Nothing else.’

She swallowed a sob. ‘But I can’t. Everything comes to an end. It just does and it’ll be better for the both of us if we don’t try in the first place.’

‘Robyn, please...’

‘No.’ Robyn turned in his arms, cupping his cheeks with her hands. ‘I’m sorry, Jasper, but this is for the best.’ Leaning forward, she gently kissed him on the lips before walking away.