20. Clyde

twenty

Clyde

D espite the nice walk, I was leery when I came around the corner. The man who’d recognized me the day before had probably checked out, and I hadn’t seen his bike since, but I didn’t want to take any more chances. I still wasn’t sure I’d gotten off the hook, but there was no reason to tempt fate.

I didn’t see anyone lurking outside the motel. In fact, the entire place was mostly empty, but I did a thorough check before I crossed the parking lot to my room. I sighed with relief as I closed and locked the door behind me.

It’s like I lived in two different worlds. On the one hand, I had a job I loved, one I enjoyed more than any before. I took evening strolls through town, passing fancy buildings that housed an upscale hotel and high-end condos, to escort a potential suitor home like a gentleman.

Then I’d cross the tracks and enter my reality. A place where I had to watch my back, where I was lucky not to be found and beaten within an inch of my life. This , I reminded myself, was my real life.

It didn’t pay to forget that. I’d done a bad thing when I’d taken my ex’s money. I’d also asked for trouble when I’d returned the bruises he’d given me. He’d have likely have let that go, because men like him understood you sometimes had to take what you gave.

The stealing, though, wasn’t something Jimmy would forget or forgive. Even if he didn’t send the law after me, which I couldn’t rule out, he would take revenge on me if he could. Men like my ex were just as likely to kill me as not.

Of course, I didn’t realize that when I’d started dating him. Not that I was paying attention. I was drunk the night we met in a bar, not unlike the one across the street from here. I’d let the girls from work talk me into going, and we drank too much, and then he’d come sniffing my way.

Jimmy wasn’t that good-looking, but was tall and strong, despite having a gut. I should’ve kicked him out of my life the following day like any sane person who’d woken up next to a loser after a drunken night of frolicking. Instead, I let him woo me into a false sense of security.

Then, as it always did, came the hitting and the apologies. Shit, I was pathetic. I was barely attracted to Jimmy—nothing like how I felt when Ruther looked my way—and I didn’t even like him as a person very much.

Idiot! I chastised myself before I finally shook my head and headed into the shower. It did no good to rehash this time and time again. It’d happened, I’d let it happen, and now all I could do was move on with my life.

I’d keep Ruther on a very long leash, though if tonight was any indication, he wasn’t one to push himself or an agenda. As long as he kept to that, I’d be fine. Well, mostly fine. I still liked him more than I had any other man in…maybe ever, but that didn’t mean I’d act on it.

I wouldn’t. I liked where I was too much to jeopardize it. If I could save up some money and maybe find a cute little apartment somewhere downtown, I could keep ahold of a life that wasn’t quite as shitty as the one I’d had before. If that meant not having a man, then so be it.