6. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Ana Maria

T he past week has gone by so fast. It's been pretty much a whirlwind of dates and outings. I'm not sure how to feel about it all. Justin is fun but also so respectful that I doubt that our fake marriage will ever be consummated.

Mandy is staying here with me while her grandmother's house is being renovated, so we're chatting while I get ready for a special date—his words, not mine.

"Do you think this is too much?"

I show her my lucky red dress. She rolls her eyes but doesn't say anything.

"Isn't that your sex dress?"

I blush.

"He said it was a special date."

"Have you guys even kissed?"

"No."

"Then don't wear the sex dress."

I hate it when Mandy is right. What do I want for this occasion? I want to see hunger and desire in his eyes when he sees me. Still, I put the dress away and get something sexy that doesn't scream 'fuck me.' I really want him to fuck me, though.

My head is chock full of thoughts that oppose one another. I didn't know it would be this hard to spend time with Justin, just the two of us. I'm pretty sure everyone can see how much I like him. He's the hot handyman who can have any woman he wants in Woodland Falls.

"This is better. Why are you guys rushing things, though? There's plenty of time to get to know one another. I've never known you to go all the way on the first date."

"And when was the last time I had a first date?"

"Don't let him know you're desperate."

Am I desperate? I haven't dated since college, perhaps because I've been pining for a sexy volunteer at the library.

"I just want to look good for him tonight."

"You're not telling me everything, but I'll let it go for now," Mandy says.

Even though she's my best friend, I don't want to share that the whole relationship is supposed to be fake because a big part of me doesn't want it to be fake, and if I tell someone, let alone my best friend, I fear it will crush me deep inside.

"Put on some high heels, and you're ready to go."

Justin towers over me at six foot two, so I need all the help I can get. Even though I'm far from petite, his presence overpowers the room whenever we're out together. I'm finishing the touches on my makeup when the doorbell rings.

I'm so nervous tonight. We've had small talk over the past few dates, but I want to ask him about his wife. I feel I have the right to know what happened. It's part of the man he's become. I want to get to know as much as possible about that man.

Mandy is chatting with Justin when I come downstairs. I give him a smile and am pleasantly rewarded when his eyes almost bug out when he sees my dress. He leaves Mandy in the middle of a sentence and walks over to me.

"You look breathtaking, Ana. Thank you for accepting to go out with me tonight."

I look at him funny. I mean, who wouldn't want to go out with a sexy, successful man like him? I think he's being silly.

"I'm ready when you are, Justin."

He offers me his elbow, and I hook my arm through it. At the door, he grabs my coat and puts it on me. Mandy looks like she wants to laugh, so I ignore her.

"Don't wait up," I tell her.

The drive to the next town, Green Brooks, is quiet. It takes us about thirty minutes to get there and find a parking spot in front of the restaurant. I always hope to find a spot near the entrance of any building I visit, but that's just me.

When we enter the premises I realize this is a really fancy restaurant. The decor is modern, and the ambiance is welcoming. The host greets us and takes us to our reserved table. I feel out of my comfort zone. I'm not used to fancy places like this. I hope I don't make a fool out of myself by not knowing what fork to use or what wine to choose.

"Are you okay, Ana? You look spooked."

"I…um. Can I confess something?"

"Sure. I would love to be your confidant."

"I've never been anywhere that's this fancy before. I'm a little intimidated."

He reaches out to grab my hand and squeezes it gently. Feeling the warmth of his hand against mine makes me shiver, and I start getting hot all over. If only a touch can get me this worked up, I don't know what it will be like when we have sex.

"Green Brooks isn't that much bigger than our town, but the owners of this place like to show off. They have several businesses all over town, and they're always top-notch luxury operations."

"Well, they've impressed me."

We order dinner and I'm relieved that Justin knows his wines. I know he'll only have a glass because he's driving, but I'm gulping it down like it’s water.

"Hey, take it easy. Wait for the food."

"I don't know why I'm so nervous tonight, Justin. It's not like it is our first date or anything."

"I'm nervous, too."

If he's nervous, he hides it well. He looks completely at ease with his surroundings. I'm the one that's having a fucking breakdown here.

"I feel like we need to start having more serious talks now. I hardly know anything about your life."

"I know. Why don't you start? Tell me why you went to college to become a librarian and why you came back to this small town."

I give him a warm smile. I can open up about myself. I've got nothing to hide. Some of my secrets are painful, though.

"I was always meant to be this town's librarian. From my teenage years, I visited and talked Mrs. Smithy's ears off about the books I was reading. Pretty similar to the way your daughter shares her reading adventures with me."

"Mrs. Smithy and I made a pact that she would retire once I finished my studies and she'd make every effort for me to be given the position. So I started officially volunteering there on Saturdays, and during the summer, I helped with the different events she would put on."

"Sounds like you had everything worked out."

"Yes, but even the best plans can fall apart. I almost didn't come back. I tried to get pregnant. I wanted to have a family. You were right about that when you said it the day we talked. It took a while, but when I did get pregnant, things didn't work out. I…I miscarried."

"I'm so sorry."

"When it happened two more times, our relationship fell apart. I, personally, couldn't deal with the loss. It took me about a year of healing before I started back at school and finished my Information Studies. This town felt like my ultimate refuge, and I embraced it all once I came back."

"Do you keep in touch with him?"

"With Ken? No. He didn't really understand how each miscarriage hurt me deeply. He thought it was no big deal. Just try again."

"Where is he now?"

Justin looks murderous, so I'm not telling him where Ken Morris is now.

"I'm okay now, Justin."

He gets up from his seat and pulls me up into his arms. He hugs me tightly for what seems like forever and places a kiss on the side of my head before letting me go.

"The story gets better, though. I came back and got the job as the head librarian. Mrs. Smithy retired and is now living her best life in Florida."

"What did the doctors say about your miscarriages?"

"No rhyme or reason. They just happened."

"But you're willing to try again?"

"It's a mixed bag of emotions. I mean, how many more times can I go through something like that? Something painful inside and outside."

"You want a family."

"Which is why a ready-made one like yours seems so appealing. I know it won't be easy, but I'm friends with Daisy, which should make the transition from friend to stepmother easier. I'd prefer to remain her friend, though. It's more fun that way."

"You might have to be the disciplinarian some of the time. I think you'll do great. You are an amazing person."

I watch his face to see if he really means it. He seems happy and relaxed and totally into our conversation. I've never had a man so concentrated on me and my words before. When the server from the restaurant puts a huge piece of apple crumble pie a la mode between us with two spoons, I feel like I could just melt right here.

"This is my favorite dessert!"

"I know, I asked around. You like the red velvet cupcakes I give you, but this takes first place."

"Flora won't make it for me, though."

"She made this one."

"Really? Oh, I'm going to hug her so tight when I see her."

"Please don't. She made me swear I wouldn't tell you she made it. She's got some trauma about it. At least that's what her daughter Dinah told me."

"Apple pie trauma?"

"Apparently, it's a thing."

We eat our dessert in silence, giving each other heated looks. Will I be able to keep myself from catching feelings for this man? The more time we spend together, the more amazing I find he is. We seem to be in a little trance when one of the servers comes to our table, a worried look on his face.

"I'm sorry to bother you. A nasty storm has come upon us, and we're closing early so that the staff can get home safely. You might have to stay at the bed and breakfast that's on the next street over. I don't think the roads are in any state to drive right now.”

“Wow,” Justin says as we both look out the window, surprised at how quickly the storm hit.

Justin pays the bill, and we get out to the car. He calls his brother Ben. Things are bad back in our town as well, so we decide to stay in Green Brooks. The lady at the front desk of the B&B is a little mean-tempered, but she gets us a room with one bed, of course.

"This seems like out of a cheesy romance novel," I say when we enter the room.

"What do you mean?"

"Stuck together in a hotel room with no escape and only one bed."

"I can sleep on the floor."

I roll my eyes. Clearly this man has never read a romance novel in his life. I don't know what I was expecting. We're both cold, so I'm eager to get in between those bedsheets.

"Do you think they have hot water? I'm chilled to the bone." I say.

"Want me to run you a bath?"

"Would you? That'd be great."

I remove my coat and shoes and am suddenly shy around Justin. I sit on the edge of the bed and wait for him to come out of the bathroom.

"You can go in. It's nice and hot."

I'm unsure about going in now, and it probably shows all over my face.

"There are clean towels in there, and you can put my t-shirt on after."

He hands me a cotton t-shirt with the logo of his business, Hoffer Handyman Services, on the front. I take it from him and duck into the bathroom, barefoot. I take my dress off and then my underwear. I wipe the condensation from the mirror and look at my face.

Does he find me desirable? I know he needs me to create the illusion of the perfect family for his campaign, but personally, does he want me as well? These are things that I'll never be able to find out unless I grow a pair and ask him directly.

I'm not there yet, however. I put one foot inside the tub and feel the hot water envelop me. I slowly lower myself into the water and sigh with pleasure. Justin's presence in the next room is somewhat disturbing. Mostly because now that we're alone in a bedroom, I want to do nasty things with him. I wonder what he's thinking about.

When the water finally turns lukewarm, I have to leave my cocoon of happiness. I get out and dry myself with the towel. I put on the t-shirt Justin gave me. It's a large, and it’s huge on me. The benefit is that it covers down to mid-thigh. I grab my clothes and leave the bathroom.

Justin is in the middle of the bed, watching the news. He's just in his boxer shorts because I’m wearing his t-shirt. He looks yummy, but I try to keep my eyes from going to his body.

"Have fun in there?" He asks with a smirk.

"I wanted to stay in there forever. What do they say in the news?"

"It's bad. We were lucky we found somewhere to hunker down."

He lifts the covers on my side of the bed and pats the mattress, inviting me to lie down next to him. A shiver goes through my body. Can I do this? I'm pretty sure I'll attack him if he so much as touches any part of my body.

I get under the covers and pull them up to my neck. Justin turns off the TV and turns to me. I'm staring at the weird painting on the bedroom wall. Do I want to interact with him now that we're undressed?

"You didn't ask me any personal questions tonight, Ana. Why?"

I keep looking at that dreadful painting when I answer him.

"I guess I didn't want to bring up any topics that would upset you."

"You don't have to walk on eggshells with me. Ask me."

I turn my head and almost jump in surprise when I see how close he is to me. He's on his side, his hand holding his head, and he's looking at me with interest in his eyes. Calm down, Ana Maria, you can do this.

"Was it hard losing your wife?"

He grimaces and looks away for a second. "Honestly? It felt like someone tore my chest open and ripped my heart out. We almost lost Daisy that same night, but one of my cousins from Chicago is a neonatologist and was visiting and she helped out. She couldn't practice per se, but she was able to diagnose what was happening to my baby girl, and the doctors were able to do what was necessary to help her."

"Were you scared about being a single dad?"

He flops back onto the bed and lets out a deep breath.

"I was overwhelmed with grief. I didn't know what to do. Didn't know what was happening. My family swooped in and came to the rescue. Then, all I had to do was take care of this little baby. I didn't know anything about taking care of a baby. Ellie was the one that read all the books, getting ready for our daughter."

"How are you doing these days?"

He chuckles, more to himself than to me.

"I'm still taking things one step at a time. Daisy is a handful, as you know, and I often need the support of my mother. I'm not ashamed to take her up on her offers of help. My daughter needs a mother, though."

"And you need a wife to form the perfect family for your candidacy."

He cringes at my openly hostile statement. He has to accept the reality that this situation is more advantageous for him than for me. I may never carry a baby to term. He turns serious and stays quiet for the longest time.

"I need you, Ana. Has it been that hard going on dates with me?"

"No. I like getting to know you. I knew you were a good man, but I like learning more about you and your family. I've been having a good time."

We both turn onto our sides and look at one another. His eyes are full of emotion and I want to hug him to make him forget about all the bad times.

"You're so beautiful."

His words are so soft I almost don't catch them. My heart starts beating faster, and I feel overwhelmed by his nearness.

"Do you mean that?"

"Of course. I've never seen a more beautiful woman than you, Ana Maria Gonzalez."

"What about your wife?"

"She was beautiful and unique. She had good qualities and bad ones. I'll always carry her in my heart."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked that. Of course, you'll always love her."

He frowns and a weird look comes into his face. I reach out to ease his frown with my fingers, and he grabs my hand after a few seconds. He kisses my open palm, and I tremble with desire. He leans forward, and I follow suit. When our lips are only a breath away from touching, there's a loud knock on the door.

We both jump, and he gets out of bed to see who is making such a ruckus. He looks into the peephole and groans.

"Here's the blanket you asked for." Someone says from outside the door.

"Yeah, thank you."

He closes the door and places a thick blanket on the foot of the bed.

"I forgot I asked for an extra blanket in case the temperature got too cold."

I nod and realize the moment has passed, and we're not getting it back. I lie back on my other side, so I'm giving him my back. It will take a while for me to calm my body down.

Pretty soon, I feel movement on the bed and hear the bedsheets rustle as he buries himself under them.

"Good night, gorgeous." He whispers.

I freeze at the endearment.

"Good night, Justin."