14 A Huge Dilemma

14

A Huge Dilemma

We’re back in the heart of Charlestown this evening, sitting opposite my mum and Greg at The Lobster Pot. Ironically, this amazing restaurant is only a short distance from The Old Fisherman’s Store.

‘I’m so glad you had time to call in to the Christmas Fayre.’ Mum smiles proudly at me, then Oliver. ‘It’s being held every Saturday up until the big day and is a little boost for a number of cottage industries around here.’

As we shopped, I noticed her flitting around, standing in for several of the one-man-band stallholders so they could take a break.

Greg reaches out to grab Mum’s hand. ‘It’s going to be even more successful this year now that you’re running it, Helen.’

‘You are?’ I had no idea, I thought she was just helping out.

‘Yes,’ Greg replies before Mum can utter a word. ‘The lady who used to organise it retired after last year’s event, saying it was too much for her. To be honest, nothing had changed for years, and it was usually the same old thing. You know, a raffle just inside the door, home-made cakes, a flower stall, second-hand books, a tombola, some hand-knitted items …’ He pats Mum’s hand lovingly, before withdrawing it.

‘Well, it took me by surprise,’ I remark. ‘There was a fabulous selection of handmade items.’ Both Oliver and I walked away with a carrier bag full of some delightful festive gifts. They were more reasonably priced than you’d find in the shops, obviously, because the overheads are lower.

Mum’s eyes sparkle. ‘It seems there used to be a bit of a … pecking order when it came to allocating spaces. I decided to shake it up a bit and now it’s first come, first served.’

Greg bursts out laughing. ‘And you reminded them all that the second-hand stuff is fine for summer events, but at this time of the year people are looking for inspiring items to wrap up and place under the tree.’

‘Was I that blunt?’ Mum questions, a look of anxiety flashing over her face.

‘No. Of course not,’ he instantly reassures her, his eyes twinkling.

Even a stranger can see that he’s head over heels in love with my mum.

‘You were diplomatic, but to the point. It’s one of the things I admired about you when we first met.’

Mum’s cheeks begin to colour up. ‘I’m not usually a clumsy person and bumping into you was a total accident.’ She gives a light-hearted little laugh. ‘After making you spill most of your drink down the front of your shirt, I wasn’t about to let you buy me a drink.’

‘Ah, but the second time our paths crossed, you did.’

Oh, how I wish the ground would open up and swallow me!

Oliver looks on amused, while I say the first thing that comes into my head. ‘That’s Mum, all right. But the whole of Darlingham misses her organisational skills.’

It sounds awkward but I wasn’t prepared for this. The strong connection between them is so obvious it’s almost embarrassing to watch. But if I had any doubts about Greg’s intentions, they’ve certainly evaporated. It’s just a lot to handle right now. I make eye contact with Oliver, hoping he’ll take it as a hint and change the subject.

‘It’s been a fun day,’ he chimes in on cue. ‘I particularly loved the old skittle alley. I haven’t played since my granddad was alive. Unfortunately, his local pub was turned into a wine bar a couple of years after he died, and they ripped it out.’

‘Oh, we have it all here! Skittles, darts, and in the summer even French boules . It’s a lot more fun than lawn bowling, as I swear it’s more about luck than anything else,’ Greg chortles.

‘That’s because you’re not very good at it,’ Mum quips, and he pretends to be crestfallen.

I sit back, only half listening to the banter but it’s good to see. Mum said that I shouldn’t have , when I asked if she could collect the little gift I’d ordered for her from Driftwood as a thank you for this weekend. She said she was simply delighted that I was happy to come and spend time with her and Greg. A part of me did feel a tinge of guilt for the other reason behind the gift, but I know she’ll love the centrepiece for her table.

Coincidentally, it turns out to be one of Mum’s favourite places to shop and the silver leaf-shaped earrings she gave me last Christmas came from there. Mum told me that Jasmine makes the jewellery and the silver boxes herself, so together she and Ash make the perfect team.

I’m so glad I didn’t say anything to him, although I sorely wanted to. He came across as such a genuine and friendly guy, but where would I begin a conversation like that? Besides, that’s not what Elizabeth asked me to do.

Oliver, Greg and Mum have slipped into a lively conversation about fishing. Much like me, it’s not exactly Mum’s idea of fun, but the guys insist it’s not about the catch, it’s simply a wonderful way to relax. Greg goes on to suggest that Oliver might like to join him and his friends on their first boat trip next year and I’m genuinely surprised.

‘And how about you, Sienna?’ Greg immediately turns his attention to me.

‘Oh, I’m not sure I have my sea legs, unless the water is so calm there isn’t a ripple.’ I laugh it off.

‘You’ll come, won’t you, Helen?’ Greg turns to look at Mum.

‘Hmm … I think maybe I’ll pass this time. I’m sure Oliver will enjoy a day out with you and your buddies while Sienna and I find something else to do.’

Did Mum put Greg up to this? I wonder. What on earth is Oliver going to think? I thought I made it very clear to her that we aren’t a couple. Now there’s this expectation that if he’s going to pay a visit, we’ll be together.

‘That sounds like a plan to me,’ Greg, replies, with gusto. ‘I think we should raise a toast to seal the deal!’

I grudgingly join in, trying not to look as uncomfortable as I feel.

‘Oh, we should also toast Grandma, as she’s about to make the big move to Silverberry Hall,’ Mum adds as our glasses chink. ‘And Sienna moving into the cottage where I was born, of course. At last, my darling, you’ll be putting down some permanent roots!’

Oliver glances at me for a brief moment before plastering on a genial smile. Greg goes on to say something about it being all change , but my thoughts are whirling. It’s time to speak up, albeit that this really isn’t the best time to be discussing family stuff. ‘It’s not definite, Mum.’

‘That’s not what I was told,’ she insists.

‘Well … I’m not sure it’s wise for Grandma to give up her independence and move into Silverberry Hall permanently. Wouldn’t she be better off just spending the weekends there to keep Elizabeth company and help host whatever do’s they have in mind?’

Mum’s expression is one of genuine surprise. ‘Elizabeth needs a companion, and in return, your grandma will be guaranteed a comfortable home, worry free, for the rest of her life.’

‘But what if anything changes—’

‘No one goes on forever, but this is an estate we’re talking about, Sienna. If you’re fearing the worst … there are a number of options if that should happen. Even the cottages are well maintained, and you can guarantee that Elizabeth will make provision for her old friend.’

It’s what Mum doesn’t know about the other things going on in Elizabeth’s life that worries me. ‘Yes, but—’

‘Sienna, your grandma rang me yesterday afternoon to talk about what she’s going to do with her furniture. There are only a few pieces she intends to take with her. She said most of the furniture is too old-fashioned for you and asked if there was anything in particular I’d like. As far as she’s concerned, the decision has been made.’

Greg and Oliver exchange awkward glances.

‘I still think it would be a good idea to have a … a trial run for a few months and see how it goes.’

‘Inheriting your grandparents’ beautiful cottage and making it yours would make her happy, my darling. Just accept that with good grace.’

Greg clears his throat. ‘Maybe Sienna has a point, Helen. It’s a big decision for your mother to make and it all seems a little rushed,’ Greg points out.

‘I think that moving in with her recently widowed friend of over seventy years, when they’re both on their own, is a sensible idea. It’s worse for Elizabeth as she’s saddled with that big old house, but even my mother admits that living on your own isn’t easy the older you get. They’re perfectly capable of deciding for themselves what will make them happy and that’s companionship.’

Ooh, I think Greg regrets getting involved now and he takes a hefty slug from his wine glass. Oliver, too, is looking a bit hot and bothered.

‘I check on Grandma every single day, Mum, and I can be there in minutes if she needs anything at all. I love River View Cottage, of course I do, not least because it’s full of wonderful memories, but the timing isn’t right.’ Mum’s face pales and I feel I need to justify myself. ‘Can’t it wait a while until Elizabeth is back to her old self?’

‘Oh, I see.’ Her voice softens. ‘When someone loses a lifetime partner, nothing is ever the same again, my darling. I know Elizabeth hasn’t found it easy, but are you saying that she’s starting to go downhill?’

This is going from bad to worse. Oliver has seen for himself that Elizabeth and Grandma are strong women who have a lot of life left in them, and I can’t lie, but I also can’t mention Elizabeth’s grandson. It’s a complication that could have ramifications, but we won’t know for sure for a while yet.

‘No, no … I agree that she would benefit from having a constant companion for the time being, to help lift her spirits. However, that might not always be the case.’

‘Well, it’s what they’re set on doing.’ Mum presses her lips together, ostensibly putting an end to the conversation.

I’m left feeling exasperated and it’s time to throw a spanner in the works, as it’s the best I can come up with. ‘I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, but I’m not ready to take on a four-bed cottage when there is only me. And what if Elizabeth allows Stephen to talk his way into getting hands-on at Silverberry Hall? We’ve never got on and if he takes on the role of estate manager, I don’t think I could stand working in the same office with him. In my opinion, he’s no replacement for Freddie, that’s for sure.’

Mum gasps. ‘You’d consider changing jobs?’

‘All I’m trying to point out is that I don’t know what my future holds.’

Fortunately, the waitress arrives with our starters, and once we’re eating, Oliver ever so politely changes the subject and gets Greg talking about the boat repair business.

I can’t let Grandma give up her cottage when I have no idea what Elizabeth’s reaction will be when I tell her I’ve found her grandson. I know she said she didn’t want to get involved, but did she really mean that?

What a mess I’ve gotten myself into this weekend. Still, I don’t think Oliver will be in such a hurry to take up Greg’s offer now after sitting through that little ordeal. He’s not the only one who values their privacy, and I can’t even imagine what he thinks of my family, other than they don’t hold back – even in front of new acquaintances. Poor him!

When we get back to Anchor House it’s almost midnight, and Mum and Greg look weary, so they say goodnight. The conversation ruined the ambience of the evening, and we all feel awkward about it. It’s a bit of a relief to have Oliver to myself, because I couldn’t let him go to bed without some sort of explanation about my behaviour this evening.

It’s obvious he can sense how upset I am and he hangs back.

‘Is it too late to suggest I make us a coffee?’ I offer.

He shakes his head. ‘I sleep like a log no matter what. I’ll make it if you point me in the right direction.’

While he’s waiting for the kettle to boil, I sit myself down at the kitchen table, nervously fiddling with a pile of handmade wooden coasters and wondering whether they came from Driftwood.

As soon as Oliver is seated next to me, I turn to look at him. ‘I’m so sorry about this evening. Mum always says what she thinks, a bit like Grandma.’

He gives a little shrug. ‘Hey, I understand. I’ve had an enjoyable day and sorted most of my Christmas shopping in one fell swoop. Not that I buy a lot of presents, admittedly. Most of my friends usually get an expensive bottle of wine in a bottle bag,’ he muses.

‘I’m glad Mum has managed to join in and become a real part of the community so quickly. But it’s true to say that our village isn’t quite the same without her presence.’

‘You’re all going through a period of change, and when that affects three generations, it’s not going to be easy on any of you.’

Wise words, indeed. I stare down into the coffee mug in front of me. ‘It’s what I can’t say that could upset things. That’s why I’m so desperate to have Mum on my side to encourage Grandma to keep her options open. Just for a little while.’

Oliver sits back in his chair, drumming his fingertips lightly on the table. ‘You don’t have to explain anything to me, Sienna. I’m just passing through and grateful to return a favour when you’ve been so generous with your time. I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but this thing with Ash, will it affect your mum, or your grandma, the most?’

‘A firm no, to the first and a maybe to the second, but only indirectly.’

‘Ah.’ He shifts in his seat. I can tell that while he’s not comfortable asking me questions, he’s only trying to be helpful. ‘So, your mum isn’t in the picture?’

‘No and she may never be. That’s one of the problems at the moment, always trying to be one step ahead in my thinking in case I let something slip that I shouldn’t.’

‘Fortunately, the worst-case scenario rarely happens.’

‘You’re saying that I should think positively and assume the solution will be straightforward?’

‘Why not? It’s less stressful for a start. Besides, Elizabeth and your grandma, Charlotte, are ladies with spirit. They’re going to be in their element, and they’ll take care of each other no matter what.’

I take a sip of coffee, disparate thoughts filling my head.

Oliver’s eyes meet mine. ‘It’s not just that, is it?’

‘I know Grandma means well, but, for starters, I’ve never owned a house before and been responsible for maintaining it.’ I take another sip of coffee, trying to explain why I’m feeling so conflicted. ‘As I said, the truth is that I don’t know what the future holds for me.’

He frowns. ‘Because Elizabeth isn’t getting any younger?’

‘Not exactly …’

‘OK. Now you’ve lost me.’ He lowers his voice, although the walls in this house are a good two-foot thick. ‘I’ll throw this out there and you can tell me to mind my own business if you like. I know Elizabeth has brothers, nieces and nephews, but has she asked you to track down Ash because now that Freddie has passed, she’s revising her will? Lots of families have secrets that remain buried, but if ever a wrong is going to be put right, a will is a convenient time to do that.’

In fairness, it’s a logical enough conclusion to make, given what happened today. Maybe he’s imagining the offspring of a love child, or – something closer to the truth – a relative who was cut off. However, if Oliver hadn’t accompanied me, I probably wouldn’t have stopped to talk to Martin at Rock House Hotel and I might never have found Ash.

‘I feel I owe you some sort of explanation, but it’s complicated and probably not quite what you’re imagining. But, yes, a wrong was done a long time ago, but when people change their name it usually means they don’t want to be found.’

‘It’s tricky when someone simply wants to make amends for the past, I should imagine. And you’re the go-between?’

‘No. I merely hand over the contact details and my job is done. There’s a third party involved.’

He shakes his head at me, sceptically. ‘But now you’re conflicted about something, and you feel guilty. Could it upset things between Elizabeth and your grandma in some way?’

Oliver is very perceptive in piecing things together. ‘Possibly.’

He pauses, takes a long swig of his coffee and sits there cradling the mug in his hands. ‘You’re a good person, Sienna. Do what feels right. It sounds to me that, whether you like it or not, there’s going to be fallout. But who, in your opinion, is the innocent party in all this?’

I answer almost without thinking. ‘Ash.’

‘Then do right by him, and your conscience is clear.’

I’m not even sure that’s possible, given that Elizabeth is also an innocent party, but I appreciate Oliver’s candour and empathy. And it directs his thoughts away from this being a family matter; Ash could simply be a distant relative who was wronged.

‘Thanks. I just feel like I’m being pulled in all directions at the same time. And now I’ve upset Mum, because she has no idea why I’m trying to persuade Grandma she doesn’t have to effect the changes overnight.’

‘It’s not an easy topic of conversation for either of you. Maybe …’ His words tail off.

‘Maybe what?’

‘What if this isn’t so much about your grandma, as it is about you? My parents are the same. I’m happy as I am, but they keep dropping hints about me settling down.’ He starts laughing. ‘I live in a nice apartment in London overlooking the city. I have a job I love doing, but I’ll never be Mr Nine-to-Five. One day they’ll come to understand that I like my life just the way it is, but, somehow, I don’t think the same is true for you.’

‘No, maybe you’re right. The truth is that I’m heartily sick of change. I just want life to quietly tick over for a while so I can fathom out what I want,’ I reply, stifling a yawn. I stand, grab the mugs and walk over to put them in the dishwasher. Oliver stands, hovering in the background.

‘I’ve learnt that some problems fix themselves over time. But when it comes to this particular issue that you’re grappling with, I’m guessing you see it as more of a moral dilemma. That means you feel you could influence the outcome, but you don’t know that for sure. Secrets lie buried for a reason, because some wounds never heal. With the best will in the world, not everything is fixable.’

I step forward, thinking he’s about to turn and head upstairs, but he doesn’t move and now we’re less than a foot apart. He stares down into my eyes and then, without any warning, he stoops to plant a kiss on my cheek.

‘Sleep well, Sienna. Tomorrow is another day.’

I find myself having to catch my breath, but he’s already opening the door into the hallway, and I follow a few steps behind. As Oliver draws to a halt outside of his allocated bedroom, he half turns to smile at me, mouthing, ‘Goodnight.’

I’m left, standing here as he quietly closes the door behind him. Oliver has a way of looking at things and summing them up quite succinctly and dispassionately. How I wish I could just sit back and simply let life unfold, as he does. Sadly, I’m not like that. I have this strong desire to fix things I think are broken, and there’s where the real problem lies.

It doesn’t only influence my dealings with the people I love, but the way I live my own life. I wanted to put down roots with Liam. I longed to follow in the footsteps of Grandma and my mum, finding someone who would make my life complete. And whenever I see Daniela, even when she’s sleep-deprived, stressed because Nigel is working away and feeling she’s lost any sense of self, I’d dearly love to have what she has.

Liam cheated on me because … because maybe I wasn’t enough. It left me feeling rejected, miserable and alone. The last thing I can cope with now, when I’m finally beginning to pick myself up, is even more upheaval.

I find myself sighing. Drinking coffee this late was a huge mistake. My mind isn’t ready to switch off and it won’t, not until I’ve decided what exactly I’m going to say to Elizabeth on Monday morning. My head is saying keep it simple, give her exactly what she asked for, and no more. But my heart is saying that if Elizabeth and Ash could just meet up … who knows what might happen?