32. Abbey

32

ABBEY

The Empress's banquet was a meal unlike anything Abbey had ever experienced before.

She and Solon were ushered into a vast room with a high ceiling—she could tell by the way the sound echoed. Despite being in a new room she'd never visited before, Abbey walked with confidence. Spex had woken up from his nap and was sitting on her shoulder and Solon was right beside her, so she had no fear about tripping or bumping into anything. Also, the floor was clearly marked with a red wooden path leading through the gray marble of the floor which showed her where to walk.

They were seated on large, puffy cushions at a low table with a space underneath for their feet. To Abbey's left was the head of the table where the Empress sat and to her right was Solon. To his right was Chancellor Maprist, who had come to get them as he had promised. As they were seated, an attendant announced their names loudly.

"Commander Solon and Lady Abbey are now being seated!" he announced.

"Oh my dear—there you are!" the Empress exclaimed from Abbey's left. "I'm so very glad you're here."

"Thank you, your Majesty," Abbey said politely, leaning towards her. "And I want to also thank you for letting me have an Eye-pet—I found the perfect one and I'm already in love with him!"

"Oh, do tell me all about it!" the Empress asked. "Did you get one of the pups from the new litter?"

"No—I found one who hadn't matched with anyone yet. He's a little older but I like that—we suit each other perfectly. Don't we, Spex?" she asked, reaching up to stroke his soft, fluffy fur.

"Pretty Abbey chose Spex and Spex loves Pretty Abbey!" he squeaked, dancing on her shoulder with his three little feet.

The Empress heard him and laughed.

"My, my—it seems you've found your soulmate, my dear!" she said to Abbey. "But tell me—I hear you had a spot of trouble at the Royal Perfumers?"

"Oh, er…" Abbey wasn't sure what to say.

"The Royal Perfumer accidentally made a scent for me that was too, ah, enticing, Your Majesty," Solon said, answering for her. "I had to wash it off, unfortunately, but we have agreed to use my natural scent as my Official Scent instead."

"Well, that's all right then—you do have a lovely natural scent," the Empress said. "But speaking of scents, the Perfumer is hard at work incorporating the fragrance of those roses you brought into my Royal Scent. He promises me that it will be done very soon and I simply cannot wait to wear it!"

"I'm certain it will smell wonderful on you, Your Majesty," Abbey said politely. "I'm so glad you liked the roses—they're the best selling flowers in our shop back on Earth."

"I'm not surprised a bit!" the Empress declared. "In fact?—"

But just at that moment, someone murmured in Abbey's ear,

"Your pardon, Lady Abbey, but I have tonight's menu card here for you."

"Oh—the menu cards!" the Empress exclaimed.

"Thank you," Abbey said, reaching out for the menu.

A stiff card, studded with many raised bumps arranged in straight rows, was put into her hands. She frowned as she ran her fingers over the rows of round bumps.

"Is this some kind of raised lettering? I'm afraid I can't read it."

"No, no, my dear!" The Empress laughed. "The bumps you're feeling are the choices for tonight. You simply hold the card to your face and press a bump—just one at a time, mind you. A little spray will come out which gives you the scent and flavor of the dish the bump represents. Chose whichever dishes you like and when the server returns, tell him your choices."

"How interesting, I've never heard of that kind of menu!" Abbey said. "But, er, how do I know what the name of the dish that I'm smelling is?"

"Oh, your Eye-pet can tell you. The name of each dish is written above the corresponding scent/taste bump," the Empress said. "Now let me see, what's on the menu for tonight…"

She was clearly preoccupied, so Abbey decided to try the menu card for herself.

"Spex, can you tell me the name of this first scent/taste bump?" she asked, resting her finger on the bump at the top left corner of the menu card.

"Of course Spex can read for Pretty Abbey! That one says ‘fragelpane dooder,'" he squeaked in her ear.

"Hmm…okay." The name meant nothing to her—she couldn't even tell if it was a meat or a vegetable or some other kind of food entirely. Abbey decided the only way to find out if she liked it was to press the bump.

Bringing the menu card to her face, she pressed the first bump. It made a soft bzzt sound, like an aerosol can and a shot of slightly wet spray went right up her nose.

"Oh!" Abbey gasped, pulling the card away from her face. The scent of fragelpane dooder wasn't very nice at all. It was kind of a mixture of wet dog and mud, Abbey thought. Worse, she could taste it as well and the flavor in her mouth was even more disgusting than the scent!

"Oh dear…Spex doesn't think Pretty Abbey liked that very much," her little Eye-pet squeaked in her ear.

"No, judging from the look on her face, that isn't her first choice," Solon rumbled from beside her.

"It's just…a very strong smell," Abbey said, coughing and trying to be diplomatic. She didn't want to offend the Empress. "Let me try another one." She ran her fingertip to the next bump. "Spex? What's this one called?"

"That one is ‘chomble-hopper,' Pretty Abbey," the little Eye-pet said. "Will Pretty Abbey try it?"

"Yes, I will."

Hoping to get the bad taste of wet dog and mud out of her nose and mouth, Abbey brought the menu card to her face and pressed the next button…only to be greeted with a scent that was exactly like an extremely ripe fart.

"Ugh!" she coughed and choked, waving with the menu card to try and clear the air. But this seemed to waft the putrid scent towards the Empress.

"Oh, I see you're trying our famous chomble-hopper cheese, my dear," she said to Abbey. "It ripens in the rind for seven times seventy-seven days before it can be consumed, you know."

"Really? That's…a long time," Abbey said weakly.

"Yes, it's a strong flavor but so rewarding—the texture is just like silk on your tongue," the Empress told her.

There was nothing Abbey wanted less to eat than a silky, fart-flavored cheese but she did her best to sound enthusiastic when she answered.

"It sounds so good," she said, trying to smile.

"Then you must try some! Be sure to tell the server when he comes back," the Empress said. "Now let me see, what else is on the menu…"

Since Her Majesty was clearly preoccupied with her own menu card again, Abbey felt she could turn back to hers. She was beginning to wonder if there was anything edible on the list, but there was nothing she could do but pick another scent/taste bump and try again.

This time she decided to move down to the second row—maybe there would be better choices there.

"Spex, what's this one?" she asked, pointing to the first bump in the second row.

"That bump says, ‘chootle-dootle-ootle-stew,' Pretty Abbey," Spex told her. "Will Pretty Abbey try it?"

"If I don't, I won't know if I should pick it or not."

Wincing with apprehension, Abbey brought the menu card to her face again and pressed the raised button.

Another aerosol spray of scent/taste went right up her nose again and again she regretted it.

"Rotten eggs!" she gasped, waving the menu card again. "And watermelon Jolly Rancher candy!"

It was a strange and unpleasant combination of flavors and scents and Abbey didn't like it at all.

"Are you all right, lelka?" she heard Solon rumble from her left. "Are you having difficulty finding selections you like for Last Meal?"

Abbey coughed and fanned at the awful scent.

"I just…haven't found anything that's quite right for me yet," she said, aware that the Empress might hear her.

"If I may make a suggestion, I believe you're looking at the high-end part of the menu," Solon told her. "The heading at the top of the card says, ‘Rare Delicacies.' Maybe you'd have better luck at the bottom part of the card which is labeled, ‘Hearty Everyday Fare.' The chud-wump sando smells especially nice—at least to me."

"Oh? Which bump is that?" Abbey asked. She was beginning to feel desperate and she hoped that the big Monstrum was right.

"Here, let me show you." Solon's big, warm hand covered hers and he led her fingers to the bottom part of the card and the correct bump. "Try that one," he told her. "It reminded me of a delicacy I had while visiting Earth called a ‘roast beast sandwich.'"

"Do you mean ‘roast beef?'" Abbey asked, laughing.

"Possibly." His golden blur made a motion she had learned meant he was shrugging his shoulders. "Whatever it was called, I found it delicious. Try it."

Feeling slightly encouraged, Abbey raised the menu card to her nose again. This time the aerosol-like spray that went up her nose and into her mouth wasn't bad at all. In fact, it was rather good.

"Mmm—I can smell fresh baked bread… and rare roast beef… and some kind of spicy mustard," she remarked. "And some spice I can't name, but it smells delicious!"

"That's the one to choose then," Solon remarked. "But don't give up—I believe you're allowed as many selections as you want. You should try a few of the other bumps as well."

Abbey wasn't eager to get sprayed in the face by something nasty again, but she reluctantly tried a few more of the Hearty Fare scent/taste bumps. She got one that smelled like road-kill and another that was reminiscent of skunk spray—the Tengulans certainly seemed to like strong smelling foods! But she also got a bump that sprayed a scent that was almost like fresh French fries with a kind of citrus twist and another that reminded her of French Onion Soup.

When the waiters finally returned, Abbey was ready with her order.

"I'll have the chud-wump sando, the molly-golly-gooten-tot, and the gargen-heimer," she told him. She didn't order the fart-flavored cheese and was relieved when the Empress didn't say anything about it.

"Very well, Lady Abbey—your dishes will be out shortly," the server promised. He whisked away the menu card but Abbey called,

"Wait! Can I keep that?"

"Oh, good idea, my dear," she heard the Empress say. "You might want seconds. Or if you'd like any of tonight's dishes brought to your room later, for a little snack, you have only to call the Royal Kitchen on the com system and ask."

"Thank you," Abbey said, smiling. Actually, she wanted the menu card for a souvenir. She could just imagine her friends' reaction to the different scents and smells if she brought it to her high school reunion.

Now that she and Solon had decided to Bond, she was definitely going, she told herself. She wanted to show off the big Monstrum and remember the good times she'd had while trying to forget the bad times.

For so long, the memory of the attack had hung over that part of her life. Abbey wanted to reclaim her high school experience and brush away the cobwebs of fear and hurt. Since Solon had come into her life, she'd found real joy again and she wanted to shine that light into even the darkest corners of her past.

She tucked the menu card beside her plate and then reached for the big Monstrum's hand. Bringing it to her lips, she kissed it.

"What is that sweet gesture for?" Solon growled softly.

"It's just a thank you," Abbey told him. "I can't remember a time when I was happier than I have been since you came for me."

"I feel the same way about you, lelka." He raised her hand and Abbey felt him kiss it, just as she had kissed his.

"Oh, Pretty Abbey, the fur-man is giving you love-looks again!" Spex squeaked in her ear, making her laugh. "And the server-man is bringing food too," he added.

Sure enough, the food was arriving. Abbey could hear the clinking of plates as dishes were set before her. As he placed the dishes, the server spoke in her ear.

"Lady Abbey, there are three round dishes placed before you in a triangular pattern," he murmured. "At the top of the triangle, furthest from you, is your chud-wump sando. To the right and slightly below it is the molly-golly-gooten-tot. And to the left and below is the gargen-heimer you ordered. Everything has been cut into bite-sized pieces for your convenience and all can be eaten with your fingers. Please enjoy your food."

"Thank you," Abbey told him. She liked that he had given her such a good explanation of exactly what was in front of her and where everything was located. It was nice that everything was cut up as well. She could use utensils, of course, but it could be difficult cutting food she couldn't see into bite-sized pieces. She was pleasantly surprised that it had already been taken care of for her.

The blurs she could see when she looked down were indeed arranged in a triangle pattern. The top one was brown and white, the right one was tannish-pink, and the one on the left was bright green.

Cautiously, Abbey tried a bite of the chud-wump sando. Just as she had hoped, it tasted a lot like a roast beef sandwich with crusty bread, juicy meat, and some kind of spicy but delicious alien herb that enhanced the meat's flavor.

The gargen-heimer had a mushy texture, almost like extremely stiff mashed potatoes. Its flavor reminded Abbey of the one time she'd tried poutine—it was quite delicious. The molly-golly-gooten-tot was kind of like crunchy croutons which melted on her tongue after she bit into them. It tasted like French onion soup would if someone had decided to add a lot of extra cheese, Abbey decided. She really liked it. In fact, everything was delicious and she wound up cleaning her plate.

Of course she had to try some of Solon's food as well. He had chosen the chud-wump sando and two other dishes—one of which tasted like spicy tomato sauce and came in gel-like cubes. Abbey didn't care for that much—the texture felt wrong.

Like eating pizza sauce gummies, she thought.

The other dish the big Monstrum had ordered was better. It was a pile of crispy flakes, like cereal, that had a savory, spicy flavor that made Abbey think of snack food.

What she liked best about the meal was the fact that nothing had any kind of sauce or gravy on it. She could eat without fear of dripping anything on herself and wipe her fingers on the richly embroidered napkin she'd been given at the beginning of the meal. Every bite she took was neat and self-contained—she didn't even get any crumbs on herself.

At last, it was time for dessert. New menu cards were given out—much smaller than the first. Abbey was wary at first, but she found, to her delight, that she liked the scent and taste of every single bump she pressed.

"My, my—we certainly have some lovely selections for sweet treats tonight," she heard the Empress say to her. "What catches your fancy, my dear?"

"I don't know," Abbey said honestly. "They all smell so good I can't decide. Maybe Your Majesty could recommend something for me?"

"I most certainly can!" the Empress declared. She called the server over. "Lady Abbey will have the sweet tasting platter," she instructed him. "A little bit of everything on the Sweet Treats menu. Oh, and I almost forgot—she didn't get to try the chomble-hopper cheese! Do be sure to bring that along with the rest."

Abbey's heart sank a little—she really didn't want to have to eat any of the awful fart cheese! But she smiled and tried to make her voice sound grateful.

"Thank you, Your Majesty—that's most generous of you."

"Nonsense! Dessert is the best part of any meal!" the Empress exclaimed. "And naturally you must have whatever you like. Why, do you know how long it's been since anyone brought me a scent as lovely as the fragrance of the rare and lovely roses you gave me? Only the best of everything for you, my dear!"

When the sweet tasting platter arrived, it was an enormous, round metal tray filled with at least fifteen small golden bowls. The server named them off quickly, starting from the very top and working clockwise around the tray, but Abbey had a bit of trouble memorizing them. They all had names like ‘humppalo-snuffix' and ‘chesifloofer-toop' which didn't really make any sense to her.

At last, she stopped him with a hand on his arm and said,

"Please—just tell me the exact location of the chomble-hopper cheese. I need to know where it is."

She spoke in a low voice, hoping the Empress wouldn't hear. But unfortunately, Her Majesty must have had extremely good hearing because when the server pointed out which dish the fart-cheese was in, she said,

"Ah—you just can't wait to try our famous chomble-hopper, can you, my dear? I don't blame you a bit—do have a bite."

And then Abbey was forced to do exactly that, though it was the last thing she wanted to put in her mouth.

She dipped her fingers into the chomble-hopper bowl and noted that the small chunks had a distinctly slimy feel to them. Oh God, she really didn't want to eat this! She wondered if she might get away with eating something else instead. After all, the Empress was blind too—would she really be able to tell if Abbey was faking?

But of course, she didn't know exactly how blind the Empress was. She might have partial vision like Abbey did or no vision at all—it was impossible to tell.

In the end, she decided it was safer to just eat a piece of the stinky, slimy cheese, even though the thought turned her stomach.

Taking a deep breath—which she immediately regretted, due to the fresh fart aroma of the cheese—she popped the smallest piece she could find into her mouth and swallowed quickly.

"Mmm," she mumbled as she wiped her fingers on her napkin.

"You like it?" the Empress demanded.

"It's certainly, uh, unique," Abbey said and reached for the carved goblet in front of her which held a dry, fruity wine that tasted a little bit like fruit punch. She gulped a mouthful, trying to wash the slimy fart taste out of her mouth and then wiped her fingers again, making sure to get rid of every last trace of the chomble-hopper cheese.

"It's a rare delicacy," the Empress informed her. "Quite expensive, but you may have as much as you like, my dear."

"Thank you." Abbey tried to smile in her direction, since she wasn't sure how much vision the Empress had. "That's so kind of you, Your Majesty. But I'm getting so full—I'd better try some of my other ‘sweet treats' now or I won't have room for them."

"Oh, quite right—quite right," the Empress said and the pink blur in Abbey's field of vision moved, making her think the other woman was nodding. "Do try some of the hoopa-loop—it's so tasty this time of year!"

Abbey made her way around the round, metal platter, trying each dessert dish and giving some to Solon as well, who hadn't ordered anything sweet for himself.

"Are you sure you don't want more?" she asked him, after he had expressed a liking for one of the desserts but then refused a second bite.

"No, lelka—I don't have very ‘sweet teeth' as you humans say," he remarked.

"You mean you don't have much of a sweet tooth," Abbey corrected him, laughing. "But you got the meaning right—you don't like dessert very much, right?"

"Correct," he rumbled. "But I can see that you do and it gives me great pleasure to watch you indulge your ‘sweet tooth.'"

Abbey laughed again and tried the next dish. She carefully avoided eating any more of the fart cheese and by the time the banquet was over, she was quite full.

"Well, my dear, I certainly hope you enjoyed yourself," the Empress said as everyone began leaving the table.

"Oh yes, Your Majesty—everything was delicious!" Abbey told her. Which was mostly true.

"Excellent! Now tomorrow you must ask Chancellor Maprist to take you to our Museum of Classical and Modern art. We are so proud of it, you know. And then tomorrow night we have a lovely concert planned. The Foodle-doo Symphonic Players will be here, all of them playing their different sized foodle-doos. There are seventeen different sizes, you know, and each one makes a different tonal quaver. And then the day after that…"

She went on, listing off activities she had planned for Abbey and Solon so that they could explore Tengulan culture thoroughly. Abbey, who loved new experiences, was thrilled—if a bit overwhelmed.

"Your Majesty, it's so extremely kind of you to make all these arrangements for us," she said to the Empress. "But I hope it's not too much trouble."

"Oh nonsense!" the Empress exclaimed. "We want to be sure to make a good impression on our guests. We want the Monstrum Kindred to know we'd be a good trading partner."

"I'm certain that's what I'll be reporting to my Commanding Officer, Commander Rarev," Solon told her. "Your kindness and hospitality are beyond words, Your Majesty."

The Empress laughed in a pleased-sounding way and thanked him for the compliment. Then one of the servers came to help her up from the table and she bid them goodnight and reminded them that if they wanted a snack, they only had to consult the menu cards and call the kitchen.

At last, Solon helped Abbey up as well and they were able to make their way back to their room.

"Well, that was quite an experience," he rumbled as Abbey held his arm and they walked down the long marble hallway. "How did you like it?"

"Like it—I loved it!" she exclaimed, smiling up at him.

"Even smelling the less desirable menu items?" he asked and his voice sounded like he might be laughing.

"Even that," Abbey said firmly. "I love new experiences but they're hard to come by when you're blind. If you're not careful, your world can shrink to such a small place because it's difficult to get out and do new things when you can't see."

"I'm sorry to hear that," he remarked as they came to a stop in front of their door.

Abbey stood on her tiptoes and kissed him. Her lips met his cheek and then he turned his head and found her mouth instead.

"Mmmm…" The soft, rumbling growl that came from his deep chest was full of desire. "What was that for?" he asked when she pulled back at last.

"For broadening my world," Abbey told him. "I was kind of stuck in a rut before you came. And now, look at us…" She spread her arms, smiling up at him. "We're on a whole new planet and we have so many exciting plans! New places to go and new things to do and new foods to try! I feel like I'm on the most exciting, exotic vacation ever. And it's all thanks to you!"

"Well, it's really thanks to Commander Rarev—it was kind of him to choose us for this mission," he rumbled. "But please believe me when I tell you, Abbey—as much as you think I've broadened your world, you've made mine a hundred times better. There is no one I would rather be with—everything is more beautiful and perfect with you as the center of my universe."

"Oh, Solon…" Abbey reached for him again and he swept her into his arms.

"Come on—let me show you how much I love you," he growled softly in her ear.

Abbey felt a shiver of pure lust run through her.

"Yes, show me," she murmured.

She knew it was going to be a wonderful night.