Chapter 4

Emmy's boots clicked against the polished metal floor, a rapid staccato to the slower thud of Chigs's stride. His dark braids swung with each impassioned gesture as he spoke about their upcoming plans, but she was barely listening.

They'd just left the mess hall, and the lingering buzz from the rum still warmed her blood. Discovering her ex had been promoted to head of the SAC program had been like a blow to the head. But of course he was. She recalled the look of disdain on his face when she'd questioned the ethics of their testing. Dafari wasn't one to let ethics hold him back from a promotion.

Dredging up her past with Dafari had been painful, but she also couldn't get the image of Mek's big hand tenderly pressed against Rashana's rounded stomach out of her mind—his kind eyes, his warm laugh. Why did she always seem to choose unavailable men? The ache in her heart pulsed.

Stupid girl. Seeing Mek with his new love, she'd wanted nothing more than to escape. She'd volunteered for the mission before her addled brain had time to realize she was only swapping one painful torment for a greater agony. Mek had been an unrequited dream. Dafari had almost been her forever…

And now she was on the hook to actually meet him again—hoping to wheedle out the very top-secret information that had caused their breakup.

What is wrong with me?It had to be the rum. It was the only reason she could think of for volunteering for this hare-brained mission. That, and Chigs's determination to move forward with a plan that would only get him killed.

"Emmy?" Chigs's voice pulled her back to the present. His deep-set eyes narrowed with concern. "Are you all right? You seem... distracted."

"I'm fine," she lied, touched by his concern. "Just anxious about the mission."

Chigs studied her face. "I was asking if you could tell me more about Dafari?"

"Oh." Emmy's chest tightened. Talking about your feelings is the only way to let them go. At least he wasn't asking her about her work on the project. Letting out a breath, she nodded. "Of course."

"What is his background?" Chigs asked as they turned a corner toward the living section.

"Dafari's parents are high-ranking officials for Syndicorp, and some people say he moved up the ranks so quickly because of their influence. But in all honesty, he's a brilliant neuroscientist." She couldn't keep the bitterness from her voice. "He's also obsessed with success—money, status, prestige."

"Are your parents also officials for the corp?"

She shook her head. "No. My dad's a professor at a small university and my mom's a nurse. They live in a colony on Candigas. But when Syndicorp recruited me, they were thrilled."

"Did they like Dafari?"

Emmy had only taken Dafari home to meet them once. Her parents had been gracious, but she'd felt a tangible strain in the air—like neither of them had quite been sure what to make of the high-ranking doctor or his lofty ambitions. Just before Emmy and Dafari were to return to Aleigh, her mother pulled her aside and told her not to let material things cloud her judgement when it came to relationships. And that was exactly Dafari—material.

"They were cordial," Emmy said. "But I don't think they liked him."

"But you loved him?"

She turned her gaze away, feeling a little embarrassed as she remembered how quickly she'd fallen for his wit and humor. "He's very charming."

"So what happened between you two?" Chigs asked, his voice softening.

"He's the one who got me the position on the SAC project. When I discovered what they were doing, I tried to talk him into quitting with me, into standing up for our ethics. He insisted Syndicorp was doing it for the greater good. Then he broke our engagement." Her throat felt tight as she continued, recalling the cold look on his face as he broke the news. "He said that if I didn't believe in the project, we couldn't be together. I was a distraction, and he needed to stay focused on his work."

Chigs made a small angry sound but didn't interrupt.

"I packed up my things and left that night." Flashes of the apartment they'd shared rolled through her mind. The white and gold his and hers towels. The silky comforter she'd bought for the bed. The abstract painting he'd given her for her birthday that she'd never quite liked but never admitted. "The next day, before I could even show up for work and turn in my resignation, I received notice of my termination from the project and a reminder about my non-disclosure agreement." She stared at the deck as they walked, not wanting Chigs to see the tears filming her eyes. "I got a couple of job offers in other departments after that, but I didn't want to work for Syndicorp anymore."

As they passed the wide doorway to the observation deck, she felt the press of warm fingers around hers. Chigs squeezed gently until she stopped waling and looked up into his kind eyes. "We are happy you joined us, Emmy. I admire your bravery."

She squeezed back, comforted, before pulling free and looking through the doorway at the star-studded expanse on the other side of the doorway. "Thank you. I just wish I'd been able to stop the experiments."

"We all have our share of guilt." His voice was laden with regret. "When I was a trooper for Syndicorp, I followed orders without question. I trusted our leaders to do the right thing. It's even possible I was near denaidan females, maybe even my future mate, without ever being aware of it."

"You couldn't have known. It's not your fault."

He sighed. "Perhaps not. But I still carry the guilt. I'll do whatever it takes to find my mate and the other denaidan females. And I'm grateful to have you by my side."

Emmy straightened her spine. She envied the denaidans' certainty that a perfect mate awaited him. Her own romantic hopes had crumbled to dust too many times to have that kind of faith, but at least she might help Chigs with his. "I'm happy I can help."

Turning away from the view of the stars, they continued down the hall toward the crew quarters until they reached a fork in the passageway. "I'm this way," she said.

Chigs pointed the other direction. "I'm that way." He turned to face her, his expression earnest. "Emmy, thank you again for believing in my vision. It means...more than I can express."

Emmy felt a pang of longing deep in her chest, an ache for something she knew she would never have—a mate like Chigs. He was not only sexy, as were all denaidans, he was strong, loyal, and brave—everything anyone could want in a partner. At least this time, she knew up front he was already dedicated to another.

"I'm happy to help, Chigs," she replied, trying to keep her voice steady. "But this is for more than just you and your future mate. The entire rebellion wants to save those women, me included."

With a nod, Chigs turned down the branch leading to his quarters, leaving Emmy standing alone in the hallway. She headed toward her room, each step feeling heavier than the last. She dreaded seeing Dafari again—if she could even arrange a meeting. He'd been very decisive when he broke things off. What if he refused to even speak to her?

Embarrassment heated her cheeks even thinking about the possibility. Not only were Chigs's hopes riding on her ability to pull this off, but the crew was putting forth a lot of effort to make it happen. Positive thoughts, Emmy. She forced herself to imagine the opposite, where Dafari welcomed her back with open arms, told her he regretted everything he'd said, and wanted to join the rebels to bring Syndicorp to its knees.

Snorting at the impossible dream, she paused in front of her door and stared at the mural of vibrant flowers painted on the surface. It was meant to be cheerful, but the garish colors all seemed to clash. With a sigh, Emmy turned away, knowing she was too anxious to fall asleep.

"Chronic low-grade depression," Emmy muttered under her breath, diagnosing herself with practiced ease. She knew better than anyone that bottling up emotions could lead to disaster, and a conversation with a friend might do her some good.

She turned back the way she'd come, taking the lift to the deck with the firing range. Marlis would most likely be there, and a conversation with a friend would do Emmy some good.

The firing range doors slid open to the sharp crackle of a pulse weapon's discharge, and she spotted Marlis's platinum blond head across the room, standing at the ready line, her feet braced wide and a long rifle butted up against her shoulder. A metallic tang wafted out from recently fired bolts, while holographic targets darted and weaved across the far wall, challenging even the most skilled marksmen.

"Mind if I join you?" Emmy called out.

Marlis lowered the rifle and looked over her shoulder with a wide smile. "Hey! What are you doing here? Looking for a lesson on shooting before your mission?"

"Sure," Emmy replied, moving forward to accept the spare pistol Marlis offered. Perhaps a little target practice would make her feel less helpless.

Marlis reminded her of the basics—how to hold a weapon, how to line up a shot—then pointed toward a target shaped like the silhouette of a human male. "Now just imagine that's your scumbag ex and squeeze the trigger."

Sighting in on the target, Emmy fired eight shots in rapid succession, missing every time. Her arm slumped to her side. "Fuuuuck."

"Aww, shit," Maris said, taking the pistol and setting it aside before pulling Emmy into a hug. "You're all worked up. What's the matter?"

"I always fall for the wrong guy," Emmy said through gritted teeth. "First Dafari, then Mek. Nobody wants me. I guess I need to just accept that I'm meant to be alone."

"Emmy, you're a catch." Marlis patted her back. "You'll find someone when the time is right. Stop dwelling on the past and focus on the future."

"You mean the future where I go confront my ex?" Emmy scowled and pulled away. "I can't believe I actually volunteered for this."

Marlis grimaced. "Look at it as your chance to make him regret the day he left you." She smoothed her fingertips along the barrel of her rifle. "And Chigs is pretty easy on the eyes. If I wasn't already mated to Noatak…"

"Marlis!" Emmy exclaimed. "The point of the mission is to rescue his mate and other denaidan females. Remember?"

"Right, right," Marlis muttered, looking sheepish. "I forgot. But still, he's not mated yet, and anything can happen when two people face danger together."

Emmy blew out a resigned breath. "He's clearly and completely dedicated to someone else." She picked up the pistol, relishing its solid heft against her palm. "Plus, I've decided I'm not falling in love ever again. Especially not with a denaidan—if this mission is successful, they'll have females of their own species they'll want to bond with."

"Never say never, Emmy. Nobody knows what the future holds." Marlis reached out and disengaged the safety on Emmy's pistol before pointing toward the target on the far wall. "Just take everything one shot at a time, okay?"

Emmy nodded. Marlis was right. The only way to move forward with anything was one step at a time. She steadied her hand and squeezed the trigger, obliterating the target in a shower of sparks. A meager sense of accomplishment washed through her. One shot at a time. She only hoped she had enough ammo.