43. Chapter Forty-Two

Chapter Forty-Two

Owen

T he staff break room is a shitty little kitchen area with a couple of small round tables with hard plastic chairs for people to sit in. Everything’s clean but kind of old fashioned looking. I guess the staff don’t get the same luxuries the Omegas do around here.

My feet get itchy fast in the small room.

Once I’ve sent Ezra a text message, I have trouble with the thought of hanging around this makeshift hospital, waiting to talk to him about a new mate he found for us in the one damn place I swore I’d never set foot inside, in the one city I promised myself I’d never come back to.

This doesn’t feel like something I want to do.

It feels like something I’ve been forced into.

I don’t like that feeling. Not one little bit.

“Come on, come on,” I mutter under my breath, while I pace around like a maniac.

I’m ready to leave, when I turn toward the door and see Ezra’s finally here.

He lets out a soft sigh as he steps into the room.

“This can wait until tonight, if you want,” he offers.

I laugh. “No, I don’t think it can.”

He closes the door.

I hear a lock engaging before he turns back to me, gesturing to one of the tables.

“Do you want coffee, or …”

I shake my head. “I don’t have time for that. I need to assess the building, and you have work to get back to.”

“Right,” he murmurs, as he pulls a chair out.

Sitting down will stop me from pacing, so I take the seat opposite.

Then both of us sit there, staring at each other for several minutes in complete silence.

I’m stuck inside my own head, thoughts swirling as I look at the first mate I ever claimed.

Ezra’s the first one to break the quiet, clearing his throat before he speaks.

“You’ve met Lana now, and you’ve spent some time with her.”

“I have. You have too. She’s ours. We both know that.”

He nods. That was never the question.

“She needs to be here, where she is,” Ezra adds.

“And it’s where you want to be, too,” I murmur as that realization hits me.

It’s like being punched in the stomach. I know it’s true before he agrees.

“It is. Shadow seems to like it, too, and Pete …”

“Pete wouldn’t give a shit where we were as long as we were together,” I finish for him.

All that leaves is me. The guy who fucking hates Cressidan City, and Omega Academies.

The Alpha who swore he’d never come back here when he made the choice to leave his elitist asshole parents behind at eighteen years old.

I’m the problem here.

Everyone else is completely on board.

“How do you feel about it?” Ezra asks.

“I don’t know,” I admit. “Uneasy, for now.”

“What do you need?”

I sit back in the chair. “I need to focus on the current issue. Beyond that, I can’t say.”

It’s not what he wanted to hear. I get it. I do.

Everyone wants this new mate in our lives.

It doesn’t make sense to wait when we’re fated.

But that doesn’t erase my past. I still need to deal with how badly it messed me up to be cut loose and left to sink or swim after I’d basically been raised to be reliant on people for everything I needed. It was torture to learn to become a functional human being, but it made me who I am.

“Being back here makes me want to tear my skin off.”

“I know,” he says, giving me a wry smile. “I can see that.”

“It’s all the shitty memories. They’ve been playing on a loop since I got here.”

“Maybe …” he starts, before he shakes his head.

“No, you thought of something. What was it?”

If he has an idea, I want to hear it.

“It’s not my business, but maybe you need to talk to your parents. Find out how they feel about losing touch with you. Maybe that would give you the closure you need.” He shrugs.

I laugh. “They cut me off completely when I made my choice. They called me just to tell me they never wanted to see my ungrateful face ever again.”

“And that was ten years ago. It’s a long time, Owen. A lot might have changed. Even if they haven’t, you have.”

“Fucking hell,” I mutter, realizing it’s been a whole decade now.

Ten years. My parents will be in their early fifties.

I can’t imagine they’ve changed much since I left.

My father was too stubborn for change.

My mother was too firmly in his corner.

When I left, I never wanted to see them again.

I knew in that moment that they didn’t love me.

It cut deeper than I expected to feel that truth.

“They wouldn’t want to see me, and more importantly, I don’t want to see them.”

“You’re sure about that?” Ezra asks.

He has no idea how much he’s riling me up right now.

“Yes, I’m fucking sure. Those assholes never gave a shit about me. They wanted someone who was like them to carry on their name, whatever the fuck that’s supposed to even mean. They wanted a kid who would grow up to marry the right woman and have kids they expected the same bullshit of. They wanted to make more elites. That’s fucking all, and it’s all bullshit.”

I stop when I realize my voice has been steadily rising.

Ezra looks at me. “You’re still angry about it, Owen.”

“Of course I’m fucking angry about it! They threw me away, Ezra. I was their only son!”

I smack my fist down on the table, and feeling it connect makes everything snap into focus.

I’ve been in pain ever since I walked away from them. It’s a wound that cut so deep all I could feel whenever I thought about the past was toxic, bitter rage.

I never allowed it to heal. I just tried to forget it was there.

“They weren’t good people. They never deserved you. Not one little bit. And they didn’t throw you away. You walked away. You knew you deserved better. You need to try to let the past go, Owen. It’s been stalking you like a dark cloud ever since we met.”

“I don’t know how to let it go,” I mutter, wishing I did.

“It wasn’t your fault,” he says, putting his hands over my fist. “Say it.”

I frown at him, but I can tell he’s serious.

“I don’t …”

“Just try, for me, please?”

Ugh. This feels stupid.

“It wasn’t my … It wasn’t …” I start, feeling my throat close up every damn time I start.

What the hell?

Ezra looks worried for a fraction of a second, before he manages to shoot me a fake-ass smile.

“It’s okay,” he says, calmly. “It’s not something you need to fix overnight.”

“Are you sure about that? Pete seems pretty desperate to make sure we tell Lana she’s our mate as soon as possible.”

“That’s just how Pete is. He has no patience. It’s not … He can’t really help that, after the whole prison thing.” Ezra lets my hand go, almost as if he can tell I’m not comfortable.

Sometimes I think he’s part Omega.

“Fine, I’ll forgive Pete for his impatience. He went through that shit to save Shadow’s life. I’ll never forget that.”

It doesn’t mean I can feel right about claiming Lana as a mate.

I know she’s ours, but she can’t fully be mine until I’ve dealt with the anger I have over my past.

Ezra sees that, and I see it now, too.

“In the meantime …” he starts.

“In the meantime, we keep Lana safe, and make sure we catch the guy who’s been targeting her,” I finish for him. “We can talk again once that’s done.”

He doesn’t look completely happy with that answer, but for now it’s the best I can do.

He gets up. “Okay. I have to get back to work.”

“Me too.”