7

Two weeks have passed like an eternity, with Theo pretending we're nothing more than casual acquaintances. In the entire time I've known him, he's never given me this cold shoulder. Never taken away the endless love that he always pours over me, even when I build walls around myself.

Can someone become addicted to sunshine? Because he is my only source, and I'm unsteady without it.

It's only fitting that I find myself in the shadows.

Fucking karma.

The line I had drawn between us was one I knew better than to push, so what did I do? Bulldozed right over it, turning those barriers into nothing but splinters and annihilating the very rules that I put into place.

But when he wrapped his arms around me, when those soft moans blew over my ear and I realized that I was the one causing them… I couldn't stop myself.

All that precious control was gone.

There's something about him that unravels me. Like he takes one look at the shield I've wrapped around myself and manages to find the one thread that's out of place, picking and pulling until the whole thing falls apart. I'm stripped of my defenses when he's near, my emotions unleashed and running wild in a way I've never known.

I hate it.

But God, how I fucking love it.

No matter how many times I tell myself not to get close to him, my heart rebels and insists that it's the perfect place for me. I end up giving him hot and cold, jerking him around like a yo-yo.

Hurting him is the last thing I'd ever want to do, but somehow, I accomplish it over and over again.

Our dynamic is tense right now, oddly formal and stiff when we see each other. He's closed himself off to me, which is something he's never done in the past. My heart absolutely thrashes inside my chest, but I respect the distance he has put between us.

On the surface, everything appears fine. Practices are going great, preparations for the launch have been flawless.

So why am I so goddamned empty?

Why do I want to set the entire world on fire when I hear that he's been on another date with Jesse? Just picturing the blonde man's face makes me want to rip his head right off his body, but that's not fair.

I know it's not fair.

But that does nothing to diminish my rage when I imagine his hands on Theo.

The bus is already loaded and ready for the launch concert tonight as I make my way into the studio. Silence greets me as I flick on the lights and glance around the space. It's not surprising that I'm the first one here; I usually am, needing the extra time to ensure everything is in place.

After a half hour of sorting through equipment and verifying the bus is in order, the door slams and light footsteps echo through the hallway. Theo cautiously peeks his head around the corner, freezing when his eyes meet mine.

"Hey," I say, my greeting a grunt and my attempt at a smile feeling more like a grimace.

Fuck, why do I suck at this so much?

"Hey yourself." His voice is quiet as his eyes hit the floor. The seconds tick by in an awkward silence as we both stand there, before we break it by speaking at the same time.

"Theo—" I say, right as he blurts out, "Dante, listen…"

Both of our mouths clamp shut, then he heaves a sigh. "Can I go first?"

Dread fills my stomach at the resignation in his tone, but I school my face into neutrality. "Of course."

"I miss you."

Even as my heart thunders in my chest, I try to keep my cool as I tilt my head at him. "You don't have to miss me, Theo. I'm right here… I'm not going anywhere."

He shakes his head with a slight scowl. "You're here, yeah, but things between us are awkward and tense, and I can't figure out what to say to you. I fucking hate it."

"I hate it, too," I whisper, and he finally lifts his eyes from the ground to meet mine.

"You've told me time and time again that we can't be anything beyond friends, and I keep testing the limits until I push you away. But I… I get it now, okay? If it means the difference of having you in my life, I'll stop."

It's for the best—the right course of action if we don't want to drive a wedge between us. But the way he says it, like he's doing me some sort of grand favor, makes my heart sink.

Does he not understand that I fight myself every time he's in front of me?

That all I want is to scoop him up and never put him down again?

He dances between his feet in some awkward little shuffle, a nervousness about him that's so out of character, it pinches at my gut. "There's no promise that I won't flirt, and good luck getting me to stop the teasing and jokes. That's just who I am with you."

"I never want you to change a single thing about yourself, Theo. You know that by now, don't you?"

"I am pretty perfect, huh?" His voice is quiet, almost weak, and I only breathe a huffing laugh through my nose, but it's enough to break the tension. His eyes flitter up to meet mine again. "Can we pretend the last few weeks didn't happen and just go back to being us? You're my best friend, and I miss you… I miss us."

"I miss us, too," I say, and as soon as I spread my arms, he dashes towards me, colliding his smaller body with mine in a rush of wind as he nuzzles into my hug. I bury my nose in his hair, soaking in the way he somehow always smells like freshly baked cookies.

"Do you need help lifting anything since your old bones are brittle?" He sniffles as he asks, and I choke out a strangled laugh.

"I'm only thirty-two," I remind him.

"So ancient," he whispers as we both grin, still holding each other tight.

"Oooh, group hug!" Tai yells, startling us both as he charges in and throws his arms around our shoulders.

"How are you that silent?" I ask, incredulous.

"Ninja skills," he rumbles in a deep, sinister tone, making both me and Theo laugh.

The door slams again as Eric and Dmitri walk in. "What the fuck is this and why weren't we invited?" Eric shouts, charging forward and almost bowling us over as he joins the hug. Dmitri stands to the side with his arms crossed, assessing our cluster with his judging eyes.

"Come, Sticks," Tai warbles in that same creepy voice. "Come join our horgy."

"Horgy?" I ask.

"Hug orgy," he says, like it explains everything.

Dmitri shakes his head. "I'm good over here." Eric pops up and pouts, which causes Dmitri's resolve to instantly crumble. "Fuck's sake," he mutters as he walks towards us. " Fine , I'll join the fucking horgy."

"We should do this before every show," Tai announces. Dmitri and I grumble our dissent while Theo and Eric give an enthusiastic agreement. Theo's arms tighten around my waist, and I realize I could be easily swayed in my decision.

The crowd is wild as we stand backstage, Theo peeking between the equipment as he tries to give the audience a once-over. He backs up with wide eyes as he turns to the rest of us. "I've never seen so many people before!"

"Aww, what's this?" I tease, bumping him with my shoulder. "Is Theo being shy?"

"Pfft," he scoffs, giving a flip of his hair that accomplishes nothing because whatever product he's used has made it where it won't budge. "I don't get shy. I'm the least shy person in existence. Shyless, some call me."

"Who has ever called you that?" Eric shouts from a few feet away.

"Plenty of people." He gives a vague wave through the air that doesn't explain a thing.

"Oh? Like who, exactly? Which people?"

Theo narrows his eyes at a grinning Eric. "People who are too cool for you to associate with."

"What are their names?"

"Coo… per. And Coo… ledge." Eric's brows fly up, full of skepticism. Justified skepticism, sure, but skepticism, nonetheless. Theo nods and continues, feet firmly planted on this hill he's apparently willing to die on. "Yep, that's right. Cooper and Cooledge, and also their friend Cookie. ‘There goes Theo the Shyless,' they all say whenever they see me. Then everyone around gets boners and cheers, and I'd ignore them, but I don't want them to think I'm shy, so I greet them all by name… which I know. Because I'm not shy."

Eric nods, leaning on his fist as he grins. "That makes so much sense."

"It does," Theo agrees, crossing his arms and pushing his hip out in an adorable act of defiance. He glances at his fingernails before dusting them over his shirt. "Don't be jealous, sweetie. It doesn't suit you."

Eric snickers as he wanders away, drawn like a magnet to Dmitri standing on the other end of the stage. It's hard to ignore the way Theo watches longingly as Eric drops into Dmitri's arms and curls into his chest.

Instinct has me drawing closer, needing his smile to return. "Still thinking about that Eiffel Tower?" I ask, and he chokes on his spit as he whips to look at me with wild eyes.

His gaping mouth makes me burst out laughing. "W-what sort of crazy ideas are you concocting over there, Mr. Barrera?"

Still chuckling, I grab his wrist and tug him in for a hug. "Did you completely forget about that drunken confession you made on your birthday?"

"Oh… my… God," he whispers in shock. "It's all coming back to me now. I feel like I should be embarrassed, but you know what? I'm owning it. Those two are hot."

"They are."

Theo pulls back, his sky-blue eyes as wide as he stares up at me. "Did you just admit that out loud?"

"I'll deny it until my dying breath," I say with a smile before dropping a kiss on his hair, grateful that everything has returned to normal between us. "You're still hotter."

"Well, naturally. You can Eiffel Tower me."

"On my own? That might take more skill than I have."

He nods against me. "You are kind of old to be trying all those acrobatics. I'd hate for you to throw out your hip."

"True," I murmur, nuzzling into his warmth. "I could probably do a Leaning Tower of Pisa."

"What does that entail?"

"Alright, listen carefully, because this is very complicated. It involves two partners…"

"Scandalous," he whispers.

"Indeed. And one of them… are you ready for this?"

"So ready," he purrs.

"You're sure you can handle it?" I can't help my grin as I ask.

"I'm not positive, but I'm willing to try."

"Don't say I didn't warn you. One partner…" I inch closer until my lips are right next to his ear as I whisper. "…leans into the other."

His exaggerated gasp sucks in air like a vacuum as his hand flies over his heart. "Say it isn't so! My virgin ears have never heard of such filth!" I hug him tighter as we laugh.

"Are you ready to go out there?"

"Yeah, I am. Even if I am going up against the Furious Fingerer."

I chuckle again as I release him and glance down at his smiling face. "I thought we agreed to no finger nicknames?"

"You made the request, which I took into serious consideration."

"And the final verdict?"

"Denied." He turns on his heel and walks over to where his bass sits in its case, and I watch him for a minute. Theo moves with such confidence, his personality taking up the entire room despite his small size.

What it must be like to be that comfortable in your own skin.

"You finished staring at my ass, Fingerling?"

Busted. I walk towards my own equipment, laughing to myself. "For now, pretty boy. I can't be distracted when we've got such a big show to play."

"Are you agreeing that my ass is distracting?"

"The most distracting," I admit, squeezing his shoulder as I pass, suddenly unable to wipe the smile from my face.