27

After a shower to wash away our fun, I help Theo grab the rest of his stuff from his car. We load his guitars into my guest bedroom, since he's obviously not sleeping there. His clothes are hung in that same room's closet, because mine can't hold everything.

The last thing he grabs is a stack of packages that Brenda had been holding for him. We drop on to the couch as he tears into them. "Dmitri and I got together today because Monica emailed us a few options to consider."

He opens the first package and pulls out a pink t-shirt that he holds up with a grin, showing me the words I Can't Even Think Straight on the front. When his brain catches up to the conversation, he tosses it on the floor and grabs the next package. "What sort of options?"

"She pitched the idea of doing some interviews. There are local radio shows and news stations where she has contacts, as well as a couple of bigger podcasters, and she thinks that we can boost our numbers with the publicity."

"You seem hesitant," he says, looking up from the bubble envelope he's tearing apart.

I shrug, eyes drifting to his hands and watching as his fingers work. "I'm not exactly great with people, Theo."

He pauses, bright blue eyes finding mine as he sits the package aside and climbs into my lap. "You don't give yourself enough credit." He drops a kiss on my lips, quietly examining me.

"That doesn't make it any less true," I say gently, with a soft smile. "If we decide to set these up, I will need to rely heavily on Eric and Dmitri, and possibly you, to handle most of the speaking."

He perks up at the prospect. "You mean… I'd get to be on television? Let the world see me in all my glory? Sign me up!"

"You're literally always on stage in front of thousands of people," I point out, and he rolls his eyes.

"Yeah, but I'm not the center of attention. No one looks away from Eric."

I laugh, and he shimmies back to the couch cushion and resumes opening his package. He pulls out a tube of liquid eyeliner that he sits carefully on the coffee table before picking up the next. "What about Tai? You didn't mention his part in these interviews."

"Dmitri and I figured he'd just need to sit and look cool."

"Fuck, he's so good at that," he mutters, scowling at the thought.

"Are you open to shouldering part of the responsibility? It's literally impossible not to love you, but I want to make sure you aren't pressured. There's no obligation."

His eyes flare as he stashes something white and lacy beside him, tucking it between his thigh and the couch, out of my sight. An innocent smile covers his face as he nods, like it'll distract me from my curiosity about what he unboxed. "Whatever you need me to do, Dante. That sounds right up my alley."

"What, uh… what did you just unwrap?"

"Nothing," he says, still feigning innocence and grabbing the last box.

"Right," I say, dragging out the word, while he bats his eyelashes at me, trying to seem innocent and not completely guilty. "Anyway, her other proposal is one we need to take significant time to think about."

He sits the box beside him and offers me his full attention. "That sounds serious."

"Not serious, just something a lot bigger than a few interviews. She wants us to consider the possibility of doing an international tour…" His eyes light up and I rush to get the rest of my sentence out before I lose him. "…but Dmitri and I agreed, we need to set some goals before we give it any thought."

It's clear that he's making a tremendous effort to contain his excitement. "Okay, okay, I'll look at this logically. We haven't even done a nationwide tour yet, just regional. That sounds like a massive jump."

"That would be part of the calendar. We'd stop in several of the major cities in the States before hopping over the puddle and hitting other countries."

"Sounds expensive."

"Definitely, and that's why we agree it needs to stay on the backburner for now. Until our income can justify committing that much money and time, there's no need to act."

He's quiet, his fingers fidgeting and his jaw working overtime as he chews on his nails. "Hey," I whisper, reaching out and grabbing his hands to guide them away from his mouth. "What's happening inside that brain of yours?"

"I was just thinking about the last tour and how stressful it was for us."

"It was stressful because Eric wasn't in the right mental place, but he's fine now. He and Dmitri are secure in their relationship and he's comfortable with his sexuality. The fans have obviously proven their support. Of course, that doesn't mean it wouldn't be challenging, because it definitely would be."

He nods, considering my words, before flashing me a beautiful smile full of teeth. "But I could also go shopping and find some exciting European fashion!"

"And there it is," I tease, chuckling as he grabs his box and resumes tearing into it. "It's not something we're going to need to decide anytime soon, but I wanted to make sure you knew the discussion was happening. We'll review everything as a group during practice in a few days, but I think we can give Monica the green light for the interviews."

"Sounds good," he says, his attention divided as he removes an item from the package with a perplexed expression. It's black and sealed in an airtight clear plastic bag, so he rips that open as well.

The sight of a leather flogger with thick, braided tails in his hand makes me freeze and instinctively pull back. Flashbacks flood my mind of rough hands on my body, and I turn my head away as the familiar old pain resurfaces.

My memories are suffocating me, making it where I can't swallow… can barely fucking breathe.

Out of the corner of my eye, I watch him spin it in his hand as my heart races. When he raises his eyes to meet mine, he immediately realizes that something is wrong. He glances between me and the whip, still trying to put the pieces together.

My swallow is rough and my voice shaky as I finally force myself to say, "Theo, I can't… I can't do that. I-I'm sorry." It comes out as barely a rasp as I scramble off the couch and stumble into the kitchen, leaning on the counter as I collect myself.

Soft hands land on my back, and I jerk away before turning to find Theo with a cautious expression. "Dante, that's not mine."

"It's… it's okay if it is, I just… I can't, " I stress, hating the fact that I can't give him something he wants because of my ex.

"Look at me and breathe," he says, gentle hands landing on my cheeks and forcing my eyes to his. I concentrate on the consistent rise and fall of his breath, as I match the steady rhythm with my own. "Does any part of you believe I would ever want to hurt you? Can you picture me wanting to cause you physical pain?"

There's so much insistence in his eyes that it grounds me, allowing me to focus on his words and not my floundering emotions. "No," I finally say, my voice growing stronger. "No, I can't see you hurting anyone, Theo."

"I don't yuck anyone's yum… you know this about me. Love is love, kinks should be celebrated, and it doesn't matter how weird it is if there's mutual consent. But that? Pain and impact play?" He shakes his head as his thumbs stroke over my cheeks. "Sure, I like you to make it burn a little… don't say no to a spank on the tush every once in a while. But that's as far as it goes for me. Trust that I would never intentionally cause you any harm."

He nestles into my embrace, his head resting against my chest, and I hold him tightly in my arms. This isn't my broken past, not the nightmares I fought so fucking hard to escape.

This is my safe space… my home.

My love.

"I'm sorry," I murmur against his hair.

"There's literally nothing for you to apologize for," he says, voice muffled by my shirt.

"No, there is. I shouldn't have made assumptions, and I shouldn't have reacted that way."

"Right? How dare you have a negative reaction to abuse? Have actual human emotions to trauma? God, the nerve." I smile as he lifts on his toes and gives me a kiss.

"What an asshole," I agree as he chuckles and attempts to pull away. My grip on him tightens as I pull him tighter, my mouth finding his again as I deepen the kiss. He groans quietly as I back him against the counter, my hands desperate as I cling to him.

When I finally loosen my hold, he opens his eyes. "Are you okay?" he whispers.

"I just…" I force another swallow as the lump in my throat dissolves. "Theo, I love you."

His sweet smiles will be the death of me. "I could listen to you say that forever, and it would never get old."

"Good," I say, with one more quick peck on his lips. "Because you're stuck with me now."

"I love you, Dante. So much. Please, never forget that." He weaves his fingers through mine as we head back into the living room. For a few minutes, we just sit, cuddled together, until my heart rate has calmed, and the memories have been forgotten.

He sits up and grabs the box, quiet as he says, "Here, let me get rid of this." As he stands, a small square of paper falls from the package and flutters to the floor. A strange expression crosses his face as he grabs it and reads it, and then he takes the box and shoves the paper and the flogger inside. He hurries into the kitchen and smashes it into the trashcan.

"Theo?"

He turns and gives me a smile, but something about it is off by a fraction. "It was one of those giveaways they send out for reviews. I must buy enough toys and frilly, lacy things for my opinion to matter."

I frown at his nervous mannerisms and his refusal to meet my eye. "Don't lie to me," I whisper, and he flinches, suddenly focused on the floor.

When I take a step towards the trash, he doesn't try to stop me, so I move past him and grab the box from inside the can. The tiny paper is a gift receipt.

The paper crumples in my fist as I hurl the box across the room, making it crash into the wall and fall to the floor.

"I'm going to kill him," I announce, and Theo's eyes whip to mine. "We'll find out where he lives, and I won't even use a weapon. I'll just wring his stupid fucking neck and watch as he takes his last breath."

The fear in his eyes only spurs me on as my fists clench at my sides, ready to attack.

Murder never sounded so fucking fun.

"Right now," I decide with a nod. "I'm going to kill him right now. And I will enjoy it."

"Calm down, Dante. No one is killing anyone."

"Fucking bet," I growl, and he places his palms on my chest and leans against me.

"He is not worth it," he whispers, distracting me with a kiss. "He sent it to my apartment instead of here, which means he has no clue where I am. The date on that package was a few days after I left. He's grasping at straws, and I won't let him affect us like this. Say you understand."

"I understand…" Relief floods his eyes, cut short when I finish my thought. "…that I'm going to put him in the ground."

"Dante…"

"Six fucking feet underground. He'll take a dirt nap for a while. Forever, actually."

He takes a deep breath, as though there's anything unreasonable about my perfectly rational plan. "How about this... let's swing by the police station and have them add it to the file for the restraining order. Create the paper trail, just like you said."

"I was wrong."

He scoffs. "Dante, stop."

"His name isn't on it, Theo!" I explode, throwing my hands up in the air. "No fucking fingerprints or anything that could tie it to him. They'll say that anyone could've sent that!"

"Don't yell," he whispers, sounding so very small that it snaps my mouth shut as a wave of guilt hits.

"Fuck, I'm sorry…" I wrap my arms around him and hold him close. "I'm sorry . It's not you I'm yelling at, not you I'm upset with… you know that, don't you?"

He nods, his cheek rubbing against my chest. "I do… but I also can't lose you because of a ridiculous, hot-headed decision to assassinate someone. Murder is kind of a big deal in at least thirty of the states."

A loud sigh blows out of my lips, puffing my cheeks out as I calm myself. "Only if you get caught." He twists to glare at me, and I offer him a small smile. "Alright, fine, we'll do it your way and take it to the police."

"Thank you," he murmurs, relaxing against me now that first degree murder has been tabled for the moment. "We can do it today or wait until tomorrow, but there's another stop I want us to make."

"What's that?"

"I'd like to go get tested together. You said it yourself, remember? Next time I fuck you, I'm going to fill your cute little bubble butt with my buckets of cum . That's paraphrasing, obviously, but you get the idea."

"You're just trying to distract from my vendetta," I accuse with a smile.

"Is it working?"

I roll my eyes that he even has to ask. "Of course it is."

"I've always been careful in the past, but this is you, Dante. You're too important to gamble with, so let's get proof that we're safe before we go there." He tilts his face up, searching for my lips again. "And I want to go there… nothing between us."

My love for this man fills every hidden crevice of my body as I absorb his words. He understands the need for control in my life, and he's giving me yet another way to support that. "Why are you so perfect?" I mumble, kissing his temple, then his cheek, and finally ending on his lips.

"Just born this way, I guess," he teases. "When do you want to go?"

The flex of my cock inside my jeans has a mind of its own, despite our earlier romp in the sheets. "Let's do it now. The sooner we go, the sooner I can make good on my promise. And Theo?" He tilts his head to stare at me as I drag my thumb across his bottom lip. "I'm a man of my word."