Chapter 21

CHAPTER 21

JESSICA

T he morning sun shines brightly through my bedroom window. It’s a view that used to always bring me joy, but not this morning. I’m too depressed to enjoy much of anything.

It’s been almost twenty-four hours since I left Matthew and the warmth of his embrace. I already miss him so much it hurts.

I may miss him, but now that I’m not with him and constantly reminded of my attraction to him, my mind is clear to think. Thinking isn’t always a good thing for me. Especially where Matthew is concerned.

The past pain he caused me is way too close to the surface of my mind. And that pain boiling inside me has me terrified.

All I can think about is the pain I felt the day he broke up with me, or the day I found out he was married. There were lots of other bad days tossed into the mix, but those two days were by far the worst.

I’m trying really hard to focus on the good days instead. If I’m honest with myself, the good days far outweigh the bad. It’s just that the bad has a way of grabbing hold and never loosening its grip.

I close my eyes and push pain out of my mind and pick my favorite days to focus on. I recall the day he kissed me for the first time, and told me that he’d marry me. That memory is strong in my mind and will never fade. The day we told both of our parents we were officially dating is another great memory. It always makes me smile when I think about how happy our parents were that we chose each other.

The best day of all is the day we gave ourselves to each other for the first time. We’d both been virgins and nervous. But it was special and something he and I had talked a lot about before we decided to do it. Despite the pain he later caused me, I regret none of it.

My body shook with nerves as I watched Matthew sneak around the back of my house and onto the back porch. My parents were gone. They went to support my brother at one of his out-of-town baseball games. They trusted me at home alone. I was eighteen and could be trusted, but what I was about to do made me feel guilty.

I wasn’t throwing a party or anything like that. But I was inviting my boyfriend into my bedroom.

Not that Matthew and I hadn’t already done lots of stuff. We spent a lot of time alone by the creek and the lake. And during those times we touched each other a lot. But we hadn’t yet had sex.

We talked about it often and both agreed it should be special. We didn’t want to lose our virginity while hiding outside at one of our favorite spots. We both wanted to take our time and make love in a bed, even if that meant we had to wait.

Today, the wait was over.

I opened the back door before he had a chance to knock. As soon as he slipped inside, he wrapped his arms around me and took my breath away with a kiss so deep it reached my soul. When he broke the kiss, he dropped his forehead to mine and breathed in deeply.

“Do you want to watch a movie or something?” he asked.

I shook my head and took his hand in mine. “I don’t want to wait another minute to be with you.”

“Okay.” His voice croaked and he let me lead him up the stairs and to my bedroom.

I let go of his hand and he shut the door behind us. We both stared at each other with a nervousness I don’t think either of us ever experienced with each other before.

“You sure you’re ready to do this? Because I can wait.” He took me into his arms and hugged me close. I loved that he was always thinking about me and my needs, but I was more than ready for all of him.

I looked up into his gentle eyes and smiled. “I’m ready.”

He didn’t hesitate to kiss me and slowly walked me back toward the bed. He stopped just shy of the edge and slipped his hand beneath my shirt. I gasped at the feel of his strong hands against my bare skin. He’d touched me like that so many times before, but now it felt so much more intimate and intense. The anticipation of what we were about to do had every nerve ending in my body on high alert.

He lifted my shirt over my head and tossed it aside. His hand lightly ran up my side and rested just below my breast. “I want to see all of you. With nothing between us.”

I swallowed. Hard.

My nervous factor kicked into overdrive. We hadn’t actually taken our clothes off around each other. At least not much of it. But if I was ready to give him all of me, then I should also be ready to let him see all of me, too.

I reached behind my back and unhooked my bra. The straps fell off my shoulders, revealing my generous breasts. His eyes widened as he took them in. His hand slowly inched up until he cupped a breast completely.

“So fucking beautiful.” His eyes shifted back to mine. “Can I kiss them?”

I nodded, and he dropped his mouth to my hardening nipple so fast I didn’t have time to prepare myself for the onslaught of feelings that rushed through me. At first his lips were light against my skin but then he sucked me into his mouth making me moan. My thighs clenched together, and I felt my excitement as my panties dampened.

He lifted his head and the look on his face was one of complete awe. “I want to see the rest of you.”

He stepped back and took his own shirt off. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a roll of condoms before he started undoing his jeans. I did the same and slid my pants down my legs, leaving me in nothing but my underwear.

He slipped his boxers off and stood before me completely naked. His erection stood hard and long against his stomach. I’d touched him plenty of times in the past, but I’d never actually seen it. Seeing him like this made my heart rate kick up and my breathing quicken.

He stepped closer to me and rested a hand on my lower back. “You okay? ”

“Yeah.” I kissed his chest because I didn’t know what else to do. “I guess I’m just scared. I know it’ll hurt.”

He lifted my chin and kissed me lightly. “I hear there are things we can do to ease that pain. Make it so it doesn’t hurt as much. Do you trust me?”

“Completely.”

“Good. Now let me make you feel good.” He backed me up to the bed and slowly laid us both out across it. The feel of his skin against mine put me at ease, but only a little. “I’m going to touch you first, okay?”

I nodded and he leaned over me and took my breasts into his mouth again as his hand slowly moved down my stomach and between my legs. My knees fell open as his finger slid between my folds and gently teased my entrance. He only gave me a little pressure before he pulled back and swirled his finger around my clit.

“That feels good,” I sighed, my breathing increasing.

He hummed against my skin and rolled over until he was on top of me. He increased the pace at which he kissed and licked and sucked on my breasts as he slowly slid his finger inside me. He moved his finger in and out of me a few times before he started to nudge a second finger in too. I gasped as my body stretched when his second joined the first.

He froze and looked up at me with concern on his face. “Is this, okay?”

“Yes. A little tight, but it doesn’t hurt.”

He kissed me before he started moving his fingers again. “I just want to make you feel good, baby. Let me know if anything hurts or doesn’t feel good.”

“I will.” He peppered kisses down my chin, neck, chest and kept going until he reached my thighs. I lifted myself up on my elbows in surprise. “What are you doing?”

He looked up at me just as he got settled between my legs. “Just relax, baby. I think you’ll like this, and I really want to do it.”

He pressed his lips against my inner thigh mere inches away from my center. I gasped and fell back against the bed when his tongue swirled around my clit. “Oh, my God.”

“Good?” he asked, a hint of concern in his voice.

“Yes, very good.” He put his mouth on me again, this time licking from his fingers to my clit. He did it a few more times while pumping his fingers inside me. He’d made me come before with his fingers, but this was an entirely different experience. A much better experience.

The roughness of his tongue swirled around my clit again and then he sucked me into his mouth. My back arched and I cried out in pleasure as my body clenched around his fingers. It was intense and powerful and the best thing I’d ever felt in my entire life. When my body settled down, I glanced down at Matthew, and he was staring at me in awe.

“That was good, right?” He sounded unsure, making me giggle.

“That was amazing. We can totally do that again. That is if you didn’t mind doing it.”

A huge smile covered his face. “Are you kidding? I could do that to you all day long just to see and feel you come like that. But first—”

He pushed up on his knees and grabbed the condoms, ripping one off. “I really want to be inside you.”

“I want that, too.” I watched with rapt nervousness as he fitted himself with a condom. He looked so big—thick and hard—as his fingers rolled the condom into place.

He must have sensed my concern because he slowly slid his fingers between my legs again and kissed me lightly. “Don’t worry, baby. I’ll fit. And I’ll go nice and slow.”

“I know. I trust you.” He moved his fingers in and out of me until my core was wet and slick. Then he positioned his tip at my entrance and pushed. The pressure was intense, and he barely entered me before I sucked in a breath.

He stopped. When I looked up at him, his eyes were closed tight.

“You okay,” I asked.

“Yeah,” his voice was strained, “it's just so tight. It’s kinda intense.”

He pushed inside me a little more and we both cried out. He pulled out slightly, and that one movement relieved some of the pressure, but then he pushed in again and tears filled my eyes. He stilled and kissed my tears away. “I’m hurting you.”

It wasn’t a question, but rather an acknowledgment of how this felt for me. “It’s okay. I hear the pain only lasts a minute and then it's over. Just keep going.”

I opened my legs wider for him and tried to relax my body. He didn’t move though, so I slid my hands down to his ass and nudged him further inside me. He groaned as he slid all the way inside me, and I stopped breathing. The pressure of him in me was almost too much. At first it felt like I was being ripped apart but then I shivered as a different sensation washed over me. His cock hardened more inside me, stretching me but also hitting a part of me that no one else had ever touched .

He slowly moved in and out of me. It hurt at first, but after a couple movements, the pain subsided and was replaced by pleasure.

“Fuck, Jess. You feel too good. I’m going to come.”

I lifted my hips to meet him thrust for thrust and welcomed his release into my body. I felt the moment his orgasm hit him as he grew and tensed inside me. He stilled and let out a low, sexy growl that made all the pain I felt worth it.

He collapsed on top of me, and I wrapped my arms and legs around him, holding him tight.

He pressed up on his arms and stared into my eyes. “If that’s how you felt when I made you come then we’re going to have so much fun.”

I giggled and he kissed me hard, wiping the smile right off my face. And he was right. We did have a lot of fun. After we rested, we did it again only this time we both came with him buried deep inside me.

Every time I think of my first time with Matthew, it makes me smile. It doesn’t matter how bad my day has been, it will cheer me up. We may have been young, but we knew our love was real.

Even now, I know our love is real. Unfortunately, that doesn’t change how scared I am for our future. We still have so much to work through before we’re back in a good, safe place with our relationship.

The timing of my trip back to Seattle isn’t the greatest. We had just agreed to date again and see where our relationship would go. Now I have this added stress with my business making me second guess everything. I feel trapped between two different lives that are both fighting for my full attention. The hardest part of all of it is that they’re both important to me.

The beep from my coffee maker drags me out of my thoughts. I really need to get my head together if I hope to survive this board meeting without consequence.

I head to the kitchen and pour myself a cup of coffee. There’s a knock on my door and it makes me jump. I feel silly because I know it’s David. I expected him any minute so we could strategize how to address the board’s concerns so I could head back to Watercress Falls .

I open the door and smile. “Hey, it’s good to see you.”

He pulls me in for a hug and sighs. “You, too. Ready to figure this thing out?”

“I am. I made a full pot of coffee and baked some scones.” I lead the way to the kitchen where I’ve set up my laptop. “So, how bad is it?”

“Bad enough. It’s really just two board members making all the noise, but they’re swaying the minds of several others. We need to assure them that the company is still in good hands, and has the full attention of the president.”

“It's not really about me, specifically, but the attention of the president?” I ask, curious to know if I’m hearing him correctly. I hand him a cup of coffee and plate up a couple of scones.

“I think so, yes.” He takes a sip of his coffee before he continues. “We just have to convince them that you can do the job remotely without issue.”

“Or …” I pause, taking a moment to catch my breath, “we give them a new president.”

David shakes his head. “We’re not going to let them push you out. This is your company. It wouldn’t be where it is today without you and your vision.”

“I’m not suggesting we let them push me out.” I eye him carefully as he takes a bite of his scone. We’ve never talked about what would happen to the company if I ever decided to step down. Up until this moment, I don’t think either of us ever thought that was an option. “I’m suggesting we give them a new president.”

He chokes on his food and hits his chest a few times before he looks at me. “Who?”

He barks out his question like I’ve just suggested we kill a puppy. I can’t help but laugh. “This isn’t funny, Jess. No one else is qualified to run this company. How could you even entertain such an idea?”

“Because that’s not true. You’re qualified.”

“Me?” He furrows his brows and shakes his head.

“Yes, you.” I can’t help but laugh at his surprise. David has always been too modest about his contributions to this business. He’s just as invested in Flathead Apparel as I am. “You’ve been with me since the beginning. No one else knows this company better. It may have been my vision, but without you, it never would have become reality.”

“But … I can’t take this from you. It’s your dream.”

“You’re not taking it from me.” I reach across the counter and squeeze his hand. “I’m willingly giving it to you.”

He stares at me in silence, his eyes wide and his jaw tense. He’s more surprised by this suggestion than I expected. I knew it would throw him off a bit, but he has to know he’s the most logical choice.

“Are you sure about this?”

I smile. “I’m positive. I want to be in Watercress Falls. I want to run the vineyard and it needs some serious attention. I don’t want to completely walk away from Flathead Apparel, but I want to reduce my role. I need to reduce my role. You in?”

He eyes me like I’ve spoken a foreign language and he has no idea what I’ve said. “Only if you’re one hundred percent certain this is what you want.”

“I’m one thousand percent certain of it.”

He smiles for the first time since we started talking. “Well, all right. Let’s get it done so we can get you back to where you really belong.”

“That sounds perfect.” I pull him in for a hug. “Thank you, David. There’s no one else I’d rather hand the reins to.”

We spend the rest of the morning planning our transition and how best to sell it to the board Monday morning. Once we have our plan in place, we start working out the details of moving my life to Watercress Falls. Permanently.