Chapter 71

Chapter 71

Jesse

"Time for a fucking beer!" Crash shouted as we walked through the door of the bar.

"Got to race through the streets of the city without getting pulled over by the cops." Animal's grin was wide. "Saw that prick get thrown around like a rag doll, then?—"

"Take fur for the whole world to see." Draco was Animal's club president, the man's wolfish smile spreading. "Not hiding in the shadows anymore."

But what did that mean? That thought felt like a total buzzkill in the jubilant mood as everyone spilled into the pub and I wanted to shove it aside, but right as we walked towards the bar, I saw the real mood killer.

"Jesse?"

My brother's arm was slung around my shoulders like it belonged there, like we were blood in truth, but at the sound of Mum–no, Nelly's–voice, it was slowly pulled away.

"Bjorn?" Maddie rushed forward and into my brother's arms, her hands moving over his jacket, then Crash's, and the rest of the sleuth. She was acting like a normal human being, checking in with the people she loved and making sure they were OK. "Oh my god, I saw the news report?—"

"Later, love." Bjorn pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "Let a man get a beer into him first before we talk about the wide ranging implications of shifterkind being exposed to the whole world."

When he steered Maddie towards the bar, when his sleuth followed him, that was the point when Nelly turned to see if her son was OK, right? Nope, and that's when I saw it. The wedge that was always working its way between me and my relationship with my brother.

"Jesse!" Nelly rushed over, ready to grab at my shirt like Maddie had Bjorn, but I grabbed her wrists before she could touch me and gently but firmly pushed them away. A small frown, a look of pain, they were the things that killed me before, but not now. The bear shifted inside me, growling at her presence. For some reason, my beast and my foster mother were enemies. "You're back in town."

"Obviously."

I crossed my arms, staring her down.

"And you found your bear?" Tears filled her eyes, and I hated that, hated this, hated everything to do with this messy shit. "I knew it. I told your d…" Her voice trailed away and she shook her head sharply. "I knew you had one in you. Jesse, you know what this means?"

I did. I had no fucking idea how I'd ever prove myself worthy of Roxy, but while I didn't want to even try, the bear had other ideas. His mind was churning the entire time, proposing idea after idea. Most of them entailed bringing her the best fish to eat caught by our paws, or slaying her enemies for her. I made clear neither was likely to work.

"No, what?" I replied in a voice so sharp anyone else would've fucked right off.

"We can be a family now." She flushed, seeming to remember the insurmountable obstacles in the way of that. Her fated mates had left her, and Bjorn barely acknowledged her presence. "Just the two of us."

I swallowed hard, feeling the seductive pull of it. Nelly was everything I thought I wanted when I was placed with their family.

Just not what I needed.

It would be easy to put the blame on her, to make her responsible for the fuck up I became, but that was on me. She might've had no problems putting boundaries in place for Bjorn, but she couldn't bear the same thing happening to little baby Jesse. That didn't stop me from putting my own into place.

Like right now.

"Just the two of us?" Bikers might be big, tough fucks, but they were like bitchy schoolgirls when shit went down, clustering close as they sensed a fight brewing. "The two of us?"

She followed my gaze back to the bar to where Bjorn and his sleuth stood. Razor turned around, that devil's grin of his on his face, but my brother's expression was quite different.

Pain, why the fuck was I surprised to see that? Of course it had to hurt. Being passed over by his own damn mother was unfortunately something that I shared with him. Mine did because she was too fucked up by her addictions to spare a thought for me, and Nelly…

She was addicted to the idea of me.

Co-dependent, I think that's what they called it when one person ignores their own need for healing to focus on someone else's entirely, enmeshing their sense of self with yours.

"Jesus, Nelly?—"

"Mum." She stood tall now, correcting me sharply. "I'm?—"

"The woman that helped me, cared for me like I was her own, right when I needed it." Bjorn took a step towards us. "More than her own child, and that's the problem. You'll never be able to fix me." She flinched as if I'd slapped her. "I'm not yours to fix." I put a hand on her shoulder and saw the hope in her eyes. "Focus on yourself. Get help."

I killed that hope dead, turning on my heel and walking towards the bar because that's what Nelly forced people to do. Her mates had taken the unprecedented move to walk away from the one woman they'd ever love. How could I do anything less? She'd never give up, let this shit go, until I forced her to.

"Not so sexy fingers after all," Razor said, slapping me on the shoulder as I walked up to the bar. "Rox, get the man a beer!"

"Already on it." She appeared then, and if I thought that previous moment of recognition was a gut punch just because it was the first, I was wrong. Her eyes locked with mine, burning me all the way down to the depths of my soul, right before she smiled. "Here you go." I blinked, forcing myself to focus on the beer, not her. The feel of the bottle, the cool of the condensation, the noise returning to the bar. Anything but her. "A bloke working past his mummy issues? That's kinda hot, y'know."

I looked up, wanting, needing to read Roxy's expression, but she was gone, walking down the bar to serve other customers. Razor noted the way my claws snapped out, digging into the bar with a raised eyebrow, then smirked as he raised his beer in my direction. I tapped my bottle against his and then drank down a long mouthful.

Hours later, I was still on the same beer. Nelly left with some persuasion from the bouncers, so that should've had the tension leeching out of my body. It didn't.

"Thanks."

My brother settled down beside me on a barstool, his focus ostensibly on the insanity raging around us. People were drunk on beer and spirits, on the victory of today, but who knew what the hangover would be like tomorrow.

"For what?" I asked.

"That shit with Mum." His elbows came to rest on the bar. "I… I fucking hated you for so damn long."

"Seems like a reasonable response." I nodded slowly. "Before I came along, you had a family."

"Mum always told everyone that would listen that she was tough, that she ‘built a bridge?—'"

"And got over her childhood?" I finished for him, the two of us shaking our heads. "Yeah, I know. Pretty sure if you're actually over things, you just move on and don't talk about it all the time. She needed therapy, lots and lots of fucking therapy."

"But she felt she didn't when she had you."

I felt his focus shift to me, and for a moment I resisted the urge to meet his eyes. Probably because when I did, his eyes were full of all of it. Humour, exhaustion, pain, and love, the last one the hardest to see. Because I didn't deserve it. I'd never deserve it, because as Roxy moved closer, wiping the bar clean, I felt what he must've each time he saw Maddie. A terrible burning need to leap over that bar and bury my hands in all that beautiful red hair, making her mine before the whole fucking bar.

"I know. I know, Bjorn."

"Brother," he corrected, nodding for me to continue.

"I…" How did I say this? How did I put into words the betrayal I'd committed every fucking day. No wonder why my beast hid deep inside me. Why the hell would he push forward in someone so fucking unworthy? "I fucked up."

"You have said that a few times before," he said.

"But I get it now." His eyes bore into mine. "I get it, and I should've before, and I'm fucking sorry. To you, to Maddie, to the guys, everyone." I shoved myself away from the bar, the shame threatening to bring me to my knees, so I better stay on my feet. "I'll go?—"

"What're you intending to do now?" His question was mild. "Go back to Coober Pedy?"

I should say yes. Staying away, living in that arid hell hole, as far from my brother and his happiness as I could get, that was a proper fate for me. Instead, I looked back at him over my shoulder.

"You've always been good at knocking heads and…" The doors of the bar were thrust open and a bunch of fox shifters came slinking in, the tension in the room building instantly. "We're dealing with a lot more trouble here. None of us can spare the time to keep the bar safe for Roxy?—"

"Yes."

That was my only answer as I marched forward, snatching a pool cue from a bloke about to take his shot, spinning it as I met the fox shifter phalanx head on, just in time for the bouncers to come rushing in sporting bruised faces.

"Evening, fellas. Seems like you're not welcome here."

"I'm here for Roxy, not you, bear boy."

I could tolerate that epithet from Greg and his crew. They demanded my respect and I gave it to them, but this fuck? I took in the narrow face, those green eyes and dark hair, and shook my head, my grip on the pool cue tightening.

"Well, mate, that's gonna be a problem."