Chapter 44

Chapter 44

Jesse

This Phil Jackson, I knew him.

Not the guy personally, but his type. We'd come across to the pub for lunch, because the counter meals were plentiful and cheap and the beer was cold; but when we walked in, it became apparent that Phil had taken Greg's advice to heart. He was swaying on his bar stool, leering at the barmaid.

"Them's some real nice fucking tits," he slurred, and that had the publican moving, slowly strolling towards Daisy's end of the bar. "What I'd fucking do if I got my hands on them."

"Not a lot with the state you're in, mate," the publican drawled, looking Phil up and down. "Pretty sure you'd have a mean case of brewer's droop."

Or just mean. Phil snarled at that slight, shoving himself to his feet, and we did the same. Half the blokes in the pub got up then. The pub was one of the most important parts of town, and anything that fucked with it or its staff wouldn't last for long. Trouble is, I knew exactly what was going on with Phil.

He'd started drinking to excess to try and stave over whatever demons were gnawing at his guts, only to make a dick of himself. That would be filtering through to even his sodden brain. He'd look at Daisy, the publican, and the rest of the pub and see that he had an audience. When he frowned, bared his yellowed teeth, it was like the dominance displays of a monkey.

But he had none of an ape's strength, cunning, or skill.

Just a sad fucking sight, forced to use the bar to hold himself up, and I knew this because I'd done the exact same thing. That's what Phil's snarl was about. An attempt to deny the state he was in, the need to demand another beer riding him hard, even though he knew that was a hopeless cause, but what would be waiting for him when he started to sober up? Something ugly, I bet. I knew that because I carried that same ugliness deep inside me. But Phil admitted defeat, lumbering away, and that had me sitting back down again as I shook my head.

"You're buying today, bear boy." Greg never used my name, ever. I was Bear or bear boy only. Not even bear man, though that made sense. Hadn't done much to prove myself as a man of late anyway. He threw a bundle of money on the table, then each of the guys I worked with rattled off their orders. I memorised every single one of them and then walked over to the bar.

"Hey, Jesse." Daisy shot me a flirtatious smile, and if this was before, I'd pursue that interest, see where it led me, but not now. I just nodded in greeting. "What can I get you?"

That look of invitation was everything that Phil would've wanted, but I couldn't find it in me to respond. Instead, I said hello politely and then rattled off our orders. She wrote them down in her order book, then handed it through the servery window to the cook.

"Anything else?" she asked, bending down low over the bar, showing me as much of her tits as she'd dare.

"Just…" My throat closed over, wanting to keep the words down, but I wasn't that guy anymore. Why drive eight hours away to this shithole if you weren't going to change? "Watch out, alright?" That smile quickly faded. "Blokes like that… They're bad news. You have any trouble?—"

"I'll let you know."

She straightened up then, but didn't look any less pleased for it. Instead her smile was real, shy almost, just like hers was. Maddie was never mine. I hadn't wanted to admit that, her sweetness something I felt like I deserved, but I hadn't. She was happy now and I was… walking away from the bar.

"Stay safe," I told Daisy, something that earned me a nod from the publican. "Just stay safe."