Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Imogen

I didn't want this. I didn't want to know where this woman's office was because I had no intention on using it. Instead, I just stared at this Elodie as she ushered me inside a very nice room, complete with big comfy couches I could've sank into if I sat down on them.

But I wouldn't.

What I needed was right there back in the gym.

When I walked in, I didn't know what I'd see. Everyone seemed to treat Asher like he was a ticking time bomb, but it was only when I saw him work the bag that I understood it. That power, the way his fists smashed so hard into the heavy punching bag it virtually jumped on the chain it was hanging from. That should have terrified me, the way Asher picked up Phil and tossed him like a doll, but it didn't. It really, really didn't.

That's why I touched him. Asher was a fire I wanted to warm my hands on, an amulet to bring me strength. His anger, his ferocity it was what I needed, not Kyle's and Lucas' gentleness.

Because it was the only externalisation I saw of the fury that raged in me.

"I don't need a shrink," I told Elodie.

"That's OK." She seemed utterly unfazed by everything, including what was happening in the gym. Her butt was perched on the edge of her desk as she regarded me. "Some people don't. My job is just to make sure you know where you can get help from if you want it, and…"

Her expression was serene, kind, but her eyes set me on edge. It felt like they peeled me back in layers, like an onion, and I didn't want that. What simmered inside me… It made sense when I was watching Asher, but here? I was being messy. Mike coming to work and making a scene. Phil attacking me. I just wanted to push it all behind me and move on.

Maybe with Asher.

When I blinked, I saw it again, the way his chest heaved. I'd never stood before a man so big, and when he was shirtless? Every damn muscle was popping, making clear just how powerful he was. It hit me like a punch to the gut, something I thought had just died.

Attraction.

Of course I lifted a hand. I couldn't stop following the drops of sweat rolling down his chest, so I traced one with my finger. His skin felt hot, so hot, threatening to burn me alive. And I just wanted to step into his arms and see how hot he could get me, something I think he wanted too, right up until Elodie arrived. My eyes narrowed slightly as I stared back at the woman, noting the gold and diamond band on her wedding finger.

"To make sure you're OK," she finished finally.

"I'm fine, so…" I started for the door, but she followed me.

"You've been through something traumatic," she said. "Sometimes that can stick with you. If you're have intrusive thoughts, memories of what happened." Like some subterranean beast, something shifted inside me then, but I pushed it back down. I'd grown really good at that. "Then you know my door is open."

"Right. Thanks."

I was being rude, but I couldn't seem to stop doing that, pulling away from her quicker than I had Phil. Not sure where I was going, I just walked down the hallway. I could hear muffled voices, mothers talking to their children, kids talking to their siblings, but no adult voices, until she appeared.

"All done?" Ursula walked up toting a pile of clothes and towels. "And you survived Asher when he was in a mood. Damn, girl, you must have magic powers or something. If I walked in there, my brother would bite my head off. Now, sleep or something to eat and then sleep?"

"Ahh…" I shook my head, barely having thought about either until now. "Sleep, I think."

"Got you a sandwich for later." She waved a plastic blister pack with a sandwich inside it. "Just in case you're hungry, but you are…" The woman walked along the hall, then stopped at one door, opening it with the swipe of a card. "Here."

When I walked into the room, I saw exactly what I'd been looking for when I moved out of the place I shared with Mike.

It could've looked just like a hotel room. Bland walls, nondescript paintings, muted coloured curtains and carpet, and while some of that was true, little touches had been added to make the place seem more homey.

The bed had a metal frame that had been whitewashed then sanded a little to reveal the base below. The old timey look of it, complete with lots of joints and fittings, made it look unique rather than the usual cookie cutter bed frame. A nubby, multicoloured bedspread had been flicked over the mattress, and piles of pillows of various colours and textures mounded at the head. A small rug that looked like it'd been made from rug scraps was set on the floor, and there was what looked like an antique dressing table on the other end of the room, also whitewashed and distressed looking. Ursula walked over and dumped her load of fabric onto the wingback chair in the corner.

"Bathroom is in here." She opened an adjoining door. "It's stocked with the same toiletries everyone uses, but if there's something else you need, just let me know."

"Whatever you've got will be fine."

Ursula nodded slowly.

"You feeling weird?" Her gaze was as searching as Elodie's, but there was something else there. Experience, I quickly realised. "Off centre. Not bad and that's hard, because everyone is making such a fuss and you can't work out why?" I blinked, staring into her eyes, and she smiled. "It's OK. I'm sure El gave you the big ‘you can always come to me' thing, and trust me, she's really good at what she does, but sometimes…"

Her smile faded and something real rose instead. Part of her peered out and recognised a part of me. and that wasn't an entirely comfortable experience. I felt vulnerable and safe all at the same time, and neither state were ones I was very familiar with. "Sometimes you just need the company of fellow travellers on the road."

She reached over and gave my shoulder a squeeze.

"Towels are there. Bedding is all fresh, so you're good to sleep whenever you want. Mini-fridge down there." She pointed to where it sat in an alcove by the wardrobe. "If you want a drink or something. Other than that, I'll leave you to get settled in."

Ursula was about to leave, but she looked over her shoulder at me before she did.

"My brother, his friends, they're gonna want to come and find you. They get all overprotective and shit every time, but this time, shit went down in front of them. They'll want to reassure themselves that you're OK. I can redirect them if you want, have them running laps or cleaning shower grout with a toothbrush. You just let me know."

Somehow she had me smiling. Maybe because I could imagine her ordering the three massive men around with ease, something I frankly envied.

"I'm fine." If I kept saying that, maybe it would be true. "Really. You don't need to keep them busy."

"OK, well, don't blame me when they all start piling in here. Just maybe don't let them start playing doctors and nurses." Her focus slid down to my wounded arm. "You've had a rough afternoon. Take it easy on yourself."

I wanted to protest, to make clear all this was no big deal because I was already regretting coming here. Some part of me felt like this was all too much. Then the dull throb of my wrist reminded me of exactly why I had. She walked out and closed the door behind her, the sharp click making me jump before leaving me alone with the sound of my own heartbeat. Rattling around in my chest, the organ wasn't so sure we were safe. My eyes flicked about the room, taking it all in, the pretty interior helping settle something inside me right up until the point I felt the grime.

Working all day, breathing in the recycled air of the air-conditioning, always left me feeling kinda grimy, so I grabbed a towel and headed to the bathroom. Beautiful, gleaming, and most of all clean, I switched on the shower, ready to get clean. Of course, that's when I was faced with a struggle.

I couldn't just get undressed. Phil had taken that from me, and as I stared into the bathroom mirror, I saw my wide-eyed stare. I looked too pale, the skin under my eyes thin and slightly bruised. This was OK. I'd work my way through it, I told myself, then reached for the knot of my sling. A sharp hiss of pain escaped me the moment I tried to move it, because getting it over my head was torturous. I was either trying to duck my head out from under the knot while clutching at my injured hand, the soft brace only partly numbing the pain that caused, or I was jerking the sling up and down and my arm with it, as I tried to get it free. My hiss turned to little noises of frustration, getting louder and louder by the second, but at no point did I think I had an audience. A little tap on the door let me know that I did.

"Imogen…?" I heard Kyle's voice through the door and froze in a seriously awkward position. "Hey, are you OK?" I wasn't. Somehow I'd gotten all tangled up, my shoulder muscles aching now. "Look, if you're alright, I'll go?—"

"No."

Where the hell had that come from? Me apparently, because the doorknob twisted and there was Kyle. He took in my dishevelled appearance and his lips twitched, ready to smile, but he smothered that quickly.

"Need help?"

"Does it look like I need help?" I grunted.

Strong fingers pushed my hair aside, the other hand supporting my arm as he undid the sling knot, and suddenly I was free. He kept ahold of the brace as I straightened up. My gaze locked with his, humour dancing there. That was what drew me in, but it was the curious shade of his eyes that kept my attention.

All shades of light brown, gold, amber—they appeared molten right now, the stare going on and on, well past the point of politeness. For some reason, it didn't get awkward. Maybe because I was starved of positive male attention, maybe because it was Kyle. Because once someone's listened to you snore all night, all pretence of having it together goes out the window. I didn't need to with him, and somehow that was a relief.

"Better?" he asked.

"Better." I took a step backwards then, remembering what I was doing. "I need to have a shower and?—"

"I'll wait." He flopped down into the armchair, a children's book in his lap. "I brought you something to read. The kids like this one and it helps them to get off to sleep." Kyle looked up at me. "Maybe you'd like the same?"

I couldn't help but laugh now at the ridiculousness of his offer, but it didn't stop me from grabbing the supplied PJs. Inside the shower, once the door was closed, it was a different matter. I'd stripped naked and jumped in the shower more times than I could count, but this felt strange. Probably because there was a very attractive man sitting just metres away from me, separated only by a door.

I looked back at the white-painted surface for a moment, imagining what it would be like if I pushed it open. What would he think? What would he do? Part of me recoiled at the idea, especially when I'd had similar thoughts about Asher, but then I remembered. I owed no one my loyalty. I couldn't cheat on men that weren't mine, and that had me taking one hesitant step towards the door, my good hand rising. A sharp pain in my bad hand reminded me of how I got here in the first place. I jerked it back down, jumping under the shower stream before I could think twice about it and grabbed the soap.