Chapter 8

8

T he woods were full of magic. The trees spoke in soft, ancient whispers born on winds from the north. Owls hooted softly in the growing gloom as twilight hushed the forest. Hadlee moved her paws through the grass, which was cool and soft. Her hard footpads absorbed the silken texture of the green blades. It made her want to rub her back against the nearest tree and rumble in satisfaction when she itched a hard-to-reach spot on her back.

The distant shiver of bushes drew her curiosity. She stood up on her hind legs, ears pricked forward as she drew in the deep scents of the world around her. A badger was near, and a deer had passed along the trail an hour ago. She had been alone in the woods, blissfully alone in a way only a creature connected to the Earth could understand. But she was no longer alone.

The bushes ahead of her parted and another bear, a grizzly, came into view, disturbing her peace. She kept herself upright, assessing him. He was male, and his dark, musky aroma drifting to her on the breeze was intriguing. He lifted his muzzle into the air and inhaled before he made an enticing, soft, tongue-clicking sound. She dropped down onto all fours and went toward him, hesitant but intrigued. His golden-brown eyes were warm, and as she came up to him, he rubbed his cheek against hers, then bumped his nose against her shoulder in a display of affection.

A lazy heat moved through her lower belly as she nuzzled him back and lightly nipped his shoulder. He made a huffing noise that sounded like a laugh, and she bounded around him in a circle, entreating him to play with her. He gave chase and loped after her through the trees until they reached a sunny meadow where he tackled her in the wildflowers and pinned her to the ground on her back. He gently set his jaws on her throat, showing his dominance during play. She pawed at him, growling and using her back legs to press against his stomach. He grunted and released her throat with another chuff, and she wiggled beneath him, her jaws closing around his foreleg as she bit him playfully.

Hadlee wasn't sure how long they frolicked before she rolled on her stomach and let out a contented sigh. He lay down beside her and rested his head on top of her shoulders protectively. His heartbeat pulsed against her back in a comforting rhythm. This was peace… True peace. Tears filled her eyes as a sob broke free of her throat.

Hadlee's cries woke her from her dream.

Yes, it was a dream and nothing more .

She wasn't a bear in the woods. She wasn't at peace. Less than a day ago, her boyfriend had tried to murder her and now she was facing the knowledge that there were things in the world she didn't fully understand, things that weren't real before yesterday but now were very real. She couldn't escape the fact someone close to her had died in a brutal way … after brutalizing her. She was going to be dealing with that in her heart and mind for a long time. It had taken her years of therapy and self-work to adjust to losing her parents, the only family she'd had. Now she was facing Chad's death, his assault, and Indiana turning into a bear and her being his possible mate. It was too much, way too much for anyone to deal with.

Hadlee was afraid… Afraid of where all of these things would lead her. After tasting the peace of that dream and waking to this reality, she wanted to curl in on herself and go back to sleep. She covered her face in her hands, letting the sunlight pouring in from the windows heat her skin when she got control of herself.

"You okay?" a deep, rumbling voice asked her. She jolted as she realized Indiana was in bed beside her. He sat up, putting an arm around her shoulders. She flinched at first, but didn't retreat from him. His touch almost immediately soothed her. He was bathed in morning light, his beautiful brown eyes so warm. His skin seemed to glow as though it had absorbed the sun and now he glowed with the light. He made her feel … safe, happy—just like the male bear had in her dream.

"Have you ever had a dream so wonderful you didn't want to wake up?" She could hear the tremor in her words, but she couldn't help it. She still felt too lost in the wake of the lovely dream that had vanished around her.

His gaze turned distant, as if replaying a past memory which both gave him joy and pain. How strange and yet fitting that happiness and sadness walked hand in hand. Without one, the other held no meaning.

"Yeah, I have." His voice was a little gruff, as if emotion choked him. "It feels like you've been cast out of some kind of heaven. You wake up alone, cold, missing what you had so much it feels like your heart is bleeding. You remember the joy, but it's followed so swiftly by sorrow. And you'd do anything to chase that happiness, but it's forever out of reach." He seemed to know exactly how she felt.

"What did you dream about?" she asked when she turned in his arms to look at him. His eyes were soft, and the same color as the male grizzly from her dreams as he focused on her face.

"I dream about my parents." He gave her a crooked grin. "We used to travel a lot every summer when I was a cub. Those were some of the best days of my life. We played in the lake, and we'd roam in the woods. My mom and dad would shift into their bear forms, and I rode in human form on my father's back. I was too young back then to shift but they let me come with them through the woods and learn about the life of bears. I didn't get to go to school with other kids. The risk of accidentally shifting was always too dangerous. But during the summer I sometimes made friends with the kids staying in the other cabins by the lake. It was safer to be in the woods rather than in the city. We could keep our distance easier."

As Indiana spoke, Hadlee rubbed her palm on his bare chest, listening to him and picturing those sunny summers. It soothed her to bask in his body heat, feel his skin beneath her fingers, and absorb the rich timbre of his voice.

He lightly fisted his hand in her hair and pulled her head back down so he could look into her eyes.

"What were you dreaming about?" he asked.

"Me?" she hedged.

"Yes, you." He chuckled as if he could read her mind and knew exactly what she was experiencing. She couldn't stop herself from running her fingertips down his arm, feeling his muscles leap beneath her touch, but he held still, letting her explore him, and she was glad he gave her such a freedom to get to know his body. It was comforting in the strangest way to touch him while they talked.

"Bears. I dreamed about bears," she finally admitted.

"Dreamed about? Or dreamed you were one?" he clarified, with a teasing glint in his eyes.

Somehow he knew what she'd dreamed.

"I dreamed I was a bear and I met another bear, a male." Her gaze flew up to his. "Was that you?"

He nodded. "I believe my bear met yours in a shared dream. That can happen with mates, even with potential mates. We can dream about each other's memories, and we can dream with each other." He massaged her neck with strong fingers. "What did you think about being a bear?"

She gathered her thoughts before replying as she replayed her dream in her mind and how it made her feel.

"I felt free. The world felt so very big, but I wasn't afraid. My senses could pick up so much about my surroundings I felt at peace."

He nodded as if he understood. "And me? What did you think of my bear? We played together and rested together. Did you enjoy it?"

A blush filled her face when she remembered how she'd acted, letting him chase her and roll around in the meadows and bite his legs. It had been so much fun.

"I liked it," She nibbled her bottom lip. "Is it like that in reality? When you change?"

"Yes. My bear and I are together. I hear what he hears, and he sees what I see. We share each other's bodies. We are two entities bound together."

What Indiana was telling her was incredible. Only a few days ago she'd believed she'd known the world around her, but … now she learned there were secret worlds with magic. It was hard to explain but knowing Indiana's secret was like seeing a wider array of colors in the spectrum of the world than she ever had before.

"This is…" She began searching for the words to describe the immensity of his world.

"A lot?" Indiana suggested. The word came out with a hint of worry in his tone.

"Yes, but not in a bad way." She trailed her fingers down his chest, and he captured her wrist so he could lift her hand and press kisses to her fingertips. The sweet action made slow heat roll through her.

"Just when the world was feeling small and gray, this makes it feel so vast and spectacular."

"It doesn't scare you to know that shifters exist? That there is a supernatural world full of things you'd always believed were simply fairytales?"

She caught herself on his words. "What other things? You mean there's more than shifters? You aren't teasing me?"

Indiana grinned. "Oh yes. They're quite real—dragons, mermaids, witches, warlocks, selkies, and even unicorns."

"You really are teasing me." She giggled and shoved him. "Wouldn't it be amazing if those things were real? I would love to see a unicorn."

"I'm not teasing you. Those creatures do exist. The world is just as wide and wonderful as you imagine. There is so much more I could share with you."

"But you can't tell me if we don't bond?"

"I could tell you, but it wouldn't be wise. There are also things in my world that would frighten you. If you choose to deny our bond, I don't want to burden you with the dangers of my world. In many ways its safer to remain ignorant of those things if you will never come across them as a mortal."

"Oh." His concern strangely hurt her because she craved to know everything, yet she couldn't agree to be his mate, not until she knew her own feelings. Chad had destroyed what little trust she had in herself and men. It could take quite a bit of time to rebuild belief in herself and her instincts. Would Indiana be able to give her that time?

Indiana pulled her close and she leaned into him, seeking the comfort that came so naturally when their bodies touched. She couldn't deny the heat between them, yet it wasn't simply a physical desire. It was infinitely more. His touch was like the caress of a feather's downy surface upon her soul. It was soothing, light, and pleasurable to her heart. It was healing .

"It's amazing," he whispered as he stroked a hand on her arm, his callused fingertips impossibly gentle. "Touching you feels like stepping in front of a waterfall and feeling the soft kiss of the cool mist upon my heated skin."

"Really?" She leaned into him, almost climbing onto his lap. She caught herself doing just that and stopped.

"Oh yeah," Indiana murmured. As he stared at her lips, he continued to stroke the skin along her bare arm. "It's like a drug… Touching you is never enough. I want to…" He cleared his throat.

"You want to what?" she pressed, her own eyes fixed on his lips, lips which knew how to seduce so sweetly, yet claim so roughly. His mouth was the beginning of all her fantasies. She reached up to trace the line of scars that ran along his jaw and cheek.

"I want to do bad things to you, sweetheart. My animal wants to put you on your hands and knees and pound into you, then after I have fucked you into exhaustion I want to hold you, to cuddle you in my arms and feel your heat against my body and count the beats of your heart. I want to teach you how to trust a male again, to show you how mating can be fun and wild, but let you know you will always be safe with me. I want so much of everything with you." He cupped the back of her head and pulled her into him another few inches as his soft lips covered hers. A warm light filled the darkness in her chest, like the glow of a firefly that pulsed softly in the gloom.

He moved his mouth sweetly over hers, coaxing her to respond, and soon she was wrapping her arms around his neck and surrendering to him. She moaned as he used his tongue to show her how slowly, sweetly he could make love to her. Heat, ancient and eternal, burned within her, demanding she give him her body and let him pleasure her in the ways only her perfect mate could know.

Mating was a female's world; it was a realm of sensation, instinct, and passion. Women connecting so deeply to the physical and emotional side of themselves was always looked down on. But the truth was, it was a woman's right to embrace her body and its pleasure. Hadlee had spent years holding her pain inside; now she wanted to hold onto pleasure, she wanted to feel like she could welcome her body's desire without fear or shame. All because Indiana was teaching her to trust herself again.

After a long moment, he withdrew, but he smiled as he stroked the pad of his thumb over her kiss-swollen lips.

"I won't rush this, not again. You should spend time with me out of bed."

"But I like you in bed," she protested.

His low chuckle sent delicious shivers through her.

"To consider me as a mate, you have to get to know me as a person."

He was right, dammit, but she wanted to push him flat on his back and ride him until she couldn't walk for a day.

"Why don't we go for a hike in the woods. I want to show you something. Get dressed and meet me in the kitchen. I'll have breakfast ready for you." He leaned down, kissed the tip of her nose, and left her to deal with the still-burning embers of her desire. He closed the door behind him as he left, and she gave a frustrated huff before she flopped back onto her back.

Indiana smiled as he placed a plate of pancakes in front of Hadlee. Then he filled Jones's food bowl with the dog's breakfast. Indiana had eaten a minute before she'd come out dressed for a hike. Now he watched with pleasure as she dug into the food. There was nothing sexier than a woman enjoying the food a man had cooked for her. Hadlee made an adorable little sound each time she took a bite, and his bear wanted to roll in the grass with the sheer pleasure of seeing her reactions.

As they ate their breakfast, he tossed questions at her, deeper ones about her family, the parents she'd lost, and even light-hearted ones like what her favorite drink was. He'd teased her mercilessly when she'd told him she secretly adored grape soda.

"My mother used to take me grocery shopping and there was this old pop machine out in front of the grocery store. She used to give me some of her pocket change and I'd be allowed to pick one children's book from the magazine racks and I'd get to run outside and get a grape soda. I'd read my book the entire way home and drink my soda. My mom… She'd look at me in the rearview mirror and I'd only see her eyes, but they always seemed to sparkle… You know how eyes can do that." Just thinking about her mother and those sunny memories made her want to cry and laugh at the same time. It seemed grief and joy were always intertwined.

He nodded and grinned. "She was happy to see you happy."

Hadlee's throat tightened. "She was. Dad was like that too, always had a big goofy smile and he'd create some little project outside for the two of us to work on. One summer I watched the gymnastics competition in the Olympics, and he built me my own ground-level balance beam to practice on in the grass. He worked so hard on it, and even though it wobbled a little, I practiced on it every day after I got home from school."

"It's the small joys we miss the most when those we love have gone," Indiana said. He thought of all the times his parents had tucked him into bed, or when they'd chased fireflies on summer nights together. There were a thousand memories that glowed just like those fireflies deep inside his heart.

When they were done with breakfast, he packed a lightweight hiker's backpack with provisions and clipped on a collapsible water bowl for Jones. Then he, Hadlee, and Jones left the house and headed up the private trail he'd made over the last few years. As they walked, he pressed her with questions about her life, her favorite movies, the worst moments and the best memories she'd had, and people who touched her world. He had a deep desire to know everything about her she was willing to share with him.

Hadlee was thoughtful in her answers and always came back at him to answer the same question for himself. He found it easy to share about his life with her, about how he been attacked by a mountain lion as a young cub of fifteen, of the pain of healing and his shame at the scars. He talked about the loneliness he felt when he thought of having no connection to another bear clan.

When he shared about living with Dane and being turned down by young females for mating during the moon celebrations because of his scars, she stopped him on the trail and stroked her fingers over the lines. Then she kissed his scars, murmuring soft, sweet words to heal the last pangs those old memories held. He in turn gently stroked her bruised cheek and placed soft kisses on her skin. The gossamer thread that tied him to this little female had grown stronger and he couldn't stop himself from claiming her lips in a deep kiss which held them beneath the canopy of the aspens for a long while.

He tried not to think about letting her go if she chose to deny their bond. It would devastate him, but even fated mates always had a choice.

They climbed higher toward the distant mountains, and when he saw the fallen log ahead of them on the trail, he knew they were close. He could smell the waterfall; his bear senses had been keenly aware of it.

"It's not much farther." He helped her climb over the log and held her waist a moment longer than needed because he couldn't resist kissing her again. She exhaled softly, sweetly leaned into him so trustingly his heart ached. This woman had so much gentleness, so much compassion, so much love within her, which had been crushed and denied for so long. If she chose him, he would do everything he could to coax those parts of her back to life with his own love.

I would love you with all that I am. With every breath, with every dream and hope. I would love you until I am but dust and once more my spirit flies free in this vast cosmos.

Hadlee lifted her head at his unspoken thoughts, hearing them in her own mind. He saw everything in her forest-colored eyes. She was time, she was space, and every beam of light and sparkling bit of dust in between. That connection, the one which would bind them forever, was a heartbeat away and he had to hold himself back from diving into the heaven of her soul. Not yet. She was not ready to bind herself to him, nor to have him bound to her.

"Come on." He curled his hand around hers and they hiked on until they reached the base of the waterfall. It cut through a patch of stony mountainside and cascaded down the cliffside to form a glittering pool below. The blossoming mist formed a half rainbow, which vanished into the trees beyond.

Hadlee's gaze traveled up the towering cliff face, tracing the waterfall's path, her face filled with wonder.

"It's beautiful."

"It is," he agreed, but he saw only her . She pulled her honey-gold hair back in a ponytail which bounced in the sunlight. Her eyes sparkled and she laughed in sheer delight at nature's wonder.

Jones bounded to the clear pool ahead of them, drinking in the water when he reached the edge. Then he splashed into the pool and swam around before climbing back out and shaking vigorously.

Hadlee turned to face Indiana, her eyes full of hope and curiosity.

"Um … could I see your bear? Is it safe … to change here?"

She wanted to see him so soon after being so afraid of his bear? It had to mean he stood a chance to win her over, didn't it?

"Are you sure?" He cupped her face in his hands, and she reached up to catch his wrists, holding onto him. She was gravity, her presence pulling him in like a cold, lonely moon's orbit around a brilliant sun.

"Yes, I'm sure." She pulled back from him, and she and Jones moved a short distance away. The dog was well acquainted with Indiana's bear form.

Indiana stripped out of his clothes, closed his eyes and allowed his connection with the ancient magic in the soil to rise. His body changed in mere seconds, and the grizzly bear stood before Hadlee. He scented adrenaline and fear coming off her, but she didn't move. She studied him bravely, her eyes sweeping over him.

"Indy, are you in there?" she asked hesitantly, and took one step forward.

He nodded his massive head at her and snuffled as he lowered his head and took two careful steps toward her. She held out a palm and he gently nudged his head into her hand. She gasped but didn't move. Her fingers stroked over his nose, up to his forehead and cautiously, adorably, she scratched behind his ears. He panted softly as exquisite pleasure rolled through his entire body. His mate was touching him, and it felt so wonderful. His bear was delighted, so much that it took all of Indiana's control to keep the bear from bouncing about the clearing like an excited little cub.

"You're beautiful," she whispered. Her fingers traced the scars that marred the chestnut-brown fur along his cheek. "Your coat has a bit of silver, is that why they call you a grizzly?"

He nodded.

She blushed. "I may have googled a bit about bears before we left for the hike. I read that grizzlies are brown bears but have a little more silver in their fur, and they live inland rather than in coastal regions," she declared with pride.

He huffed out a laugh and nudged her hip, encouraging more scratches behind his ears. The sunlight warmed his fur, and he eased down on the ground by the edge of the waterfall. Hadlee joined him and leaned against his right shoulder, her hands buried in his thick fur as though she was hugging her favorite stuffed animal.

Such an exquisite, stunning peace filled him as he lifted his nose toward the mist and inhaled deeply. The aspens whispered tales of older days when the mountains held no men, the stars fell from the skies and beasts held dominion over the Earth. Long ago , the tree sang, mates were born when humankind was young . The beasts showed humans the way to unite with the Earth and the first shifter souls were born.

The stories moved through him, filling his head with images, and songs. He passed it all to Hadlee, letting her see the bear's bond to the Earth, a bond she could have if she chose him and chose the bear.

A chilly breeze swept down the cliffside, teasing him with hints of winter's quiet urgency. They had so little time left for her to choose, but he could not rush her.

He rested his head on his paws. Hadlee leaned against him and after a long while he realized she was asleep. She trusted him so much that he she had fallen asleep against his furry side.

He fell deeper into that peace and urged the trees to keep singing their leafy lullabies to his mate.

Dream on Hadlee, dream of what we could share, what destiny can hold for us if you choose me.