Chapter 19

CHAPTER 19

S hade sat at a table in the Great Hall, wishing she had her cloak. She was tucked in a shadowy corner away from the heat of the fireplace where guests of little importance usually sat for an event or where seasoned warriors forced the younger warriors to sit. The men who had arrived, Angus among them, slept close to the hearth, some bent over in sleep at the tables.

After she had finished tending to them, another group of wounded warriors had arrived, reiterating what others had said about how difficult it was to get home. Many had to take a longer route to avoid Lord Torrance's warriors, leaving wounds to worsen. She tended to them all, sending Ena to retire earlier, though not without protest, since she was far too exhausted to help. She had sat with a hot brew not too long ago, finally done. It was unwise of her since she immediately felt the effects the endless day had had on her. Now sitting still in the quiet, the ache of her wound and the tiredness of her limbs became more prominent, and she wondered if she would be able to make it up the stairs to her bedchamber.

Shade arched her shoulders back and warned herself to get moving before her limbs wouldn't allow it when suddenly a dark shadow loomed over her as if embracing her. She had felt such a thing before when tending to the ill. It was death. It lingered around the sick and dying waiting for them. She wrinkled her brow, thinking that none of the men here were even close to death; she was sure of it. So, if not death, what was this darkness that embraced her?

An arm suddenly curled around her waist and if it were not for the familiar scent that drifted over her, she would have yelled out for help.

"You have done more than your share today. It is bedtime," Quint whispered near her ear.

He didn't wait for her to agree or object. He scooped her off the bench and into his arms.

Shade sighed and rested her head on his shoulder as he carried her through the Great Hall and up the stairs to their bedchamber. He placed her on her feet once in the room and walked away from her. She was disappointed he didn't remain close, didn't kiss her, or touch her. She had hoped with his declaration of love that it might be different now and he would no longer keep his distance. But she supposed guilt at admitting that he loved her more than he had Amara weighed on him.

"Go to bed, Shade," he said not turning to look at her from where he stood by the hearth, his head hanging low.

He was letting her know there would be nothing between them tonight, but if not tonight, when? How long did he intend for this to go on?

She decided to take matters into her own hands and disrobed before saying, "How long do you intend to avoid touching me, kissing me, making love to me?"

Quint raised his head quickly, turning it toward her ready to snap at her but the words died on his lips when he saw her standing there naked. His manhood responded instantly since it was starving for satisfaction, but it was the ache to hold her, feel her against him that hurt the most. He missed her, but how did he go to her, how did he love her, when she could be the one responsible for Amara's death?

"Why do you punish me, punish yourself when?—"

Anger flared on his face. "When I love you more than I should, more than I have any right to since you could be the one I search for?"

"You have come to know me, Quint. How can you possibly think I would have anything to do with purposely harming another when I am a healer? Is it truly that that disturbs you or is it that you admitted not only to me but to yourself that you love me more than you did Amara?"

He took a step toward her and stopped. "Do not throw my words back at me."

"Do you regret saying them?"

He ran his hand roughly through his hair. "I spoke the truth yet had no right to."

"Why? Because you feel you betrayed Amara?"

Quint rushed to stand in front of her. "Enough! I will hear no more."

"Well, I have more to say," Shade said and continued before he could order her to be silent. "The only reason you believe you love me more is because Amara taught you what it was to love, to open yourself to it, to embrace it. If you did not love Amara as much as you did, you could never love me as fully as you do now. You may feel you love me more, but it is because you loved Amara that you can embrace our love more generously. You do not betray Amara's love by loving me, you celebrate the love you had for her and always will. And I am forever grateful to Amara for loving you and opening your heart to love her and for you to be able to love again."

"Bloody hell, Shade," he said and grabbed her face in his hands and kissed her.

Shade felt the strength of his kiss deep inside her and felt his wounded heart begin to heal. It was a lingering, heart-pounding kiss or perhaps it felt more intense since it had been too long since their last kiss. It didn't matter either way as long as he didn't stop kissing her. Though she didn't mind when he stopped long enough to shed his garments and drop down on the bed with her.

She sighed and moaned when his hand roamed over her intimately, but she quickly reminded him, "You have been gone from me too long."

"Far too long," he whispered, then nibbled at her bottom lip.

She spread her legs, and he settled between them, slipping easily into her, she was so ready for him, and he grew even more excited. Though, he was in no hurry to see it end fast. He wanted to linger in the pleasure, build it, temper it, and build it again until neither of them could stop the pleasure from exploding.

He moved in her slow and easy, stealing kisses as he did, enjoying the way she arched against him seeking to take him deeper, squeeze him tighter. Only then did he move more rapidly and harder against her, forcing moans of pleasure from her. Then he slowed again, easing his thrusts, stealing more kisses, firing her passion.

"I have missed you and have missed this so much," Shade said between labored breaths.

He kissed her roughly. "Never again. Never again."

She knew he was promising her that he would never again purposely keep his distance from her, he would never deny her or their love, and it sent her passion soaring.

"I can't wait any longer," she called out.

Quint couldn't either and they exploded in a blinding light of pleasure and love. They clung to each other not wanting to let go until they had no choice. But Quint made sure to take her with him when he rolled off her and he tucked her against him never intending to let her go.

Shade lay there breathless. She wanted to tell him that she loved him, loved how he made her feel, loved what she shared with him, but exhaustion claimed her hard and fast, and she was asleep in no time.

Feeling as if a heavy burden had been lifted off him and more satiated than he thought possible, sleep soon claimed him.

The pain woke Shade, and her hand went to her head. She felt the wetness and realized her wound had opened. She silently admonished herself for not applying more honey to it before she slept. She slipped out of bed as easily and quietly as possible, not wanting to disturb her husband, the day and their lovemaking having exhausted them both.

The room held a chill, the fire having died quite a bit which meant she had been sleeping for a while. She grabbed a cloth to press against her wound and hurried into her soft wool undergarment, making sure she didn't get any blood on it. Then before she tended to her wound, she carefully added logs to the hearth to wake the fire and the heat.

She moved a short, wood stool in front of the hearth and placed the bucket filled with water beside it. She was now ready to tend to her wound.

"You should have woken me."

Shade looked up to see her husband approaching her, the fire's light highlighted his muscled body and with his hair tousled from sleep and his handsome face still attempting to wake, he looked more appealing than ever.

Quint halted, his eyes turning wide. "You're bleeding."

"The wound opened. I forgot to coat it with honey before going to bed."

He crouched down beside her. "I should not have preoccupied you."

Shade chuckled. "I love how you preoccupied me."

"Don't tempt me, at least until I am done tending to your wound," he said with a teasing smile. He took the cloth from her hand and soaked and rinsed it, then began to clean the blood away. "Does it hurt?"

"A little. The pain woke me though it is not as painful now."

He rinsed the cloth and continued to clean around the wound. "Once again, I need to remind you to think before you run into a situation."

"The men needed help."

"And how would you have helped them if the warriors had taken a sword to you? You cannot heal if you are wounded yourself. Think before you act and be careful who you trust is all I ask, especially now in these troubling times."

Shade sighed, enjoying his gentle touch. "Wise words I will do my best to remember."

With a clean, dry cloth, Quint patted around the wound. Once dry, he picked up the crock of honey and as he applied a generous amount to her wound, said, "Honey, magical nectar from the bees."

Shade's brow scrunched.

"Does my touch hurt you?" he asked concerned.

"Nay," she said, her brow remaining scrunched.

"Then something suddenly disturbs you that your brow scrunches?"

"What was it you said about the honey?"

"Honey, magical nectar from the bees," he said.

The wrinkles in her brow grew deeper. "Where did you hear that?"

"Amara would say that every time she applied honey to one of my wounds. Why?" he asked anxiously. "Have you heard it before?"

"I believe I have."

"Think. Who said it to you?" Quint urged.

"A woman who came to see me but requested that her visit be kept a secret. But that woman wasn't as you described her, though?—"

"Though what?" he asked anxiously.

"Though once cleaned, I suppose—" Shade shook her head. "The woman wore what appeared to be a hat made from a sack, her dark hair tucked beneath it. She was unkempt, her garments dusty and her hands dirty, though once I cleaned them, they were lovely and soft, untouched by hard work. I cannot recall the color of her eyes but rather the sadness and worry I saw in them. She did not give me a name; she claimed it was safer that way."

"Why did she come to you?"

Shade debated telling him; the news something he might not want to hear.

Seeing her reluctance, he demanded, "You will tell me, Shade, I need to know."

It would do no good keeping the truth from him. "She came to me seeking a way to purge herself of the child she carried."

"She was with child?"

Shade nodded.

"Why did she want to get rid of it?"

Shade hesitated, but only for a moment. He had to know all he could about Amara if the reason for her death was ever to be solved. "She told me she refused to give birth to the devil's child."

Quint wiped the honey off his fingers shaking his head, then stood and went and sat on the edge of the bed.

Shade joined him, sitting close, and taking hold of his hand. She was glad to feel his hand grip hers and give it a squeeze. She wasn't sure if she should speak or wait for him to say something. She chose to wait since she worried anything she said might hurt more than help.

"I knew the first time we were together that she had been with a man and a demanding one with the way she was so willing to please and had not an ounce of concern for her own pleasure."

"Then it is good she escaped such a man."

Quint turned toward her, his eyes wide with thought. "This man she escaped must be the one who marked her for death, her punishment for leaving him. Or perhaps it was because she purged herself of his child, which in a way would make you responsible for her death."

The thought eased his worry that Shade's involvement in Amara's death was unintentional. She was an innocent in it all, Amara seeking her help of her own accord.

Shade gave his hand a reassuring squeeze and kept a firm hold of it. "She talked with me, asking me if I thought a child could be born evil. I told her that to me a child is born unblemished, untouched, and when born he is touched by life. It is life, this world, the people in it who stains a child and contributes to his fate. I told her that it was a difficult choice to make to purge a child from the womb. That either way had consequences and sometimes those consequences come fast and sometimes they took years to arrive. Right now, she had only so much time to decide before it became far too dangerous."

"So, she purged the bairn and set a chain of events to fall."

"Nay, Quint. Amara decided not to purge herself of the child. She believed she had more than enough love in her heart to keep evil from touching the bairn."

He released her hand and stood to pace in front of her. "So, she searched for a man she could trick into believing the child was his." He stopped pacing. "And do not tell me she did no such thing. She told me the night before I left that she believed she was with child. I was thrilled with the news, though I made no mention of it to anyone since she was not certain. It forever tormented me that I never knew for sure. Never knew if I lost not only her but our bairn. Now I know and it matters not."

"You are wrong."

He firmly disagreed. "I think not."

"This news makes you think that Amara never loved you."

"Of course it does," he snapped angrily. "Any sane man would feel the same."

"Think about it, Quint. You told me that after being with you for a while Amara told you she was leaving and you knew by then you loved her, so you asked her to wed you. She had no intentions of staying with you and passing the child off as yours, and she probably had no intentions of falling in love with you. No doubt, she was drawn to your strength and courage, which was what she needed, and you were drawn to her tenderness, something you needed."

"You don't know that," he argued. "She used me. She never loved me."

"You're wrong. She didn't stay with you because she was with child. She stayed because she had finally found love and didn't want to lose it. With that strength of love you had for her, and she for you, it probably convinced her that evil could never touch the bairn. No doubt to her, the bairn became yours that day."

"You cannot know that," he said, continuing to disagree but wishing it was the truth and that Amara did love him since even with this news, it didn't change his love for her.

"You're wrong again. In the end, with death near, Amara was wise enough to know that you would find out the truth and she wanted you to know how much it meant to her that you loved her, and she loved you and that your love would not only avenge her death, but you would also avenge whatever evil had touched her. She believed in you. She was grateful for you. She loved you. Do not let evil rob you of the time and love you shared with her. See that the man who caused her such harm pays for her and your suffering."

He crouched down in front of her. "How is it I got so lucky to have found you?"

Shade rested her hand to his cheek. "I believe fate had a hand in us finding each other along with Amara and Brother Emmett, in a strange sort of way. And now that we have found each other, I never want to lose you."

Quint's hand went to the back of her neck as he leaned forward and kissed her.

That was all either of them needed. It was a quick joining and soon after sleep for Shade but not for Quint.

Memories kept him awake, along with what Shade had said to him. Amara had been adamant about leaving him, saying their time together was over and she needed to move on. He also remembered how she told him that she was no good for him and that had angered him. She was a good woman with a good soul. He knew, saw for himself, how evil could touch the best of souls and he intended to find out the evil that had gotten hold of Amara and crush it for good.