Chapter Ten

G awain strode to the stable the following morning intending to take his usual ride and still return in time for Cherish’s next lesson on overcoming her fear of horses. But he was dismayed to find Katie standing in wait for him. “What are you doing?” he grumbled, taking no pains to be polite to her.

Both of their horses had been saddled and were at the ready. Despite the early hour, Katie looked quite bright eyed and elegant in her riding habit. She wore one of those stylish riding hats with it, perched at a perfect slant atop her flawlessly coiffured head to show her off to best advantage. Of course, she knew how to make herself up splendidly, no doubt having sat in front of a mirror for hours, posing this way and that, until she got the look just right.

“We used to ride together in our younger days. I know you remember because we did more than ride our horses. You gave me a ride or two and enjoyed it immensely. Don’t you dare deny it, Bromleigh.”

He wanted to tell her to stop referring to him by his title, for it grated on his nerves. But he did not want her to call him Gawain, either.

Blast. He just wanted her gone. He had begged Fiona to toss her out already, but his stubborn cousin took his pleas as a lark and ignored him. “You are a big boy, Gawain. Can you not manage her yourself?”

No, he could not.

Oh, he was not concerned for himself but for Cherish. Why was Fiona being so dense? Katie had a vindictive side to her that she hid well from others. Had she not hidden this uglier side successfully from him when they were younger?

Well, he would keep close watch on her and hope nothing untoward happened.

He took the reins of his mount from the groom who had led the beast out. “I won’t deny our past, Katie. But you do not seem to be listening to me when I tell you this is all we are to each other now, nothing more than two people who were friends years ago. I am never going to make the same mistake with you again.”

“It was not a mistake, and I shall prove it to you.” She called over one of the grooms to assist her in mounting.

Gawain had to admit she was an excellent rider and fearless in the saddle. In truth, she did many things well, in addition to having perfected the art of being charming.

While they cantered away from the stable and into the countryside, his thoughts strayed to Cherish and how lacking she was in horsemanship or ton elegance. Yet he far preferred her brand of charm, which was simple and honest. Therein lay the difference, for Cherish could tell him the moon was green and he would believe her. In contrast, Katie could tell him the sun rose in the east every morning—which it did—and he would question whether she was telling him the truth.

Trust was the issue, and he simply did not trust Katie. Nor did he like the pettiness he now saw in her behavior. He was used to people approaching him with the intent of getting something out of him, but was sincerely sorry that Katie could be counted among them. He had grown quite cynical over the years, and also quite adept at spotting those who sought to take advantage.

Katie fell into that category for certain. She was here and trying to cozy up to him because she wanted something out of him.

But what? He wished she would simply tell him straight out.

They raced across meadows and over hills, the wind biting as it struck Gawain’s face. The day would warm eventually, but for now the overnight chill remained in the air and a morning mist lingered amid leafy copses and shallow dales.

Gawain did not particularly wish to speak to Katie, but their horses needed to rest after that run, so he drew his up beside a nearby stream. He dismounted and then walked over to assist Katie.

“What is it you really want from me?” he asked when she put her hands on his shoulders while he helped her down. But she held on to him when he tried to release her, lifting up on tiptoes to kiss him.

He pulled back and drew her off him as gently but firmly as he could manage. “Trying to kiss me will not work. Do you think you can find it in yourself to simply tell me the truth?”

“Here is the truth,” she said, now rubbing herself against him. “You know we both want this.”

He stepped back again. “How much clearer must I be? Stop trying to seduce me. It isn’t going to work.”

“Because you think I am too old now,” she said, sounding quite wounded. Well, she was in her mid-thirties and probably worried about her looks fading. She was a woman who had done quite well for herself on looks alone. The possibility she was losing this advantage had to be an upsetting revelation.

“You are still beautiful, and I am sure most men think so. But what you also are is false, conniving, and selfish. Those are quite ugly traits. Stop trying to win me over, because I am long past caring for you. Why are you really here?”

“Because I want us . Isn’t that enough truth for you?” Her cheeks turned pink as she appeared to struggle with her feelings, or perhaps it was merely irritation that he was being so difficult and thwarting her plans. “I know you don’t believe me when I say that I married Albin for our sake, to give us the chance for a better life that we would not have had while you remained a third son. Had I known you were destined to be the duke, I would have married you and somehow managed to wait it out. But how could I possibly know such a thing would happen? I had no crystal ball.”

“You don’t get it, do you? Do you hear yourself? You only want me because I now have the title. Face it, Katie. You never really wanted me .”

“But this is who you are…the Duke of Bromleigh. And do you forget that I gave myself to you when we were younger? What more proof do you need that I wanted you? And I still want you. Are you really so deluded as to believe the young ladies at Lady Shoreham’s party care for you beyond your title? Do you think they want you in their bed?”

He knew quite well that most did not. Which was why he had no intention of offering for any of those little peahens.

“They flirt with you because they want to be your duchess,” she said, not yet done with her little speech. “Why do you not ask them to tell you the truth? Or are you afraid of what they will say? Then I shall tell you what they are all thinking, even your precious Lady Cherish.”

No, Cherish was different. She would melt at his touch, and lose her heart to him, if he kissed her.

“You are too old for them, and they will be repulsed by the intimacies you force on them, just as I was when my husband touched me. But I endured for us . I closed my eyes and pretended you were the one with me. After all I have been through, is this how I am to be rewarded for my sacrifice?”

“Rewarded?” He stared at her in disbelief. “You gave up on us building a life together, gave up on our happiness and our chance for children. You gave it all up without a thought for me, not even a letter of warning or a single conversation between us about your plans. You knew I would never agree, and you did not want me in a position to stop you.”

As he spoke, he had been watching her shifting expressions and noticed her look of disdain at the mention of children. That look did something to his heart. She did not want to raise a family and would not have been a good mother to any sons or daughters they might have had.

This truly tore him apart. How had he been so blind? How did he not see what she was? A beautiful woman whose thoughts were centered only on herself.

He sighed, accepting the truth now and knowing he shared the blame for remaining oblivious. “You wanted your fine carriages and expensive jewelry above the love I was willing to give you. Well, now you have them. You have all the trappings of wealth, more than most ladies can ever dream of. This is what you chose, Katie. Do not expect me to accept it. I would not have done so then and will not do so now.”

He had his failings as well, for he could have moved on and found someone else to marry. But he had used Katie’s betrayal as an excuse to close himself off. That part wasn’t her fault, only his.

Of course, he had not realized this was what he had been doing. All the while, he thought he had been searching for love.

He’d found it now with Cherish.

So why was he still playing matchmaker to her and Reggie? Or saying nothing as Fellstone hovered close?

He helped Katie back up on her horse and then mounted his own. Their ride back to Fiona’s stable was as breakneck and reckless as their ride out. He supposed they both had anger and disappointment to work through. But their talk only firmed his resolve about Katie.

He wanted nothing to do with her.

There was not a chance in hell he would ever make her his duchess. She would think only of her own needs and never concern herself with the needs of others. This was not the sort of wife he wanted.

If ever he were to marry, it had to be someone like Cherish—someone whose heart was tender and whose instincts were kind.

Well, he did not know why his thoughts were even straying there, for had he not made a mess of that, too? He shook back to the present as they approached Fiona’s manor.

Cherish was walking toward the stable as they rode up.

He immediately drew back on his reins to slow his mount, but Katie had no such intention. To his horror, she rode toward Cherish at full gallop and would have caused her serious injury if Cherish had not been alert and leaped out of the way in time.

But she fell backward and landed hard on the ground.

“Cherish!” He raced to her side, unable to restrain his fury, not only aimed at Katie but at himself for everything he had done wrong leading up to this moment.

He wrapped Cherish in his arms as she struggled to sit up. “Take another moment, love. You had the wind knocked out of you.”

Love?

Had he just let that endearment slip?

She was shaking hard and too overset to notice. “She ran me down on purpose.”

“I know. This is my fault.”

She looked up at him in surprise. “How is it yours?”

“Long story. Let’s get you back to the house,” he said, stopping her as she struggled to rise and was obviously having difficulty. “I did not mean to have you walking on your own. I’ll carry you back. Can you put your arms around my neck?”

“No, people will talk. Give me another moment to catch my breath and I’ll manage on my own. I think I am all right.” But she emitted a groaning laugh not a moment later and sagged against him. “This must be the Fates telling me I am not meant to be near horses.”

He glanced around and saw none of the others who had been cheering her on yesterday. “You came out here alone?”

She nodded against his chest.

“Why, Cherish?” He was kneeling beside her and rather liked cradling her in his arms. She did not seem to mind, either, for she was comfortably nestled in them.

She placed her hand on his chest as she tried to get up again, but he stopped her once more. “Give it a moment longer. I wish you had waited for me. I would have accompanied you out here.”

“No, I had to do this on my own. I felt so cowardly yesterday.”

“Why? No one thought less of you for your struggles.”

“I hate being this way, feeling so helpless and weak. I thought to approach Sugar and work my way up to riding her. Not that I consider myself brave enough to ride her yet,” she said with a wincing laugh. “But I wanted to give her a little hay and have a talk with her. I even brought a few apples along for a special treat for her. It sounds ridiculous, I know.”

“Not at all. I think it is quite admirable of you.”

“Hardly. I was determined to have Sugar like me and was ready to bribe her to accomplish it. The apples spilled out of my basket. Oh, and the basket is crushed, too.”

“Never mind about those. They are easily replaced. You are not.”

She nodded. “You and Lady Albin ride so effortlessly. I wish I could do the same.”

“It doesn’t matter whether you ever do or not, Cherish. No one will like you any less for your lack of horsemanship. It is nothing compared to all your other fine qualities.”

She snorted. “You needn’t flatter me simply because I took a dive in the dirt.”

“I’m not. Can you not see you are a favorite at this party? Those little peahens adore you, and several gentlemen of excellent character have also taken an interest in you.”

“Oh, really?” She laughed.

“Yes, really. What about Reggie? Or Lord Fellstone? They have both been quite attentive to you.”

“Perhaps.” She gave a slight shrug, as though to dismiss his statement. “Are you ready to tell me your long story? How are you in any way to blame for Lady Albin’s actions?”

“Is it so hard to figure out?”

“No, I suppose not. She wishes to revive your friendship and for some reason thinks I am standing in her way.”

He lifted her in his arms to carry her to the manor house. “Do not protest. You were badly shaken, and I will not have you falling again.”

She rested her head against his shoulder. To Gawain, it felt as though she belonged with him, her body soft and perfect as it molded to his. “Why does she think I am standing in her way?”

“In her mind, it is easier to blame you than admit to her own failings. She refuses to see that it is her own character I find unworthy. She was angry when I told her so. I spelled it out quite plainly.”

“This is a reason to run you down with her horse, but why me? Lady Albin clearly does not like me. It is one thing to sneer at me, but quite another to put me in physical danger. Is there something more you are not telling me?”

He sighed. “I suppose she knows I admire you above any other young lady here. This is why she is worried you are her competition. It is beyond her abilities to accept that I will never have her under any circumstances. That door shut when she married Lord Albin. She refuses to admit any of the past is her fault and places the blame everywhere but on herself.”

“Do you still love her?”

“No, Cherish. I meant it when I said that I stopped caring for her long ago. Even if I were still besotted—which I assure you, I am not—her behavior since arriving here, especially that dirty trick she pulled just now, would have opened my eyes to her petty nature. But I was already aware. A betrayal is a betrayal. Once trust is lost, there is no reclaiming it.”

“You will never trust her again?”

He nodded. “How can I? This applies to anyone, not just Lady Albin. This is what I am trying to teach Reggie, to acquire that ability to sense a person’s character. To know who will deceive him and who will not.”

“And once deceived, teach him never to forgive?”

“Cherish, people don’t change. If they lied to you once, they will do it again.”

“But that is a little harsh, don’t you think? Everyone makes mistakes.”

“Yes,” he said with a wry grin. “Even I am not perfect, as shocking as this may appear to you.”

She laughed.

He loved the sweet quality of her voice, in addition to everything else he liked about her. “There is a difference between an honest mistake and outright deception. This is what I hope Reggie will learn in time.”

Fiona rushed toward them as he reached the terrace and was about to carry Cherish into the parlor. “Gawain! What happened?”

“Accident by the stable,” Cherish said, making no mention of Katie’s running her down. Was she waiting for him to explain?

Reggie and Margaret also rushed forward. “Oh, Cherish!” Margaret cried with genuine concern. “We would have come with you. Why did you not tell us you were going to the stable?”

Gawain set her down on the settee in the parlor and called for one of the footmen to bring a glass of sherry. “It will help calm you down and ease your tense muscles,” he explained when she eyed him dubiously. “How do you feel? Any sprains? Ankle? Wrist? Any bruises?”

“Just a few bruises, I think. Nothing more,” she assured him, placing a hand lightly on her hip and wincing as she touched it. “I fell on it and on my arm. I may have scraped my elbow.”

A crowd had now gathered around her. Gawain motioned them all away. “Give her some privacy. Go have your breakfast. This isn’t a circus.”

Most left as Fiona herded them out with the assistance of Lord Durham and Lord Fellstone. This left only Reggie and Margaret with Gawain as he began to run his hands along Cherish’s nicely formed ankles. “Does it hurt when I press here?”

“No.”

“Good.” He moved to her wrists, taking them in his hands one at a time and pressing lightly. “Now?”

She emitted a soft cry. “The right one hurts a little. Hardly anything at all.”

“You landed on it, and it took the brunt of your weight as you fell.”

“What happened, Uncle Gawain? Did she trip?” Reggie asked.

Gawain shook his head. “No.”

Katie walked in just then, looking smug as she slapped her riding crop against her gloved hand. She walked right by them with her head held high and no intention of issuing an apology.

Margaret gasped as she stared at Katie’s retreating form. “Did she do something to hurt you, Cherish?”

Cherish pursed her lips, obviously uncertain what to say. “It isn’t important. Just an accident.”

“Accident, my arse,” Reggie grumbled, and set an accusing eye on Gawain. “When are you going to get rid of that menace?”

Margaret nodded in agreement. “She is very mean.”

Gawain frowned. “I would have tossed her out yesterday. But it isn’t up to me. This is Fiona’s house and her party.”

“No,” Reggie said, now sounding quite stern. “You are one to lecture me about my behavior. It is time you took responsibility for yours. That woman is here because of you. And she hurt Cherish because of you. So do not play your Silver Duke games and think to get away with them.”

Gawain ought to have been angry with Reggie for such a display of insolence, but he was proud of him. Proud for standing up for Cherish and taking him on because none of this would have happened if not for his past actions. Perhaps he had been wrong to consider the lad soft and in need of toughening. Reggie was showing he had the makings of a man.

“You are right,” Gawain admitted. “I have already asked her to leave…repeatedly. But she refuses. I cannot bodily toss her out while Fiona is permitting her to stay. That still does not excuse me. It never occurred to me that she would seek her vengeance on someone other than myself. Again, this does not excuse whatever part I played in it.”

Now Cherish frowned. “How are you to blame? She is a grown woman and knew exactly what she was doing.”

“Don’t you dare absolve my uncle,” Reggie said. “Everything he has done until this moment has led up to your injury. Thank goodness you were not hurt worse—not that Lady Albin would care. She is as obsessed with resuming her romance with my uncle as he is with avoiding it. But it cannot be overlooked that Lady Albin thought she had a chance with him because he has remained unmarried all these years.”

He turned to Gawain before continuing. “Nor will she give up hope until you do marry, and you know it. But more important, what about Cherish?”

“What about me?” Cherish asked.

Reggie turned back to her, raking a hand through his hair in order to calm his own turmoil. “Lady Albin came at you because my uncle likes you. He likes you very much. Is it not obvious? In truth, I think he likes you so much it scares him.”

“ Reggie, ” Gawain said with a growl, having no desire for his feelings to be the subject of discussion.

His nephew ignored him. “You are more of a threat than you realize, Cherish. But will my uncle ever admit it? Will he ever follow his heart? No! He will let you go and pretend you are better off with me because this is what he does best, deny his feelings and lock everyone out. Those stone barricades around his heart are more precious to him than anything or anyone else. Do not fall in love with him, Cherish. He will only crush you.”

He stormed off, and Margaret chased after him.

Gawain was now left alone to face this sweet girl who had done nothing to deserve any of the treatment she was receiving. Not from him. Nor from Katie. Nor from a vindictive uncle who meant to use her as a servant.

The footman returned just then with the glass of sherry he’d ordered.

Blast. How much had the man heard? Not that Gawain cared for himself, but he did not want Cherish tarnished in any way. He hoped Reggie’s words would not be misconstrued to imply he and Cherish had done… No, they had to know she was respectable.

Her eyes began to water. “Cherish, here. Drink this.” He meant to hold the glass to her lips, but she took it from his hand and took a sip on her own.

“I’ll be all right,” she said, trying to make light of her struggles. “You can leave me now.”

“How can I leave you? Your hands are still shaking.” He reached out to caress her cheek, but she turned her head away.

“I already knew this about you,” she said, her throat so constricted, she could hardly get the words out. “For a moment, I thought perhaps you might open your heart to me…but no. It is as your nephew warned. You will never change.”

Great, now she believed Reggie. Well, with good reason, he supposed.

“I wish my heart understood this about you,” she continued in a voice so fragile, it sounded like delicate glass about to shatter.

He felt pain tear through him. The last thing he’d ever wanted to do was hurt her. “Cherish…”

“It is an awful situation, isn’t it? I tried so hard not to let you in. But hearts are quite difficult to control, are they not? They set their own determined path and barrel straight on. It does not matter how hard we try to hold them back or try to guide them elsewhere. They will not be budged once they have set their course. Do not worry, I will force myself to forget you in time. In fact, I will start right now.”

“Cherish, you are hurting and upset.”

She took another sip of her sherry, grimacing as it slid down her throat. “Indeed, I am. But I will tell you this—if Lord Fellstone will have me, I will leap at his offer of marriage.”

Her words were a solid punch to his heart. “Even if you do not love him?”

“Aren’t you the very one who told me to start thinking of myself?” Tears formed in her eyes. “Well, this is me being mercenary…trying to be mercenary. Is this not what you want?”

“No, I did not mean—”

“Oh? Then what did you mean? Were you not encouraging me to turn greedy and grasping? Was I not directed to set my cap for Reggie? And failing that, find some other dupe like Lord Fellstone who might succumb to my captivating smiles and innocent blushes? Are you suggesting that now I should not grab what I can?”

He groaned. “I would not fault you for doing whatever you need to protect yourself. But the problem is, you are not at all hardhearted. You cannot fake your feelings, as you’ve just made clear.”

“And now you know my feelings and do not care to reciprocate them. And why should you, when I have an uncle who is likely cheating me out of my inheritance and I cannot even ride a horse? Yes, you ought to distance yourself from me as soon as possible. In fact, I shall make it easy for you. Go away and do not speak to me again, for I do not wish to speak to you. Truly, I am so sorry I ever met you.”

“Cherish, please—”

“No!” She drank the last of her sherry and obviously had no taste for it, if her expression was any indication. “Ugh, that is vile. I’ll have another.”

He sighed and set the glass aside. “I think you’ve had enough.”

“Do I embarrass you because I am drunk before breakfast? I wouldn’t worry about it if I were you. I am merely in pain, not yet drunk.”

“I’ll have Fiona’s housekeeper fetch some bandages.”

She shook her head. “A bandage won’t fix my heart. There is only one thing that can fix what you have caused, and it is not something you will ever give me. So, here I sit, aching for the hope of love you brought to me…your love. Not Reggie’s nor Fellstone’s. I am so desperately sorry for ever letting my guard down around you. I should have been better prepared for the pain you were bound to cause. It was inevitable. This pain in my heart, I mean. These physical bruises,” she said, glancing at her wrist and hip, “are nothing and will heal quickly.”

“Speaking of those,” he said with concern as blood began to seep through her sleeve, revealing yet another injury, “Cherish, your elbow is bleeding. Let me—”

“Stop pretending you care! It is nothing. I will deal with it. Can you not see the true cause of my anguish? I knew I was in danger of falling in love with you from the moment we met. I tried so hard to stop myself. I forced myself to list your faults.” She sniffled. “But you have none.”

He sighed. “Blessed saints, I have plenty.”

“Well, I cannot seem to find them. You are irresistible, and I have been so foolish as to put my heart at risk. What a goose I am. I know I am nothing to you and will now be added to the pile of ladies you have cast aside. I wanted so much to be special to you.” She hiccupped and held back a sob. “I am so angry…not with you, but with myself.”

She reached for the bottle of sherry, but he moved it out of her reach. “This won’t help.”

“Oh, yes it will. Give it to me, or I shall become angry with you. In fact, I am angry with you. You know the effect you have on ladies. Why did you turn your charm on me? Why were you nice to me? You knew I would be defenseless.”

“Cherish, I am taking you upstairs now and will have a doctor summoned to look at you. You’ve done more than merely scrape that elbow. The blood is oozing down your sleeve.”

“I have told you, these physical injuries are nothing.”

“They are not nothing.” He attempted to assist her, but she rose from the settee on her own despite her noticeable pain.

“If you will not let me carry you, then at least take my arm to steady yourself.”

“And rely on you once more? Lean against you and let you be my hero?” She slapped his hand away and then rushed out of the parlor.

Gawain was now left alone.

Was this not emblematic of his life? Alone. Not a single meaningful relation in his life.

No, that was not so. Cherish was that meaningful person, and he had just let her slip away.

What was wrong with him? Why had he not stopped her?