Chapter 34

Sophie

5 MONTHS AGO

Sophie groaned in frustration as she emptied the contents of the pan into the bin for the third time. She had long forgotten the recipe book. She grabbed her ingredients and threw them haphazardly into the pan, stirring frantically.

This was Alex's favourite meal she was fucking up, and she was determined to get it just right.

Erica could do it.

Alex would tell the office all the time about Erica's famous lobster risotto. All the guys would tell him how lucky he was, how their wives could barely manage a microwave meal.

Sophie would not allow herself to be outshone by Erica. She was going to be the girlfriend other men were envious of. A partner that made a man want to strive to be the best he could for her.

She could make lobster risotto. She absolutely could. The book said so!

So why was it so fucking hard?

Okay, okay.

Back to square one.

She took a swig of the alcohol meant for the risotto and investigated the pan. Carrots, onion, celery and leak. Garlic, don't forget the garlic. Probably too much, but she didn't care. Bit of oil and…

No! No, no, no!

Why was it sticking like that? Why couldn't she do it? All she wanted was something that vaguely looked like the image in the book, and then she'd be happy. Instead, her vegetables looked black, and her oil was dirty. She'd cleaned this pan so many times, there was no chance it could be dirty.

Try again. Back to the beginning.

She could do this, she could!

She… couldn't do this.

Something so simple and important to Alex, and she couldn't do it. She'd been at this for how long? When she glanced at the clock, her stomach dropped.

Over three hours. And she had absolutely nothing to show for it.

‘Easy lobster risotto in only ninety minutes'.

Well, she'd been trying for double that time and all she had to show for it was some burned veggies and a foul smell in the air.

She didn't have a ‘clean and fresh meal' on her plate. She didn't even have any ingredients left!

The bin had eaten more risotto than they had. In fact, that was a lie. Nothing she had made had come even close to resembling risotto. She hadn't even made it past step four in the recipe book.

Throwing the book across the room, she screamed into the empty kitchen.

All she wanted was to be perfect for Alex. To take care of him and prove she was just as good as Erica. Just as valuable. He kept pulling away from her and nothing she did brought him back. And she was trying.

So. Fucking. Hard.

Sinking to the floor, she sobbed into her apron. Great, giant sobs that wracked her entire body. Rasping deep breaths as though she were struggling for air.

Why wasn't she enough?

For months and months, she had done everything in her power to get Alex to look at her, even a fraction of how he looked at Erica. She had been perfect in every way, desperate for any form of affection for him.

And for what?

A man who barely looked at her and preferred to fuck her from behind, so he didn't have to see her face. Were things that bad between them? Was she that bad of a person?

She gave herself a moment .

And then a moment longer.

Finally, she got back to her feet, looking at the remains of her ingredients and sighing.

Well, that little meltdown got her nowhere.

She was enough for him when he was screwing her in his office. Something about her made him step out of his marriage. She just had to figure out what that was.

So she wasn't a chef, but she didn't have to be.

All she needed was to know a chef.

Sophie wasn't Erica, and she needed to quit trying to be. She had so much to offer, just being herself and using her own skills. One of those skills was getting people to do the things she didn't want to do.

Alex wanted a meal on the table and for his home to be clean. But she didn't have to be the one to do it.

Feeling a little better, she cleared away her mess. There was still time before Alex got home. Surely she could pay someone to make her lobster risotto, right?

Alexnever needed to know.

PRESENT DAY

Sophie watched as Alex slept, one hand laid over his chest, the covers bunching up between his legs. This was the only time she saw him like this. Open and vulnerable. Relaxed.

Usually, he had his guard up, all business.

She thought by now they would have made progress in their relationship, but it was just the same as it ever was. All sex, no substance.

Until tonight, that was.

For the first time, Sophie felt like she had some value to him. He had fought for her tonight and let her into his world for just a moment. Really, she should have realised how stressed he was and helped him, instead of adding to the problems .

She was so busy trying to fix their relationship, that she didn't see that everything else was causing him stress.

She'd used her body to soothe him and tried desperately to please him. Convinced he only liked her when she was naked, she'd done everything she could to keep him happy and sated.

But it wasn't even necessary!

She felt so silly. What was it he said? He wanted to give her the world. No man would say that just to get laid. No, he made a point of letting her know just how important she was.

It was time to listen to him and trust that he wanted her as much as she wanted him.

Which probably meant it was time to be more honest. He didn't know she was an awful cook because she kept ordering out. She had rehired the maid after telling him she'd take over the housework. He should probably know about that.

She'd worked so hard on creating the illusion of a perfect housewife.

Someone who had it all together and could take care of him while he took care of everything else. She made it so that his home was his sanctuary, with nothing to worry about except relaxing. Truthfully, she had done everything to show him how indispensable she was and how much he needed her.

But now!

Now he'd told her everything she needed to hear. He'd apologised to her for his behaviour. Finally, he realised her value and how much she brought to his life. She owed him the same transparency.

Except…

What if she ruined it by revealing the truth? Would he care if she didn't cook, if she made sure she fed him? Did he really mind that some stranger tidied up their place?

Could she really afford to let the mask slip and show him who she really was?

She thought back to her marriage with Marcus. Did she ever once cook him a meal, or clean their home?

"No, all you did was spend his money," she whispered to herself .

Alex would definitely have a problem with that.

He was used to luxury. She had watched enough of his interactions with Erica to know that he expected a certain level of care from his spouse.

Erica was another issue.

Their divorce still wasn't finalised.

Alex said he had been pestering Erica about the papers, but she had been reluctant to sign.

How pathetic. Especially after she was the one who made a big song and dance over it all on Christmas day by serving him papers in front of her family. Sophie couldn't blame her, though. Alex had money, and the settlement she received would be huge.

She just didn't have Erica pegged as a gold digger.

But she supposed it made sense. She had seen Erica's walk-in wardrobe and the rows and rows of beautiful clothes. After thinking about it, she couldn't recall an instance when she had seen Erica wearing the same thing twice. That kind of clothing addiction needed money.

Sophie wondered how Erica was managing without access to all those clothes. She had left more than half behind when she arrived with Marcus to collect her belongings.

Truthfully, Sophie had been selling them on the sly.

If Erica didn't want them, then she might as well make money from them. No one had to know, and it helped her pay for the hired help without Alex questioning his bank statement.

Either way, if she revealed these secrets to Alex now, maybe Erica would start looking appealing to him again. He hadn't mentioned her in a while, but Sophie was sure he sometimes longed for the life they once shared. Erica had everything under control. If Sophie let him see that she cut corners…

Well, she didn't want to find out how he'd react.

She was almost positive he wouldn't mind. After all, he hired help for dinner parties and charity events. Hell, even Erica had a maid, didn't she? Alex said so himself. But Sophie had kept up the pretence for so long that revealing everything was a risk she wasn't willing to take .

Tracing her finger over the shape of his lip, her heart leapt as he smiled in his sleep. Was he dreaming about her? Did she mean that much to him? She hoped so. He might not believe her, but she really loved him. Beyond his wealth and standing, there was something about him that called to her and set her soul alight.

He was everything she had ever wanted in a man. Tall and handsome, charming and witty. He made her feel giddy when he looked at her, made her insides melt when he smirked a certain way. His deep voice sent delicious shivers down her spine. His arms made her feel secure and safe.

She told him all the time just how much she loved him, but she wasn't sure he believed her. Her biggest worry is that Alex thought she loved his lifestyle more than him. She certainly had bitched about Marcus lacking in that department.

But after tonight, maybe things were looking up.

It had been six months since their marriages ended. Six months of trying and fighting for him. She would be a fool to risk that now for the sake of honesty. And really, what couple didn't have small secrets from one another?

In fact, it was healthy to have secrets.

She didn't need to bog Alex down with every mundane detail of her day. He didn't need to know the ins and outs of being a housewife any more than she needed to know what he and his associates did during whiskey and cigars.

She was doing him a favour by keeping him in the dark.

Leaning down to kiss him lightly, she snuck out of bed and grabbed a robe, pulling it around herself. Padding across their bedroom, she headed down the stairs and into the kitchen.

With about half an hour until Alex woke up, the breakfast delivery would arrive shortly. All she had to do was make a little noise, dirty up a few things and make it look like she had made it all herself.

He'd never caught her yet.

If anything, she was doing him a favour. After the lobster risotto fiasco, she dreaded to think how awful her food would be. She wouldn't subject him to that! Not now when she was so close to getting everything she wanted. She loved him, and though he hadn't said it back yet, she was sure he loved her.

Everything he did was for her, right? That's what he said. He wanted to give her the world. That's what he said.

Neither of those things would be true if he didn't love her. Since she was young, she dreamed of a man like Alex.

And now she had him, she would do anything to keep him.