CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

My pulse hammers in my ears like a powwow drum summoning the spirits of a broken past I've tried to keep buried.

Tara stands there, as if conjured from a nightmare that won't ever leave me alone.

The years haven't changed her, and the familiar predatory smile still curls my ex's lips.

"J-Jake, honey, go play with your Legos in your room, okay?"

He stares up at me, confusion stamped into his features, but he complies.

Mrs. Jenkins comes over while Tara sits on my couch, making herself at home.

"This woman says she's your ex—and Jake's mother."

She says this neutrally, but I hear the questions—the suspicion—in her tone.

"Thank you for watching Jake. I'll…I'll explain later."

My neighbor nods, still looking unsure, but backs out, leaving me alone with Tara.

The sneer on my ex's face widens as she revels in my discomfort.

"Hullo, Koda. Aren't you pretty."

"Tara, what are you doing here—we agreed you would never come if I gave you the money. You lied!"

She laughs, the sound far too soft and tinkling for someone so sinister.

My ex tsks. "Koda, Koda, Koda—"

"Do not call me that. My name is Wyn."

"Of course. My apologies—Wyn."

"What do you want?!"

My voice is a growl, a defense mechanism against the threat sitting in my own sanctuary.

"Always so direct. Don't you want to savor this little family reunion? Jake is so big now."

Every cell in my body screams at me to throw her out, anything to protect the fragile peace I've built.

But to my shame, I'm frozen like a deer caught in the headlights.

"Don't talk about Jake. He's no longer your concern."

"He's my son, Koda. He'll always be my concern."

"Wyn—and you lost the right to worry about Jake when I was awarded full custody."

My hands curl into fists as my nails bite crescents into my palms.

"For the last time—what do you want?!"

If she even thinks of asking for Jake…

"Isn't it obvious?" She unfolds herself from my couch, a serpent ready to strike. "I want money."

A lightbulb goes off in my head, and I nearly chuckle in relief that, of course, this is what she wants.

Tara never did care about Jake, and as much as that killed me, it meant he could be all mine.

And can still be.

"Look around, Tara. I'm barely making ends meet—where am I supposed to get more money?"

She looks at her meticulously polished nails before giving me a cold, glittering smile.

"From Bash."

I jerk at his name coming from her mouth, as if she's slapped me.

How could I have ever loved this woman?

"You want me to blackmail my boss?!"

"Boss? Is that what we're calling a man you let fuck your ass?"

The world spins, and I drop to my knees, physically sick at her words.

"And if I refuse?"

Somehow, I manage to choke out the question.

"Then I tell everyone about your promotion, about banging your boss, about your past, and…"

"And?" I snap, disgusted by her theatrics.

"I tell Jake you're not his mother."

"Tara, no. Jake won't understand—"

"Exactly. All the boy probably wants is a father. How upset will he be to learn you're the reason he doesn't have one?"

My blood runs cold at Tara's threat, but I can't extort Bash.

He loves me now despite everything, and now I'm supposed to screw him over if I want to protect everyone I love?

"I won't do this—I'm not dancing to your tune, anymore."

"You know, I thought you might say that, so I invited someone to talk some sense into you."

A knock sounds on the door.

"Oh, just on time," Tara croons, and my stomach drops.

I know it's Bash, and I whip open the door, tears already in my eyes.

But it's not the man I've grown to love on the side of the threshold.

It's worse.

"A-até?" I stutter, shocked to see my father's face after being gone for over a decade.

The lines of time are etched deeply into his face.

His gaze takes in my appearance, seeking the son he once knew but finding a stranger instead.

"Koda? What…what the hell happened to you? Why did this wasi'chu call me here?"

"Tara, how could you bring him here?"

"Oh, you didn't want your daddy to know about your transformation?"

My skin crawls at the sound of her voice, and I look over my shoulder at her.

The venom in her smile is enough to make a rattlesnake envious.

"Didn't you tell him that you're no longer ?hi?k?ítku, but ?hu?k?ítku."

Her use of my first language guts me, a reminder of vulnerabilities I can't afford to have exposed.

And damn if she doesn't know exactly what she's doing.

"Koda, what is going on? Why are you dressed like a wi?yan?"

For a moment, my throat closes, and I can't say anything against the disgust evident on my father's face, but then I gather my courage.

"Because I am a woman! My name is Wynona Archer—this is who I am now."

"How could you do this to yourself and mock our legacy—what would nihú? think?"

"Mom would've wanted me to be happy," I whisper.

"Happy?" Até spits the word out like it's a bitter poison. "You call this mess happiness? You turned your back on your tribe, married a wasi'chu, and then defiled your body to become a wi?yan?"

My chest constricts as his words weave a spider's web of heartbreak around me.

Every breath I attempt to suck in becomes a battle.

I glance towards the hallway, half-expecting Jake to emerge, oblivious to the precarious ledge upon which our world now rests.

The thought of his trust along with his love disappearing because of my foolishness sends a wave of icy dread cascading down my spine.

Tara hums an upbeat tune while bouncing a heeled foot in time with the rhythm.

As if she doesn't have a care in the world as mine comes crumbling down.

"Why did you bring my father here?" I demand.

"So you know that I'm not playing around. His disapproval is nothing compared to what everyone else will think when they learn the truth."

"What is she talking about, Koda?"

"For the last time—my name is Wyn!"

Something inside of me snaps, and all the rage and hurt bursts free.

Jake comes rushing out of his room, unused to me ever raising my voice.

"Mom, what's—who's he?"

Até stares at the little boy, a replica of me as a child, except for the curl in his hair—that's all my ex.

"Is this… mit?áko?a?"

"Baby, I'm sorry I yelled. Please go back to your room. This is grown-up talk."

His lip puckers. "Will Bash be here soon?"

It occurs to me that he sees Bash as our protector.

"I'm not sure. Go on, then." Once he's gone, I answer my father. "Yes, Jake's nit?áko?a—your grandson."

"You never told me—"

"Why would I? You all but disowned me, and now you can barely look me in the eye all because I've been true to myself. You speak of legacies, but what about the present—what about right now? I'm not saying we forget our past, but it shouldn't be more important than what's happening now. Why can't the two live in harmony, where both are celebrated? Why…can't you celebrate me for being me?"

Até looks away, and Tara snickers at my heartfelt speech.

"Because you're a freak, sweet Koda, and nobody celebrates that."

My chest constricts painfully, and I rub at the tender spot.

"I am not a freak—I'm a person, just like you. I have feelings, just like you. And I deserve respect."

To my shame, I don't add ‘just like you' because I'm not sure my ex truly deserves any.

"You are an abomination!"

The roar that comes out of até's mouth ricochets like gunfire, piercing into my soul.

For so long, I've fought to find my self-worth, and in moments, these two people have torn it down.

Insidious whispers fill my head, concurring with what my father said, and try as I might, I can't drown them out.

Tears trace rivulets down my cheeks as I give into the pain, and I hate myself for showing them any sign of weakness.

It's just more ammunition for them to use against me.

"I want everyone to leave. Now."

My voice is shaky, but firm.

"No, not until I've got my money," Tara snaps.

Até scowls. "You're giving this woman money while most of our tribe lives in poverty?! Whatever you send her, you can send to us!"

"I am not an ATM! I work hard to support my son—who is my only priority!"

"You would turn your back on your people?!"

"No more than you turned your back on me."

He begins shouting in my mother tongue while Tara cackles gleefully.

My head throbs as tension wraps around my skull like a vice.

Just when I think I'm about to explode, my front door splinters open, and there stands Bash.

Except, he's not the kind, caring man I've come to love.

In his place is the nightmare he always warned me he could become.