CHAPTER NINETEEN

Bash stops to pick up our food and then we're off again.

When we pull up to my apartment, he pops the trunk.

"Can you carry the food? I have something for Jake."

"Sure. What did you get—"

"You'll see," he smirks, and I just shake my head.

I shouldn't let him get Jake things, but Bash really cares for him, and I know he's not just trying to buy my son's love.

Besides, my baby boy doesn't get much very often.

Only a few presents a year, mostly on his birthday, so a little something from Bash won't hurt.

Climbing the stairs to the third floor, I knock instead of getting my keys since my arms are full.

Mrs. Jenkins opens the door, reaching out to help me.

Bash is only seconds behind me, and when he calls over Jake, I turn to see what he got.

My jaw drops open at the enormous Lego that easily costs over three hundred dollars.

It's a limited edition superhero set with all of Jake's favorite characters.

His eyes grow large and teary, and damn it, so do mine.

"Mom…MOM! Look what Bash got me! Isn't it the greatest thing you've ever seen?!"

He's yelling, but I don't even attempt to shush him, laughing at the outpouring of joy as he rushes to Bash.

Jake envelopes the Boggart into a snuggly hug, and pure bliss settles on my boss's face.

My chest constricts because I know that look—Bash loves Jake.

Mrs. Jenkins comes over to rest a hand on my shoulder.

"This one's a keeper."

"I know. I'm lucky."

"And so is he. You and Jake are a catch, too. Don't ever forget it."

A watery chuckle bubbles up inside of me, and I thank her for watching Jake before she leaves.

"Mom, can I build it now?"

"After dinner."

"Ok! Whaddya get?"

"Italian!"

"Noodles for life!" he crows like a little heathen, bouncing around the living room.

Bash laughs at his antics, scooping him up to bring him to the dining table.

We all sit down and enjoy the smorgasbord of carbs drenched in tomato sauce.

Afterward, Jake dives into his Lego set, completely ignoring the world around him as he clicks brick after brick into place.

Bash beckons me to the couch, where we recline together in silent companionship.

One of his arms is wrapped around my shoulders, tucking me into his side.

The other fiddles with a strand of my long hair.

"Wyn, can I ask you something?"

I snort.

"Really? I feel like we've far crossed the line where we have anything ‘personal' to keep from one another."

"Still, I want to ask first."

"Well, I appreciate it, but you're free to ask me anything."

"Forgive me, but as your boss, I know how much you make—and it's more than this apartment."

My throat closes when I realize what Bash is finally puzzling together.

"I know you don't have any habits—drugs or gambling. There are no signs. You live for your son, so where is the money going?"

A small eternity passes while I scramble to think of a plausible excuse, forgetting Bash is a Boggart.

"Erm, I'm putting the majority of my money into savings for Jake when he's older."

Hurt flicks across Bash's face.

"It's fine if you don't want to tell me, Wyn, but please don't lie to me. I can taste it as well as your panic. You know if you're in trouble, I will help you—no questions asked."

It's true, I do know this, which is exactly why I can't ask for his help and take advantage of his kindness.

"I'm not in trouble. Thank you for caring enough to ask, but please don't bring it up again."

He nods, and a stony silence falls between us that's shattered when Jake asks Bash to join him.

Watching my two favorite people in the world interact brings me so much joy, and I try to drink it all in.

But my mind keeps going back to Bash's question, reminding me of the nightmare I'm caught up in.

One that I have no clue how to wake up from.

The only thing I can do is keep moving forward.

Jake is provided for, and I work my ass off every day to do so.

If most of my money is siphoned to a greedy ghost from my past, then so be it.

As long as everything else is maintained in my world, I don't care.

And someday, I'm going to figure out a way to exorcise my past.

Someday.

I glance at my watch, calling for Jake to go brush his teeth.

He grumbles but does as I requested, and Bash returns to the couch next to me.

"Are we ok?"

"We're good."

His form flickers and blurs, and I can tell he's upset because I'm upset.

"Bash, truly, everything is fine."

"Prove it," he parrots in a good imitation of me.

I stick my tongue out at him, and he laughs.

"That looks like an invitation to kiss you."

He leans down until his lips are only a whisper's length away from mine.

"What about an invitation to stay the night?" I murmur before our mouths can meet.

Bash pulls back, his eyes wide.

"You want me to stay the night here?"

"Mhm. All night. Think of all the cuddle time you can get."

His body slams into mine, knocking me back onto the couch as he kisses me passionately.

Who knows how long we make out before Jake comes running back in.

"Ewwww! You two smooch?!"

Bash and I dissolve into laughter, pulling apart.

"We sure do, kiddo. Do you mind if I kiss your mom?"

"No," he answers with the sweet honesty of children. "If you kiss her, does that mean you can be my daddy?"

I freeze, staring at Bash in horror. He's the first to recover, though.

"That's not up to me, I'm afraid. That's your mom's decision."

Jake rounds on me with the patented puppy dog face he knows I can't resist.

"Pleeeeeease, Mom?"

"It's not that simple, ?hi?k?í."

"Ugh, why do grown-ups make everything so difficult?!"

Bash chokes back his chuckle while I gape at my son.

"Because grown-up things are complicated!"

His gorgeous brown gaze, so like my own, stares at me with pity.

Pity.

"Mom, do you love Bash?"

Suddenly, the temperature in the room shoots up a thousand degrees.

It's one thing to confess my true feelings to Bash, but another to talk about it with my baby.

"I, ah, well you see—"

"Yes or no, Mom?"

Bash smirks. "He definitely gets his bluntness from you."

I glare at the Boggart before deciding what to do.

Lie—the very thing I've always told Jake not to do—or be honest and lay my heart out.

My boss looks at me, hope and a touch of wistfulness in his gaze, and I couldn't lie if I wanted to.

"Yes, I love him. Are you happy?"

Jake ignores my question and turns to Bash to ask his own.

"And you do you love my mom?"

"With all my heart, little buddy," Bash responds without hesitation.

The breath whooshes from my lungs at his confession—at the implications of both our confessions.

For a moment, the world around me disappears, and I'm floating in the clouds.

Then reality crashes back down around me.

"Jake, life is more than just two people loving one another. It's…it's—I have you to think about, too."

"Oh, but Bash loves me."

I pause to assess him.

"How do you know this?"

"Because he bought me this super big and expensive Lego."

"?hi?k?í, love isn't expressed with how much money someone spends on you—"

Jake rolls his eyes. "I know that, Mom. Bash loves me because he listens to me and knew how special this Lego would be to me."

Just like Bash listened to me about wanting a gender neutral bathroom.

"Oh my god, you really do love us."

The Boggart gives me a sympathetic look as if to underscore how sad it is that I'm just realizing everything now.

"So does this mean Bash can be my dad?!"

"Uh, we'll have to discuss that another time, ?hi?k?í. Right now, it's time for bed."

"But—"

"No buts!"

Jake pouts, but Bash takes his hand and leads him to his room.

"How about I tell you a bedtime story tonight—a Boggart tale?"

"Ooooh, yes!"

"Nothing scary," I remind, and both Bash and Jake roll their eyes at me.

"Don't worry. Nothing scary. I don't do nightmares, remember? I only want Jake to have sweet dreams."

"I'm going to dream about you and Mom getting married and us moving into a house—with a dog!"

I stare at Bash as he tucks my son into bed, my heart in my throat.

Since when has Jake wanted a dad and a dog?

Guilt washes over me for not being able to give my baby all the things he wants and deserves.

"Hey!" Bash calls when I turn from the door. "Are you going to come snuggle us?"

"Um, well, I think I need a moment—"

"Please, Mom? It'll be perfect. The two people I love most in the world are on either side of me."

His words make me realize that maybe I can give Jake what he wants—and Bash can give us both what we need.

Love.