Chapter Eight

Bisexual Awakenings and Billy Goat Beards

Rafe

"I don't think I'm fully straight."

Neville slowly turned from perusing bananas to blink at me in stunned silence. I flushed and looked back down at the limes, grabbing a few to shove into a paper bag.

I supposed this wasn't necessarily the greatest time and place to come out to my best friend—in a busy grocery store on a Friday morning—but I'd been practically bursting with the urge to tell him since picking him up from his place.

It was just the rest that I didn't want to admit. I knew I was going to though. I knew I had to tell someone what I'd been doing. As if it would… alleviate the guilt somehow.

"Oh." He blinked again and looked down at the bunch of bananas in his hand. "You don't?"

I snorted weakly. This already felt like two awkward dorks trying to navigate what should have been a deep and heartfelt conversation.

"Yeah, I think… um…" I put the limes in my basket and shrugged, rubbing my neck. "I think I like dudes too?"

"Oh, right. Okay." Neville put down the bananas and stepped closer, eyeing me carefully. "And are you okay? Like, you're not… freaking out or anything?"

"Nah." Not over that part, at least. "It's just… a new thing I've discovered about myself, I guess?"

"Hell yeah." Nev grinned and held up his hand for a high five, then fidgeted in place for a few seconds before yanking me into a quick, hard hug.

I grunted at the impact, thrusting my basket out of the way so it didn't nail him in the side. I had to mumble an apology when I almost swung it directly into a woman's stomach as she passed us.

"That's awesome, bro." Neville let go of me, still grinning, then teasingly added, "Does this mean we can talk about hot guys together?"

I chuckled, a hint of warmth creeping into my face. "Uh, I guess."

"How did you realise?" he asked curiously as we slowly started making our way farther down the fresh produce aisle.

The warmth in my cheeks turned into a rush of heat. Shit. This was the part I didn't want to admit.

That I'd realised because of him . Dan fucking Ewen. My asshole neighbour. Thorn in my side. Slutty cowboy wrestler.

My nuts tingled a little when I pictured his ridiculous wrestler outfit. Seriously, the shorts barely covered his butt cheeks.

It was so stupid.

I hated how unbelievably hot I found it.

"Uh, I… I kind of… saw something," I told Nev hesitantly, already wanting to wince. "Um… kind of like… a dude jerking off? And it made me—"

"Pop a huge boner?" Nev blurted excitedly, causing a young couple picking out lettuce to turn and stare at us. "I feel you, dude. So you like watching solo stuff? Bro, I can recommend some amazing guys who specialise in solo content. There's this one guy, he's a werewolf with the biggest dick you'll ever see in your life, and he films himself gooning all day—"

"Nev," I barked, my face on fire as I glanced around to make sure no one was listening.

They were. The woman from the lettuce couple was eyeing us with intrigue, kind of looking like she wanted to get the name of that gooning werewolf, while a huge dude who was clearly an orc under his human skin cast us a scandalised look as he selected a cabbage.

Luckily we were in the specialist grocery store that secretly catered to supernaturals, so Nev's mention of a werewolf wasn't making anyone look at us like we were crazy. That still didn't mean it was cool to talk about masturbating werewolves in the fresh produce aisle.

"It wasn't a video," I hissed, grabbing Nev's arm to tug him down the next aisle.

He stared at me in disbelief as I dragged him along. "What? So you saw a guy jerking off… in real life? And your response was a sexual awakening, not calling the cops because there was a creep beating his meat in public?" Nev eyed me like he was truly seeing me for the first time. "What are you into, dude?"

"Oh my god." My voice was strangled, my face on fire. I stopped in front of the steaks and Neville turned to face me, his expression telling me he wasn't sure whether to be intrigued or alarmed. "He wasn't doing it in public. He was doing it in his own house."

I didn't think I was making this any better, because Neville's expression started listing more towards horrified.

"You spied on a man masturbating in the privacy of his own home? Was he aware ?"

Oh god. Fuck.

"I… uh… He…" I swallowed thickly. "No."

"Oh my good god." Nev exhaled dramatically and pinched the bridge of his nose, eyes closed. "Rafe, do I need to arrange an intervention?"

"No!" I blurted, my skin so hot it felt like I was going to melt into a puddle of goo in the middle of the grocery store. "I'm not a peeping Tom, dude! I wasn't—It was an accident. I didn't mean to see it."

The first time, at least. All the other times… I didn't have much of an excuse.

Nev opened his eyes and looked around, then pointed a finger at me. "This is not the place for this conversation, Rafe Hare. You made me forget my bananas!"

Despite how embarrassed I was, I snorted with laughter. "Sorry."

"I love you, and I'm so glad you've figured the liking-dudes thing out about yourself, but you need to tell me every single detail of your peeping Tom deal, so we're going to finish shopping and get in the car." He marched off back toward the produce aisle.

"I'm not a peeping Tom!" I called after him in frustration, then cringed and ducked my head when the same orc from before looked over while selecting a chicken and tutted at me. "I'm not," I told him, the defensiveness in my tone bordering on aggression.

He just raised a judgemental brow and turned away.

"You can peep on my Tom any day of the week, baby." A wiry guy with a billy goat beard, who I was pretty sure was really a faun, was casting me a lascivious look as he loaded a weird amount of duck legs into his shopping cart.

I took an immediate step back, then another, my throat closing up with embarrassment before I finally managed to stammer, "I—That… that doesn't even make sense."

"You can make my sense make sense any day of the week, baby," he growled, waggling his eyebrows, so I turned and powerwalked away as quickly as possible, grabbing Neville's arm the moment I reached him. Nev was way taller than me. He could protect me from the billy goat creep.

"I've changed my mind," he declared immediately. "I don't want to wait 'til we're in the car. I have my bananas now, so I've calmed down. Who was it? Who did you see jerking off?"

A nearby incubus picking up a punnet of strawberries looked up and stared at us. I groaned in despair, scrubbing a hand over my face. Why did my best friend have so little of a filter? And such a loud fucking voice?

"Who do you think?" I muttered, not wanting to say it out loud. His name. Ugh.

Neville stared at me, nonplussed. "I mean, I don't think."

I snorted. "That's about right."

He snickered and shoved my arm. "Bitch. I mean I have no idea. How would I know?"

I huffed and tipped my head back in exasperation. "Come on, Nev. You can make an educated guess. It's not like I go anywhere."

Logically, there was really only one person I could've accidentally seen masturbating in his own house.

His brow creased. "Why won't you just tell me? What do you…"

When he trailed off, understanding slowly beginning to dawn in his eyes, I squirmed and took a few steps away to pretend to be really interested in the oranges.

"Big Dick Dan?" he practically shouted, and I cringed so hard I almost pulled a muscle in my neck.

"Dude," I hissed, looking around. "Volume."

"Tell. Me. Everything , Rafe Hare." Neville pointed that accusing finger at me again. "You saw Big Dick Dan jerking off and I'm only hearing about it now ?"

"Well, it was actually more like… I saw him, uh…" I lowered my voice and glanced around again. "Sucking his own dick. You know, with the severed head and all…"

Neville staggered back dramatically, like he was actually about to faint, into the display of melons, sending several tumbling onto the floor.

"Oh my god. I only came with you to buy bananas." He pressed a palm to his forehead. "I wasn't prepared for this."

"You're right, I shouldn't have brought it up here." My face burning, I hurriedly knelt to collect the fallen melons and shoved them back onto the display, then grabbed Neville's arm to drag him away. Mainly because I could see billy goat creep bopping his way toward us. "Let's just finish shopping or I'll end up being late for work."

"But now I want to know!" Nev protested. "I want to know everything . You just told me you saw your ridiculously hot cowboy wrestler neighbour sucking his own dick, and now you expect me to keep grocery shopping?"

"You saw what?" a passing banshee asked in fascination.

"Neville, oh my god ." I grabbed his arm yet again. As I dragged him away, I hissed, "I promise I'll tell you everything, okay? Start to finish. If you promise to stop fucking shouting about it in the grocery store."

"I'm sorry." Nev pressed a hand to his flushed cheek. "I'm just excited, okay? This is a lot to take in. Although honestly, in a way, I'm not super surprised."

That made me stop instantly and whirl around to face him. "What does that mean?"

Neville blinked and tugged on his shirt hem, trying to collect himself after his little dramatic episode. "Just… I mean, I guess I'm not surprised that it's him."

"What?" I barked, making him flinch. "What the fuck does that mean, Neville?"

He winced, then huffed and rolled his eyes. "I mean, you've kind of been obsessed with him ever since he moved in, dude."

"What?" I squawked yet again. "No, I haven't. You're talking shit. What the fuck?"

He snorted with laughter. "Yeah, you totally have, man. I can't remember the last convo we had where he didn't come up at least once. ‘My asshole neighbour did this,' ‘my asshole neighbour did that.' You talk about him a lot , dude."

"Because he's an asshole!" How could Neville not see this? "He's the worst! He sucks!"

"Sucks so good he triggers sexual awakenings." Neville waggled his eyebrows at me.

"That was a cheap shot." I pointed an accusing finger right back at him. "It wasn't because of him. Like, it wasn't because it was him . It was just because it was… a dude. Sucking his own dick. And it made me…"

"Pop a huge boner?" Neville repeated his earlier guess with an encouraging nod.

I exhaled a slow, calming breath, then deadpanned, "Yes. It made me pop a huge boner."

And desperately hump my mattress until I came so hard my vision whited out.

Never in a million years was I going to admit that part. Not even to Nev.

"This is so exciting, Rafeo." Neville rested his hands on my shoulders and peered into my eyes with a huge grin. "Are you going to ask him out?"

All the colour drained from my face. I managed a squawk of something close to laughter. "Ask him out ? Ewen? No fucking thank you."

Neville pouted. "But he's so hot."

He is. He's so insanely hot, and that pisses me off so much.

And he made me a hot chocolate last night.

I couldn't disagree, so I stayed silent and started walking again, randomly grabbing a bag of spinach off the shelf.

"You okay?" Neville asked hesitantly as he followed.

I pursed my lips, giving a jerky shrug, but a second later found myself blurting, "It just fucking bugs me that it was him. Why did it have to be him?"

"What, to make you realise this about yourself?"

"Yeah," I said woodenly, dragging my feet toward the snack aisle. "I don't even like him. He's the worst."

"Rafe…" When Nev trailed off, I turned to frown at him.

"What?"

He sighed and gave me a small smile. "We've been friends for a long time now. I know you better than probably anyone, which means I know how freaking stubborn you are."

My frown deepened. "So?"

"So I think you decided three years ago, when Dan moved in next door, that you didn't like him, and now no matter what he says or does, you refuse to even consider changing your mind about that."

I snorted in derision. "You're saying that as if he's said or done anything that should have changed my mind."

As soon as I said it, guilt made my gut go all squirmy. Because, I mean, recently, Ewen had actually been… kind of nice. We'd gotten to know each other a little better through our weird nightly meetings on our back decks after we both got off. He'd made me a hot chocolate. He'd even apologised for being an inconsiderate neighbour.

Still. Did that make up for the three years of parties, loud fucking all night, property damage and just general fratbro-douchiness that emanated from him? No. I didn't think it did. I didn't think it was enough to make me like him, even if he did make my dick hard.

"I mean, you clearly don't hate him," Nev said doubtfully, "if you're so attracted to him that it made you realise—"

"You can be attracted to someone you don't like," I interrupted testily. "You can be attracted to total assholes. Wanting to fuck someone doesn't mean you like them as a person."

Nev's eyes brightened. "You want to fuck him? Do you think he's a bottom—"

"Nev."

"Okay, sorry. I'm just saying, I know what you're like. You might shoot yourself in the foot because you refuse to acknowledge that just maybe, you actually do like your neighbour."

"I don't," I said flatly, grabbing several bags of tortilla chips and shoving them into my basket.

"But maaaybeee…" Nev trailed off questioningly.

"Nope."

"He awakened your queer side! The best side!" Nev protested. "For that alone, doesn't he deserve to be moved from the ‘Rafe hates' category to at least the ‘Rafe tolerates' category?"

"Nah."

Neville grunted. "You are so frustrating."

"He still hasn't fixed my fence."

He burst out laughing. "Holy crap , dude. That fucking fence. Why don't I just come over at the weekend and fix that stupid fence? Phil will help," he added, referring to his older brother.

"No," I said stubbornly. "It's the principle. He broke it, he fixes it."

"Didn't an orc break it?"

"Yeah, his orc friend, at one of his parties."

"Okay, okay." Nev rolled his eyes, then suddenly sucked in an excited breath and grabbed my arm. "Oh my god, I just thought of something. There's somewhere we have to go after this."

I made a face and pulled out my phone to glance at the time. "I can't be late for work, Nev."

"It's right near here. It's fine." He waved a hand then hurried toward the cash registers. "We'll have time."

I huffed and gave my friend an affectionate smile as I followed him. "Sure. Let me guess," I joked with an amused snort, "you're taking me to a gay sex shop or something."