Chapter Thirty-Five

Frank and Beans Steal Dan's Head

Rafe

"What the fuck are you doing with his head?" I snapped, striding forward.

Beans lunged for the stack of chairs and grabbed the top one, then started jabbing it toward me like he was a lion tamer.

"Yah!" he cried. "Get back!"

"What the fuck?" I spluttered, stumbling back. "What the fuck are you doing?"

"We're just messing around," Frank said defensively, finally bringing his arms around to show me Dan's head.

I stared in horror, the jelly from my half-eaten donut dripping into my palm. His hair was a wild mess, eyes wide and snapping with fury. A dirty sock had been stuffed in his mouth, held in place with a bit of tape. There was a dick drawn on his cheek in permanent marker.

"You little fuckers." I started advancing again, hissing when Beans jabbed me in the stomach with a chair leg.

"Yah! Back, I say!"

"Stop fucking doing that," I barked. "Give me his head now ."

"But we were just about to give him a haircut!" Frank told me brightly, producing a pair of scissors.

Dan's eyes grew even wider as he stared at me pleadingly. He started yelling, the sound too muffled by the sock for me to make out any words.

"No," I shouted. "Drop the scissors. Stop fucking hitting me with the chair, Beans!"

He wouldn't. Frank set Dan's head down on the table and lifted a hunk of his hair. I panicked and threw my half-eaten donut at him, missing completely. The donut splatted Dan square in the face, leaving jelly all over his nose and cheek as it plopped to the floor and he glared at me.

I cringed. "Shit, sorry."

At least it had distracted Frank. He went, "Ooh, a donut!" and bent to grab it.

Beans was now shuffling side to side, periodically lunging forward with the chair. I looked down at the stapler in my hand, then flung it at him. He shrieked with laughter as it bounced off the chair, so I threw the boxes of staples, one after the other, finally managing to hit him in the knee.

"Ow!" He hopped a few times, then peered at me over the chair with a villainous smile. "Finally, a worthy adversary."

"Beans." Frank clicked his tongue and jerked his head. "Over here."

Beans narrowed his eyes at me. Like a good little lackey, he finally set the chair down and slunk over to Frank, for some reason snapping his fingers ominously the whole time.

"There's something wrong with you two," I snapped, breathing harder as I strode forward to grab Dan's head.

I froze when Frank immediately grabbed a hunk of Dan's hair again and poised the scissors over it threateningly, his cheeks bulging with donut. Dan's eyes widened.

" Nnnghhhuh, " he said through the dirty sock.

"Don't do that," I barked sharply, not daring to move an inch.

"But his hair's wrong," Frank said, making me frown at him in confusion. "We need to cut it."

"And then he'll be the perfect heeead," Beans uttered darkly, before they both said in unison, "The perfect head."

"You can't cut someone's hair without their consent." I tried to keep my voice calm to show no weakness, even though they were kind of scaring the shit out of me. "You definitely can't take someone's fucking head without consent. You need to give it back."

"We don't play by society's rules, sheep!" Beans cried at me.

"How do you think Holt will react to this?" I asked quickly, trying to think of anything that might stop them.

That made them both pause and look at each other.

"He did already take away our air hockey table," Frank said uncertainly.

"And he said he'd stop buying us our hot dog sodas," Beans added, his lip curling.

"See?" I blurted, holding out my hands placatingly when Frank tightened his grip on Dan's hair. "There'll be repercussions to this. But if you hand over Dan's head now, before you've done anything too bad, I'll… I won't say anything."

"Don't believe him, Frank," Beans said, narrowing his eyes at me. "He could be a corporate plant."

"What?" I spluttered. "What does that even—Hey, woah, woah, easy there, buddy," I quickly said when Frank turned toward Dan. "Don't do something you'll regret."

He shook his head. "We're in too deep now."

"You don't have to do this, Frank," I told him, wondering when I'd turned into the cop in a gritty crime drama. Out of desperation, I blurted, "Remember the bar?"

They both paused and looked at me.

"The shot?" I said insistently, nodding at them both. "We… we bonded. You said I was one of you. Remember?"

"You didn't do our synchronised dance with us, though." Frank narrowed his eyes at me.

"I would've though," I insisted. "If you'd taught it to me."

"If you were really one of us you wouldn't have needed to be taught," Beans said accusingly. "You would have just known. Deep in your guts."

I would have instinctively known their weird bopping dance "deep in my guts"? What the fuck did that even mean?

"Why don't we try it right now?" I asked desperately. Casting an embarrassed look at Dan, I started bending my knees, bopping up and down slowly. They watched me in silence.

"He's good," Frank then said with approval.

"No!" Beans hissed. "It's wrong. He's an outsider. Do it, Frank. Do it. The perfect head."

"No, wait—I'll make that robot for you!" I blurted desperately when Frank lifted the scissors. He paused. "The… what was it? The—"

"Karate robot," he said slowly, sounding suspiciously intrigued.

I nodded frantically, my arms still outstretched. "Yes. I'll build you a karate robot. Just put down the scissors and give me the head."

Dan had gone quiet, his nostrils flaring as his eyes darted between us.

"What about Holt?" Frank asked cautiously.

"I won't tell Holt."

" He will, though." Beans pointed at Dan's head. "He already snitched on us."

My gaze darted to Dan. He was glaring at Beans, seething with rage. Had they done this to him before? Little fucking shitheads.

"I'll talk to him," I said calmly, even though I had absolutely no intention of convincing Dan not to tell Holt. The thought of this having already happened to him was making me furious. The idea of it happening yet again made me want to punt these two creepy fuckers across the room.

"Why would he listen to you?" Beans asked suspiciously. "You're just the computer nerd."

I bristled as Dan's eyes flared with anger. He snarled something at Beans through the sock.

"Shut up, Beans," Frank hissed, then looked at me again. "So, the karate robot?"

"I'll start it right now." I nodded at Dan. "Just give me the head."

Tense silence followed as Frank and Beans exchanged a long look. I had no idea what they were thinking as they stared at each other, having a silent conversation.

When Frank finally put down the scissors, I exhaled slowly and shared a look with Dan. A blob of jelly dripped off the end of his nose.

Frank clicked his tongue again and jerked his head toward the corner of the room. Beans obeyed, slinking over there, snapping his fingers again as he went. Frank followed.

The moment they stepped away from Dan's head, I rushed forward to grab it, cradling it protectively to my chest. Then I snatched up the scissors for extra protection. As I backed away, keeping my eyes fixed on the pair, I hurriedly fumbled with the tape to pull it off and get the sock out of his mouth.

"I'm going to fucking murder you both," Dan roared the moment it was gone. "Rafe, turn me so I can see them."

I silently obeyed, spinning his head in my hands so he faced the pair.

"Fuck you," he yelled. "Fuck both of you."

"We were going to make you look better," Frank muttered sullenly, crossing his spindly arms.

Beans began to utter, "The perfect heee—"

"Stop fucking saying that!" Dan bellowed. "Rafe is right—there's something fucking wrong with you two."

"We're just living our truth, conformist pig." Beans karate-chopped the air. "Yah!"

Dan's head was vibrating with fury in my hands. "I'm going to—"

"Okay, this isn't—" I backed away toward the door. "Let's just go find Holt."

Beans started growling as Frank shot me a betrayed look. "You said you wouldn't!"

"Of course we're going to tell Holt," I exploded, cradling Dan's head tighter to my chest. "You stole his fucking head!"

I gripped the scissors tighter in my hand, not entirely sure what I would actually do with them, as Frank and Beans stared at me blankly. Then Frank sighed and looked at Beans.

"Beans, I think our sausage is cooked," he said, making my brows pinch in confusion as I backed out of the door. "You know what that means."

"It's time," Beans answered solemnly.

Time? Time for what? I wasn't going to stick around to fucking find out. The moment I was in the hall, I turned and started running, but skidded to a halt when Holt and Taylor rounded the corner.

Taylor jumped at the sight of us. Holt just took a long, slurping sip through the straw of his giant soda cup as he eyed us. He tilted the cup toward Dan's head. "There's a dick on your cheek."

"What, uh… were you guys doing?" Taylor asked hesitantly.

"It was them," Dan snarled. "Fucking Frank and Beans. I fell asleep in my dressing room and they stole my head again. Rafe found us and stopped them from cutting my hair."

Holt sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose as Taylor frowned heavily and said, "Oh dear. Sorry, Dan."

"I have to fire them, don't I?" Holt asked.

"Of course you fucking do," I snapped, too angry to care that I was speaking that way to my boss. "It's physical assault."

Holt was nodding emphatically. "No, I know, I just…" He fidgeted and whined, "They kind of scare me."

"Well you're the boss, so you have to do it." I carefully tucked Dan's head under my arm so I could point to the door at the end of the hall. "They're in there."

Holt froze, eyes flicking nervously in that direction. "I have to do it now?"

"Yes," I snapped. "We can't trust them to be in the building."

He fidgeted again, his throat bobbing. Taylor gave him a reassuring smile and eased the giant soda cup out of his hand.

"You can do it, honey." He briefly squeezed Holt's arm.

Holt swallowed again. "Maybe I'll just… get Seb to come with me. Just in case. Seb?" he called, voice a little shrill with panic.

Long moments later, Seb appeared around the corner, looking a little flushed but otherwise as stoic as ever while he adjusted his tie. "Yeah, boss?"

"I'm firing Frank and Beans. They're in that room there." He pointed, already inching behind the big werewolf. "If you could just… go in first."

Seb looked down the corridor. He shrugged. "Sure."

When he started walking down the hall, Holt took a few seconds before dragging his feet after him. He glanced back to cast Taylor a desperate, loving look, as if he thought this was the last time he'd ever see him.

Seb strode through the door and vanished. Before Holt could even reach it, he was coming back out with a slight frown on his face.

"They're not in there." He held up the cover of an air duct vent. "And this had been removed."

"Oh god, they're in the walls ?" Holt shuddered, looking up at the ceiling fearfully.

Taylor and I did the same. I even helpfully tilted Dan's head so he could look up too. Just figured he might appreciate it.

"What do you want me to do, boss?" Seb asked calmly as he propped the cover up against the wall.

Holt looked like he had no idea. His face was frozen in panic.

Eventually, Taylor spoke up. "Maybe Dan should go home until we've…" He glanced up at the ceiling worriedly again. "Found them."

"Yes." Holt nodded and strode back down the corridor. "Absolutely. Go home, Dan. I'm sorry this happened. I'll call you when it's… safe."

"I'm going too," I heard myself blurt, clutching Dan's head protectively. I flushed when Holt and Taylor exchanged a quick look. "They might've got upstairs. They might be waiting in the parking lot or something."

"True." Holt's brow creased. He gestured at Seb, who was waiting patiently. "Well, Seb could go up with Dan. But…" He trailed off, eyeing us—well, me and Dan's head—with a hint of intrigue.

My blush intensified. "We're actually neighbours, so… I can make sure he gets home safe."

Holt's brows shot up in surprise. "You're neighbours?"

"Yes." I lifted my chin defiantly. "So I'm going to go with him. I wouldn't put it past them to hide in his car or something."

Dan groaned softly. "Don't say that, kitten."

"Kitten?" Holt asked with even more interest as heat rushed to my cheeks.

Clearing my throat, I shuffled past Taylor. "We'll go get, uh, the rest of Dan and then we'll go."

"Alright. Sounds good. Great plan. Don't worry about a thing, Dan. We'll find them," Holt called as I walked away. Then I heard him excitedly mutter to Taylor, "Oh my god , babe, did you hear that?"