Chapter Two

Karate Robot

Rafe

Was it too late for me to quit?

I'd gone rigid, my gaze still locked with Ewen's as he stood from the bench and tucked his head under his arm. My nostrils flared, my hands clenching into fists in my pockets, and when he started sauntering over from the gym area, for a split second I wanted to turn and sprint from the room.

I despised being on the back foot, and coming into a small, close-knit workplace as the new guy was bad enough without my asshole neighbour being here to make me feel like even more of a fool.

"Yo, everyone." Larkin's voice from right beside me made me jump a little, and Dan saw it. His grin quirked even wider. I gritted my teeth. "This is Rafe. New IT guy."

Several heads swivelled in our direction. The incubus and gargoyle stopped wrestling in the ring, their heads popping up as they looked over. Someone paused the game and the group on the couch perked up with interest. The cyclops paused his knitting to peer up at me over his monocle.

Of course, Ewen had to be the one to speak first.

"IT guy, huh?" he drawled, and I barely managed to stop my lip from curling. "Bet you feel right at home down here."

Called it. Didn't matter to Dan fucking Ewen that he also worked in a basement. He didn't care that it was a self-diss, as long as he could tease me.

At least it seemed like he was going to pretend we weren't already ‘acquainted,' which sent relief thudding into the pit of my stomach. That suited me fine. That definitely suited me fine. I had no fucking interest in clinging to the person I already somewhat knew just because I was the new guy.

Maybe if it had been anyone but him, I would've been relieved to see a familiar face. But it was him, so no. Just no.

"Oh sick, another ghoul." The ghoul in the towel popped up from the couch, dropping his controller. He made his way over and held out his hand. "I'm Vince."

"Rafe." I shook his hand, then tucked mine back into my pocket, refusing to look at Ewen. A few of the other wrestlers started making their way over to introduce themselves.

I met Heidi the faun, known as The G.O.A.T.; Kenneth the cyclops, aka the Optometrist; and Susan the banshee, wrestler name the Silent Scream, who was the one dating the pornstar Larkin had mentioned.

I was good at remembering names, and focusing to absorb all the ones being thrown at me by the wrestlers was helping to distract me from the one person who hadn't ‘introduced' himself yet. The one who was just standing there with a gleeful grin on his face that made me really fucking nervous about what he was eventually going to say.

Once Gabe the incubus and Biff the gargoyle had wandered back off to the ring after introducing themselves, he finally stepped forward.

"Dan," he drawled, holding out his free hand. "Dullahan Dan. Best fuckin' wrassler in the west."

Val, whose stage name was Val Kyl-More, snorted as she headed back over to the gym equipment. "You wish, cowboy."

A muscle ticked in my jaw as I stared at his outstretched hand. It would be weird if I refused to shake his after doing the same with all the others, so I reached out and gripped it as briefly as possible, then tried to yank my hand back. But Dan held on for a few more seconds, blue eyes roaming over my tense face as he smirked at me.

"A pleasure." He winked. Fucking winked at me.

I scowled and tore my hand out of his grip.

"Kit's up there." Larkin waved a hand in the vague direction of the ceiling, and I looked up to see a pair of glowing red eyes blinking down at me from the shadows between the big exposed pipes.

"Yo," they called down.

"A few people aren't here…" Larkin looked around. "Corey's probably in his dressing room. Not sure where Brian is, and there's no point trying to keep track of Frank and Beans. You'll meet 'em later. Ready to go back to your office?"

"Yes," I said quickly, which made Dan's infuriating grin widen.

But before I could even turn for the doors, I heard them burst open behind me. Two loud, chattering voices bounced off the corridor walls, then something small but freakishly strong slammed into my legs, pitching me forward.

Right into Ewen's fucking chest.

" Mmph! " My nose was smushed between his pecs. His chest hair was in my fucking mouth. I could smell clean sweat and hot skin, and heat flooded my face as a thick arm quickly banded around my waist to hold me steady.

"Woah there, cowboy." Dan laughed as I spluttered and struggled to right myself. I pushed against his pec to shove away from him, my face boiling as some of the other wrestlers looked over.

I stumbled back and wiped my mouth with my wrist. I could taste his fucking sweat , for fuck's sake. Dan's head was still tucked under his arm, and he gave me a wide, toothy grin as I cleared my throat.

He was loving this. The asshole.

"If you want to go for a ride, you only need to ask, handsome." He smirked at me. I glared right back, unsuccessfully willing the heat to fade from my cheeks.

"Who's this?" A new, high-pitched voice had me whirling around. I was breathing faster, and my hands clenched into fists. I was on the brink of yelling at whatever fucking dickhead had run right into me. Fuck making a good first impression in my new job.

I froze when I saw the two creatures blinking up at me in unison. They were short, with mustard yellow skin, weird, lopsided mouths and they each had one big eye in the centres of their faces with two smaller ones either side. And they were only wearing tighty-whities. Their limbs were sinewy, with oversized hands and feet.

"Rafe," Lark told them, sounding disinterested. "New guy. IT."

"IT?" One of them perked up and eyed me again, which made me want to take a nervous step back. "Computers? Can you build us a karate robot?"

"What?" I rasped blankly.

"A robot. That does. Karate," the other said slowly, like I was an idiot.

"Uh… I'm not all that into robotics." I glanced at Larkin, but he was just leaning a shoulder on the wall and watching with a bored expression.

Building karate robots wasn't part of the job description, was it?

"Boring." One of the little yellow creatures—what the fuck were they, some kind of goblin?—rolled his one big eye, then turned and nailed the other in the ass with a side kick.

"Pisshead!" the other cried, lunging for him.

"Be careful, you two," Mads the gorgon called sternly as the kicker darted off toward the training ring and the other followed.

I watched in disbelief as they scrambled under the ropes and one climbed up the incubus's back, clutching a big burgundy wing.

"What the—" Gabe's head snapped around.

Then the other goblin—creature—whatever—followed and gripped the opposite wing, and both of them shrieked with laughter when Gabe flapped his wings hard to try and dislodge them.

"Get off me, you little shits!"

"Frank," Biff barked, frowning with his hands on his hips. "Beans. Get down."

Their short, thin legs sailed through the air as they clung to Gabe's wings while he flapped them again. When they couldn't be dislodged, he started spinning in a circle, trying to reach for them.

"Oh, Lucifer, get them off me! Their hands are all sticky! Why the fuck are your hands so sticky? Biff, help me!"

Biff growled and strode closer, reaching for either Frank or Beans—I didn't know which was which.

Then he yanked his hand back with a snarl. "Ow, he bit me! Little shit."

"No biting, you two!" Heidi bellowed, jumping up from the couch on her powerful goat legs.

Frank and Beans shrieked with laughter again as Gabe tensed up and flapped his wings as hard as possible. One of them lost his grip and went sailing high into the air with a delighted scream. He managed to grab onto the tarsal claw of a long leg dangling from a pipe, and there was a panicked squawk from the shadows as a mothperson suddenly swung down with the momentum and began to plummet to the ground.

"Beans!" they yelled, managing to get their huge moth wings working before they hit the floor. Beans was still dangling from their ankle, and wasn't letting go no matter how hard they kicked. "Dude, not cool!"

Frank leaped from Gabe's wing and grabbed onto Kit's other ankle. The mothperson yelled and began flying in a big circle to try and shake them loose.

"Get 'em off me!" they shouted in panic.

Biff reached up and tried to grab one of them as Kit zoomed over the ring, but his big grey hand closed around nothing. He growled. "Stop fucking flying around then!"

Kit didn't seem to be listening. They shot over the couch, and Carl hissed when a big yellow foot nailed him in the back of the head. Frank and Beans' dangling legs wiped out several beakers on the kitchen counters, and one of them even intentionally kicked out to tip over a giant bag of protein, spilling powder everywhere.

Dan was cackling, lifting his head high in the air to get the best view of the chaos. Larkin was holding his phone up to film it. The royal fae who'd briefly introduced himself before returning to the treadmill tossed back his ponytail and glanced over his shoulder as he ran, his expression utterly unimpressed.

Seriously, was it too late to quit?

—

I was somewhat dazed when Larkin finally delivered me back to my office, though I refused to show it.

So this is it, then, I thought as I thumped down into my desk chair and stared at my blank monitors. This is my new place of work. With… those people.

And Dan fucking Ewen.

Seriously, what were the fucking chances? I'd just assumed he was a personal trainer or something, seeing as he was so jacked. Not a professional wrestler. But I supposed his odd hours made more sense now. They held the wrestling here every night from Thursday to Sunday.

And now I'd be keeping the same hours. We'd probably end up leaving at the same time a lot. Pulling into our driveways simultaneously. I shuddered in horror.

After turning on my PC, I pulled my phone out of my bag and opened up the group chat with my buddies. We always changed our names to the characters we were currently playing in Humandatory . Right now, my guy was a middle-aged accountant called Terry.

There were already several texts waiting for me in there, wishing me luck on my first day at Goliaths. I quickly gave each of them a thumbs up before typing.

Rafe (Terry the Accountant): You'll never guess who fucking works here.

After a few seconds, my friend Reece replied.

Reece (Lewis the Office Manager): Ex?

Then Abed chimed in.

Abed (Bill from the Warehouse): That d-bag fae who got the last Humandatory special edition economic recession add-on at the game store last Christmas?

Finally, Teresa gave her two cents.

Teresa (Simone the Warehouse Manager): I'm gonna go with ex too. The messy breakup one from a few years ago. Julie?

Teresa (Simone the Warehouse Manager): No wait I'm changing my guess to local weatherman Kip Stormer. Maybe that lampyr moonlights as a wrestler lmao

Suki and Neville didn't reply, probably because they were at work.

Rafe (Terry the Accountant): Worse.

Teresa (Simone the Warehouse Manager): WORSE than messy breakup Julie??? You turned up at game night drunk and crying after she ended things, dude. I don't want you working there if there's someone WORSE

I rolled my eyes and hurriedly typed back.

Rafe (Terry the Accountant): No one who has the power to make me cry, don't worry. It's my dickhead neighbour. He's one of the wrestlers.

Abed (Bill from the Warehouse): Daaaaaamn

Reece (Lewis the Office Manager): oh shit

Teresa (Simone the Warehouse Manager): WAT

Teresa (Simone the Warehouse Manager): The promiscuous hunk????

My lips flattened into a grim line as I typed back.

Rafe (Terry the Accountant): The inconsiderate douchebag, you mean.

Teresa (Simone the Warehouse Manager): I mean yea he's that too I guess but he does have spectacular tiddies

My face burned at the too-fresh memory of it landing directly between Ewen's stupid big pecs.

Rafe (Terry the Accountant): Can't say I've paid all that much attention to his "tiddies" so I wouldn't know. I just can't believe I now have to work with that asshole.

Abed (Bill from the Warehouse): Bro, is he really THAT bad? He's just kinda loud, right?

Rafe (Terry the Accountant): He IS that bad. He's an inconsiderate jerk. I told you about the time I woke up after he threw a rager and there was a naked orc passed out on my back deck. And part of my fence had been flattened. He still hasn't fixed it.

Teresa (Simone the Warehouse Manager): Haven't we all found a naked orc passed out on our back deck???

Abed (Bill from the Warehouse): I haven't

Reece (Lewis the Office Manager): Me neither.

Teresa (Simone the Warehouse Manager): Pussies

Abed (Bill from the Warehouse): What?? Why???

Teresa (Simone the Warehouse Manager): Rafeo, maybe you need to wrestle him to assert dominance. That's what I'd do

Rafe (Terry the Accountant): Uh, no. You've seen him. He'd destroy me.

Which pissed me off even more, quite honestly, but it was the truth. Ewen was a jacked-up meathead. I was short and wiry, and I didn't lift weights. The only exercise I enjoyed was running on my treadmill in the privacy of my own home while watching sci-fi reruns or listening to a podcast.

A knock on the door made me jump and drop my phone into my lap. I hissed as it nailed me in the dick, then darted a panicked glance at the lock screen on my monitor when the door opened and the boss, Holt Hector, poked his head in. I hadn't even attempted to start work yet.

Luckily, no password had been set up for me yet, so I was able to load my desktop with a single sly click as I gave him a stiff smile.

"Hey." He walked into the room and closed the door behind him, then moseyed over to the desk. "Just wanted to see how you're settling in."

"Good." I nodded quickly, trying to look busy by reaching for my mouse and opening up the control panel on screen. "All fine."

"Excellent." He grinned at me. I hadn't seen many empyns, and Holt Hector's face was pretty interesting. I wasn't into dudes, but I could see he was a good-looking guy. Probably even pretty to some, with his long, shiny hair and the dark eyeshadow smudged around his pink eyes.

And he looked good in a suit and heels. I'd give him that. I eyed his high-heeled platform boots with muted respect as he sauntered closer.

"Met the wrestlers?" he asked with a dry smile.

"Uh, yeah." I cleared my throat. "Interesting bunch."

He chuckled. "They are. And did you meet Taylor?"

His grin grew softer, wobbly pupils practically turning into lovehearts.

"Yep." I nodded. "Nice guy."

"Yes, he is," Holt murmured huskily, that grin turning a little salacious as he glanced back at the door.

"So, uh… anything in particular you want me to get started on today?"

Hector faced me again and shrugged, slipping his hands into his pockets. "Whatever order works best for you."

"I'll get started on the website then." I quickly typed in the name of a domain registrar I was familiar with, just so it looked like I was being efficient. "Get that new online booking system up and running as soon as possible."

"Sounds good. And if you need anything"—he waved a hand and gave me a friendly smile—"just ask Lark."

Ask the airhead? No thanks.

"Will do," I said flatly.

"You know the hours and stuff, right? Monday through Wednesday it's more standard office hours, but I'm not fussy about when you show up. Just as long as you get your…" He gestured vaguely at my monitors. "You know. Work done."

I was pretty sure Hector had absolutely no idea what I'd actually be doing here, but that was fine. He didn't need to. And I wasn't a slacker. I always got my work done. I took pride in it.

"Thursday through Sunday is late afternoon to about one a.m. because of the shows. And just take days off when you want. I mean, give me notice first, and it's better if you don't take a day off when the wrestling's on…"

"I won't." I'd be a one man show streaming the wrestling online, so I'd have to be here.

I'd have to watch the live feed for every show. I'd have to watch Ewen wrestling. Ugh. I bet he wore a stupid outfit.

In fact, I knew he did. Larkin had briefly shown me the arena before bringing me back here, and the walls of the corridor that led to it were lined with posters of the wrestlers and past show line-ups. I'd seen the one of Ewen. In his stupid cowboy outfit. With his stupid tiny cut-off jean shorts and open sleeveless shirt and cowboy hat.

He'd looked stupid.

"Okay, great." Hector paused, shifting in front of me. "Well, uh, I guess I'll leave you to it, then."

"Sure." Remembering to be polite, I tacked on, "Thanks."

Hector nodded and turned for the door. He closed it behind him, but I was still able to hear him cross the corridor and knock on the door opposite. He didn't wait for a response, just opened it before saying in a sultry voice, "I have very important and sexy business to discuss with you, Mr. Hough…"

I cringed. God, was I going to have to listen to the boss and the marketing manager fucking across the hall all the time? Luckily, he closed the door behind him and the sounds were muffled enough that I couldn't make anything else out.

I sighed and scooted closer to the desk, settling in for the day. When I opened my files, I could see that I'd been given access to all the shared folders. They were a total mess. Nothing was filed properly. It was probably Larkin who did all this stuff.

I spotted a folder called Promo Pics and found myself clicking on it. At least this folder was somewhat organised—I could see that it had been created by Taylor, the marketing guy. There were sub-folders named after each of the wrestlers. My lip curling, I clicked on the one labelled Dullahan Dan .

My screen filled with headshots and full-body photos of my asshole neighbour. In his stupid tiny cowboy outfit. Holding his stupid, grinning severed head up. Flexing his stupid oversized muscles. Brandishing a whip and making stupid bedroom eyes at the camera. At least, I assumed that was what he was trying to do. I'd seen him make that ridiculous expression at several of his ‘guests' when he was saying goodbye to them in the mornings.

I clicked back and opened the folder for Val Kyl-More. Shit, she was hot. I could imagine her pinning me down on a bed and riding my dick until I was begging for mercy, my fingers digging into her thick waist. Her long, dirty blond hair falling around me as she leaned down to—

No, wait, her hair was red. Her red hair falling around me.

My dick had chubbed up, and I realised I was being a complete creep, so I quickly closed the folder and reopened my browser.

No more thinking about the wrestlers. Any of them. The annoying neighbour ones or the hot ones. I was here to work.