Chapter 20

twenty

KASH

The feeling of being in a hospital like this was all too familiar, only he wasn’t dealing with the aftereffects of a blow to the head or second-degree burns from where the beam had him pinned. Instead, he was in a chair beside Gage, who was having a few first-degree burns dressed and taking a bit more oxygen, though his levels had been good since the EMTs had shown up on scene.

But Adele was adamant they both get checked out, and frankly, Kash wanted off that street. He couldn’t bring himself to look at the charred remains of the only place he’d ever really considered a home in the decades he’d been an adult. He knew it wasn’t his fault, of course.

Even if he could have run faster, he wouldn’t have been able to get a call out in time to save anything. The fire had spread too far too quickly with the oil as an accelerant, and the only thing that had mattered at the time was saving Gage.

That, he had done. Even with his weak legs and uncooperative hands, he’d managed to get Gage off the ground and out of the house before he could suffer any real damage.

Gage had woken up on the lawn, burst into tears, and apologized like the whole thing had been his fault. It wasn’t until the truck arrived with oxygen that Kash managed to get him calm and breathing steadily.

And minutes later, Adele had arrived like an avenging god with his paint-splattered bare chest and wild eyes. Kash had forgotten all of the pain until they were being taken in the ambulance, and then it all settled back down around his shoulders.

Renato showed up as the attending was letting them both know that Gage didn’t have a concussion, and the X-rays showed no smoke damage to his lungs. “You got very lucky, son.”

Gage bowed his head. “Not sure I deserved it for being so stupid.”

“You’re not stupid,” Renato said firmly, breezing past the curtain. He walked up, pushing the attending out of the way with his elbow, and he took Gage by the shoulders. “I’ve had worse accidents than this. I’ve had the most terrible circumstances occur all in a row to cost my patient their life. You had your parent in the house who was trained to take care of you, and he did.”

“I’m not—” Kash began as Gage said, “Yeah. He saved my life.”

Kash’s jaw clicked shut, and he met Renato’s eyes. He realized then Renato got it. He wasn’t Rex’s dad, but also, he was. The relationship would always be complicated and maybe even a little bit terrifying, but that didn’t matter. Only love did.

“You know I’d do anything to keep you safe,” Kash said.

Gage reached for him, and Kash managed to get the chair moved closer to the bed. He took Gage’s hand and let him hold on tight the way he’d done when he was very, very small. “Is Dad coming?”

“He’ll be here as soon as he can,” Renato said. “I’ve spoken to Frey—he’s out in the hall, trying to find good snacks for everyone.”

Gage laughed. “Oh God, I’m so not hungry.”

Renato shrugged. “He stress eats. We’ll let him have this one, yes?”

“Yeah,” Gage said with a grin.

“Frey spoke to Bowen about tonight,” Renato went on. “You three will come stay with us.”

Kash’s eyes widened. “Oh, um…”

“No. I’m not allowing arguments. Frey and I work a lot, and we have the room. If you don’t mind Rex, then you can make yourselves at home.”

“I love Rex. He’s the best kid ever,” Gage said, now sounding tired.

Renato softened. “He’s a very great kid. And he’ll be excited to have you. The rest can all be worked out.” He made a sweeping hand gesture. “For now, you will come with us and be safe.”

Frey eventually did appear, but he didn’t stay long when he realized Gage was now snoring quietly. He hugged Kash tight and thanked him for what he’d done, and it was only after he left that Kash realized he had saved the day. Sort of.

He let out a bitter laugh. “When I said I wanted to still be a hero, this is so not what I meant,” he told the universe in a soft murmur.

“And yet,” came the one voice Kash wanted to hear.

Adele appeared, and in spite of his jelly legs, Kash stood and let himself fall into Adele’s embrace. His lover squeezed the breath out of him, and Kash basked in the feeling until he had to pull back and sit. His feet were absolutely useless, and he was definitely going to need a wheelchair to get out of the hospital.

“What did the doctor say?” Adele asked as he bent over Gage’s bed and brushed hair out of his eyes. The teen didn’t move.

“No concussion, no smoke inhalation. Just a couple of first-degree burns from the hot oil and a lump on the side of his head that’ll hurt for a few days,” Kash rattled off.

Adele turned, then dropped to his knees between Kash’s spread thighs. “You saved his life. And yours.”

Kash bit his lip and nodded. “You know I’d give my life for him, right?”

“I never want that,” Adele said roughly. “I’m tired of almost losing the people I love. I can usually laugh shit off, but this…it was…I can’t…” A couple of fat tears fell down his cheeks, and Kash lifted curled fingers to wipe them away.

“We’re okay now.”

Adele swallowed heavily and nodded. “Yeah, you are, but I need something, okay?”

Kash met his gaze. “Anything.”

“I hope you mean that.” He closed his eyes and bowed his head. “I need you to be mine.”

“I am.”

Adele looked up and shook his head hard. “No. I need you to be mine. Marry me. Not tomorrow, but?—”

“Yes.”

Adele’s jaw snapped shut. “What? Really?”

“I was being a stubborn shithead before. I thought I needed to prove to myself that I can also take care of you and Gage before I could be anything besides your best friend. But if this was the universe trying to teach me a lesson for being a jackass, I’ve learned it. I’m in love with you, Adele. I always have been. I need you. Okay? So yes. If you want to get married, we get married. Tomorrow if you want.”

Adele let out a rushing breath. “I thought I was going to have to argue with you.”

Kash managed a laugh that almost sounded like a sob. “I don’t have it in me to fight you on the one thing I want more than anything. I’m yours, okay? I’ve always been yours. I always will be.”

Adele surged up and kissed him. It was chaste, weak with exhaustion, and also the best kiss of his life. Kash gave himself over to the feeling of right, and content, and something close to perfection. The situation was a nightmare, and he was probably going to be dealing with another surge of PTSD symptoms, but he didn’t have to face this alone.

They could get through it together.

“So,” Kash said when Adele pulled back. “We’re staying with the hot Italian doctor?”

“Watch it,” Adele warned.

This time, when Kash laughed, it only brought a feeling of joy.

Neither Adele nor Kash could settle. Gage was wide-awake once they got to Frey and Renato’s, so he busied himself playing wedding Barbies with Rex and watching Say Yes to the Dress . Renato cooked a heap of pasta for them—a carbonara, which Kash managed to choke down, and he actually did feel settled once food hit his stomach.

But he was wound tight, and both his arms and legs were stiff and uncomfortable. Eventually, Adele convinced him to take a muscle relaxer, and once he was sure Gage was alright on his own, he crawled into the massive guest bed beside Kash and curled up with him.

They lay there in silence for a while, and then Adele reached over and plucked Kash’s left hand up by the wrist and kissed his ring finger.

“You were serious about that, huh?” Kash asked.

“I never in my life thought I’d want to get married again. The thought of it gave me heartburn. But it’s you,” Adele added, like that was the answer to everything.

Kash turned, his eyes heavy-lidded now that the pill had kicked in. “Rex gets to be our wedding planner, right?”

Adele laughed. “Yeah. He’d kill us in our sleep if we hired anyone else.”

Kash let out a content sigh, even if the feeling was a little foreign amidst the lingering shock. He closed his eyes and saw the fire. He saw Gage lying there on the kitchen floor, unconscious. He felt the echo of his fear that he wouldn’t be able to get his limbs to cooperate and get him out with enough time to save him from being hurt.

And then he let himself linger in the relief he’d felt once they were clear of the house.

“I want you to help me design the new house,” Adele said, drawing Kash from his thoughts.

Kash turned to face him. “What?”

“It’ll need ramps.” Adele’s words were heavier now, like he was drifting. “Those bars to help you on the toilet when you have to shit.”

“A charming image,” Kash muttered.

Adele buried his laugh against Kash’s side. “Counters you can reach when you’re using your wheelchair. Sinks too. Mirrors. Crap like that. ”

Kash’s fingers had loosened enough to drag them through Adele’s hair. “You’ve really given this some thought, haven’t you?”

“I have. I want you here with me. Promise me you won’t leave again.”

He already had, but he’d be willing to do it over and over until Adele was no longer afraid Kash was going to abandon him. He took Adele’s hand and rested it over his heart. “I’m yours. This is yours.”

“Boyfriend.”

“Fiancé,” Kash corrected.

Adele’s eyes opened. “Husband.” He licked his lips. “Do you want a wedding?”

Kash couldn’t help a small laugh. “Would you be offended if I say fuck no? I mean, I don’t know if you want one, and if you do, I’m on board. But the only thing that matters to me is being your husband.”

Adele was awake now, his cheeks splotchy with pink. “I had a wedding. You were there.”

“I was.” The night of his first heartbreak. He didn’t want to relive that.

“I don’t need another. You, me, Bowen, Gage—he’s eighteen now. He can be a witness. We can go down to the court and not bother making it a whole thing. Suits and rings. That’s all we really need.”

Kash realized what Adele was saying. “Are you sure it’s not too soon?”

“Yesterday isn’t soon enough,” Adele said, and then he slapped his hand over his mouth and took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. Shit, I’m sorry. It’s the trauma talking, I swear. I mean, I would marry you tonight if we could get away with it, but…”

“No. ”

Adele blinked at him.

“No buts. Whenever you want. However fast we can get it done. Like I said at the hospital, I’m done fighting myself for what I want. I believe you. I believe that you wanted me when my body was at its peak, and I believe you want me exactly as I am right now.”

“I do…husband,” Adele whispered once Kash went quiet. He took him by the face and kissed him slow, deep, demanding. Kash groaned and gave himself over, nowhere near able to get hard, but he still needed to feel possessed. And if Adele was best at one thing, it was that.

“Love you,” Kash whispered between kisses. “Love you, love you.”

“Again.”

“Love you.”

Adele pulled back with a small gasp and knocked their foreheads together. “Thank you.”

Kash shook his head. “I’m sorry it took all this for me to get my head out of my ass.”

At that, Adele burst into laughter and pulled away to look him in the eye. “You weren’t alone in head-ass syndrome. Besides, I wouldn’t have you any other way. I thought I made that clear.”

Kash grinned so hard his cheeks hurt. “You did. Now, hold me, yeah? I’m drifting, but I don’t want to be out to sea on my own anymore.”

Adele curled into him and held tight. “I’ll always be right here.”

Kash rose to consciousness sometime later. It felt like days had passed, but he knew it was probably less than a few hours. It took him a second to realize what had woken him and another second for his fog to clear so he could make out what Gage and Adele were saying.

“…bothered if I sleep in here?”

“I think he’d prefer it,” Adele whispered. “Both of us are feeling a little shaken up from what happened.”

“Yeah. Uh…I think I’m still pretty freaked-out,” Gage admitted. The bed shook as Gage shuffled beneath the covers, and Kash didn’t want to deceive him, so he made a soft noise as he rolled over. “Oh shit, did I wake you?”

“I’m glad you did,” Kash told him. He turned onto his side all the way and draped an arm over Adele’s waist, reaching for Gage’s hand. “You okay?”

“I tried to fall asleep in the other room, but I woke up after like ten minutes,” Gage admitted. “I don’t want to be all up in your space though.”

Kash laughed. “I think this bed is big enough for everyone we know, if we wanted to get creative.”

“Yeah, I don’t know what that means, and I don’t want to,” Gage said. He was smiling, but it didn’t reach his eyes. He moved a little closer to his dad. “Can I tell you both something?”

“Anything,” Adele promised.

“I think I’m gonna stay here.”

“At…at Frey’s?” Adele asked with a frown.

“No, like, here. In town. For school, I mean. I’m not ready to leave.”

Kash felt Adele’s body stiffen. “Gage, don’t let this one thing ruin you, okay? We were all terrified, but you’re okay. We all are. And it’ll get easier, I promise.”

“Trust me,” Kash cut in. “I know exactly what it’s like. I almost died at work, but I didn’t. And sometimes I still struggle, but I’m not letting that fear control me. ”

Gage sighed. “That’s not what I meant.” He bit his lip so hard the skin turned white, and then he let it go and said, “I think I want to apply to be a firefighter.”

Kash felt Adele freeze completely. Gage had never shown interest, and Adele had never pushed the issue because while they did live in a small town, shit still happened. Today was proof of that. And he knew Adele couldn’t stomach the thought of his son being in danger.

“Gage…”

“I know what you’re going to say,” Gage interrupted. “But today was…it was a lot, and not in a bad way. I woke up partway through Kash carrying me out to the lawn, then I watched the guys roll up in the trucks, and even though they couldn’t save our house, the way they worked…” He trailed off, closing his eyes. “I want to be part of something like that.”

Adele swallowed so heavily Kash could hear it. “Okay. We can talk about it.”

Gage stiffened. “You know I can do what I want, right?”

“Yes, and I have never stopped you unless it was for your own good,” Adele countered. “You should know by now I’m not going to start that crap now.”

Gage looked properly chastised. “Sorry.”

Adele sighed and reached out, pulling his son close. “Can we talk about this another time? Let me bask in the fact that you’re here, that you’re fine, and that Kash agreed to marry me.”

There was a heavy pause, and then Gage sat up. “Wait, what!”

Adele grinned, and Kash hid his face against Adele’s back.

“Are you fucking serious!”

“Language! ”

“Fuck that,” Gage said. “Tell me you’re not joking.” And oh, his voice was thick now. “Please don’t be messing with me.”

Kash sat up as quickly as he could. “Are you angry?”

“No!” Gage sniffed loudly. “Oh my God. I’m happy . You really…you’re gonna be my dad?”

Kash’s heart felt like it was about to beat out of his chest. “If you want me.”

“Oh my God, shut up ,” Gage said. Then he burst into tears and fell into Adele’s arms, shaking with his sobs. “Sorry, sorry,” he was gasping. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

Kash was holding back his emotions, and he could see Adele’s eyes shining in the dim light as he held his son.

“It’s been a day for all of us. It’s okay to feel fragile,” Adele murmured very softly, rocking him like he’d done when he was little. “We’ll talk about that more tomorrow too, yeah?”

Gage sniffed again, then pulled back. “Can I have a hug?”

“I am—oh,” Adele said. He let Gage go, then sat up and swung his leg over Kash, settling behind him.

It took Kash’s medicated brain a second to catch up, and it was right in time for Gage to hesitantly shuffle closer. Kash didn’t make him wait. He opened his arms and held Gage as tightly as he had when he was dragging him out of that damn fire.

“Promise this is for real,” Gage muttered against his shirt.

“I promise,” Kash vowed. And he meant it. Until death do he and Adele part. Hopefully on the same day, in the same hour, and the same minute, with the same final breath.