Chapter 16

sixteen

ADELE

“Hooooney, I’m hoooome!” The door swung open, and Adele immediately kicked off his shoes with a groan and shuffled into the living room. “If you were in a naked calendar as the month of September, would you?—”

He stopped immediately when he realized his son was on the couch. Gage’s face was splotchy, and his eyes were puffy and red. He gave a heavy sniff, then said, “Can you please not finish that sentence?” His voice was nasal and thick.

“Sick or crying?”

“Both,” Gage said. He swallowed heavily. “Before you panic, I already went to the clinic and got my throat swabbed. It’s not strep. It’s whatever gross thing that’s going around.” Then he stuck out his bottom lip. “I feel poopy.”

Adele immediately walked over and dropped down next to his son, pulling him close. He rested the side of his mouth over Gage’s forehead and sucked in a breath. “Fever.”

“Mm. ”

“Are you crying because you don’t feel good?”

Gage shook his head. “Braedon dumped me.”

“Oh, Gage…” He wasn’t about to pretend to be happy, but God, he hated that kid.

“In front of everyone,” Gage went on. “It was humiliating. I started feeling shitty in ceramics, and I knew he had a free period, so I asked to see the nurse, and when she let me out, I went into the commons. He was there with his friends. You know how his friends have never liked me?”

Adele didn’t know. He couldn’t keep up with Gage’s merry-go-round of a social life, but he wasn’t going to tell him that. He nodded instead and stroked a hand through Gage’s hair. “Yeah, those pile of dickheads.”

Gage snorted, which turned into a cough he hid in his dad’s shirt. Adele’s heart twisted even as he wanted to pull back in slight revulsion. There were moments that his giant, nearly adult son was still so much the little toddler he’d rocked to sleep at night whenever he wasn’t feeling good.

He felt an empty, hollow ache, realizing he wasn’t going to have that ever again. That this was his one and only. At least until Gage had kids, and God only knew when that was going to happen.

“They were all sitting on the window blocks, and I walked up to Braedon and asked if I could lay my head in his lap. He gave me this look of, like, total disgust and told me to stop being such a needy little girl.”

Adele stiffened. “He said that?”

Gage snorted, then coughed again. “Yeah. Can you believe that shit? Rude and a misogynist.”

Adele didn’t bother reprimanding him for the swearing. “What is wrong with him?”

“What is wrong with me thinking I was going to go off to college with him and be the exception to the statistic and marry my high school boyfriend?” Gage fired back, then started coughing harder.

Adele stroked his fingers through Gage’s hair until the coughing fit calmed down. “What did you tell him?”

“That misogyny wasn’t cute and that there was nothing wrong with a boyfriend needing some comfort when he wasn’t feeling well.” Gage pulled back, and his cheeks were red. Adele had a feeling it wasn’t from his fever. “He had the goddamn nerve to look me in the eye and say that I wasn’t his boyfriend. He looked all nervous and leaned over and told Matthew that he and I were still in a talking stage, and he didn’t want to become official. Can you believe that?”

Adele shook his head, but mostly because he was lost. He couldn’t keep up with the relationship dynamics of that generation. Talking stage? What the fuck did that mean?

“We just had our two month,” Gage said with a sniff. “He got me a freaking Reese’s!”

“Peanut butter and chocolate is definitely serious,” Adele said with a nod.

Gage swiped his sleeve under his nose and sniffed loudly. “Right! He sent me this text about how I was the love of his life and how he couldn’t wait for us to go apartment hunting.”

Adele’s stomach gave a lurch. Apartment hunting in Savannah. He’d been trying to forget. “I’m sorry,” Adele eventually said. He had no idea what the etiquette for this was.

Gage laughed. “I know this probably sounds so ridiculous?—”

“No,” Adele said, interrupting his son before he could go on. “It sounds awful. It sounds like on a day you already felt like crap, he hurt you even worse, and that’s not okay. ”

“Yeah? You don’t think I’m acting like a giant baby?”

Maybe he was, but Adele had no leg to stand on when it came to shitty reactions about relationships. His own status with Kash was unclear, they hadn’t done anything together since deciding that they were in a pre-relationship or however Kash wanted to define it, and while he was thrilled that his feelings were out there, that didn’t change the fact that it was still one big mess.

“I think you’re hurt, and you’re allowed to feel how you feel.”

Gage settled back against Adele and wrapped his arms around his middle. “That’s what Kash said.”

A little spark ran up Adele’s spine at the mention of his name. “Yeah? You talked to him about this?”

“He was home when I came in, and he noticed something was wrong. He set me up here on the couch and told me that it wasn’t immature to be confused and upset. He said that he’s been dealing with relationship stuff too.” Gage glanced up at him. “He means you, right?”

Adele had been resolved not to say anything until he and Kash were sure this was a forever thing on both their ends because he didn’t want to do that to Gage. He knew how much his son loved Kash. “It’s complicated.”

Gage rolled his eyes. “Love is the worst. You didn’t turn him down, did you? You’re not being a Braedon right now, are you?”

Adele laughed at how quickly his son had turned his ex into an unkind verb. “No. I didn’t turn him down.”

“Because you’re in love with him, right?”

Adele closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the couch cushion. “Yes, I’m in love with him.” The words were hard to say, but he wasn’t about to start lying to his son when it came to important things. And Kash was one of the most important things in his life and always would be.

Gage sighed. “You know he loves you back, right?”

Adele snorted. “Yeah. I know. We did talk. It’s…”

“Complicated,” Gage finished for him. His voice was raspier now. “Dad?”

“Mm?”

“He’s not dying, is he?” Those words came out small and so scared Adele actually sat up and took Gage by the shoulders to look him in the eye. “I don’t think I can handle that.”

“He’s not dying. He’s not fine. He has a disease, and there’s no current cure. There’s barely any kind of treatment, but it’s not terminal. As far as he’s been told right now, it’s not even progressive. He’ll have good days and bad days, but he’ll be with us for a long, long time.”

That felt like an unfair promise because Adele couldn’t actually control that. He was in a job that reminded him weekly, if not daily, that shit happened, and there was no way to stop it. But in that moment, he felt like he actually would be able to tear a hole in the veil between life and death and drag Kash’s soul back into his body if it came down to it.

And the words were worth it when Gage settled back down. “He hasn’t told me anything. I looked some stuff up on Google, but it scared the crap out of me, so I stopped. I was afraid to ask what was wrong.”

“I’ve raised you better than Google medical advice,” Adele chastised.

Gage rolled his eyes, then broke out into another cough. “It’ll tell me I’m dying right now, won’t it?”

“You have twenty-four hours to live,” Adele said solemnly. “Google MD is pretty sure about it. RIP. ”

Gage shoved at him weakly, cough-laughing until Adele took pity on him and slid off the couch so he could make him lie down. Gage went easily, his body like a rag doll, and Adele got flashes of when he was younger—when he’d bring home some plague from school and be set up in a little couch nest with hot soup, tea, coloring books, and endless YouTube videos of slime because it was the only thing that didn’t overstimulate him.

“What can I get you now? Soup?”

“Mm. No. Kash—” Gage’s words were cut off when the front door opened and Kash appeared in the archway, leaning on his cane with one hand, several grocery bags hanging from his other wrist.

Adele shot up. “Tell me you didn’t walk to the store.”

Kash rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I walked. I wanted to make sure Gage had to wait six hours for soup.” His sarcasm was as biting as ever, and it made Adele laugh as he walked over and relieved him of his burden. “I took an Uber.”

“Why didn’t you call me?”

“Because I can make my— your ,” he corrected, and Adele’s heart triple-beat in his chest at the one slip he wanted Kash to make, “son some soup when he’s sick. If I’m going to be pseudo house-husband, this is the least I can do.”

Adele swallowed thickly. “I’ll go put this in the kitchen. Are you making your grandma’s lentil soup?”

“Yes,” Kash said.

Adele’s stomach groaned as if on cue, and Kash burst into laughter as he pushed past him into the living room. “I’ll be right there. I’m gonna go check on him first.”

Adele took a few steps to the right, then hovered at the edge of the wall at the perfect angle to see without being seen. He watched as Kash carefully dropped his ass to the coffee table, then reached out with his wrist and pressed it to Gage’s forehead.

“Still warm.”

“Yeah.” Gage sniffled and rolled toward him. “I feel gross.”

“Soup will make you feel better. Do you want me to get you a blanket?”

“Can you tell Dad I want my nest?”

Kash burst into a soft peal of laughter. “Yeah. Want us to hang out with you?”

Gage was quiet for a beat. “Do you think it’s super weird if I want cuddles?”

Adele wanted to answer that question for him, but they weren’t supposed to know he was eavesdropping, so he bit his tongue and waited to see what Kash was going to say.

“Do people give you shit because you’re close to your dad like that?”

“Lucas doesn’t, but some of the other kids do. I’ve lost a lot of friends over the years who think it’s not normal for me to be this close to him. I…I don’t know. Maybe I’m a freak.”

“I think you and Lucas are probably two of the luckiest kids on the planet. Society isn’t really nice to dads. A lot of them are trained to think they’re not allowed to show how much they love their kids.”

“Was that yours?”

Adele winced, and he saw the way Kash flinched at the question. “He wasn’t ever a nice guy. There’s a reason you won’t ever meet him.”

“He hurt you.” The words weren’t a question.

Kash’s head bowed, and Adele wished he could see his face. “It doesn’t matter now. Your dad was there for me when I needed him, and it helped more than I can say. I think he had some pretty good examples of how not to be when we were growing up.”

“So it’s not weird if I want some cuddles? I…I won’t have much of this after graduation, you know? Like, what if I’m in my apartment and I get this sick?”

“You’ll make yourself soup and make your nest, then call one of us, and we’ll talk to you until you feel better. This kind of love might change forms as you get older, but it’ll never stop.”

“Mmkay,” Gage said, then coughed before he yawned. “Love you.”

“Love you too.”

Adele turned and hurried into the kitchen, throwing the bags on the counter, and then he slipped into the hallway before Kash could even begin his journey to the stove. His heart was beating—tender and sore with a preemptive sort of grief at how quickly things were changing.

He knew it was for the best. He knew he was going to adore the adult person Gage was going to become. He knew that in spite of making some poor choices in teenage boyfriends, Gage was going to pick a good man and have a good life.

Things wouldn’t feel so strange once Adele got used to it. And if he was lucky, he’d have Kash with him to soothe the painful parts when they became too much.

Gathering blankets in his arms, he snagged Gage’s favorite pillow with his teeth and shuffled his way into the living room. Gage was staring at the blank TV with hazy eyes, and Adele dropped everything and urged him to sit up.

“You were listening,” Gage rasped.

Adele shrugged. “I eavesdrop in my own house sometimes. Sue me. ”

Gage didn’t look too put out about it. He let Adele situate his pillow and the blankets until he was wrapped up like a little burrito. His cheeks were still flushed, and his eyes were bright with fever, but he’d looked worse.

It wasn’t time to panic.

“You know that even when I’m in my nineties, I will still do this for you, right?” Adele murmured as he slid to the floor beside Gage’s torso and leaned his head back.

Gage hummed softly as he curled up on his side. “Yeah. I know. And my kids too?”

“I’m gonna be the best pop pop in the world.”

The word felt odd on his tongue but not as alien as it had even a year ago when Gage announced he wanted a big family. Maybe he was getting to the age he was ready for it. Not now, of course. He wanted his son to enjoy his youth—to avoid having to grow up too quickly. But he also knew he’d be prepared for whenever it happened.

“Can I tell you something?”

“You can tell me anything.”

Gage was quiet for a long beat before speaking. “I don’t think I want to go to school in Savannah anymore.”

Adele inwardly cheered. Savannah wasn’t the furthest school Gage had chosen, but he was relieved anyway because it was one of the most expensive. But he wasn’t going to celebrate. He knew this was probably breaking Gage’s heart a little bit.

“What do you want to do, then?” Adele asked.

Gage sniffed. “I don’t know. Is that bad? I mean, I have all these acceptance letters, and with Braedon, going to SCAD seemed like the right choice. But now that he and I are off the table, I’m not even sure I want to do art stuff.”

Adele turned and began to brush fingers through Gage’s hair again. His eyes fluttered shut, and his breathing evened out, even as it hitched on the edge of a wheeze. “Why don’t you nap now and worry about all that later.”

“Mmyeah. ’Kay.”

“Love you,” Adele whispered. He waited until he was sure Gage had dozed off, then stood up and quietly tiptoed his way to the kitchen. He attempted to startle him but failed when Kash looked over.

“You’re not cute.”

Adele slid up behind him and wrapped his arms around Kash’s waist, kissing his neck. “Liar.”

Kash let out a soft humph, but he didn’t disagree. Instead, he tipped his head to the side to give Adele better access to his skin. “We’re gonna catch this plague, aren’t we?”

Adele laughed as he licked and nibbled at Kash’s pulse point. “Mm. Probably. But luckily, I’ve never had the man flu in my life, and I can take care of you both if you need me.”

“I do need you,” Kash said very softly. “But not for that. I need you just because.”

Adele held on to him a little tighter and closed his eyes, basking in the feeling of Kash in his arms. He was in love. He was happy. In the moment, he was content with his life. He finally had faith that all of this would work out. That they were working toward something.

And that was all that mattered right then.