Chapter 32

CHAPTER 32

I was working away on the kitchen counter past midnight when Liana walked in.

“I smelled the pancit canton and got hungry,” she said, smiling at the empty bowl beside me. I tried to smile back and pushed my laptop away for a bit, welcoming the distraction.

“I inhaled mine, sorry. There’s more in the pantry. I can make you some.”

She told me not to worry, got three packs of noodles, and got a pot on the stove.

“More club work?” she asked.

I told her about the tasks Miss Co had for me. She looked horrified and stressed on my behalf.

“You look like you need more pancit canton,” she said and I laughed at her as she made a motion towards the pantry again. “How are you coping?”

“Not well. I never thought I’d ever see Miss Co angry, much less at me… But I need to suck it up because I brought all this upon myself.”

I pulled my laptop closer to me again and Liana went back to the pot, which was now steaming.

“Cholo hasn’t been in class in two days,” I said now, staring at the counter. “I didn’t text or call him because I understand he needs space but it’s driving me up the wall not talking to him.”

“Mukha niya kamo, space,” Liana joked and I doubled up in laughter. “Miss mo na, noh?”

“ Yuck. But yes. Dammit.”

Liana had a good, hearty laugh at my expense and I put my face in my hands.

“Never thought I’d see the day,” she mused. “Look at you brats being dramatic and cute. Sometimes, I feel like I’m watching a series.”

“You should talk. Didn’t you chase Gian before he left for the US last Christmas?”

“Don’t even!” she said, threatening to lob the pancit canton seasoning packets at my head.

“Sorry,” I said, raising my hands. “Couldn’t resist.”

She finished making her pancit canton and set her bowl on the counter. I watched her blow on the noodles before taking a bite and realized I owed her a huge apology, too.

“I’ll just eat quickly and go away, don’t worry.”

“Actually, I’d rather you stayed,” I said, closing my laptop fully. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Sure. What is it?”

“I know I said sorry over Christmas, but…I wanted to talk about things properly, without noche buena tasks hovering over our heads.”

Liana raised her eyebrows, her expression a mix of amusement and exasperation.

“‘Di ba, we said okay na ‘yun?” she asked.

“Yes. But that was for your birthday last year and what was said when I had that horror movie moment with Melba. All the other birthdays before that, I haven’t apologized for yet.”

“I’m happy to forget those, too!”

“Liana, please?” I said, putting my hands together for full effect.

“Eww. No. Hindi bagay!” she said, laughing and covering her eyes. “Fine, I’ll listen as long as you stop that. Kinikilabutan ako, eh.”

“Good!” I said, dropping the abysmal attempt at being cute. “So, weeks ago, I had dinner with Cholo.”

Liana raised an eyebrow.

“I promise, this will tie up in the end. So I had dinner with him, right? We weren’t together yet.

Before that dinner, we were stuck in a car from QC to Las Pi?as. We talked about a lot of things, and then I ended up calling him out for his bullying when we were younger.”

Liana smiled. “I know. He told us, me and Gian. Then he said sorry. He was so serious about it, even Gian couldn’t help but forgive him. Did he apologize to you too?”

I blinked, surprised. “Yes. He did. I remember the exact moment, too. We just exited Alabang,” I mused. Liana shook her head, muttering “these brats” as she got a huge forkful of pancit canton in her mouth. “You know the funny thing about that? He called me a bully first and that’s when I called him out and said, excuse you, hypocrite, you made our lives hell back then tapos you’re calling me a bully?”

“YES. Tell him, Vinnie.”

“I did! But we can’t deny he was right about that, too.”

Liana looked at me while trying to chew, extra noodles still hanging out of her mouth.

“It was like looking into a mirror. I realized that I felt horrible being bullied by him and being reminded of it when I saw him at school every day. So I thought, how could you have been feeling after I was so mean to you at home every day for years?”

Liana chewed on her noodles and avoided my eyes. She did not seem to expect the conversation to lead to this. I rarely opened up to her so she must be wondering if I was really her stepsister and not some multiverse doppelganger. I bit my lip, overcome by guilt again, but I told myself to tough it up because Liana deserved a well-worded apology.

“Look, it’s years late. I’ve done way too much at this point to even dare ask for your forgiveness. But Liana, please know how sorry I am about everything I did and said to hurt you.”

“Hey,” she said, going around the counter towards me. Even after everything I did, she was still so gentle and caring. Her hand tentatively brushed my shoulder to reassure me. Why was she so kind? She looked at me the same way she did years ago, like an older sister.

I did not deserve her at all.

“It was after that incident with your friend that it just…hit me. I yelled at you. Cholo heard what I said to you, he…” I said, recoiling, as the memory made me feel actual physical pain inside my chest. “We argued over it and said some pretty horrible things to each other. He refused to talk to me after that. It felt bad. And…you know, it dawned on me how you’re the only person who stubbornly stayed on my side no matter how nasty I was. And even that I succeeded in doing, after the incident with Monique.”

I looked up at Liana.

“I’m sorry it took a childhood bully to realize how high up I was in my own ass. No apology would ever be enough for what I put you and this family through.

But please know I really am not proud of all the things I did to you and if I could, I would take them back.”

“Don’t,” she said, shaking her head.

“I’m really sorry. Taking it out on you, on your mom, on my dad… It’s been my way of letting out my grief. The same grief that ate me up. I refused to let go of the pain, and after years of carrying it around, I became it.”

Saying that was both therapeutic and painful. I had enough time to process it by now so I knew what to say this time around. I could not help but wish I had become aware of it much earlier.

“I treated you as badly as possible, made your everyday lives a struggle to the best of my ability. But all you gave me in exchange was…love. Ugh. Why? You could have hurt me back. Yelled at me, too. But you didn’t. None of you did, even if I deserved it.”

“We understood. You needed that. None of that was right but what you’re doing now is a pretty good start.”

“I don’t deserve any of you,” I said. “And like I said, I’m not going to dare ask for forgiveness for all the other birthdays I screwed up. But I can promise to get you all the books you want on each birthday going forward, and that I won’t be that evil witch anymore to make up for it. I’ll make sure to make it up to your mom too. Returning all that love is going to take a few more years, though. So please bear with me. I am trying.”

“You got me at books,” Liana joked, her eyes glistening with tears. I felt my own tears sting. “Can I have that hug now, please?”

“Fine, just this once,” I mumbled, coming off my stool to hug her first as I didn’t want to withhold the one thing she had asked for. She started giggling and I followed suit. “Can I have Melba back, too?” I asked as we let go.

“We’re going to have to ask her. You threw her on the floor, after all.”

“Okay. Ewww. This is way too much affection and kindness for one day,” I said because it was getting too serious.

Liana let me go. “Thank you, Vinnie. I needed that.”

“We both did,” I said, feeling much lighter now.

I realized how love and forgiveness had been there all along and the only thing I needed to do was ask.