Chapter 23

CHAPTER 23

E xcuse me, what?

What Cholo said hit me like a sledgehammer. The atmosphere turned all tense. His tone was a tad accusatory and I turned on defensive mode. “How on earth was I going to figure that out when you kept telling me I was a piece of work that needed fixing?” I said indignantly.

“Not these past few weeks! I did want you to grow up a little when I met you. You were snarky, angry, and all sorts of difficult. But here we are and joke’s on me for ending up liking every single bit of it.”

“But I did just that,” I answered. “Right? I changed. You guys could trust me now. You’re listening to me and it’s like my opinion on things actually matter. You wouldn’t have done that if I didn’t fix myself.”

I did not know what to do with what he told me. I wanted to be offended but there were some parts of what he said that made me want to melt.

“Remember how you wrote me off, the day Miss Co brought me to your office? I didn’t want a repeat of that, Cholo. I wanted—no, needed validation that I could do things your way and prove that I was much more than a problematic kid serving a form of school punishment. I had to work my ass off. Oh, and that’s not counting the fact that I had to fix my issues with my family, too. Is that why you’re saying this? You like me now because I stopped being the bad egg? Did I do well enough this time around?”

I had to catch my breath after this long pronouncement.

Cholo was shaking his head. “I’m sorry,” he said, voice soft. Apologetic. “I didn’t know you thought of it that way. Ikaw ‘yan, eh. I really don’t want to lose any of that. I’m sorry if I made you feel that you had to change. ”

“But how could I not, Cholo?” I asked. “You and I are pretty similar. You even had it worse than I did in some ways but you handled things so differently. How could I not want to be like you? You’re strong enough to handle the painful things and you don’t feel the need to be a rebel just to prove a point. I thought that maybe I shouldn’t be such a brooding asshole when there are people like you who exist. People who could forgive.”

He shook his head, eyes sad. “I’m not as forgiving as you think. I’m still so angry about a number of things and it’s always just there. I could put it away for a while but it would always come back in full measure. I saw some of that in you, too, and I let myself get too close that I got hooked.” He walked towards me and put both his hands on the sides of my head, gently wiping my tears with his fingers. “All I could think of now is you. How to free you from this pain and how I can’t. I’m just as wounded and no matter what you might think, that makes me just as scared as you are about things.

That makes me feel that I’m not enough for you either but enough or not, I want to be here. With you.”

I had no idea why I started crying in earnest. I never thought anyone would want to be with me the way he did, complications and all.

“You make me want to be better. More than I care to admit,” I replied and his eyes shone with hope. “And I want to be there for you, too.”

I smiled as Cholo kissed my forehead. He held the back of my head with one hand as he did so. “I thought home was a place,” he said against my hair. “But now I seem to have found mine in a person, someone who was in the same block and classroom all this time.”

He put my hand in his and I looked up to meet his gaze.

“I love you,” he said now. “And I just want to be home.”

“I want to be home, too,” was my reply and I smiled back at him, feeling like my heart would burst.

He leaned over and kissed me, carefully at first, seemingly unfamiliar. But like his heart, his lips settled on mine, recognizing them as their own, as though returning home.

And it was. It always was.