Chapter 13

CHAPTER 13

“ S o what were you doing downstairs nga?”

I rolled my eyes. Here I was at the Ephemere meeting in the club room, being grilled by my teammates, Kristine and Seth.

“I told you! We were talking about K-Pop. Erika Kim just had her comeback,” I said, refusing to meet their eyes. “We both follow her from Era of Maidens days.”

“Is ‘I Envy You’ really that good then?” Seth said.

“Do not be swayed by the segues!” Kristine told him and he shook his head like a puppy. Kristine opened her mouth to continue with her questions, but the other Ephemere members walked in at that moment.

“O, ano na?” someone said to Kristine, who was starting to look frustrated. “Did you get anything?”

I groaned.

“Stop it, you guys. ‘Di na nakakatuwa,” I said.

“Grabe,” Seth said, pouting. “Ganyan. Si Cholo lang talaga friend nito, eh.”

“Isa pa Seth, and you’re getting stripped of that ‘friend’ title,” I retorted.

“O, did you guys hear that? We’re friends daw!” Seth said to our little circle and I shook my head as our teammates laughed and joked about breaking the ‘Great Wall of Vinnie.’

These kids, I swear.

“Did he really introduce you to his family?” said Seth.

“He had to, they were in the living room!” I replied. “What was I supposed to do? Pass by them without saying hello?”

“But the kid hugged you and everything!” Kristine said. “You got the kid a present? Things must be getting serious, then? Yieeee!”

“It was the kid’s birthday party, was that not the decent thing to do? Did no one else bring a present?” I said. I really thought that I needed to do that. I always brought a present for Gian’s sister whenever they invited me over.

Crap. That was probably different.

The laughing subsided a little as the club room got a little more crowded but Kristine and Seth refused to let it go.

“We didn’t. And when Cholo introduced us, it was more of a roll call. Ephemere, names, ‘these are my family.’ Ikaw, you left last Saturday on a nickname basis with his brothers, ‘di ba?” Seth said. “Teka, that reminds me! Wasn’t it years before you let us call you ‘Vinnie?’”

“Ewan ko sa inyo!” I said, making a face.

I turned to get water from my bag and noticed that Summer was standing close by, watching us just outside of the team’s circle. That was probably why some of the teammates fell quiet just a few moments ago.

“Huy, scoot over,” I told those sitting on the sofa so Summer could have space. While I did not like her, I knew what it felt to be awkwardly standing outside like that. It did not feel right to leave her be.

“Hi, Summer,” Kristine said as she sat on the space that our teammates left for her.

“Hello. Looks like everyone had a good weekend together?” she said, student-council smile in full display. She looked at everyone before settling her eyes on me and I immediately felt like there was a target locked on my forehead.

“Yes. We finished our tasks per, uh, team,” someone from the logistics team said feebly. “Tapos, uh?—”

People shushed him.

“Oh, don’t worry. I saw some stories. Someone must have forgotten to invite me,” Summer said with a high laugh. “Well, Las Pi?as is too far, anyway. Maybe next time.”

Awkward silence. I looked everywhere except at Summer as I did not know what else to say or do. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Liana walking into the club room with a friend holding a stack of navy-colored cards.

“Ayun! Team Ephemere!” said Liana’s friend, making everyone look at her. She walked over to our area with Liana following her lead.

“Invites for my tweny-first,” she said with a little jump, handing people the cards.

“Grabe, every year, may pa-invitation!” someone commented.

I looked down to not make it awkward as I knew I would not be getting one—we did not know each other. I just knew her by face as one of Liana’s friends.

“Aww, so nice of you to remember me, unlike some others,” Summer said.

I heard a gasp but nobody dared to say anything to that. Liana’s friend just forced a laugh to break the ice.

“Of course, Summer.”

“Wait,” Summer said. I looked up to see her tilting her head and fixing her gaze straight at me. “Si Lavinia, wala?”

“Um,” Liana’s friend said, looking at me.

I shrugged, shook my head, and tried to smile but I did not trust my facial muscles to do what I intended it to. For all I knew, it probably looked like I was glaring at her.

“Aww, poor thing, hindi invited,” Summer said, sticking out her bottom lip in a small pout.

“Oh, no, don’t worry about it,” I said, words rushing out to not make it worse. “Don’t force it. I wouldn’t want her to get in trouble with the caterers over headcount. Or, you know, her family to run out of food.”

I let out a laugh to make the moment a little more lighthearted. I was always at Gian’s family parties and he would tease me a lot about my filling my plate with half the serving bowl of his mom’s caldereta and leaving his family to run out of food.

No one laughed with me and instead the room fell quiet. Liana’s friend looked like she had taken offense.

Good god. What did my face look like while I said that? Lagot!

“I meant–uh, you know Gian? He would tease me a lot about…” I started but I caught the smug expression on Summer’s face. I panicked internally, thinking of a way to repair what I had said and cursing myself for not properly wording it but if Summer’s expression was any indication, the damage was done. “Uh, never mind. CR lang ako.”

I took my bag with me and fled towards the club room’s exit, wanting to hide under a rock and never come back. What was I thinking?

They probably thought I was insulting her family! How embarrassing. Ano ka ba naman, Vinnie?

I had just made it to the bathroom next to Cholo’s office when Liana caught up with me.

“Vinnie.”

“Liana,” I said, relieved. “I’m sorry, I’m sure you know what I meant?—”

“No. That’s not going to work,” she said, cutting me off. The manner in which she spoke was cold. “You crossed a line back there.”

“Sorry, but that’s not how I wanted it to come out! You know how in Gian’s parties? He’d joke about how I always empty the caldereta plate, remember?”

“This is the last time I’m going to let this pass. I can take your barbs but the next time you’re rude to any of my friends—” She hesitated.

I raised an eyebrow, feeling attacked.

I had no intention at all of hurting Liana or offending her friend. I did not think Liana would ever not be on my side, and she always understood, but it looked like I did not have that privilege anymore.

It was just annoying that the one time I did not mean ill was when she took offense.

“What?” I said, almost daring her.

“I’m not going to be your doormat anymore. You have every right to refuse my offer of friendship but I draw the line at disrespect. You will not talk to my friends like that.”

That was reasonable but it hurt. The stinging feeling made my systems switch into default and unleashed evil mode.

“Yeah?” I said, smirking. “Bite me.”

“Okay! No biting in the school grounds,” said a familiar voice. Cholo approached us, his prefect smile plastered on. “Everything okay?”

“Yes. I was just about to go to the bathroom and Liana was just leaving,” I said, all the blood rushing to my head again. Evil Vinnie was in full force and was not going to go back where she came from. “Weren’t you?”

Liana said nothing and stared me down before going towards the direction of the club room. I let out an annoyed sigh, watching her figure disappear in the corridor.

“That looked intense,” Cholo said, taking a step towards me, his eyes on the spot where Liana vanished. “Are you okay? What happened?”

“I just needed to go, that’s all,” I said, uncomfortable. Something was bubbling up at the pit of my stomach and I recognized it as remorse.

“I saw you run out of the club room and then Juliana followed you. Some people inside the room were having a go at Summer. What did she do?”

“No, no, it was me,” I said immediately. Yes, Summer had a part in that but I was not going to blame her for this particular mess. “I was being an asswipe. Can I just?—”

“Do you want to tell me later on the way home?” he asked. “CR ka muna. We’ll wait for you before we start the meeting.”

The last thing I wanted was to go back to the club room but now that he saw me I was not about to just skive off. It also would have been unprofessional.

“Okay.”

“Are you sure you’re fine?”

“Babalik ako, don’t worry,” I said, dismissing him.

Things were definitely awkward when I came back. I did not dare meet anyone’s eye but, to my relief, Liana, her friend, and Summer were nowhere to be found. I tried to concentrate on the meeting and was relieved when it was finally over.

I found myself having dinner with Cholo at North Mall’s food court an hour later.

Over our dumplings and rice combos, I told him what happened—Summer figuring out that she was excluded in the weekend hangout, Liana’s friend handing out invitations, my foot-in-mouth moment, and Liana confronting me.

He listened without interrupting.

“And that’s when you came in,” I said, sipping on my gulaman drink.

“So that’s why Kristine looked like she was about to bite Summer’s head off,” he said, folding up the lid on his food. “You should have seen how quickly Summer escaped.”

“You know what’s annoying, though? I’ve been mean to Liana all these years and the one time I didn’t intend to be mean is when she decides to be offended about it. What gives? It just doesn’t make sense.”

Cholo adjusted his glasses and looked at me in a way that reminded me of that first day in the prefect’s office.

“You know what they say about the straw that broke the camel’s back?”

“Yes, I mean, I understand that. Maybe she’d been bottling it up all these years. But over that? Really? Did anyone really think I would be insinuating that someone who hands out fancy cards for their birthday would be starving?”

“No. But maybe you could have explained that better instead of daring her to bite you ,” he said, gesturing quotation marks in the air with his fingers. “Was that necessary?”

“No. But what she said hurt. So Evil Vinnie took over.”

I stood up and threw my trash on the nearby trash can. He then led the way to the parking lot, which was empty.

“I thought I’d seen the last of her,” he said as we walked.

“Oh, Evil me? No. That’s always here to stay,” I said, my head still quite hot. He looked like he still wanted to argue so I cut him off. “You know what, just leave it.”

“Maybe you and Liana could talk when you get home? You’re both adults, and with cooler heads, I’m sure you both will be laughing about this tomorrow.”

“I said leave it, ” I countered, folding my arms. I was getting annoyed with him now. No, Liana was not going to be laughing with me tomorrow. She hated me now and it was too late to do something about it.

God, how massive was this parking lot? Where was the damn car?

“Please don’t raise your voice like that, Vinnie. I’m trying to help here,” was Cholo’s exasperated reply.

I knew that. For that short time that I had reconnected with him, Cholo helped, listened, understood—always. Gian did that, too, but differently, as Gian used sarcasm and anger back whenever I was being difficult. Cholo, on the other hand, would take my jabs, smile, and make me feel comfortable enough to tell him why I was being a piece of work.

But my default reflex was to snap and I could not control it.

“Help,” I echoed. “Wow, coming from you, of all people. You tormented me, Gian, and Liana during our younger years. You don’t get to call me out and tell me how to make amends when you’ve never apologized for the huge amount of shit you put us through. Do you think we’re laughing about that now?”

The look on his face told me he did not see that coming.

A nagging voice at the back of my mind told me that was a low blow but there was no reasoning with my current mode and he did need to be called out for that. The timing just left a lot to be desired.

“Well, I stopped being a bully. I grew up. I’m trying to be in a different place now. I’m trying to do right by you as your friend. You, on the other hand, still take pride in being mean to your stepsister every single day. Don’t you think it’s time you tried to grow up, too?”

What he said was reasonable and his manner was calm. There was a bit of bile in the end but I deserved that.

It made me angrier at myself. This made me see red and while I knew I was going to regret what I said next, there was no stopping my damn mouth.

“So, that’s what this is about? You think your being nice to me undoes the mean things you did? You think that gives you the right to tell me what to do?”

There was something else. It was not just the stress of this day triggering the onslaught of words. Some part of me got scared of what he was saying. He knew me well enough now to push the right buttons and call me out on my bullshit.

I had let myself become too vulnerable around him the past few weeks.

“What’s your plan, then?” he challenged, stopping in his tracks. “Are you going to push everyone away again? You were doing so well, why are you being such a?—”

“Doing so well? How?” I cut him off, knowing what was at the end of that sentence. “Better exam scores? Quality club work? Perfect event attendance?”

“You think that’s what I care about?” he demanded, now sounding angry. “You think this is graded or this gives me extra merits? No one even knows I’m with you right now, not even Patsy. Why do you think I’m going out of my way to try to help you?”

“No one asked you to care! And I’m just in your team because you needed an extra head and I needed to pass BA 170. Are we forgetting that?”

The words tasted bitter in my own mouth and I felt a pang in my chest as I realized how effortlessly I could hurl those nasty words out.

Why had it come to this? How bad was it that hurting people just came to me so naturally?

“Nice,” Cholo said and I heard a bitter laugh there. “Really nice. I’m sure the people in our team who were on their feet defending you from Summer when you weren’t even in the room would love to hear that.”

Another tidal wave of remorse washed over me as he said that. I gritted my teeth as my apology did not make it past my throat, even if I wanted to tell him I did not mean that, I meant none of it, I was just hurting.

I wanted to say that none of what I did was right but this was my default when everything hurt and I knew no other way to express it.

I wanted to tell him and Liana that I was sorry, that I was doing everything the wrong way, and to please, please stay, because I did not actually want them to give up on me like my dad did.

“Thanks for the ride here. I’m taking the train home,” I said instead, turning around, too ashamed to look him in the eye as I raced back inside the mall.