Chapter Eight

His body presses into me as the sheets become tangled between us. It’s unfamiliar territory, and I find myself unable to stop the addiction which is soon becoming his body. Watching every move, every curve and flex of a muscle as he worships me and takes me to places I never knew existed. Sweat covers our bodies as we continue for hours until the sun rises, and the reality of my imminent departure feels heavy in the room.

I’m not tired, still on my sex high. How many times did I come? Fuck, who knows.

He pulls me in, and I spoon against him staring at the clock sitting on the bedside table.

“I have to get ready in two hours,” I tell him.

He kisses the top of my shoulder. “A lot can be done in two hours.”

I turn my head and smile. “How on earth does the soldier have it in him?”

“Don’t you worry your pretty little head. The soldier is just waiting for the green light again.”

He presses against me, hard as a rock. I feel the ache between my legs, but I’m extremely sore. I don’t want to refuse him, but I’m pretty sure my vagina resembles a battered lasagna.

I feel him curl into me, holding onto me tight. “Adriana, what’s going to happen with us?”

Normally, I’m the question asker.

I remain silent for a few seconds.

It’s a huge question.

“What do you want?” I whisper.

“I want you. All of you.” He holds onto me even tighter, my circulation in jeopardy. “I’m not here to replace Elijah. I just… I just want you.”

“It’s complicated, right?”

“I hate that it’s complicated.” He turns my body around, so I’m facing him. “Do you want me back in LA?”

“Yes… but…” Hesitating, I see the hurt in his face. “My brother and Charlie are my life. I don’t know how we’ll work without causing a shit-storm of epic proportions.”

“Neither do I, Adriana. I don’t want you to be at war with your family, but your brother… you know my feelings on him.”

“What about Charlie?”

“I’ll always love Charlie, just not in that way. She is a good, kindhearted person. You know just as much as I do that it’s impossible to hate her.”

“She is too darn likable,” I agree with a smile. “But my brother is my blood, Julian. I can’t be asked to cut him out of my life.”

“I’m not asking you to, Adriana. I’m telling you that you can’t expect us to be best friends. If he knows we’re together, there’s a high chance he may disown you or kill me. I’m not sure which will come first.”

“Look, he doesn’t need to know right now. When you come back to LA, let’s just figure this out then. So, when is that?”

He laughs. “Smooth topic changer. I’m about halfway through completing the editing on my second book. My publisher wants me back in the States in about eight weeks.”

“Eight weeks?”

“Yes, eight weeks. Why? You gonna miss me or something?” He smirks, prodding me with his finger as he tickles my rib cage.

“Smartass. Yes, I will, but right now, I also miss my son so much.”

I play with a lock of his hair as he watches me intently. “Julian, what about Andy?”

“What about Andy?”

“I have a son. Does that bother you?”

“It doesn’t bother me that you have a son. He’s a great kid. I’m just not used to dating someone who has a kid. I mean, I’ve never had to factor children in, ever.”

“Do you want kids?”

“Wow, heavy question when you’re lying in bed naked with me.”

“I’m no skanky floozy. I swear I’m on the pill, not because I’m sexually active but because I have woman issues. Which, by the way, is an FYI, even though you’ve come inside me like five times now. Yeah, thanks for asking.” I punch his arm in jest.

“I did want kids.”

“When you were with Charlie…” I trail off.

“Yes. I just haven’t thought about it since then. I haven’t been in a relationship, and it’s not really something which bugs me.”

“What if I told you I couldn’t have kids?”

“Well, first of all, you have a son. And second, this is a lot to talk about, Adriana.” I see him withdrawing.

“I’m scaring you, aren’t I?”

“I’m not ready for marriage,” he admits.

I’m slightly hurt, but what did I expect?

“God, I sound like one of those clingy, whiney women. Okay, let’s rewind. What my big fat mouth wants to say is that if our relationship got to that point, and I couldn’t have kids because Andy was a miracle, could you still see yourself settling down with me?”

“Still a big question.”

I pull the sheets up, suddenly aware that I’m exposing too much, and I don’t just mean bare flesh.

“Hey.” He pulls me closer. “I don’t mean to be a jerk. Look, Adriana, I wasn’t in the best place when we met. In fact, I was in the worst place I’ve ever been in. I’ve always thought with my heart rather than my head. You bring up a side of me that… completes me. Yet it frightens me.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re not replacing anyone. For once in my life, everything I feel for you, I’ve never felt before.”

“You don’t think I’m scared?”

“I know you’re scared. That’s what makes this harder. I…” he pauses, then continues, “Let’s just enjoy this time, okay?”

I want to know what he is going to say, but this conversation has taken it out of me. I still don’t really know where we stand. I know, though, that taking this further is a battle itself, and life in LA will be completely different.

***

We stand at the entrance of the secured terminal for international passengers. Somewhere between this morning and now, there’s distance between us. He becomes silent, and I’m not prying. A part of me wishes there isn’t this tension if that’s what you want to call it.

“So, I guess this is it,” I say.

We’re surrounded by fleeing passengers, scurrying to get inside. Bags are being lugged every which way, even my own is crammed full of souvenirs for everyone back home. Julian is watching me, and I know him well enough to realize something is plaguing him. I’m about to lean in to kiss him goodbye when I hear my name being called, and a Japanese couple rudely pushes Julian and me apart.

“Adriana?” The voice comes from behind me. I turn around and see it’s one of Lex’s colleagues.

“Amanda? What are you doing here?” I ask nervously. Turning around, I see Julian has caught on and has moved a little further away.

“Unfortunately, I was here for my uncle’s funeral.”

“I’m so sorry, Amanda.” I am still distracted, my eyes scanning the area, more people pushing past me.

“He was eighty-six. Lived a long life. So, wow, you’re here! Where’s Andy?” She searches around me.

“With Mom back home. I came here for work.”

“Sounds great.” She looks at the boarding pass that’s in my hand. “Good, we’re on the same flight. Let’s catch up.” She pulls my arm before I’m able to do anything.

Chatting away, her words become monotone, and I am frantically looking behind me. I finally spot him, the look on his face unreadable, and I feel guilty for not saying goodbye. No doubt Amanda will tell Lex and whichever way, I’m screwed.

The automatic doors slam shut behind us, and already, I feel the tears build up in my eyes. I miss his touch, and I want to say goodbye to him properly. There’s no chance I can turn around without security detaining me, and then the cat will be out of the bag.

We take a seat inside, and before we’re due to board the plane, I pull my cell out hoping he has texted me.

Nothing.

I don’t know what to feel. Surely, he knows we can’t be seen together? Should I be angry or guilty for what I did?

I send him a quick text, knowing I won’t see his response until I land in LA.

Me:I hope you understand why I did that. She’s Lex’s colleague. I’m sorry we didn’t get to say goodbye.

Our flight is delayed an hour, and like a deranged stalker, I check my cell repeatedly.

Nothing.

I slump further into the seat, the hurt and pain fueling the nausea and anxiety. I have a bad feeling about this, and the worst part yet, this is just the beginning.