Chapter Twenty-One

The waiter leads us to a secluded part of the restaurant.

In a polite gesture, I pull Adriana’s chair out, ignoring her skin glistening under the dim lighting in this gorgeous black dress she’s wearing. With her hair in soft curls and a touch of makeup enhancing her already perfect features, she looks absolutely breathtaking.

She thanks me for the kind gesture until we both fall into an awkward silence. I have no clue why this feels hard, and then suddenly, my gaze meets her, and we both laugh.

“This is weird,” she admits.

“I’m not sure if I should be offended, and you’re supposed to be pretending this is a real date. Now, start flirting with me or something,” I joke.

“Oh, I got it! I’m new in town, can you give me directions to your apartment?” She attempts to pull a straight face.

I almost spit out my wine at the cheesy pick-up line. “Keep going.”

“Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore, my face should be among them,” she continues.

I let out a huge roar, almost on the verge of tears. She can’t keep a straight face, and I love watching her so carefree and relaxed.

“I’m concerned about the size of my breasts now,” I say between laughs.

“Wait, one more…. I’ve saved the best for last. Drum roll, please…”

Tapping my hands against the table, I make a drumming sound.

“You’re just like my little toe because I’m going to bang you on every piece of furniture in my home.”

This time she’s unable to contain herself.

“Adriana, where on earth? No, wait… I think I know from who.”

“Oh, those were the G-rated ones. Trust me, I’ve heard crude in its finest form. Eric has the mouth of a sailor, although I think I’m immune to his dirty humor now.”

The waiter returns and takes our order. He leaves in a flash, allowing us more time to talk.

“Do you even know what you ordered?” she asks.

“Yes. I understand French, somewhat.”

“So, did I order something weird?”

“A gentleman never tells,” I tease.

“It’s brains, isn’t it? It is just like that episode when Donna says it is mushy, and Brenda tells her it is brains,” she complains.

“When she thought she ordered the veal?”

She raises an inquiring eyebrow. “Uh, yeah… okay, your 90210 knowledge may be a red flag at this part of the date.”

I grin, raising the wine glass to my lips. “Kelly Taylor. Biggest. Crush. Ever. Actually, I still have a thing for Jennie Garth.”

“A blonde. Interesting,” she says in a quieter tone.

I think about her comment. “Interesting because…”

“Because you seem to like a particular type of girl, you know, brown hair, tanned skinned, stunning,” she rambles on.

“That’s judging me, isn’t it? I don’t have a type. In fact, you—” I cut myself off, immediately not believing I almost said the words that will change our relationship.

There’s no relationship, and we’re just friends.

There can’t be a relationship.

Be careful of the words that come out of your mouth. Adriana isn’t like everyone else.

“What were you going to say to me?” She swallows, nervously toying with the napkin in her lap.

“Uh, no… I was…” Quick, think of something!

“Please… just be honest with me,” she begs.

I stare into her green eyes, searching for a piece of her that will give me the courage to say what I want to say, what has been eating me inside and tearing me to pieces. I see something, but that can easily be my overactive imagination. I’m terrified of hurting her. She doesn’t need the burden in her life.

“Adriana, I can’t admit to you my feelings because it isn’t fair to you.”

“Shouldn’t I be the one to decide that?”

“I think you’re beautiful…” I hush, unable to continue looking at her. My palms are sweaty, and I play with the edge of the tablecloth. Looking into her eyes is too intimate, and that level of intimacy is something I know Adriana is uncomfortable with.

“I don’t feel that way.”

My face meets hers, and I see the turmoil she’s in. “Why?”

“Because I’m broken. I feel like a vase in a store that’s been chipped and cracked and left on the sale rack on clearance at ninety-nine cents, and everyone ignores it because they can’t repair it.”

“Maybe it doesn’t need to be repaired. Maybe it needs to be accepted for its imperfect perfections.”

Her eyes are clouded, lips quivering. I don’t want her to cry. It pains me to see how much she devalues her own worth.

The food arrives, distracting us from the intense conversation. She moves the food around her plate, a loss of appetite after the realizations of tonight weighs on her mind.

“Adriana, let’s put that conversation aside. I want you to enjoy tonight. No date stuff… just as friends, okay?”

The switch in topics seems to brighten her mood. “So, I picked up Andy today from day-care, and he was walking around with handbags.”

I laugh. “Too much influence from Eric?”

“His cousin, Amelia, is the complete opposite. She wears superhero costumes every day and literally repels anything girly.”

“I thought it was odd until Charlie explained the reason why.”

I see Adriana’s shoulders tense. “I’m surprised Lex allowed you to speak to her.”

Unsure of how to respond to that, I take a bite of my food, ignoring Adriana’s shift in mood which is of no surprise anymore.

“I’m sorry. I guess you wouldn’t want to hear his name. After all, he stole your girl, right?” Her smile fades.

“She wasn’t mine to begin with.”

The chime of my cell interrupts us. I see the familiar number and ask to be excused while I take the call—it’s Mr. Grimmer.

I step outside the restaurant and stand by the door as I answer the call. At first, Mr. Grimmer starts talking about my manuscript and his review. He goes on and on about certain chapters, people, about how I captured this and how, at certain moments, his emotions got the better of him, and he wasn’t sure if he could continue. It feels like hours of standing here, not surprised one bit when Adriana comes outside to check on me.

She seems to have understood that the call was important enough to warrant walking away, but I reach out and hold onto her arm and mouth for her to stay.

“Son, you’ve got yourself a publishing deal. Welcome to Lantern Publishing Group,” Mr. Grimmer announces.

The shock stills me.

Did I hear right?

I actually accomplished a dream.

The enormity of the situation leaves me breathless. “Are you serious? I can’t… wow… thank you so much.”

Mr. Grimmer asks to meet me in his office first thing tomorrow morning to go over the publishing contract.

I did it!

I hang up the cell, Adriana now waiting impatiently for me to say something.

“C’mon, whatever it is that made you smile like that must be good. What happened? The suspense is killing me.”

“I got the publishing deal,” I say, shocked by the outcome. “My manuscript is going to be published.”

Somewhere in her congratulations, I have a moment of clarity. It’s all coming together, life has a purpose again, and most importantly, I can’t think of anyone else I want to share this moment with.

The overwhelming feeling consumes me, and without thinking, I pull Adriana’s face toward me, pressing my lips against hers. The taste of her lips feels so right like I have been waiting a lifetime to feel this kind of moment, but it only lasts a few seconds before she pushes my chest away, breaking me from this moment.

Her eyes are laced with guilt, wiping her lips with the back of her hand.

“I’m s-sorry,” I stutter, immediately regretting my actions.

A lonely tear escapes her eye, and as I reach out to touch it, she turns her back and runs away into the night.

Leaving me to once again to bask in my mistakes.