Chapter 86

I've only been able to sleep when Harlow's in my arms—and I realize how fucked up that is considering who we are to each other. Or, more specifically, who we're not.

It's been four days since I started creeping into her house in the middle of the night and crawling into her bed, only to take off before she's awake because I'm a pussy, and I don't want to talk about it. I wouldn't know what to say other than how I feel, and how I feel is this:

Harlow heals me.

Could you imagine those words coming out of my mouth?

I really need to cut this shit, because it's doing more harm than good, and yet here I stand, on her porch, about to knock on her door.

At least it's not three in the morning this time.

I knock.

Harlow opens the door a few seconds later, and the first thing I notice is the giant bouquet she's holding. "What are those?"

"Hello to you too," she says.

"Hello." I force a smile, though I'm sure I don't deliver. "Who are they from?"

"Levi and his mom."

I glare at the flowers.

"It's a late graduation gift," she explains.

"We graduated three days ago."

"I'm aware. I was there. Hence the late." Her head tilts to the side. "And by the way, nice timing at graduation. Sneak in right before your name's called, then dip before the final speech?"

I shrug, looking up from the flowers, my glare still in place. Obviously, I'm jealous of this Levi guy because she considers him safe and comforting. But I also kind of maybe like him for the same reason. Can't win. "So, Levi, huh?"

Harlow rolls her eyes, then leans in close, her words a whisper, "I think my dad and Levi's mom might be starting something."

"Oh, yeah?" I pull back, my eyebrows raised. "So, if they get together, then you and Levi will be siblings."

She smiles at that. "I guess so."

"Good."

"Good?"

I awkwardly shift the basketball I'm holding from one hip to the other, then look over her shoulder. "Is your dad home?" I know he is because I watched his truck coming up the driveway. I waited all of a minute before coming over.

Harlow laughs, and I don't know what's funny. "Dad, your boyfriend's here!"

Shawn appears from the kitchen. "Jace, nice to see you in the daylight, not creeping into my daughter's bedroom in the middle of the night."

"We're not having sex," I explain.

"Jace!" Harlow gasps.

"What?" I shrug. "It's true."

She simply shakes her head, walking away with Levi's flowers still in her hands. Her dad replaces her just inside the door. "What's up?"

I hold the ball up. "You down?"

I didn't come here to play ball with Shawn, and I think he knows that because all he's done for the past five minutes is watch me shoot three-pointers, then fetch the ball to throw back at me.

I sink a shot from close to half-court, and Shawn murmurs, "Nice," before throwing the ball back. I catch it, but don't go for another. Instead, I hold it to my side, my mind spinning, trying to work through the fog to get to the point—the reason I came here. "You've done a tour of Texas Tech, right?"

"Sure have," Shawn answers proudly. "Harley was a sophomore when they invited us. He got a full ride."

I nod, even though I already knew this. "It's a good school, right?"

"It is. Great basketball program." He eyes me a moment. "Why do you ask?"

"Because they called."

He falters a beat, hesitant to ask, "With good news?"

I shrug, dribble the ball lazily toward the basket, and sink a lay-up.

"Jace," Shawn says, and I retrieve the ball before facing him. "Why don't we sit down?" He motions toward the patio furniture that used to be on the front porch. Now that Harlow's mom isn't around, I've seen them spending more and more time out in the backyard. He sits down at the table and gestures for me to join him. I do as he suggests, even though I'd feel more comfortable playing while I talk. "So, they called?" he pushes.

I drop the ball on the ground, but roll it around with my feet. It feels better to at least be touching it. "They've been interested in me since my freshman year," I start. "But they wanted me to commit earlier, and my coach—he suggested I wait, so I did. They ended up getting another kid from Ohio, and we're similar players, so… Anyway, that kid got arrested, and now he has to do time, and so they called when they realized I'm not enrolled anywhere… and they offered me the spot."

"Jace, that's amazing! And Lubbock's less than three hours away!" he beams.

It is amazing, but it's also complicated. "It's, uh…"

Shawn's smile slowly slips as he takes in my reaction. "How long have you been sitting on this?"

"Four days," I tell him. "I got the phone call while I was talking to a doctor at my grandpa's rehab center. It was the day Harlow came with me to visit him. I don't know if you knew that or not…"

"Yeah, she mentioned it," he says. "I assume they want an answer soon?"

"Within two days."

"And…?"

"And my grandpa comes home from rehab in five."

"Got it." Shawn sighs, his eyes downcast. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"What was the plan before everything happened with your grandpa?"

"I mean, initially, my plan was to get the hell out of here as soon as possible. The moment that diploma hit my hand, I was gone. Sleep in my van while I traveled to wherever I'd end up for college."

"And what was it prior to Texas Tech calling?"

"I was going to take a year off, do what I could to help get my grandpa right. I'd still go to combines or whatever I needed, then try again next year. The thing is… there's still a hell of a lot of testing and treatment he needs to undergo and just… help that he needs. He can't really be left alone right now, and I can't just up and leave him." I shift in my seat, discomfort mixed with uncertainty swarming inside me. "I don't really want to go this route, at least not right now, but I looked up assisted living places, and even called a few. The wait times to get him into a decent one are insane. There's no way I'd get him in before I had to leave, and even then, like I said… he took care of me when I needed him, and I feel like it's only right that I do the same."

"Those are two very different situations, though," Shawn states.

"I know." I shrug. "But it still doesn't feel right."

"I get that."

Silence stretches between us while I gather my thoughts, try to line them all up until they make sense. They never do. I heave out a sigh, look at a man who clearly cares about me—for no other reason than he can. And so he does. "You got any advice?"

He shakes his head. "I can't tell you what to do, Jace," he says. "I can't even tell you what the right thing to do is. You're in a position most eighteen-year-olds—hell, most everyone—will never find themselves in, and I don't envy you…"

"But?"

"But this seems like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity… on both ends. Both Texas Tech and getting your grandpa better. It's just a damn shame they both happen to be at the same time."

"Yeah," I sigh out, even more confused now than I was when I got here. I stand, offer my hand between us. "Hey, thanks for listening. I really appreciate it."

"Any time, son," he says, shaking my hand. "I mean it."

Dad catches me in the laundry room when he re-enters the house through the back door. It was the only place I could think to hide out and eavesdrop, and now that I have, I almost I wish I hadn't.

Jace got the call from Texas Tech while I was with him, and he never once mentioned it or even showed any signs of its importance. He carried on, focused on his grandpa, while the weight of his future bore down on his shoulders.

"How much of that did you hear?" Dad asks, offering his arm for me to tuck myself under. Which I do.

"All of it," I mutter, frowning up at him.

He leads me to the living room and onto the couch, his arm around me the entire time. I think about Jace, about the life he's lived, and the constant dark cloud that's hung over him since his parents died. And then everything he's been through since. For years, he's put up with his grandpa's abuse, simply because he felt like he could take it. But slowly it chipped away at parts of his soul he'd hidden so well, and now he's here. At a crossroads. Where he must somehow choose between his dreams and his responsibilities, and "It's not fair," I choke out.

"I know, sweetheart," Dad says, stroking my arm. He stares at the blank television, his mind lost, while I stare at him. "It's really not."

"He's so close to his dreams…"

"Yeah," Dad agrees, finally facing me, revealing the redness in his eyes. "He's closer than Harley got."

I nod, sniffing back my emotions.

"You miss him, huh?"

I don't know if he's talking about Jace or my brother, but either way, the answer's the same. "So much."

Dad brings me closer, looking ahead again. "He's a good kid, Harlow."

"I know," I whisper, and finally release the tears I'd held onto. "He's the best."